Put Your Finger On Your NOS, On Your NOS http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:45:14 +0000 60 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33928-having-a-bad-stupid-day/
TJ]]> Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:45:14 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33928-having-a-bad-stupid-day/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33918-so-so-confused-can-anybody-figure-this-out/
I went to a shrink because I was depressed. Then the depression became frantic, like WHY-AM-I-ALIVE-DO-SOMETHING-ABOUT-IT-NOW sort of thing. I was given a test thing (MCM something) and it came back with strong leanings toward schizoid, schizotypal, borderline, depression, anxiety, dysthymia, bipolar, thought disorder (maybe something else I forgot).

So we established I have bad anxiety and depression. For some reason after I started seeing her it was like my anxiety got really bad, crippling. I staggered into her office and she gave me a half-dose of Xanax, and told me to take it 3x a day.

By the second dose, my head couldn't stop shaking. By the third dose, I found myself in my closet thrashing and biting myself and shrieking at the top of my lungs, then plunging into a deep...I guess a dissociative state...where I just wandered around and felt so far away. I told my shrink and she said she's never heard of that reaction. I stopped taking the Xanax of course.

A bit after that I was hospitalized because I suddenly started repeating words and couldn't talk at all. It stopped after a day but I still felt "off-balanced" for a while, like I'd suddenly stagger and have to lean against something. All the neurological tests came back negative for anything. When I told my shrink that this has actually happened before she looked lost. She doesn't think it's a good idea to give me another medication.

I think I have word-salad-ed before...I might do it in my mind or do it when I'm writing...it feels like whatever keeps my mind organized is crumbling and I can't concentrate and queer phrases come out. I've also had "imaginary friends" in my head ever since I was a kid. I know they are not real, but I continue to have conversations with them. I also mouth words to myself a lot, repeating them. I've been caught with strange expressions too if I'm going through an imaginary scene with my imaginary characters and the mood is different from the real life situation.

My dad is VERY schizoid, and my brother's bipolar (I think so anyway, he hates talking about it so I don't know). I have a cousin with OCD and another cousin with something else...anxiety I think. Depression's in the family too.

The shrink seems so effing lost. I'm hoping that someone might see this and be like "lol the dumbass has ____ and she doesn't even know it". I want to have SOME clue. A neat answer would be a dream come true right now.]]> Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:09:06 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33918-so-so-confused-can-anybody-figure-this-out/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33825-sensory-issues/ I hate the feeling of light touch, I hate the feeling of squishy fuzzy things touching me, I hate the feeling of too much resistance when I am trying to move/push something. I like the feeling of things like quick tight bear hugs, tackling people, swinging, spinning, cold smooth things..
I guess overall I am asking if these sensory things are important to take care of or if they are not significant.
A few places where they come up and bother me a lot:
- I work at Goodwill where I have to put clothes away all day. Have to push on rows of tangled hangers which resist me too much. Also, I have to carry around armfuls of clothes: feels like people are touching me all day long. I get gradually more overwhelmed during the day, sometimes becoming very angry but I can pretty much keep this frustration to myself.
- I Can’t stand to carry my bicycle up to my apartment because it keeps bumping into me as I walk up the stairwell and it is putting to much pressure on me and I end up reaaalllly mad by the time I’m at the top of the stairs. Yesterday I kicked the wall twice, bit my bike , and punched the stairs because I got so upset on my way up the stairs.
- I get really overwhelmed during intimacy and usually just end up feeling like I am not even there and am filled with OCD/tic-like movements. Not sure if this is because of being overwhelmed by touch.
- I have a hard time relaxing because there are so many things that make me uncomfortable, like too many blankets near me, or when I am sitting reading and the couch cushion feels a little uneven or the edge of a cushion is under my leg… etc.
These may also mostly just be OCD situations or general irritability. However they do happen every day. I wonder how much these contribute to my daily feelings of being totally overwhelmed. Anyone have any insight into this? I am trying to figure out if these little sensory things are just a quirk or if this is an issue that if I worked on it I could make some headway in reducing these daily feelings of distress.

Thanks for listening Tell me your honest opinion You can tell me it's nothing, I will not be offended.
-Amanda]]> Wed, 18 Nov 2009 01:38:34 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33825-sensory-issues/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33810-funny-sounds/ sometimes it's a bagpipe orchestra and at other times I swear I can hear a faint whispering or a radio, although I'm not
at all entirely sure if that is my ears alone or in combination with someone listening to a carradio/rain on the street.
Ok but I'm pretty,sure,it's tinnitus, I just think the noises are too weird.Does anyone else have this? Or I should have a doctor take a look at my ears? Help? ]]> Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:42:50 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33810-funny-sounds/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33770-im-bp-and-a-brain-injury-survivor/ I would love to have someone to talk to about brain injuries. Let me know if you can help! Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:10:30 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/33770-im-bp-and-a-brain-injury-survivor/