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The ins and outs of loneliness


No faith, help/ advice welcomed

Posted by Angeni Mai , 05 December 2014 · 101 views

How do you believe in yourself when you don’t have faith that you can do anything? I’ve always done this thing where I don’t believe people when they tell me good things about myself but am quick to believe people who tell me I am terrible and ugly.
My issue is that I think I am going to bomb my church solos and I need to figure out how I can have fai...


Some hope but I need your guys' help

Posted by Angeni Mai , 21 November 2014 · 132 views

So, I entered a scholarship competition and that's giving me some hope but I need your help to get to the top 5. Please vote for me at http://www.drpeppertuition.com/#goals ... Mine is "Linsey M".

If you don't feel like my goal is worthy, then vote for a goal you feel is worthy.


Never good enough

Posted by Angeni Mai , 12 November 2014 · 111 views

Yesterday, well, technically two days ago, I was offered an audition for a spot in the local a capella group named Inner Harmony. I was thrilled for about an hour but then the doubt set in - what if I'm not good enough? What if they don't like my voice or say I suck? What if I have to go IP or am at tdoc or pdoc during rehearsals? What if .... what if ......


.... insert meaningless title here ...

Posted by Angeni Mai , 08 November 2014 · 119 views

Words. What do they all mean? I mean, we all know how to use them to - build each other up, tear each other down, give our condolences, show our gratitude, send our love, etc etc etc - however what, in the grand scheme of things, do all of these words really mean? Do they really tell how we feel or are they simply as deceiving as the faces around us? How...


Prayers finally answered!

Posted by Angeni Mai , 27 October 2014 · 142 views

It has been a trying few weeks between leaving my sister's house due to her boyfriend, her refusing to speak to me until I pay them, etc., but one of my prayers has finally been answered. I received the SSA's decision regarding my SSI claim. It was APPROVED!

I am more relieved than words can convey. It feels as if the clouds have lifted and the weight o...


Facebook stupidity (RANT)

Posted by Angeni Mai , 30 September 2014 · 156 views

Before you read, grab some popcorn and a drink. This is long and better than a soap opera and drama series combined.

My sister posted a status about me a little while ago and tagged my best friend in it. She is so technologically challenged that she doesn't realize that I can still post on her status via my other profile that I have not blocked her o...


Back home

Posted by Angeni Mai , 30 September 2014 · 93 views

I got back home at 2:09am on Sunday, September 28th. Things simply did not work out with me moving to my sister's house because her boyfriend is an asshole who is physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally abusive. I am glad to be out of there and away from that. I could not deal, let alone live with, someone like that for an extended period of time l...


Irritated to no end

Posted by Angeni Mai , 26 August 2014 · 174 views
anger, irritation, thoughts
I swear that the universe is trying to tell me I will not be approved for SSI. My lawyer's secretary and I were supposed to have an after hours call so that she could get the info for the ADR from me but she called last minute to tell my dad and I that we'll have to have the call tomorrow at 6:30pm because she forgot that she has to take her dad to the do...


Long three weeks ahead

Posted by Angeni Mai , 24 August 2014 · 149 views

I am excited and nervous about the next three weeks. The breakdown is like this -

Week 1 - August 25th to 31st:
1) Call the pro-bono mental health clinic to set up an evaluation, 2) make an appt to go see the gdoc by Friday, 3) call and get my medical records from IP stays, 4) talk to lawyer's secretary to fill out disability report, 5) meet with law...


Memory issues causing fear and terror

Posted by Angeni Mai , 16 August 2014 · 149 views

I have been dealing with some memory issues for a couple months. I'm going to make an appointment to talk to my PCP about this but I would like to know what you all think.

My memory was fine before I stopped taking my meds in May. My memory seemed fine for a while afterward but soon it got to the point where I could not remember things I had thought 2...


To be honest

Posted by Angeni Mai , 10 August 2014 · 120 views
TBH, Self, image
To be honest I hate receiving compliments 99% of the time. I feel like people are either just telling me what I want to hear or l feel like they give me compliments so that they can laugh about things and talk about me behind my back. I don't know if I'll ever be able to accept compliments without feeling like people have an ulterior motive for praising m...


I created a facebook group ...

Posted by Angeni Mai , 01 March 2014 · 200 views
Facebook, networking, art, love and 2 more...
Well, as the title suggests, I've created a Facebook group. It's a group for people who have a diagnosis or suspect having Borderline Personality Disorder and like to dabble in the arts. No matter your medium, all art is welcome. Please read the rules in the description of the group.


I hope to get this...


Lets help our friend out!

Posted by Angeni Mai , 21 February 2014 · 187 views
helping others and 1 more...
Not really much to report. School is going well. Life is going well.

Just wanted to help out a dear friend. You can help too! Please click on the link below, then "like" and "share". That's all you have to do to help out. 150 likes is the goal and it will help them get their new car. All help is much appreciated!



Just another sleepless night

Posted by Angeni Mai , 16 February 2014 · 115 views
insomnia, tired, creative and 2 more...
I am feeling pretty well lately. Ever since being put on Saphris, my life has changed for the better. It has literally been my saving grace. There is so much more that I can do and not be afraid of having a meltdown, outburst, or panic attack. I hope that my doctor will let me stay on it for a while, if not long term.
School is going very well. I have com...


Turning tides

Posted by Angeni Mai , 29 January 2014 · 126 views
changing, worse and better
Well, nobody ever said that I would feel good forever. I can't stop feeling like I'm just a waste of time and space. I don't understand why I have to feel like this. I would love to be stable for a while before having another change in how I feel but I can't seem to do that. Just ONCE I would love to feel like I actually matter and what I do has a positiv...


Ready to move forward

Posted by Angeni Mai , 23 January 2014 · 133 views
college, English, class, school
I signed up for English 102 yesterday. I am ready to start class already. I hope this is a good sign of what is to come.

I called the head of the English department a little while ago. She said that taking English 101 and 102 with the combination of creative writing and regular composition is extra, not necessity, to be accepted into the Creative Writin...


Returning to college

Posted by Angeni Mai , 19 January 2014 · 266 views
anxiety, scared, excited, nervous and 2 more...
I will be going to officially register for classes on Tuesday. I would go tomorrow but it is MLK day tomorrow and all schools are closed in observation of said day.

I am so excited to be going back to school but, at the same time, I am scared shitless. What if I fail? What if I get anxiety and start cutting classes like I did back when I was in my second...


The anxiety saga

Posted by Angeni Mai , 13 January 2014 · 161 views
anxiety, scared, agoraphobia and 4 more...
Well, it was good while it lasted.

Anxiety/ panic attacks are back and, apparently, here to stay. I've been having constant anxiety coupled with sporadic panic attacks and it's not getting any better. I'm not sure what caused it to start up again as I am on a daily med regiment to control it but it's not working anymore apparently.

There are a couple...


New revelations ... SHORT UPDATE

Posted by Angeni Mai , 11 January 2014 · 179 views
inpatient, diagnosis, Borderline and 2 more...
Well, I am now amongst the people diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

That is all.


Residential treatment a no go ... :(

Posted by Angeni Mai , 31 December 2013 · 269 views

I have recently come to the realization that my best chance at recovery for all of my issues would be to enter a long-term residential treatment program. Easy to apply? Yes. Easy on the wallet? HELL NO!

I did some research into treatment facilities near me that treat most or all of my disorders and issues relating to them. The best fit was a treatment ce...

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