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when should you commit yourself?


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#1 kst7488

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 12:27 AM

ive been suicidal since the beginning of july. i started cutting myself again after years of not doing it, and now its all i think about. all i do is cry, mope and cant manage to have any decent interpersonal relationships unless im drunk. i cant bear to be alone.

when should you commit yourself at a hospital?

have you ever done so?

in the long run did it do you any good?

i feel i dont have many choices left. im so miserable and im running out of effort to not hang myself.

Posted Image
oh come on im kidding...

SA, GAD and who knows what else....
Meds: Klonopin .75 mg a day, and still tapering....



#2 meg

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 01:00 AM

now.

no, really-- when you are at the end of the end of the last piece of thread, and you've tried all of the other (SAFE.) options (pdoc? emergency pdoc med change? therapy? crisis line? best friends/family/support?)--
if you feel like you might just lose whatever grip you have right now that's keeping you safe, and you feel like you can't trust yourself to make the right choice when it matters (like, now.)-- then you need someone to take that resposibility and burden OFF of you, and keep you safe until you can take the responsibility back and feel okay about it.

it sounds like you've been through a lot of trying, and you don't need me to tell you that sliding back into SI is a very slippery slope, and minor self harm can get out of hand muchmuch too easily when you're having such a hard time controlling it and keeping urges and thoughts about it at bay.

it's a very scary place, and a very lonely place-- and you don't have to stay there.
if you have the option to go to a hospital (a safe place, not scary) and have people take care of you, then don't torture yourself over that choice, you know? lay it out in black a white and it's pretty clear that you need help, you don't seem to trust yourself to not seriously hurt yourself--- but--- you can get a ride and there's the help, there are the people who you can trust to keep you from seriously hurting yourself.
they will help you out of that awful mental place that nobody should have to ever visit, let alone endure, you deserve better. I've visited that place too, and I sent a postcard and everything, please believe me that you deserve better, and remember that how you feel now IS TEMPORARY. temporary. it might feel like it will last forever, but it won't, and you have to trust that right now.)

please keep yourself safe.
if going to the ER is the only way that you can do that--- then DO.

keep us posted, k?
there are lots of people here who have been saved and benefited from going for help-- that's why it's there.
talk to you soon.
meg

warning: I often write novels vs. posts-- please skim if you need to, just don't get scared off by the quantity of babble!

  • me: am 22 years old (feel about 90 sometimes), am a photographer (just finished my degree!) and makeup artist
  • dx: april'07: "mdd and adhd (inattentive)," mid'08: tack on "hyper-somnolence" (ie: meg sleeps too much)
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    • dec'07: depression is IN REMISSION. I don't believe it either! I <3 you, lamictal.
    • jan'09: just finished up my first year without depression, since, uh, 4th grade? I'm proof that stability can happen- please hang in there.
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"And when finally the bottom fell out
I became withdrawn,
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#3 kst7488

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 01:15 AM

well heres the thing, every antidepressant that i have tried has made me really sick to the point of not being able to handle it. i tried the low cost mental health clinic it took me 3 months to get in and the day of my appt the doctor cancelled becuase he was sick....i never went back....or at all i suppose. hah.

i cant cut myself anywhere but my feet becuase im an exotic dancer and i cant have cuts all over me, the only thing really holding me back much. i just feel that nothing will help me, and i cant afford the help i actually need or hell that will actually be there, unlike low income mental health help.

Posted Image
oh come on im kidding...

SA, GAD and who knows what else....
Meds: Klonopin .75 mg a day, and still tapering....


#4 SUEzie

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 02:05 AM

A hospital will make sure you're on meds - so being able to "get in to see someone to get meds" will not be a problem.

Note (I'm not criticizing) -You tried: The low-cost mental health clinic? There has to be more than one low-cost alternative out there for you. I know it.

Look in the phone book under: Social services and-or Counselling. Call and ask some places listed for low-cost or no cost mental health clinic referrals. Look on the Internet for local clinics, and do the same thing.

