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Outside Perspective

Posted by confused , 15 April 2015 · 50 views

Sometimes I don’t notice changes in myself. They come on gradually. I don’t think of them until someone mentions it.
People have been telling me for awhile that I seem less anxious. I have been able to give presentations, start conversations, some things that might not seem like much but have been hard for me in the past. I even took part in a podcast...


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Just Relax

Posted by confused , 14 April 2015 · 36 views

I am having a mammogram tomorrow morning. They aren't too bad. But, the last time I went (last year) I got really tense. The more she told me to relax the stiffer I got. The pictures came out okay fortunately, but I am dreading a repeat. I don't know what I can do to relax, though. I am not afraid of it hurting, It is just that my body tenses.

I had to g...


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Trolling

Posted by confused , 08 April 2015 · 97 views

I was called a troll and an idiot on Twitter last night. It ended up just being a misunderstanding. I wasn't sure whether to be insulted, or flattered someone had actually read one of my tweets.


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Bits and pieces

Posted by confused , 08 April 2015 · 54 views

lately I have been having short periods of time where I feel happy. Not blah and fatigued. I can joke and laugh. I guess other people feel that a lot. Wish I knew what brings it on but it seems to be sporadic.


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Vocational Rehab

Posted by confused , 07 April 2015 · 68 views

After I was diagnosed I went to vocational rehab. I was hoping to be retrained to work in another field. Instead, they were pushing me to work at a lower level in the same field which seemed like the same stress with less pay. I wasn't ready to work yet, so I stopped going.

That was around 10 years ago. I am thinking of working again. I have interviewed...


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Holidays

Posted by confused , 05 April 2015 · 85 views

We are celebrating Passover and Easter at my in-laws today. Holidays are hard for me. I feel self-conscious. Simple questions, what have you been doing?, trip me up. Being around people, putting on the game face, wears me out. I so want to stay home and hide under the covers.
At the Seder, we go around the table reading. I hate this. I feel like peopl...


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I can do it

Posted by confused , 13 March 2015 · 114 views

I went to the optometrist today. My eyes are fine and my vision hasn't changed much/ Anyways, I asked the assistant some questions and had some small talk. It was like a therapy assignment I have had in the past but just natural. I'm sure I have been around other people and not too nervous; it just struck me when I got home that I was at ease there.


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I wish my brother in law was alive

Posted by confused , 10 March 2015 · 75 views

He was so good with teaching kids about fairness and diversity. I have a hard time having any "talks". I think they will approach me, but they don't. My daughter dealt with her period on her own and I had the school and her pediatrician teach her sex ed and birth control. My son won't talk to me about shaving. I haven't talked to them about my diagnosis....


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What is the proper word? And more

Posted by confused , 06 March 2015 · 93 views

i can be clumsy, absent minded, silly. I used to call myself a spazz but I avoid using that word now. I would call myself a goofball, and have switched to goofy. But, people ask me what I mean. It is pretty vague. I am pretty sure there is a Yiddish word for this. Is there a word I can use that I don't have to explain?

I read a post on FB about if an ex...


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Doing Well

Posted by confused , 04 March 2015 · 88 views

I am doing well
except
I am really tired most of the time

I am doing well
except
My hands tremble noticeably

I am doing well
except
I am a ball of anxiety

I am doing well
except
sometimes I am so anxious I tune out which makes me more anxious

I am doing well
except
I get overwhelmed at the drop of a hat

I am doing well
except...






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