Now Where Was I? http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:24:46 +0000 60 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33820-hello-again/ Over the past God knows how many months I've been fairly present. Utterly depressed as I clearly do love a bit of self pity, but I didn't zone out. I was meant to deal with a lot of things. I was meant to move out; I got thrown out of college, lost my job so was/am? looking for another, home is shit, relationship is confusing as ever. Everything was going on around me, but I was always in control.

At this time, to be honest I missed dissociation because I wasn't coping, but the only person I told about this told me this was positive and meant that on some level things were getting better, which I suppose makes sense and is a rather lovely thought, but that doesn't really matter now as it's back with a vengeance and I'm becoming scared.

Depersonalization was always the worst thing for me as I usually didn't know when it was going to spring and I never could ground myself so it pretty much always ends in self harm. It becomes like I'm watching a movie and I physically CAN'T do anything. Because of this the other night I ended up having to go to A&E the other night and get stitched up. Gosh how I've missed these joys!

I've awoke in hospital after an OD I don't remember taking. I can't figure out why this is happening NOW when I was told I was doing so well. I can't figure out how to stop it because I don't even seem to know any more WHEN it's going to happen.

I really can't be bothered to go to hospital again and again. I really DO NOT want another Psych again. I'd just like to be normal again please. I just don't understand why now...

]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:24:46 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33820-hello-again/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33818-brother-and-i/
Basically, a sudden onset, everything looks more 'real', but almost flat/2D at the same time. Sensitivity to light slightly increases and it feels like I'm moving in slow motion.

I find the feeling similar to when I used to smoke pot, except without the happiness or paranoia. More of a bland feeling, disconnected from reality somewhat...but at the same time, more connected with it...has a paradoxical way about it. My outlook/view on certain things also changes a bit, or I become more "alerted" to certain aspects of my life.

This often happens when I spend a long time at an unfamiliar place or when speaking to someone new for a long time, or if I haven't eaten for a long time. Other times, it just happens, like right now.

I don't see it as having a great impact on my life, but I will soon be having to drive in heavy traffic...I don't think it would be very safe to get like that and drive, but somehow my brother manages it, but I get quite scared when he is driving me around and says "Dude, I'm dissociating like a bitch".

Does any of this make sense? I haven't brought it up in therapy since I was about 15 (19 now). It got overshadowed by more serious topics.

My question is, is this "dissociating", or something else, or just normal?

EDIT: Sometime with paranoia, but that might not be linked?]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:14:00 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33818-brother-and-i/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33476-video-on-d-i-d/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8]]> Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:04:45 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33476-video-on-d-i-d/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33384-been-away/
TJ]]> Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:29:54 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33384-been-away/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33351-dont-know-if-this-fits-here/
OK, so I had a bad accident/illness as a child. Ive always remembered the entire thing the exact same way, and never thought much about it. But as Ive talked it out more Ive come to realise that most of my memories are from the perspective of someone outside and watching the incident...I can see myself and what I am doing. I can see the people helping me, but from behind them, not from where I lay. I can still hear from what I think are my 'real body' ears, and feel whats happening in the 'real body', but I just watch from another body.

My tdoc tells me this is an out of body experience, where my conciousness is separated from my body....I dont really know what this means, or if it's true. I took what she meant to be more of a spiritual thing as she kept saying how special it was. I was only realtively young, so I only have these memories to go on.

Some people say taht everday memories can be turned into a third person perspective, is that right? If so, how is taht possible? How do I know what really happened? Does it matter?, maybe not....but my tdoc surely freaked me out with the comment. (I'm starting to think my she needs therapy more than I do, but not sure)


This isnt really a question, but any insight would be great...sorry if this sounds stupid]]> Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:52:26 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33351-dont-know-if-this-fits-here/