Call a college or university and ask to speak to some in the "Guidance and counselling" office and, even if you're not a student, tell them you are really needing to find some low-cost mental health alternatives - and see if you can see someone on campus - or else ask them for some decent referrals, off campus. Tell them you wouldn't be calling them, except you really don't know who else to call.

Call a medical school. Call a school of social work at a college, explain your situation, and ask for referrrals to low-cost therapists and P-docs.

Many P-docs and therapists, if they know you're on a limited income, will see you on some sort of sliding scale fees, acc. to income. Call some of their offices (listed in the phone book under Physicians - Psychiatrists) - and find out which ones are willing to do this.

If there are idiots out there, who act like they don't know where to refer you, don't give up. All this means is that some people are idiots, not that there is nowhere to get help.

I know what it's like to have to try, and try (again, and AGAIN) to find a med that works.

I really do (see my post under the topic: "I could really use some words of encouragement" in the BP section. I'm not trying to be lazy, but am feeling pretty fragile now myself, but a version of my "personal story" is in there. Also in the "How do you handle suicidal thoughts?" section in the BP forum. Also in the "How In the World Can I Change My negative Internal Dialogue" in the Personality Disorders section, here on the boards.

Eventually (probably sooner than you think it will happen) you can find a med that works, and some decent mental health help in your area. I can almost guarantee it. Hang in there. Serzone and Lexa-Pro worked well for me - but I hesitate to tell you because everyone's "body chemistry" is different. Keep trying. Eventually, you'll almost always hit the jackpot. I know it can be really hard.

You don't know this isn't the time it will happen for you - as far as finding a good med. You could go to the hospital, find a good P-doc there who can really help. It's their job.

And if you tell them that's part of the reason you're suicidal (not being able to find meds that really make you feel any better), then saying that may really help them really work to find a good effective one - once you're at a hospital.

I agree with meg. You need to do this ASAP, gathering from what you've said. Or at least it seems that way to me.

One way (as mentioned): Show up at an ER, and tell them you are going to kill yourself - and you need to be hospitalized. Take a cab, or walk, if you have to do that. Or take a bus (if you can't drive yourself).

An ER's staff would be idiots NOT to hospitalize anyone who'd say that (and might get sued for not admitting you. And they know this - or they should).

You're worth it - you really, truly are worth helping. But - you hafta be willing to at least go to a hospital and give yourself a chance.

I wish you well,

- Susan

Edited by pleasemakeitstop, 09 September 2008 - 11:30 AM.

Curremt DX: MDD (major depressive disorder), severe OCD.

Past DX's - Only 1 of them accurate: Primordial SZ (Schizophrenia), BPD, Bipolar 2, "Adjustment disorder", GAD (generalized anxiety) and lots of depression.

Current RX: 40 mg daily of citalopram (generic Celexa), 300mg daily of Buproprion XL (generic Wellbutrin), occasional 5-10 mg of generic Ambien (aka Zolpidem) for sleep.

Pst RX's: Name a tri-cyclic anti-depressant. Mellaril, Stelazine, ECT, Serzone, Librium, Klonopin, Buspar, Lithium, Lexapro, and I forget what else.

"Hope is the thing with feathers -
That peches in the soul.
And sings the tune, without the words
And never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson

#5 kst7488

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 02:28 AM

i dont know theres just this huge shame thing to me admitting myself litterally and metaphorically that i cant do this on my own. i always have to be in control, and i cant be anymore....i feel i have failed everyone not just ,myself.

Posted Image
oh come on im kidding...

SA, GAD and who knows what else....
Meds: Klonopin .75 mg a day, and still tapering....


#6 SUEzie

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 03:12 AM

I know can relate to how this may feel. I really can. But do it anyway. Otherwise, you could very well end up dead - and if you do, then " Feeling "shameful" won't matter at all then, will it? I'd say that would really, truly be failing yourself.

It isn't shameful to go to a hospital. It's what they exist.
You don't have to tell everyone you know that you're in one (or have been in one). Thats' what I'd do anyway (and I have.)

