13 replies to this topic

[leadinglady]

I always just thought it was pessimism or depression but I totally ruminate. I worry excessively about everything. About my kids suffocating in their blankets. About my dryer catching on fire. About my grandmother dying. About getting fired. About having some obscure illness no one can find. I used to be a clean freak. Then I had kids. Heh. Now I think I'm more of a hoarder. I don't necessarily think I keep things because if I get rid of them something bad will happen, I've just been trained that you don't throw things away because you "might need them someday", "might fit into them someday" or "it might be worth money someday."

I used to be a "perfectionist" as a kid... looking back it was OCD. Everything had to be perfect in my room and if my grandmother moved something or cleaned the room while I was at school, I'd go on a RAMPAGE about what was moved in my room. My grandmother is still that way and has OCD about cleaning and is a hoarder.

Lately though, I definitely feel like a hypochondriac. Like I want to get admitted and get a full workup because I have all these odd symptoms. I watch medical shows and work in the medical field, so that doesn't help.

Do I really have OCD? Am I in denial? I've seen "rule out OCD" on my mental health chart but never thought much of it... never delved into it with the pdoc much.

[OreoKitty]

I get confused with my worry thoughts. My tdoc & pdoc have called them 'intrusive thoughts' at times. Other times I get stuck in an obsessive thought pattern. Then there is the borderline psychotic thoughts. And of course, sometimes I'm anxious in general. These are all connected with my moods--I can get them hypomanic, manic, depressed, or even seemingly stable.

My AA sponsor calls all the little voices in my mind 'the itty bitty shitty committee'. Someone else told me that being in my own head is like driving alone in a bad neighbor at night.

My tdoc really helps me sort out my thinking patterns. I've been through DBT. The medication also helps.

Oh, and I also like to keep things 'in case I need them'. I don't think I've slid over the line into being a hoarder.

If you don't have a tdoc, you may want to see one. And check out CBT or DBT, they have lots of self-help workbooks on the subjects.

Good luck. Keep talking to the pdoc.

Oreo

Edited by OreoKitty, 26 April 2008 - 08:20 PM.

[leadinglady]

I get confused with my worry thoughts. My tdoc & pdoc have called them 'intrusive thoughts' at times. Other times I get stuck in an obsessive thought pattern. Then there is the borderline psychotic thoughts. And of course, sometimes I'm anxious in general. These are all connected with my moods--I can get them hypomanic, manic, depressed, or even seemingly stable.

My AA sponsor calls all the little voices in my mind 'the itty bitty shitty committee'. Someone else told me that being in my own head is like driving alone in a bad neighbor at night.

My tdoc really helps me sort out my thinking patterns. I've been through DBT. The medication also helps.

Oh, and I also like to keep things 'in case I need them'. I don't think I've slid over the line into being a hoarder.

If you don't have a tdoc, you may want to see one. And check out CBT or DBT, they have lots of self-help workbooks on the subjects.

Good luck. Keep talking to the pdoc.

Oreo

My pdoc recommended DBT. I guess there are really fine lines between anxiety/depression/personality disorders/OCD/blah blah when it comes to racing thoughts. It's just so frustrating! I get so tired of my mind flying 100mph, even in my sleep and dreams. Such a pain in the butt.

[goldfinch]

All of that was totally me, especially the hypochondriac part. I had every disease in the book - well, really only the fatal ones. I couldn't watch medical shows, or even read women's magazines that had titles like "8 symptoms that no woman should ignore" on the cover. But I took zoloft and I got completely better. I don't take the zoloft anymore because of side effects, so some of the old tendencies are coming back, but I can deal with them much more easily now that I know what it feels like to not feel that way, if you know what I mean.

I do still get intrusive thoughts, but I have learned thought stopping techniques. It was hard at first and I had to practice a lot. I got lots of practice after 9/11, and now I'm really good at it. Maybe you could learn some techniques through therapy.

I see from your sig that you have tried various meds, I'm sorry they didn't work for you as well as the zoloft did for me. Maybe you have to keep trying until you get one that works?

I usually don't feel that I can help anyone on this board, but your problem is exactly like mine. My intrusive thoughts revolve around something happening to my kids, my house burning down, something happening to my husband, to my dog, blah blah blah.....I hope you find some variety of meds/therapy that can help, because it does feel much better not to be obsessively worrying about those things.

[Velvet Elvis]

OCD is the "what if?" disease. "What if there are germs?" "What if I'm a serial killer and don't know it yet?" "What if I put my head through a plate glass window?" "What if on the way home my gf is hit by a stray arrow from some kid's archery set?" The last two are ones that have been fucking with me over the past few weeks.

