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So far there are officially 22 injured, 2 killed by whomever decided to be an asshole and set off two bombs at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. I will be praying for them all.Hopefully the death toll does not rise.
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The ins and outs of loneliness
So far there are officially 22 injured, 2 killed by whomever decided to be an asshole and set off two bombs at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. I will be praying for them all.Hopefully the death toll does not rise.
Well, it doesn't have the same ring, nor plot, as Sleepless in Seattle but you get the idea. I didn't really sleep much at all last night. I managed to fall asleep at 9 pm and sleep until 11:30 pm, but after that it was a lost cause. I'm wondering whether it is purely depression related, anxiety related (because of my doctor appointments tomorrow), or a m...
So ... yeah ...
Posted by
Angeni Mai
,
14 April 2013
·
131 views
infection, shit, angry, family and 6 more...
Nothing but a bunch of shit. Feel like shit. Look like shit. I am shit. Nothing to contribute and am no good to anybody. Why is it that I even exist? What do I have to offer? Why can't I just attempt to kill myself and actually die?! I've tried so many times but it never works. Last time I tried, I was kneeling over the toilet for forty minutes, throwing...
I keep thinking back to when I was a kid and everything was good but I don't have many happy memories to keep me going. The only real memories I have are of my parents and I fighting, physically and verbally, and it breaks my heart. I feel like I had my childhood stolen from me, all because my parents "weren't happy together". I still have nightmares abou...
Hit the road Jack
Posted by
Angeni Mai
,
09 April 2013
·
53 views
loss, friends, lonely, moving on and 1 more...
I am officially done with the backstabbing weasel I used to call my friend. You can call me names and treat me like shit but going behind my back and telling my best friend, that I have known for four times the length of time I have known you, that I mouthed her to you crosses that line that we cannot come back from. I know you'll try to say you did nothi...
Well, that went well ...
Posted by
Angeni Mai
,
09 April 2013
·
68 views
angry, sad, rant, upset, friends and 1 more...
"I used to think that ending up alone was the worst thing that could happen. I was wrong. The worst thing that could happen is ending up with people who make you feel alone." ~ Robin Williams
It's funny how people rely so much on you for their own happiness and stability but yet they turn on you on the flip of a coin because they don't like something you...
It's funny how people rely so much on you for their own happiness and stability but yet they turn on you on the flip of a coin because they don't like something you...
Just as quickly as it came ...
Posted by
Angeni Mai
,
08 April 2013
·
51 views
Sad, angry, mad, pissed
Just as quickly as the happiness came, it is gone again. Too many people in my life bringing me down for the people I choose to have in my life. I want to be friends with everybody and make everybody else happy but what good is that doing me if I am constantly put down by these people and then forgive them far easier than they deserve to be? I am not the...
Today has been topsy-turvy to say the least. It started out like most other days, waking up and having my dad bitch at me for sleeping so late. After a while of laying in bed I got up and went out to the living room and was called some names so I came back in my room and got online.
Around 5 pm my dad called me out to the living room, asking me if I was...
Around 5 pm my dad called me out to the living room, asking me if I was...
My dad is really pushng me to the brink. He acts like I am no good and have nothing of value to contribute. I want to turn around and ask him if he's wanting to die himself or wants to bury me anytime soon because at this rate, that's exactly what is going to happen.
I made an appointment to go to my PCP the same morning as I go to my new pdoc. PCP appoi...
I made an appointment to go to my PCP the same morning as I go to my new pdoc. PCP appoi...
Completely lost my mind. Probably manic right now but can't be sure. Thoughts are so scatter and bogus that I don't even know if any of this is real right now. I should be happy that I'm not wanting to kill everybody and everything but how can I if the only way for me not to feel that way is to be crazier than a looney toon?
I'm tired of trying and failing. Nothing I seem to do anymore amounts to anything worthwhile. I am sick of feeling like I have nothing to offer anymore. I only stick around for the few people in my life who truly do care about me and what I want out of life. If I ever lost those three shining gems in the darkness I call my life, I would be finished.
Deat...
Deat...
No longer sure of anything. I'm uncertain of where I want my life to go and what I want to accomplish anymore. Everything I have ever wanted in the past seems so irrelevant now. Friends are no longer relevant, nor are family members. I don't know why I am feeling this way but I do know that it can't be good. Last time I felt like this, I had a major break...
I recently found out that my paternal biological grandmother has bone marrow cancer and my maternal biological grandmother has to have hip replacement surgery. This is all very distressing news considering that I have lost a loved one every year since 2008 and although I know death is a part of life, I don't know how much more death I can handle. It's one...
Square one
Posted by
Angeni Mai
,
19 February 2013
·
61 views
cutting, angry, mad, upset and 1 more...
Square one, where all my dreams lie. Square one, the most vulnerable I have been in quite a while. The final frontier for a girl on the edge. Its power underestimated and ones fate unknown, but the risk must be taken if true happiness is to be found.
Yes, this is a short story. Yes, I am posting it. No, you may not complain. No, you may not copy it. No, I am not taking it down.WARNING: If you currently suffer from an ED or are triggered by stories that depict such behavior, it is probably best if you refrain from reading any further. Still want to read it? Do so at your own risk.**********************...
Loss and losing
Posted by
Angeni Mai
,
11 January 2013
·
212 views
Sadness, anger, friendship and 2 more...
A "good" friend of mine, who was like a sister to me, and I, have stopped speaking. I don't know why she is angry at me and I don't understand what, if anything, I did wrong. All I know is how much it hurts me. It feels like my heart has shattered into a million pieces and my soul refuses to heal. I'm crying just at the thought of never speaking to her ev...
Christmas jitters
Posted by
Angeni Mai
,
23 December 2012
·
141 views
scared, jittery, holidays and 3 more...
Well, Christmas will be here in one day, 3 hours, and 9 minutes. Each passing minute means it's a minute closer to the day I dread. I don't dread it because it's Christmas but rather because it's a day when I have to change my routine to make other people happy, most specifically that means leaving the house. I pray that I will be able to do this; for my...
May their souls be blessed
Posted by
Angeni Mai
,
17 December 2012
·
158 views
Sad, murder-suicide, shooting and 2 more...
On December 14th, 2012, 26 angels went to Heaven. Their lives were taken by a troubled young man who had no regard for the lives in which he was taking, nor the lives that would be devastated by the loss. The meticulous and methodical nature of the killing is unthinkable. Why would anybody murder innocent little children and their mentors? This, ladies an...
Why can't I do it?
Posted by
Angeni Mai
,
10 December 2012
·
209 views
suicide, trigger, angry, sad and 1 more...
Death has been on my mind a lot lately. Thinking, planning, hoping that it comes soon. However, I know it won't. Things will just go on as always and I'll be forever stuck in this rut call life. I don't even feel like I'm living. I haven't for a long time. Each time before, each time I've tried to kill myself, I've had that all...
My brain is working overtime as I try to sort out my next order of business. Each time I think I'm getting somewhere, my mind starts wandering back to wondering about how my life ever got so off course and if I'll ever be able to live a relatively normal life again. I can't go on this way forever, I refuse to!I keep thinking about all of t...
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Recent Entries
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Prayers15 April 2013
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Sleepless in Maryland15 April 2013
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So ... yeah ...14 April 2013
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Memories10 April 2013
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Hit the road Jack09 April 2013
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So ... yeah ...jackofall - Apr 14 2013 09:55 PM -
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