I know quite a few people who suffer un-necessarily for years, due to their own silly "pride".

What is there to say about that, really?
That they've wasted years putting on a charade that they're "well" - when almost everyone around them probably knows (deep down) that they're not? Sorry if that sounds harsh - but in my experience it's true (no matter how good a "faker" you think you are.) Why carry such a heavy burden, all the time?

It really doesn't matter what they think anyway - it matters that you feel this badly, though.

Why not give yourself a chance at really truly getting feeling better about life? And about yourself?

"Faking it" while getting no help at all - does you no favors, in the long run, if, most of the time, you truly feel like hell - and if the reason you're not getting help, is because you're "just too good and well, etc." for all of that. It's self-destructive, and it doesn't usualy "work" very well, in my experience.

It's oh-so-tragic (I know, I've experienced similar feelings). And it's also simply: So un-necessary.

When you get out, if there is someone you happen to tell you were there - and who thinks it was weird you were there, then that person isn't worth expending any energy on anyway. I know this is hard to believe, but it's true (although I'd be careful who I tell, because who needs mean comments thrown at themselves?)

In your present state of mind - I think going to a hospital is the only way you can really be sure you'll have a shot at getting some treatment that you need.

It might not be exactly what you'd hoped for - or it could end up being wonderful. I don't know. So what? - do it anyway. Try to have a little faith. A teensy little bit can go a looong way.

Hospitals are all different. Your hospital may be different from the ones I went to - I don't know what will happen. I do know they'll try to help you. If you absolutely hate it, you can leave (but I'd try to give it a chance, first).

You are maybe going to need long-term therapy. Face it. So did I.
But who cares? At least you've got a much better chance of seeing some happiness in your life, if you get started working on your health now.

Otherwise, you've got none. There's nowhere to go, except up.
I know it's work. I know it isn't fair. I know your whole life probably should have been completely different. But - we need to play the cards we get dealt in life.

Wish I could explain why you need to believe you are worth helping, but I do believe it.

Ultimately, it's up to you. Nobody can make you do anything. And if you really want to kill yourself, I suppose you'll do it.

BUT - there are people all over these boards, who may truly feel the same way, a lot of the time.
They are here trying to avoid killing themselves (a lot of them are, anyway.)

Read some posts on these boards that appeal to you, and that you think will maybe help. Know that people do care.

But when you say you've felt "suicidal" for 3 months, if you aren't willing to even make a teensy effort ln your own behalf, well - I'd find that truly sad. Because the quality of your life is a valuable thing.

I understand it, and I have felt that way too - BUT - it's really not necessary to suffer endlessly.
Help does exist.

Please don't kill yourself.

One excellent way to make sure you won't do it right now, is to go to a hospital. You really do have my sympathy. I know you feel bad.

If I were you, that's what I'd do - "consequences" be damned.

Good luck,
I wish you well,

Susan

Edited by pleasemakeitstop, 28 August 2008 - 02:12 PM.

Curremt DX: MDD (major depressive disorder), severe OCD.

Past DX's - Only 1 of them accurate: Primordial SZ (Schizophrenia), BPD, Bipolar 2, "Adjustment disorder", GAD (generalized anxiety) and lots of depression.

Current RX: 40 mg daily of citalopram (generic Celexa), 300mg daily of Buproprion XL (generic Wellbutrin), occasional 5-10 mg of generic Ambien (aka Zolpidem) for sleep.

Pst RX's: Name a tri-cyclic anti-depressant. Mellaril, Stelazine, ECT, Serzone, Librium, Klonopin, Buspar, Lithium, Lexapro, and I forget what else.

