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Shaking all over

Posted by confused , 21 December 2014 · 13 views

I feel shaking. I thought it was more something internal because I feel edgy and over-stimulated and a sense of urgency, but we were at a family holiday party today and MIL told my husband I was shaky and did I miss a pill. I haven't missed anything, but I am not sure they are working properly. I am going to try to get ahold of pdoc, not sure of his holid...


Cloak of invisibility

Posted by confused , 21 December 2014 · 40 views

When I was young I would be quiet and behave so I wouldn't get noticed. I didn't want to be judged, mocked, insulted. It worked and I blended into the walls. But, maybe it worked too well.

I am not doing well and I don't know what I want, but I need something. I talk to people and they don't respond. I don't want to burn anyone out, but I don't know how...


How do I control impulsive behavior?

Posted by confused , 19 December 2014 · 54 views

I get this sense of urgency when I want to do something that I want it done now. I need to find a new pdoc before March. There is one who takes my insurance, that my mdoc recommended. I saw him a couple of times in an outpatient program in 2006. I remember seeing him, but I don't remember his personality. I know he was professional.

I e-mailed a friend l...


making friends

Posted by confused , 19 December 2014 · 41 views

I go to a bipolar support group. I have been going for many years. Everyone is friendly but I don't have any real friends. I have the e-mail of one of the moderators because I wanted to let him know about a job opening, but I have continued to e-mail him. He writes back, but I feel like I am intruding. I write things like I write in my blog, but he does k...


In search of a pdoc, again

Posted by confused , 18 December 2014 · 41 views

I hate looking for doctors. It took me a long time to find my tdoc.I had trouble working with most of them. I felt judged, pushed to change.

Pdocs I just go to for med management so it isn't so hard, but still I have to go over my history. I am on a strange combo of meds that seems to be working.

So far my history with pdocs:

1. very responsive, saw me...


So Many pills

Posted by confused , 18 December 2014 · 58 views

i take 6 psych meds and 3 physical health meds. It seems like a lot, but they do seem to be working. I usually have them in a cabinet but right now they are on the counter. My MIL was here and was shocked to see so many bottles. I tried to play it off like I don't take them all. I feel like there is something wrong when people comment on my meds. Not tha...


saw tdoc

Posted by confused , 17 December 2014 · 76 views

I told her how I feel sensitive to lights/sounds, like minor things are important, how I am still doing that subvocal narration constantly. She said I do seem different than usual, amped up. She had me sign a release so she can talk to my pdoc. She really thinks the topamax is stimulating me.

We talked some about my father dying and how I have trouble th...


Does this sound irrational?

Posted by confused , 16 December 2014 · 67 views

For awhile I got rid of my e-mail account because I would send things off that I had second thoughts about, but I couldn't take back.

I had a question that would have been better to ask here but I sent e-mails to a woman I volunteer for and a friend/facilitator. I just now sent them e-mails telling them to ignore the previous one.

Anyways, there is an a...



Posted by confused , 13 December 2014 · 67 views

We try to keep the holidays low key, but I don't know what to do. My husband's birthday is Monday and Hanukkah starts Tuesday night. My kids want to get presents and my daughter was telling me I should to, but it is so hard.He gets anything he wants for himself. We can think of 2 things so far. We may have to give them as group gifts, I don't know.

My da...


Poor planning

Posted by confused , 03 December 2014 · 81 views

saw tdoc this morning, have job interview soon. I was enthusiastic earlier, now I am a bit emotional.

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