"The more you think, the less you know." I was out in the woods, being aware of my surroundings, and for the first time in a long time, I felt relaxed. I realized that for almost every hour of every day of the past five years, I have been living with fear; I've been scared almost all the time.
My outside of me is no reflection of the inside of me. I am tired of feeling lost and hopeless. Tired of feeling the crying that sits in the back of my throat. Exhausted to my core. No sign of a way out. This is where I live I guess. It hurts to even attempt to care.
For all children of toxic parents:
For those who cannot imagine cutting out a toxic parent because of the depth of the bond you have with your own non-toxic parent, the thing is, we never had that bond to begin with, so what you imagine losing (and how hard that would be for you) we never had. The pain and guilt we work through is totally different. It is not the loss of something wonderful that we fought to save but couldn’t. It is the pain of acknowledging that we never had and will never have a supporting, loving relationship with them. That no matter what we do, it will not change. Of letting go of the guilt that we are the problem. Of the pain of people judging us because they have no clue what we’ve been through. No one begrudges you your healthy relationship, but you really can’t walk a mile in our shoes, because we’ve never had shoes and don’t know what they feel like.
If life is a ride, BP's a fucking theme park. Whether you're riding the roller coaster, spinning 'round the demonic carousel, buying souvenir toenail clippers for the population of Rhodesia, or weeping on the sidelines as some kid pukes on your head, we're here for you.
Today's forecast: bright and sunny except for one dark, festering, soggy black cloud permanently stalled out over you. You've been in this funk so long you don't even feel like you deserve to live - in fact, you don't feel anything. You're convinced that you qualify for dual citizenship between Mordor and the Abyss. If the Grim Reaper came, you'd tip him. Any of this sound familiar? Step into the Abyssal Inn and put your feet up. You're not alone.
Cutting, burning... anything to feel the pain, because you can't feel anything else.
WARNING: This board may contain material some might find upsetting or triggery. Posts mentioning specific acts or otherwise considered triggery are to be marked with that nifty skull icon (aka "Dead Ed"). Please read the full warning pinned at the top of the forum before posting. This board is for the express purpose of helping you get better. The romanticizing of self-injury is an offence punishable by a thoroughgoing stomping with the Big Stompy Boots of Stomping.
For when cutting, binging, stranger sex and staring at the mirror for hours on end wondering "Who Am I?" just don't cut it anymore. Although this board can be somewhat borderline-centric, all flavors of dysfunction are welcome.
For all flavors of eating disorders - anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, dysmorphic body disorders, sleep binging, and similar entries. Take note, though, this board is focused on recovery. While we encourage posters to be honest and not "walk on eggshells", any posts which encourage disordered behavior will be deleted, and the poster may find themselves warned or banned.
Discuss addiction problems here. Booze? Weed? Gets you high, or brings you down? Talk to it with those who've been there. No 12 Stepping needed. Talk about how to quit, not continue. But if the feds come knocking on my door I'm going to give them what they are looking for because I can't afford a lawyer. If you want to talk about manufacturing or your plans to blow up the Corn Palace, do so at your own risk.
For Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, agoraphobia with and without PD, and all the lovely specific phobias. This board is a room with an infinite number of corners so everyone gets their own to hide in. We have a couple of couches you can hide under too. And closets. Closets are good hidey places. We have several of those. All windows are covered so nobody can see in. Door frames are padded so they don't slam.
Post Traumatic Stress - Loud noises always make you jump? If a person walks up from behind does it make you want to leap out of your skin? Having nightmares and flashbacks that you fear will never go away? Dealing with traumas and their after effects is frightening. Talking about your experiences is the first step in healing.
There are six subtypes of OCD. Count them. Six. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Thank God it's an even number.
