Crazyboards: Eating Disorders

Stealing Food From Roommates: Big Problem

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:54:50 +0000

Help! I just stole 1/3 of the peanut butter from a peanut butter jar that my roommate just bought for himself. If he wants to eat the peanut butter tomorrow before I can get to the grocery store (which will not be until around noon) he will find out that all of a sudden tons of peanut butter is gone. oh my god he is going to find out. this is a disaster. The peanut butter jar was in the community food cabinet but there are only a few things in there and I know he likes to eat peanut butter all the time and definitely did not expect it to disappear over night and definitely will want to eat it and notice it is gone. Food disappearing overnight is extremely odd and will certainly be questioned... I'm fucked.
Stealing food from roommates is not new for me and has been a consistent problem ever since my ED changed over from ana to bulimia. So this has been a problem for about four years straight. It has lessened in severity, but it is still just as inexcusable and as incredibly destructive to my friendships each time it happens and is found out. I moved into my present apartment in August with three friends from college, all guys and just me the girl, but I do not know any of them incredibly well and no one knows I have this problem. I thought the sneaking and stealing might not happen anymore because the whole move and life/environment change was going to be a really good and healing one for me.. It has been helpful, but I have never shaken binging as my only effective way of coping with extreme stress and feelings of hopelessness. And these feelings have been gradually increasing again these past few months and sometimes are very strong.
So i continued to overeat every day and gradually started binging every night again, at first on my own foods, gradually sneaking larger and larger amounts of the community food and tiny bits of non-community food in the apartment. These last several weeks it has gotten much worse and now is bordering on very obvious. I keep finishing off the condiments/honey/community food really really quickly. So far i have perhaps covered my ass and gotten new things before people have noticed, but i'm not sure. People may have seen before it was replaced.
Another issue is that I wonder if they maybe would blame each other (not knowing I am the theif) because they think i eat really healthy all the time, because that is what I strive to do and that is what I do around them. Also, they know i have a lot of food sensitivities and would probly not suspect i would be the one to steal these foods because I am allergic. But the truth is those are the ones i most often binge on because I crave them so strongly and because they give me a drugged feeling that calms me down at first, much more than non allergic foods.
I am sure my roommates are gradually becoming more concerned and more annoyed that someone keeps taking their food and there is already definite tension with each other and each of us has a lot of stress in our own lives right now. But I cannot confess to my roommates and tell them my problem. I don't think that telling would help because no one would understand/would be disgusted. Or no one would want to know because everyone has their own problems, why have to be concerned for/know about mine?
But if I don't do something, this silent tension and frustration between us might continue to grow. Also my guilt and worry is incredible. I avoid even being in the apartment because I am afraid someone has noticed the food disappearances and is very angry, disgusted, or disappointed. These boys all have lots of stress and problems of their own, I don't know if they can handle having to take on mine (ie be stolen from all the time).
Anyone else had this problem/ have any suggestions? If not I would not be surprised if most people are not so shitty and selfish as I when it comes to their problems.. I am a disaster.
Oh boy, sorry for the long-winded rant.
<3 amanda

hardcore anorexia

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:47:00 +0000

The myth that I'll just lose 2 more pounds is a lie. In reality you want to keep going and going until the scale drops back to 98lbs. I used to be a bulimic. I couldnt resist food. Bit now Id do anything to avoid it only my mother has been told by the p-doc to watch me eat. Once you get below a certain weight the disease controls you.

*I am not advocating anorexia, only describing my experience of it*

Does anyone out there know how I feel?

blackbird x

I think I have BDD

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:33:48 +0000

So I don't know what to do anymore. I starve, I binge, I purge. I've lost 10 pounds in I don't know could be a week or it could be since Saturday. I haven't eaten over 500 calories since sometime last week and I haven't eaten since Saturday. I know I should be impressed but I'm not even phased in the slightest, it's positive but it's not nearly enough. I want to weigh about 8 stone and I'm a long way off that. Since I've started medication I've gained about 15kgs and it's really upsetting.

About two years ago I began starving,binging and purging I lost about 56lbs in 4 months. My mother took me to my doctor and he wanted to know if I was on street drugs because I had lost it so fast. After this there was a break where I stayed round about the same weight and did the odd fast or restrict but I always went back up to the weight I had stopped at.

Recently things have gotten "out of hand" except I'm in control but I don't feel in control. I don't really know what to write, there's so much confusion in my head at the moment. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't want help I want to achieve my target of ~8 stones but I feel like I'm never going to get there.