"Hope is the thing with feathers -
That peches in the soul.
And sings the tune, without the words
And never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson

#7 karuna

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Posted 28 August 2008 - 10:30 AM

I committed myself last month when is a very similar position to you, and now have a lot more support that I needed, and I believe that I will recover. I am certainly not as bad as I was last month. I say go to ER now if you feel suicidal.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage : Anais Nin

'The attainment of wholeness requires one to stake one's whole being. Nothing less will do; there can be no easier conditions, no substitutes, no compromises': Jung

DX: borderline personality disorder/bipolar/psychosis/trauma history
RX: Lithium and Seroquel


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#8 SUEzie

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Posted 28 August 2008 - 11:55 AM

I am sometimes not sure when someone says they are cutting themself, what they mean when they say they are suicidal (no offense, I am truly trying to help.). Obviously, they feel miserable enough to cut themselves. To me, suicidal means feeling hopeless, but it also means:

They definitely want to die, have plans to do it, and would do it right now if they could. I think that people need to describe the intensity, and frequency, of these thoughts, with their P-doc, too. I get "very depressed". I am MDD. When I am feeling very low, I usually feel like it's not going to go away (ever), and I'll always feel this way (even if intellectually, I know that's probably not going to happen, and know I will eventually feel better.)

But it's not true (for me) that the feeling lasts too long for me to bear (although it might mean I need better meds, and-or to talk to my therapist more.) And so, even though I might feel like it occasionally, I am not committed to the idea of killing myself, really. And I hope that's always true for me (and for people here.)

But I know what it feels like, to feel like you want to do it. Some people do it, too - they succeed (and they're dead.) That's why I think people need to be very, very specific w/their P-docs, when describing their suicidal thoughts:

How long do they last, typically? How often do you have them? What do you think about when you do have them? Do you picture how it will feel when you do it? How long it will take? etc. And maybe most important: When this happens, do you feel impelled to do it, or can you stop yourself?

I hope you feel better. Please try to hang in there. P.S. Sorry if that last post sounded "blunt" (I've been feelong exra _rappy lately, it's not you.)
I wish you well,

- Susan

Edited by pleasemakeitstop, 29 August 2008 - 10:54 PM.

Curremt DX: MDD (major depressive disorder), severe OCD.

Past DX's - Only 1 of them accurate: Primordial SZ (Schizophrenia), BPD, Bipolar 2, "Adjustment disorder", GAD (generalized anxiety) and lots of depression.

Current RX: 40 mg daily of citalopram (generic Celexa), 300mg daily of Buproprion XL (generic Wellbutrin), occasional 5-10 mg of generic Ambien (aka Zolpidem) for sleep.

Pst RX's: Name a tri-cyclic anti-depressant. Mellaril, Stelazine, ECT, Serzone, Librium, Klonopin, Buspar, Lithium, Lexapro, and I forget what else.

"Hope is the thing with feathers -
That peches in the soul.
And sings the tune, without the words
And never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson

#9 celestia

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Posted 28 August 2008 - 01:08 PM

when should you commit yourself at a hospital?

As Velvet Elvis said on another thread, "...when you are asking 'when should I go to the hospital?'"
have you ever done so?

in the long run did it do you any good?


I've been hospitalized twice and both times it helped me for quite awhile. The last time was this past May, and I feel better now than I have since probably before my hubby died 7 years ago.

It did require a leap of faith, though. Because at the time, both times, I didn't want to live anymore. I know now this is delusional on my part--to think I would be better off dead. Even now, my life has not entirely stopped sucking, but I see so many possibilities for myself that I would have never even dreamed 4 short months ago.

[

i feel i dont have many choices left. im so miserable and im running out of effort to not hang myself.

Make the calls--today if you haven't already. You need help.

Take good care!
S9

Edited by saturnine, 28 August 2008 - 01:09 PM.

diagnoses: MDD/ADD/PTSD
Current meds: Wellbutrin 450/Lexapro 30



#10 crazyjanesays

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Posted 28 August 2008 - 06:17 PM

go to the hospital. i was hospitalized very close to a year ago. it was one of the best things i ever did. in the hospital i found peace and the strength to get better, to do what i had to do for myself so the depression wouldn't win anymore. don't worry about getting out of this depression yourself. in the end, it takes more strength to ask for help than to suffer in silence. depression often wins by paralyzing us. going and asking for help is a way of proving to yourself that the depression won't win. that you are fighting this.

go to the hospital. keep fighting for your life. it will be worth it.
dx: i guess it's major deppressive disorder and PTSD, though all my docs keep giving me the whole "a diagnosis is just a label, it's not really helpful" bullshit.

meds: zoloft 125 mg, klonopin as needed

a quote from Crazy Jane on the Day of Judgement --W.B. Yeats

'Love is all
Unsatisfied
That cannot take the whole
Body and soul;'
And that is what Jane said.