1. Checkers worry that incorrectly performed actions will cause a bad thing to happen. 2. Washers and Cleaners worry that germs and contamination will cause bad things to happen. 3. Orderers worry that having things out of order will cause bad things to happen. 4. Pure Obsessionals just can't stop thinking about bad things happening. 5. Hoarders worry that bad things might happen if they throw something away. 6. Scrupulous OCDers worry that they are a bad thing happening or about to happen.
Six. Yep, that's six. I better count again just to make sure. (OCD Subtypes from Bruce Hyman Ph.D.)
Button your lip, don't let the shield slip take a fresh grip on your bullet proof mask and if they try to break down your disguise with their questions you can hide hide hide behind paranoid eyes --Roger Waters
Thread titles seldom relate to their contents. Nothing is on or off topic. Topics are mythical constructions. So is time. And gnomes. I had a garden gnome once. I named it George. I'd walk out into my yard every morning and say "Hi George!". One morning George wasn't there, though. A few weeks later I got a letter in the mail that had a picture in it. It was George at the Grand Canyon. Oh, hey, when driving from Flagstaff to the Grand Canyon, have you ever stopped at the truck stop that has the playground with the giant Flintstones figures? It kicks ass! I bought a figurine there that had Jesus in the Arizona desert in front of a bunch of cacti. It had little rabbits in it too. Oh shit, the stove is on fire! Later.
Aching, throbbing, piercing, skull-smashing pain so bad you want to stab your eyes out with the nearest sharp object? Come on in and lay down for a while. Here are some complimentary shades if it's too bright.
There is more to seizures than flopping around on the floor like a fish out of water. Common types of seizures include Tonic Clonic, Clonic Tonic, Myoclonic, Atonic, Typical Abscence, Atypical Abscence, Partials... and so much more. Seizures can be responsible for phenomena as simple as spacing out and losing track of time. Welcome to the Electric Light Orchestra in your brain!
These meds have almost as many uses as Obecalp, including migraines, mood swings and epileptic shakin'. How are they working for you? Trade notes with your med mates here. Including: Depakote (divalproex sodium), Depakene (valproic acid), Depacon (valproate sodium), Dilantin (phenytoin), Luminal (phenobarbital), Tegretol /Carbatrol (carbamazepine), Trileptal (oxcarbazepine), Neurontin (gabapentin), Lyrica (pregablin), Gabitril (tiagabine), Felbatol (felbamate), Keppra (levetiracetam), Lamictal (lamotrigine), Topamax (topiramate), Zonegran (zonisamide) as well as all the formulations of Lithium (lithium carbonate)
No matter what flavor of pavement you are licking, one of these could be your ride out of hell. Whether you're fighting with depression, anxiety, ADD, IBS, or any of a dozen or so conditions, there are multiple options on the menu. Choices include: The SSRI's Celexa/Cipramil (citalopram hydrobromide), Lexapro/Cipralax (escitalopram oxalate), Luvox/Floxyfral/Faverin (fluvoxamine maleate), Paxil/Aropax/Paroxat/Paxetin/Seroxat (paroxetine), Prozac/Erocap/Lorien/Lovan/Zactin (fluoxetine), and Zoloft/Lustral (sertraline); Multiple Reuptake Inhibitors (MRIs) - Effexor (venlafaxine), Cymbalta (duloxetine), Serzone/Dutonin (nefazodone), Wellbutrin (bupropion); Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors (MAOIs) - Marplan (isocarboxazid), Nardil (phenelzine sulfate), Parnate (tranylcypromine sulfate); Tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs)-Elavil/Amitrip/Amyline/all the other incarnations (amitriptyline), Ludiomil (maprotiline), Norpramin (desipramine), Pamelor/Allegron/Aventyl/etc (nortiptyline), Sinequan (doxepin), Surmontil (trimipamine), Toframil/Imprin/Janimine (impramine pamoate/impramine hydrochloride), Vivactil (protriptyline); and miscellaneous ADs-Ascendin/Asendin/Asendis (amoxapine), Desyrel/Molipaxin (trazodone), Etrafon/Triavil (amitriptyline hydrochloride & perphenazine), Limbitrol (chlordiazepoxide & amitriptyline HCl), Remeron/Avanaza (mirtazapine)
Bloody Marys, Long Island Iced Teas, Harvey Wallbangers - not really. Alcohol plus psychoactive meds = big no-no. The cocktails here are made from multiple medications. Sometimes they work together in strange and mysterious ways, even if they're not clinically supposed to. See http://www.aidsmeds.com/cmm/DrugsNewContent.asp for a good interaction checker.