Yesterday my mother raided my room for no reason and she found some diazepam I'd stolen from her, some diet pills I'd stolen from her and all these supplements and other OTC things I've bought to suppress my appetite,cigarettes to take away my hunger and some alcohol I'd turned to in my times of need. Oh and she also found bags that I had vomited into, whether or not she knows it was vomit I don't know. She hasn't confronted me about it yet but I think she'll be telling my psychiatrist on our next appointment which I'm dreading.

I do the whole constantly looking into mirrors and I don't recognise myself at all, it's like it's a different person. That doesn't even remotely look like me. I've started shaving my face twice a day until it bleeds and is sore to the touch, I don't even know why. I avoid mirrors when I don't have the energy to see a reflection that isn't mine. I cringe when I happen to catch my reflection when I'm out. I've also began obsessively plucking my eyebrows to make sure they're absolutely symmetrical and perfect which still they aren't. I've started to wear make-up to cover my hideous face ( I'm a guy) I look great when I have it on. I have to take it off before I get home so my family don't know, I feel disgusting when I do take it off and I sit in my house and look forward to the next day until I can cover my face up. I've also started wearing loads of jewellery to distract people from the rest of my body. I wish I lived in America and had money because there is so many things I'd do to my appearance, tummy tuck,nose job,face lift, fix my cheeks, fix my eyes, my ears, make me lips wider, pull my hairline down, bleach my skin so I didn't have this horrid mixed race colour.

My mother kind of knows about my eating habits because when she met my psychiatrist she told her she thought I wasn't eating and vomiting, I of course denied this and brushed it off as nothing but the questions keep submerging and it's " are you sure?". However problematic eating isn't something new for me. I haven't eaten properly since I was 18 months old and contracted bronchitis since then I haven't eaten meat,fruits or vegetables. I had to explain to the psychiatrist I can't mix foods because some of them are dirty and some of them are clean and I have rules and regulations about certain foods. I'm ashamed of my appearance and how I look at it. I can't tell anyone how I really feel. They can't help me sure they can say " Oh no you look great." but that doesn't bring me any comfort.

Not eating used to bring me such pleasure but now it's just a chore that I have to fulfil and trying to eat is an even bigger chore. I've been close to suicide for both of these issues quite a lot actually, I was going to go for a walk down to the pier the other night but I knew if I left the house I'd never be back. I'm in constant distress about my appearance now, even now sitting in a room on my own.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore but I can't go for help, I don't want to tell anyone. I also stopped taking me meds a few weeks ago which were making me docile. They made me fat and not care about my appearance or how I felt in the slightest. I need someone to tell me what I should do, I don't know anymore.

Eating issues

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:01:44 +0000

I got serious eating issues.
It's like food is the boogyman.
I have to sneak up behind it and pounce before it sees me there.

It's not about my self image. I'm 5 feet tall and I wear a size 5.
I don't know what it's about.
Food has no flavor. I eat food according to the texture and how it looks.

When I was very young, my father told me that food was a reward for good kids, but I was rarely good, or so it seemed.
I would often go days at a time without eating.
Hunger was such a normal feeling that it ceased to be a danger warning.

When I met my partner I was so underweight and malnurished that I grew an inch at 26 years old just because he bought me dinner several nights a week.

When it comes time to eat I can make very beautiful food, but eating it is the problem. If anyone says anything about the food, I shut down. I get a panic feeling and my stomach closes so tight nothing can get in. I don't throw up because I just can't eat. If I force it I get nauseous.

I'm starting to screw up my blood sugar permanently because of it.
My therapist told me to eat whatever is put in front of me and tell any voices in my head to "Shut the F up".
But I can't just eat anything. Some foods are really bad. Some foods are so full of additives that your body can't find any nutrients and that can be just as bad (if not worse) then not eating.

I don't care if I get fat, at least then I would enjoy food. I just need to eat.

Eating disorders DSM-V workgroup report

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 01:51:29 +0000

I posted the link to all the reports elsewhere but thought it would be interesting to put the specific workgroup discussions on the relevant boards.

http://www.psych.org/MainMenu/Research/DSMIV/DSMV/DSMRevisionActivities/DSM-V-Work-Group-Reports/Eating-Disorders-Work-Group-Report.aspx

Again, not final - these are just their reports of what they're thinking right now.

Highlights: This was pretty short relative to some of the other workgroup reports. They think that the existing criteria aren't adequate as evidenced by high rates of EDNOS diagnoses, and are looking at whether to add more categories (they mention binge eating disorder which is currently only in an appendix, not the main part of the DSM, purging disorder, and night eating syndrome). They're also looking at different dimensions for assessing existing diagnoses: BMI, frequency of binge eating, frequency of purging, and overconcern with shape and weight.