Jump to content




Overkill



Photo

rereading

Posted by Damik , 21 November 2013 · 145 views

OK, so looking back it has only been 17 days since I got out of the hospital. It was an unhelpful expierence. Except for Cody. I still haven't hurt myself because of Cody. I had hope when I left the hospital because of Cody.

Where did that hope go?

My pdoc changed my AD. Last week I lied to him and told him it was working even though it wasn't. It hasn...


Photo

Um, distressed?

Posted by Damik , 20 November 2013 · 120 views

Is that even right? I wonder what the etymology of the word distressed is. Right now it seems like a nonsense word. I am so off point, but, yeah, I don't even know what my point is.

I'm wasting time until my DUI case is heard in less than an hour. I am seriously having kittens right now. I can't believe that I could possibly ruin my future with a DUI cas...


Photo

Shh, a little quiet time now, please

Posted by Damik , 18 November 2013 · 511 views

There is so much going on in my head. None of it good. I've been obsessing about self injury. The thought just pops in with ways I can do it. Oh god, I just thought of a new way that seems so tantalizing. Really the thought just popped into my head and all I can think is that would be so good. I want to try it, but I'm making myself type this out instead....


Photo

OK... I might have to change my pdoc

Posted by Damik , 15 November 2013 · 138 views

I totally lied to his face today. I don't know why. I don't do that. I'm always honest with my care providers. The only thing I can think of is that he is so excited about this new drug he has me on and I don't want to disappoint him. Crazy, right? But when he asked me I told him that I was doing much better even though I'm still struggling.


Photo

It's not his job. :(

Posted by Damik , 14 November 2013 · 177 views

I'm going to bitch here, because my husband and sister are sick of hearing my bitch.

It is an easy problem to solve, and I could fix it so simply, I don't know why I can't, why I don't.

I hate being a lady sometimes.

I am well past due for a pap smear and my GP has been insisting that I get it done. I went in to see him last week because of a sinus i...


Photo

I don't know, I'm so lost

Posted by Damik , 10 November 2013 · 177 views

I don't know what I want to write. I have been looking at a blank page the words won't come out. I went IP on the 21st of Oct and got out a week ago. It was a bad experience. The dr I had invalidated everything that I told her. Apparently I'm not depressed I'm angry. I'm not suicidal, I'm smug. I didn't get sick while I was in the hospital I was just atte...


Photo

Its going to be OK

Posted by Damik , 16 October 2013 · 153 views

I'm seeing my pdoc tomorrow.
I've still been spiraling.
I've stopped being med compliant. Yeah, that's a good idea, but I don't know how to be right now. I hold the pills in my hand and I cry unable to take them because they just don't fucking work.
I have progressed past the point where I don't want to exist anymore. I'm to the point where I worry that...


Photo

insert change here

Posted by Damik , 11 October 2013 · 158 views

So should I just be happy that I got almost a year off of my depression? My big worry is that I started going downhill in Sept. In Aug. I dropped down from 300mg to 100mg of my thorazine and I know that the thorazine was helping with my depression. And it seems like it would be so easy to go up on the dosage but I was such a zombie at the higher dose. It...


Photo

I may have mentioned

Posted by Damik , 11 October 2013 · 180 views

I'm going through a depressive period right now. I didn't call my pdoc until the day before yesterday even though I've seen this coming for over a month. My husband is real upset at me and says he doesn't think I'm capable of taking care of myself.

I have gotten to the point in my depression I don't really care. I don't think things are going to get bett...


Photo

When. I called when!

Posted by Damik , 08 October 2013 · 175 views

I don't want to die.
I just don't want to be anymore.
I don't want to exist.
I feel worn down.
Dragged 'round
Deflated.
This will make it better because I will have control again.
I will have feelings again.
I can say 'That there, that feeling is pain'.
Not this endlessness I am feeling right now.
153 d 10 h and I just don'...






April 2014

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20 212223242526
27282930   

Search My Blog

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Tags

    Categories


    The content of individual posts on this site are the sole work of their authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and/or policies of the Administrators, Moderators, or other Members of the Crazyboards community. Health related topics should not be used for the purpose of diagnosis or substituted for medical advice. It is your responsibility to research the accuracy, completeness, and usefulness of all opinions, services, and other information found on the site, and to consult with your professional health care provider as to whether the information can benefit you.