#11 kst7488

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Posted 29 August 2008 - 12:11 AM

what do you do when you go in? just say im gonna kill myself? thats so embaressing....

Posted Image
oh come on im kidding...

SA, GAD and who knows what else....
Meds: Klonopin .75 mg a day, and still tapering....


#12 Leda

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Posted 29 August 2008 - 12:30 AM

When I went to the ER, i said that I cold no longer be responsible for my actions - and that I was severly depressed - but needed help not to kill myself. That was enough to givve me a safe place for a few weeks - and appropriate treatment afterwards.
Dx: PTSD - and recovering from a major depressive episode
Rx: Cymbalta 60mg, Propranolol, Oxazepam prn, Zolpidem prn - Previous Rx: Zyprexa

#13 SUEzie

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Posted 29 August 2008 - 06:20 AM

What Leda said is exactly right, in my experience, too. An ER cannot turn you down. In most places (from what I've read), that would be illegal.

Weird sidenote: In some places in the U.S., killing yourself is illegal. This had me wondering: If someone does it, what are they gonna do - throw a dead body in a prison cell? Sorry - not a time for jokes - it just always struck me as very odd.

I truly hope you feel better. Try to hang in there. People do care.

I wish you well,

Susan

Edited by pleasemakeitstop, 29 August 2008 - 06:58 AM.

Curremt DX: MDD (major depressive disorder), severe OCD.

Past DX's - Only 1 of them accurate: Primordial SZ (Schizophrenia), BPD, Bipolar 2, "Adjustment disorder", GAD (generalized anxiety) and lots of depression.

Current RX: 40 mg daily of citalopram (generic Celexa), 300mg daily of Buproprion XL (generic Wellbutrin), occasional 5-10 mg of generic Ambien (aka Zolpidem) for sleep.

Pst RX's: Name a tri-cyclic anti-depressant. Mellaril, Stelazine, ECT, Serzone, Librium, Klonopin, Buspar, Lithium, Lexapro, and I forget what else.

"Hope is the thing with feathers -
That peches in the soul.
And sings the tune, without the words
And never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson

#14 crazyjanesays

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Posted 29 August 2008 - 10:03 AM

you can start by saying you're depressed and have been dealing with depression for X number of years. say that you have been suicidal for the past three months and that you no longer feel like you can trust yourself.

in this day and age i'm sure the hospital staff has seen EVERYTHING before. most likely (and i hope you find this thought comforting like i do) you're just another patient. this may be one of the most traumatic days of your life, but in their lives, it's just another day. and no matter how you say that you need help, it's their job to help you and they will do their job.

also, believe me, walking in under your own power will be a much better experience than the alternative. also, going in yourself means that you can pack a backpack of stuff you'll need. i suggest bringing your toothbrush, shampoo, deodorant, a couple of books to read, and a notebook and pen for journaling (they are VERY big on journaling in the hospital). when i was in the hospital they took my cellphone but for some reason they let me keep my ipod (though i wasn't supposed to have it no one said anything because i only listened to it at night as i was going to sleep). also, bring a towel. and a sweatshirt (hospitals are often cold). i didn't have these comforts the first 24 hours i was in the hospital and while i was glad to be there i was REALLY glad to get a towel that didn't take my skin off and my toothbrush.

remember, this is YOUR life. do everything in your power to save it. and if you just can't get yourself to walk in there, call someone else and have them tell on you. if having a friend call 911 because you're suicidal is the way to get you in to the hospital to save your life, then that's what has to be done.
dx: i guess it's major deppressive disorder and PTSD, though all my docs keep giving me the whole "a diagnosis is just a label, it's not really helpful" bullshit.

meds: zoloft 125 mg, klonopin as needed

a quote from Crazy Jane on the Day of Judgement --W.B. Yeats

'Love is all
Unsatisfied
That cannot take the whole
Body and soul;'
And that is what Jane said.



