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I went there

Posted by Genevieve , 21 March 2013 · 271 views

I went out drinking with the alcoholic. We drank far, far too much. I got home at 4:00 a.m. You can fill in the rest.It was exciting and fun and all encompassing. The thrill of a new relationship -- nevermind that it was an affair. We snuck around for 2 days before I confessed it all to my husband.As it turned out, the alcoholic didn't really like me much...


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Self-destruct

Posted by Genevieve , 15 March 2013 · 220 views

I met someone who is an alcoholic. He suffers from depression as well, which is how we started talking. He fully admits to being an alcoholic and isn't interested in getting sober.So, we went out for drinks. As you do.... with an alcoholic.The thing is, it was fun. Really fun. The most fun I've had in a long time. I didn't get wasted -- I only had 2 pints...


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Paranoid? Mental health system

Posted by Genevieve , 13 March 2013 · 235 views

Sometimes I worry that maybe I'm paranoid. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just learning more about the mental health system here and realizing how scary it can be.My main problem is that I am terrified of my mental health hospital. The wait time to get a bed is usually at least a couple of days. During that time you stay in a crisis area that is filthy, scary,...


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I don't want this life anymore

Posted by Genevieve , 02 March 2013 · 231 views

I am done with trying to fix myself. A year ago I was on a low dose of Effexor, had the occasional panic attack, had a fairly limited range of places I could go, but I was coping. I was well. I worked. I didn't want to kill myself. Children's Aid wasnt involved in my life. I want that life again. I'm done exploring the trauma. I want to put it back away a...


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Really bad pdoc appointment

Posted by Genevieve , 01 March 2013 · 376 views

I got released from being IP on Thursday and had an appointment with my pdoc today (Friday). She was totally cold with me -- like she was angry. Does it look bad on them if their patients go IP? I don't understand, but she wasn't her regular self. And she never came to visit me when I was IP either (she is in the same hospital).I asked her for help figuri...


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I'm home

Posted by Genevieve , 28 February 2013 · 233 views

Thanks for everyone's help and support on my last blog post. After I stopped posting this happened:DH: You don't need to go, it's only the med change, ride it out here. Me: I don't feel safe hereDH: Fine. Go then. <pissed off>Me: Listen, I'm worries I'm going to hurt the kids. I am not safe here with them. DH: What, you want to kill the kids?Me: S...


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I'm there again

Posted by Genevieve , 24 February 2013 · 508 views

I'm at the same point I was when I went inpatient last time.I'm crying all the time. I can't stop. I'm suicidal. I can't leave my kids with my husband. He won't take care of them properly. He never wanted to have kids, it's not fair that I burden him with the responsibility of looking after them on his own. He self-admits that he can only handle them in s...


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Cymbalta to Prozac: fuck it

Posted by Genevieve , 17 February 2013 · 254 views

I'm thinking about going inpatient. I feel so down. I know it's the med change. I'm a crying disaster. I'm losing hope in ever getting better. I've never self-harmed, but I'm feeling so awful and I hear people saying it helps. I'm considering it. Maybe it will get me through this med change? Fuck. I'm going to call the crisis line.


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Cymbalta to Prozac: Day 2

Posted by Genevieve , 16 February 2013 · 134 views

Cymbalta 90 mg -- Prozac 10 mgBad. Just really bad. Too ill to get out of bed.


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Cymbalta to Prozac: Day 1

Posted by Genevieve , 15 February 2013 · 113 views

Cymbalta 90 mg -- Prozac 10 mgI felt drugged and dizzy all morning. Napped a terribly restless nap in the afternoon. Had the shakes all evening until I took my clonazepam. Feeling ok this evening.Also, no need to comment on these -- I'm mostly doing this for myself so I can look back and see how the transition went afterwards.






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