Just because you're on these does not mean you are psychotic. They can slice mania, dice OCD, and make julienne strips of your depression. They aren't bad for psychosis either. Medications in this category are Risperdal (risperidone), Zyprexa (olanzapine), Abilify (aripiprazole), Geodon (ziprasidone HCl), Seroquel (quetiapine), Clozaril (clozapine) and lots of older ones.
Smorgasbord in a bottle: These are all the weird, wild & wacky meds we just can't pigeonhole elsewhere, including - but not limited to - those used as anything from antihistamines to telomerase therapy. Yes, they can mess with your head. Talk about 'em here.
All revved up and no place to go. Adderall (mixed amphetamine salts), Desoxyn (methamphetamine), Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine sulfate), Focalin (dexmethylphenidate hydrochloride), Ritalin / Concerta / Metadate (methylphenidate hydrochloride), Cylert (pemoline) as well as caffeine, ephedrine, and all those things they sell in gas stations next to the rolling papers.
Suddenly you've got more gas than the Hindenburg, your nails grew eighteen inches, and your pubic hair turned green. Could it have something to do with that new med you just started taking? This board accepts queries both delicate and indelicate.
Your dear aunt's friend of a friend "swears by it", and the guy on TV says Big Government won't let you have it (If it's medical marijuana, he's right), or maybe it's being offered as a class down at the community center. Ask here - maybe someone has heard of it, has a reference for studies on it, or has already tried it out. Just be careful with the Kool-Aid.
Just don't ask how to score some for yourself if it's illegal in your country.
Alternative lifestyle? try the GLBT board
Attention Scientologists: Please post in this forum. Making fun of you makes us feel even better than poking fun at potheads trying to score on a psych forum.
If it runs on electricity, makes you feel better, and isn't sold in sex shops, this is the place to talk about it. Includes lightboxes, ECT, VNS, cranial nerve stimulation, sticking magnets to your head and licking 9-volt batteries.
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." --Matt Groening "Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun." --Matt Groening again
For life is quite absurd And death's the final word You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow. --Monty Python
If you weren't crazy going in, you're certainly crazy coming out. Post here about draconian doctors, nightmarish nurses, fumbling pharmacists, hospitals from hell, and the antichrist incarnate who runs your HMO.
Computer issues and other problems with devices trickier than a hairbrush. Love them. Caress them. Talk to them like plants. But never let your guard down. Whether you're Amish or simply addled, look for tech advice here.
The mailman. Your neighbor. The guy who walks his dog in front of your house every day. They kinda suck. The pizza delivery guy, your housemate's boyfriend who always uses your towel, they suck. Let's just assume that everyone sucks and leave it to individuals to prove themselves exceptions to the norm of suckage, shall we? Oh, fuzzy little bunnies suck too, but not quite as much as people.
Done something really crazy and want to get it off your chest? Manic spending sprees? Driving through the projects at midnight and giving candy canes to the crack dealers? Posted something you regretted to an online support forum?
Can he resist the temptation to push the button that, even now, beckons him even closer? Will he succumb to the maddening urge to eradicate history? At the MERE...PUSH...of a SINGLE...BUTTON! The beeyootiful SHINY button! The jolly CANDY-LIKE button! Will he hold out, folks? CAN he hold out?
MEANWHILE BACK ON CRAZYBOARDS. . .