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confused's Blog


If the stars align

Posted by confused , 23 January 2015 · 52 views

I told a friend about a job opening. We both applied. I did really poorly in the interview but they really liked him. They gave the position to someone else but they are looking at putting him in a managerial position. They are going to be expanding down to my area soon. He told me if he has a say he will help me get a job there. So, it is a possibility...


When do people say anything?

Posted by confused , 23 January 2015 · 26 views

I go to support groups. I see a tdoc and pdoc. I don't have friends, but I have a husband. People who know my dx do see me. When would they say anything if they thought I was symptomatic?

I have felt pretty hyper/shaky lately and haven't been sleeping well. Like I drank a lot of coffee maybe. I am pretty sure it is the topamax. But, I am wondering when s...


What was I upset about again?

Posted by confused , 23 January 2015 · 20 views

I go to a depression/bipolar support group. I have been going to for years. I go off and on. Sometimes it is helpful others not so much. Sometimes I leave feeling worse than when I came or upset about something that was said. I volunteer for the organization that runs the groups so I do want to go to one to see how they are running. I don't want to facil...


Distancing myself

Posted by confused , 21 January 2015 · 40 views

Saw tdoc today. I think it went well. I hate when I start crying. It gets hard for me to talk. I have to stop.
I told her I feel uncaring because I am pretty much okay with my dad dying. My brother passed away in 1985 and I was moodier, but I put the emotions aside for a long time. She thinks it has more to do with how I dissociate. That I have feelings b...


Which is worse?

Posted by confused , 20 January 2015 · 62 views

What is more pathetic? Dwelling on how much I suck or whining about it? Not sure what it does. For some reason, I get comfort in knowing there are others like me, as well as not wishing this on anyone.

It's not like I am purposely a fuck up. I just take on things I think I should be able to do and I fail. repeatedly. I did well in school, I can do maze...


Have I told you lately?

Posted by confused , 19 January 2015 · 52 views

this is a great place. :)

I joined a Facebook sza group and it was too much drama. This is much better.


I wouldn't recommend it?

Posted by confused , 19 January 2015 · 48 views

i was thinking about what I do for wellness. I have a very low stress lifestyle. I have few obligations. But, I wouldn't recommend it for someone else. They would be bored to tears. So why is it alright for me?

I am having a lot of trouble losing my train of thought. I can't remember more than one idea at a time. I think it is from the topamax, I don't r...


How do you know?

Posted by confused , 16 January 2015 · 70 views

I was going to post, but I don't know how to phrase this properly

I think I am doing okay mentally. I have periods of anxiety, depression, fatigue etc but I still think I am okay. People around me tell me how good I look. They have seen me much worse.

I just feel like my mirror is flawed somehow. I have tried to do things that I can't stay with because...


I can't believe it

Posted by confused , 16 January 2015 · 52 views

A dental hygienist told me my teeth, gums look good. She told me to floss better, which I know I should, but I usually get some negative comments. I have caps on my two front teeth that the dentist wants to replace and I want them done, too. There is some decay, but also they don't look so great anymore.


What do you owe your stability to?

Posted by confused , 16 January 2015 · 66 views

I met a family where the daughter had experienced a second manic episode. She is stable now, but they of course are worried about it happening again. I told them for me it has been better. I was hospitalized in 2003 and 2005 and I still had some psychotic symptoms until 2006, but since then I have been pretty stable. I haven't needed hospitalization or ha...

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