#15 Murmur

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Posted 29 August 2008 - 10:58 PM

I go to the ER when I feel suicidal... but they keep sending me back out to the streets because of the lack of beds.
Always one bandwagon behind.

Dx:
Clinical Depression, Dysphoria, Dysthymic Disorder, Anxiety, Paranoia, PTSD, OCD, Psychotic Features
Rx:Cymbalta 20mg, Valium 30mg, Seroquel 800mg, Chloral Hydrate 500ml, Hormone pills, Salvia Divinorum. Protonix

#16 SUEzie

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Posted 29 August 2008 - 11:03 PM

At the top of this Depression section on these boards here, there is a post titled: "If you are feeling suicidal and want to talk to someone now" - that has some advice.

There are several websites listed under that topic, and many contain toll-free numbers to call, where they can out you in touch w/people who can immediately help, if you feel as if you are going to do it now.

I haven't tried calling any of them, but if I felt suicidal, I probably would. Not only are they trained in dealing with people who are feeling suicidal, they may have information re: An alternative other than visiting your local ER, when you do feel suicidal.

I wish you well,

- Susan

Edited by pleasemakeitstop, 30 August 2008 - 02:00 AM.

Curremt DX: MDD (major depressive disorder), severe OCD.

Past DX's - Only 1 of them accurate: Primordial SZ (Schizophrenia), BPD, Bipolar 2, "Adjustment disorder", GAD (generalized anxiety) and lots of depression.

Current RX: 40 mg daily of citalopram (generic Celexa), 300mg daily of Buproprion XL (generic Wellbutrin), occasional 5-10 mg of generic Ambien (aka Zolpidem) for sleep.

Pst RX's: Name a tri-cyclic anti-depressant. Mellaril, Stelazine, ECT, Serzone, Librium, Klonopin, Buspar, Lithium, Lexapro, and I forget what else.

"Hope is the thing with feathers -
That peches in the soul.
And sings the tune, without the words
And never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson

#17 Leopardmadcat

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Posted 30 August 2008 - 12:18 AM

When should you commit yourself?


How about NEVER?

Round these parts all that does is mark you as unstable. You will never get health insurance again, any class 1 or 2 licenses or pilot licensing will be revoked, gun permits also, and good luck finding any work anywhere.

Oh, and the docs are usually quacks that misdiagnose you, pump ya full of drugs that make you unable to function, then they dump you back on the streets to fend on your own. Or worse; lock you in a bare concrete room for days on end, forbid any outside contact, and use you as a guinea pig in their latest 'research paper'. And lets not forget the stigma that will follow you forever with your family, friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers (before the boss fires you with some bullshit excuse), and church (again before they ostracize you and kick you out the door also). If you have a 'significant other' then kiss them goodbye too cause they're not likely to stick around.

Better to die on your feet.

And before you all start in on me, I speak from PERSONAL experience here... I will die before going in again.
Diag.: Dysthymic Disorder w/ Generalized Anxiety disorder.
Meds: Celexa 30mg.

*There is no greater gift than to be reborn with every heartbeat*

#18 SUEzie

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Posted 30 August 2008 - 12:27 AM

I've got health insurance, and I've been hospitalized. In my state, there is state fund and insurance agency for people who cannot get insurance elsewhere, and there's a website for it. I don't use that, but my sister does, because her son has asthma, and nobody else will insure him.

*There is a post currently on these boards titled: "Mistakes that increase medical debt" , in the "Law, Money & Employment..." section - with a link that lists these types of agencies, for each U.S. state (the link to this information is inside the listed article, under "Mistake # 5".) Maybe you can find helpful insurance information there, Leopardmadcat?

