Let WHAT Be My Fucking Umbrella? http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php Thu, 18 Mar 2010 00:34:28 +0000 60 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36728-no-help/
I don't matter, I'm not real, my problems are nothing.

I didn't tell her, though I wanted to, about another "problem" that I'm having. Three weeks ago I ordered some meds on the web, even though I'm basically broke. These pills can be used in a cocktail to off yourself. It gives me a bit of hope to think they're coming. But they're not, apparently. I did my research a bit and these pills should be legal and much easier to obtain than the other meds, but still no word. Probably I got ripped off, even in this small thing. I would like to have at least this little piece of the puzzle around, whether I do anything with them or not.

Forgive me for bringing that up. But being fired from treatment, that's the kind of thing that happens to me. That's why I bring it up.]]> Thu, 18 Mar 2010 00:34:28 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36728-no-help/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36678-really-down/ skipped work today, just tired of it all. The commute, my dead life, my car is breaking down, life is grey me. No color. My antidepressant is just a sugar pill I guess. I want to disappear and be done with this mess. Sick of talking to people all day on the phone, like a machine. Sick of all the silly childish rules at this dumb job. Wanna go away. Tue, 16 Mar 2010 11:39:08 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36678-really-down/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36352-so-frustrated/ Sun, 07 Mar 2010 05:09:46 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36352-so-frustrated/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36279-infatuations/
Before I knew it, I was googling this girl and realising how incredibly gorgeous and lovely she seems. Became somewhat addicted. Still am - and I'm not an ice skating fan in the absolute slightest.

No doubt, I'll soon move onto someone else.

So ... is it just me? Is it a male thing?]]> Wed, 03 Mar 2010 06:14:31 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36279-infatuations/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36237-this-is-too-much/


I feel too ashamed to say what a mess of my life I have made. It’s knowing this and the fact that things won’t improve which is pushing me closer to end my life. Having that thought is the only thing that gives me relief. I know my life isn’t going to improve. I can’t even leave the house without my heart pounding and feeling like the air is too thin.



I’m scared though, of what I will have to do to kill myself. I’m scared of the final few minutes of being alive and what that might entail. I’m scared of what I will leave behind. But, I wasn’t cut out for life and each day is a misery that I just don’t think I can take any longer. It's all that is on my mind, how horrible living is and that I want out.




What do you do if you've tried for years to get better and it simply isn't working?


]]> Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:45:35 +0000 http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/36237-this-is-too-much/