The one that made me realize that there was something weird going on was when I couldn't finish a meal at a mall food court because I was worried that I might get up and try to lick the eyeball of the guy at the next table.

[DannyBoy]

OCD is the "what if?" disease. "What if there are germs?" "What if I'm a serial killer and don't know it yet?" "What if I put my head through a plate glass window?" "What if on the way home my gf is hit by a stray arrow from some kid's archery set?" The last two are ones that have been fucking with me over the past few weeks.

The one that made me realize that there was something weird going on was when I couldn't finish a meal at a mall food court because I was worried that I might get up and try to lick the eyeball of the guy at the next table.

Oh boy I can relate to this. I don't even feel comfortable saying some of the things that I ruminate on, even on the internet.

[kitthekitten128]

I am sometimes paralyzed by thoughts of bad things happening to me. I play different scenarios over in my head. Sometimes I get myself so worked up I have to fight tears and my anxiety triggers my depression. Just today I was having thoughts about somebody going crazy in a coffee shop I go to and shooting the place up! i feel like if these things can happen to so and so they can happen to me as well and I should worry because maybe the worrying will help protect me. Sort of messed up!

[leadinglady]

I have moved from worrying something bad will happen (although I still freak about being fired) to racing thoughts. But they are deep thoughts, too. I have recognized I do have some OCD. I think a lot of psychiatric disorders overlap and I just happen to be someone they really overlap in. I am season salt. When I don't obsess about this, I obsess about that. It's vicious. But I do think that way too--like if I worry about it and play it out, maybe somehow that will protect me emotionally if it DOES happen. I'll be more accepting of something bad if it isn't a surprise. Makes no sense. It's that need to plan everything and always be in the know and on your toes. I hate it.

[WineKitty]

For most of my life I didnt show symptoms of OCD but have gradually picked that up. I carry antibacterial wipes with me everywhere and clean shopping carts and use my sleeves to open doors. Nothing grosses me out more than shaking hands with strangers or touching those credit card machines at the stores. I have driven back to my house after leaving for work more times than I can recall to "check" that the stove is off, the coffee pot is off etc. And it always is. I dont like things of mine moved it upsets me to no end if that happens. Just one more way I am a freak. :/

[BIMBO]

OCD is the "what if?" disease. "What if there are germs?" "What if I'm a serial killer and don't know it yet?" "What if I put my head through a plate glass window?" "What if on the way home my gf is hit by a stray arrow from some kid's archery set?" The last two are ones that have been fucking with me over the past few weeks.

The one that made me realize that there was something weird going on was when I couldn't finish a meal at a mall food court because I was worried that I might get up and try to lick the eyeball of the guy at the next table.

I am exactly like this. I laughed out loud at the licking eyeball thing but it was a good laugh, because I do it too and didn't think anyone else did. Or I'm scared I'm going to kiss someone or touch them or something. For a really long time I couldn't stand on train stations without holding on to a pole with a death grip because I was sure my body would just take over and throw myself in front of the train. Not in a suicidal way, just in a I can't control what I'm doing way.

Edited by BIMBO, 04 November 2011 - 04:13 AM.

[Nutty Woman]

Well, I have a friend who was actually getting a kick out of her intrusive thoughts. In fact, they were not intrusive, but provoked willingly. Anyway, she used to get really bored during lessons at the university. She was sitting there in those huge auditoriums with hundreds of other students and a professor blablaing. At first, she distracted herself with knitting socks, but that became monotonous after a while. Then, she got into auto-suggesting she would get up any moment and let out a really savage scream in the midst of the lesson. She focused on it so much that her body got all tense, until she was really about to do it. In the end, she never did, but the adrenaline spiced up the lectures...

I know, when you can't control these kinds of thoughts it is not funny at all. My father is a "what if" type, and additionally he sees germs everywhere. No logical reasoning can help him out of it, and it has made socializing and keeping a job very difficult for him. He has never been diagnosed, as he refuses to accept he needs treatment.

Anyway, just wanted to tell you my friend's story. She saw things from another perspective...

Have a nice night,

Nutty Woman

[luis]

Hi, i live in Caracas, Venezuel and i have been diagnosed with OCD and schizoaffective disorder. Currently on medication. I suffer from intrusive negative thoughts about something bad happening. Recently , last december there was an accident close to my hometown where a big truck loaded with gasoline exploded, 14 people dead. I felt very bad for that accident and I started worrying about that happening to my family or myself. I started questioning myself, I started having doubts about my daily live and choices, asking myself all the time : Am i doing the right thing? thinking: "God will punish me either way i take". I cannot focus.