Sorry your experience was so bad, Leopardmadcat, and about the pilot's license thing, too. There are good hospitals out there, and bad ones, and IMO, there is still some stigma attached to being in a hospital, in some places, unfortunately. No doubt there are small-minded people in the world. I do the best I can to ignore these folks, as I consider them to be generally uncompassioanate and-or ignorant.

I've never mentioned being in a hospital on my resume', ever (I figure it's nobody's business - although I admit if any potential employer had done a really, really extensive "back-ground check", I might have been screwed).

But for me, just leaving it out completely, as an explanation of why there were gaps in my work history worked out for me okay. I just said I was taking a break to renovate my house, or travelling (which was partially true.)

The last hospital I was in is where I finally found a decent med for my depression, though, so I was very glad of that.

Sorry you personally had a bad experience, truly.

- Susan

Edited by pleasemakeitstop, 30 August 2008 - 06:34 AM.

Curremt DX: MDD (major depressive disorder), severe OCD.

Past DX's - Only 1 of them accurate: Primordial SZ (Schizophrenia), BPD, Bipolar 2, "Adjustment disorder", GAD (generalized anxiety) and lots of depression.

Current RX: 40 mg daily of citalopram (generic Celexa), 300mg daily of Buproprion XL (generic Wellbutrin), occasional 5-10 mg of generic Ambien (aka Zolpidem) for sleep.

Pst RX's: Name a tri-cyclic anti-depressant. Mellaril, Stelazine, ECT, Serzone, Librium, Klonopin, Buspar, Lithium, Lexapro, and I forget what else.

"Hope is the thing with feathers -
That peches in the soul.
And sings the tune, without the words
And never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson

#19 jaytee

jaytee

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Posted 02 September 2008 - 03:48 AM

Ok, this thread topic has been awesome help to me... I was wondering the same thing myself.

These past two weeks, I've been more dysfunctional than normally.

I've had my social security payments put on hold because I can't manage to call back my job network agency because of having a stupid phobia of using the phone. ;)

I lay in bed, all day, TV off, just being me... feeling those bad thoughts where I try not to go.

The only time I managed to make it out was to get a social security medical certificate so they stop hassling me. Which they refused to accept.

So now I'm at home, I can't get out, can't clean, can't shower, can't go to buy food. I was locked up for two weeks in January, but now I'm wondering if I should put myself in again.
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dx: unknown
rx: Cymbalta 60mg, Lithium 490mg, Seroquel 200-300mg

#20 silentium

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Posted 02 September 2008 - 04:27 AM

I'd agree that you should be careful.

;) :) :) Gonna put some of these trigger thingies in just incase.

Unfortunately i've been hospitalised twice. I live in Australia.

The first time was years ago and I was psychotic, I wasn't violent or suicidal but I was so out of it I could have ended up getting run over. I went to a state/government hospital and was given largactil (they call it thorazine in the states ?) and other stuff I don't remember. I actually don't remember much of it but it wasn't good. I was just nuked and if it wasn't for my family I might not have made it out of there as soon as I did. My mum insisted.

The second time was about 6 months ago. This time, again I wasn't violent or suicidal but I was really down and just totally ambivalent about my treatment and situation. I have medical insurance, ended up going to a private clinic. It was completely different, there were group therapy sessions twice a day. You could go to the gym in the mornings if you wanted to. The food wasn't my cup of tea but it didn't completely suck either. I stayed a couple of weeks, after the first week I was allowed to come and go as I pleased. Basically for me it was a break, I don't regret going. I'm not sure how much its really helped in the long term, but I don't think it did much harm anyway. I'm not working at the moment but plan to soon, I doubt it will be a problem for me but I'm not trying to get jobs that need security clearance or anything like that. There were no great med breakthroughs for me though and I think my pdoc is better than the one I saw in the hospital.

I think you should be careful if you're going down the state/government road, make sure you know what you're getting into.

Edited by silentium, 02 September 2008 - 08:16 PM.






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