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wonderings on uncertainty

Posted by Banana Smurf in mnamna's Blog, 30 March 2015 · 18 views

At my therapy appointment, we discussed my fear of change and she briefly mentioned that she noticed that I dislike when people seem to like me. I've been thinking further, and I believe that they are related.

My fear of change is closely related to a fear of uncertainty. I am fine with uncertainty on a theoretical level, especially religious or scie...

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One Small Step

Posted by LooneyLoocey in Unmasked Musings, 30 March 2015 · 15 views

My SO and I spent a long day together today. Its been a rough couple of days for us. His paranoia has left us both exhausted. I have rebutted his accusations left, right and center. He has an annoying need to joke about the things that bother him, in an effort to diminish their impact on him. But it leaves me frazzled, and him unable to be very affectiona...

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I just don't know anymore

Posted by Angeni Mai in The ins and outs of loneliness , 29 March 2015 · 38 views

My thoughts are a blur. My mind is a mess. Everything I thought I knew, I really don't. I feel lost and broken with an unrelenting self-hatred that never lets me feel like I am decent or good enough. I get depressed and suicidal at the drop of a hat and then overly ecstatic and restless for no real reason. My doctors seem as confused as I am and it doesn'...

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Just Venting

Posted by Crassansass in Crassansass' Blog, 29 March 2015 · 29 views

i'm just angry.

at me.

i'm so fucking BPD

Some things i recognize as bad BPD behaviours (so far only after the fact)

I can't imagine what i don't see.

I always forget though in the moment (shocker)

or the impulse is so strong,my emotions are so unraveled that i don't care.

either way i'm constantly fucking up. I think some of it is intentional out...

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Can't stop eating

Posted by BlurredBoundaries in New Year, New Blog, 29 March 2015 · 42 views

I have been eating like crazy for weeks now.I just never get full,and I eat way too much icecream.I have gained like 5 pounds and that sucks cause it's only getting nicer out so I really want to get back on track but I just can't!

Also,I haven't exercised in weeks either.I just don't have the energy to do anything! I'm freaking exhausted! I don't know i...

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In the world and not trapped in my head

Posted by goddessone in Goddess Blog, 29 March 2015 · 43 views

Yesterday was a very good day.

My hair came out great. My jeans were getting looser. It was cool enough I could wear my favorite riding boots. I felt very stylish and fit.

We did a little shopping. I got a couple of my favorite soft Banana Republic tees. On sale, I mean really on sale. Then the holy grail: a pair of attractive, black, leather, flat, non...

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Thinking in the third person

Posted by FortifiedCoward in Fcs Blog, 29 March 2015 · 21 views

I often thought it weird that sometimes I think about myself in the third person.
So I googled it and came to an article from 2014.

http://www.dailymail...eal-trauma.html

Although the experiment was about relationship matters, it turns out that thinking in the t...

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Cant think of a title

Posted by dragonfly23 in dragonfly23's Blog, 29 March 2015 · 63 views

Okay, so I did the whole Endodonist thing. He drilled out the old root canal and re-did everything with a shiny new root canal.
This was a test for my resolve in staying substance free. I did not take the opiate offered.

Well I have been in horrid pain. I dont recall this kind of pain after dental work. I caved on Saturday filled the tramadol and the ant...

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Still mixed & with Saphris

Posted by Jaytea in JT's Blogski, 29 March 2015 · 43 views

I feel irritable tonight. Did last night, too. Angry, in fact...which is unusual for me. I feel so unhappy and as if this will never end.
I was happy and chatty earlier. More mania. Now I'm almost sad and feel stuck. Saphris is no fun and I don't like taking it. It's late here and I need to take it soon if I am going to. But when I do it knocks me out to...

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borderline personality disorder

Posted by neverender in IdiOSYncraTIC, 28 March 2015 · 64 views
personality, disorder, borderline

based on this , considering i have 53 of the symptoms listed, i'm pretty sure i have borderline personality disorder. it would explain my memory lapses for sure...and a lot of other things...

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Another weekend

Posted by katie.goodair in My Little World, 28 March 2015 · 33 views

Yet another weekend. I find weekends really hard. During the week I fill my time fairly well between the inordinate amounts of sleep I need, uni, three lots of volunteering, and tutoring. Then we hit Saturday and bam. Boredom strikes.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I always end up online shopping if I'm bored - a habit I really need to break!...

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MI, The Project, and Categories

Posted by sam78 in MI and Stuff, 28 March 2015 · 28 views

Why are we so concerned with categorizing things? I know it's part of human nature to create a heuristic to deal with the staggering amount of information we are bombarded with on a daily basis. Sometimes this runs amok when there is too much information and it's hard to separate fact from fiction. Add a heaping of MI on top of this, and you have a disast...

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The madness is back I guess

Posted by ananke in My mad fat blog, 28 March 2015 · 33 views

Today I had to go into town for a lesson and from the moment I stepped outside the house I could feel something bad. You know when people say they have a bad feeling about something in scary films? That was how it felt. I was looking around for something awful to happen. Blossom was falling from the trees and I thought it was snow or ash. There was going...

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an entry in brief

Posted by yarnandcats in the yarn closet, 28 March 2015 · 65 views
cats, body, sick

we are trying to keep meds down
we are trying to help unpack the house
it snowed
still flurrying
the cats
either want their own CB account
or
their breakfast

gentleness to all

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Sleep Med Attempt, Again

Posted by Geek in Geek's Blog, 27 March 2015 · 81 views

Tonight I try Lunesta. We'll see how it goes.

Pdoc also lowered the dose for my Parnate. She wonders if it's too activating or something? I'm not sure.

She ordered a blood draw to check metabolism and sugar because of being on Abilify.

If all goes well, she says we can start meeting every other week as long as I continue with therapy on a weekly basis...

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a crazy night (kinda NSFW)

Posted by larkspur in larkspur lane, 27 March 2015 · 93 views

I don't even know where to start.

Last night, I was feeling kind of "meh." I mindlessly plowed through a box of Nilla Wafers after eating a very reasonable dinner. A moment of weakness. So I felt kind of bloated and icky. I took some Xanax that I had lying around because I felt cruddy. This will become relevant later.

You all will remember Kenneth, but...

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Oh Just Get Over It!

Posted by deeschmee in Crazy Artists, 27 March 2015 · 50 views

How do you respond to fucktards who tell you "Just get over it!" Or "I thought you were stronger than that!" Or "Change your mindset!" In response to your depression?

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waiting for #5

Posted by lysergia in one more try, 27 March 2015 · 69 views

R will be here to pick me up soon to go for ECT #5.

i don't wanna go

i don't wanna do this anymore

i don't wanna be sick anymore

i don't wanna be empty anymore

i don't want everything to be hazy half-remembered maybes

i want the world to feel real again

i want to feel real again

i feel more like i wish i was dead than before i started this

why th...

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My Anger

Posted by deeschmee in deeschmee's Blog, 27 March 2015 · 50 views

Is becoming its own being. Maybe due to being traumatized most of my life. Its my coping mechanism.
However yesterday something happened that would anger anyone. My daughter and her father have a fractured relationship. He doesn't speak to her. Next thing his gf texts her saying "Your father needs you to babysit the day before easter." So I text gf sayin...

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suicidal thoughts

Posted by hugbug in hugbox, 26 March 2015 · 60 views
tw: suicide ideation

the frustrating part for me is not that i think about suicide, because i really don't -- i dont have any methods in mind.
i just think that perhaps it would be easier for the world and loved ones if i wasn't around. i don't feel like i contribute to much of anything except to create drama.

and honestly if my brain has been telling me for 12+ years that...



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