[withing]

Okay, I know I've been posting practically nothing but rants here lately, and I apologize in advance for posting another one, but I really need to get it out because when I say these things in my nice, calm voice - no one really listens to the words I'm saying. Maybe they don't know what to say, maybe they don't know what to do, maybe they don't believe it's as bad as I say because really everything I say is wrong is just not noticeable, but dammit I'm just tired of everyone treating me like I'm normal and capable of taking on the world when I'm not...

I'm not. I'm really not.

I have pain in nearly every major joint in my body - ankles, knees (oh, my knees! I could just cry my knees hurt so bad), elbows, wrists (they hurt! they hurt!), several fingers, thumbs, and shoulders. My back HURTS every day. I have been bed-bound on several occasions. I have asthma. I have migraines. I have GARD to the point where I've drastically changed my diet. My eyesight is going - even though the eye doctors assure me that I have the same vision I've had for years and don't need new glasses, I know that I can't see as far I could years ago, esp my peripheral vision. I have high cholesterol, and no amount of dieting will bring it down. I have lumps - LUMPS - in my thigh. One has grown so big it casts a shadow, but the doctors say they're nothing to worry about. They haven't even performed a biopsy on them... I have one on the back of my neck too. I have vertigo - when I'm lying down with my eyes closed. Again, nothing to worry about even though it's been going on for years. I have allergies no matter where I live. Oh yeah, my teeth are slowly rotting away too, one at a time. I can't afford dental insurance. So all I can do is watch them fall apart. I used to have dental insurance and I tried to "rescue" two teeth, but ended up getting two root canals and in the end got both of those teeth pulled because the root canals didn't "work" for some reason. Now I have teeth (in the back thank the gods) that are sensitive, and I know they're gonna need to be pulled soon.

Oh, and let's not forget the bi-polar.

The main problem is that nothing that is wrong with me is physically visible, and I don't present the normal symptoms for say, arthritis. So doctors can't diagnose me in the fifteen minutes they allot their patients. It fucking sucks for people like me who may or may not have arthritis because I don't fall into a neat little category for them to say, "Okay, this is what's wrong with you, here's some medicine, off you go." No, I would require actually work on their part, and they just don't have time for that - they have more patients to see, patients with insurance that can cover the x-rays and whatever else I'd need for a proper diagnosis. (I don't have insurance, and when I had it last year, it wasn't very good insurance.) So, sorry for me, can't find anything wrong, it's nothing to worry about, call us if it get's worse.

Thanks for nothing. I still hurt.

Sometimes when I'm shambling alone with all my aches and pains trying to walk so that this ankle or that knee doesn't hurt *quite* so much, or when I'm passing up on the pizza or soda because they'll give me a migraine or heartburn, or when I'm rubbing at my hand because I had to write for more than five minutes, I start to wonder why the hell I even bother. The doctors won't do anything for me, they don't even acknowledge that anything is wrong with me. Really, some days I just want to lay down and give up.

[Stacia]

Have you tried going in and only discussing one specific problem? For example, bringing a detailed list of joint pain and not discussing anything else might get you different results. It's an idea.

I have allergies, including asthma, so I feel for you there. I've had them so long, I just accept them as part of me using the inhalator and nasal spray as needed and avoiding pills as much as I can because I already take enough of them. Asthma is something that is taken seriously by any doctor. If you can't get an inhalator from a regular doc visit, go to emergency next time you are wheezing. If it's at all significant, you get to go to the front of the line. If it's more minor, you'll still get medicine.

I know my eyesight is effected by mood state. Yeh, sounds weird, but it is. When I'm depressed, my vision seems deminished, distance not as clear, periphrial not as wide. When I am very hypo, I become very light sensitive. Go figure. I always test the same as when euthymic.

Talk to your pdoc about migraines. There are other meds if Topamax isn't cutting it. Point being that you may not need to deal with a regular MD for help. ???

Lumps can be cists and docs are usually pretty good at spotting them. However, they should be explaining what's up if that's the case. Just saying, It's nothing is bullshit.

Have you checked with your county to see if there's some sort of dental assistance? (I have no idea on this.)


Don't lay down and give up! Plot and scheme to get what you need instead. It really sucks to be in pain, and it sucks more when no one appreciates it. Still, that doesn't mean it always has to be that way. You can get help. It's just gonna take some extra effort to work the system.

[withing]

Yeah, this didn't all come on me at once... :-/

I've had the migraines since thirteen. My mom took me to see a million doctors - they all told her the same thing, they couldn't find the cause. She immediately assumed I was faking it. I've been to the emergency room with migraines because they hurt so bad and I've gone blind with the pain...

Was diagnosed with high cholesterol round about 16. Yep, 16. It hasn't gone down since then. I've had drs. lecturing me since, no matter what my weight.

Then came the bi-polar, officially diagnosed at 19 after my second kid was born.

Then came the allergies... about 21-23 I forget. No matter where we moved, I had them so bad and nothing helped.

Next came the back. About the time I hit 25-26. It's been bad since then. Of course I had insurance all that time because my hubby at the time was in the Navy, so I went to doctors for all of that.

Enter first divorce, exit insurance, well I had it on and off.

Then came the asthma - the first time I moved to Virginia I developed asthma. I didn't know I had it until I ended up in the emergency room near death with pneumonia and bronchitis and hardly breathing - and of course, no insurance. Yeah, the prednisone they put me on didn't help my bi-polar *at all* but I was in denial about that at the time. That's the only thing I have that the doctors actually acknowledge is wrong with me.

That and the GARD... but none of the meds help with the GARD. I just can't eat anything with tomatoes or anything that's too acidic. I went to the dr because I couldn't lie down at night. It was easier and cheaper to change my diet than to pay for medication.

Then came the knees, round about age 35. "Might be arthritis" but nothing on the x-ray. They still hurt. Since nothing showed up on the first x-ray, they don't want to take another.

Car accident took out my right wrist at 39.

At 40 my other wrist and elbows then my thumbs and fingers began to hurt. When I moved to a third floor room, my ankles started to go.

So, I don't go to the Dr. with a grocery list of symptoms. All of these things just seem too much to handle now that I have them all at once now.

I don't know what's up with my teeth...

edited for clarity

This post has been edited by patheral: 12 November 2008 - 08:36 AM

[liveoak]

I have no advice, but I feel for you, patheral, I really do. That is a lot to deal with on its own, much less the diminishing by the doctors. I admire you for keeping on keeping on.

[scatty]

Could you try amitriptyline (generic elavil) for the pain? It helps my dh.

Have you checked your blood pressure lately? My dh had migranes caused by high blood pressure.

I don't know what to say about the other symptoms though. Could you check the phonebook or google for a free/low cost clinic near you?

Are you eligible for any kind of aid in the state you live in? It may be worth looking into that.

I hope you find a way to get treated. It must be awful to live in constant pain.

[withing]

Thanks for answering. I don't mean to sound whiny... I just get frustrated, and it was a really bad morning. I'm trying to be positive, but it's hard some days, you know? Today was one of those days I just should have stayed in bed, but I had a paper due, so I hadda go to school.

Anyway, to your questions...

scatty, on Nov 12 2008, 05:28 PM, said:

Could you try amitriptyline (generic elavil) for the pain? It helps my dh.

If that's an NSAID, I can't take it - I have a freaky, weird side effect with NSAIDs. About the only over the counter I can take is Tylenol, which I *was* taking at a therapeutic dose, and that helped a little - not much but it made a noticeable difference - until I ran out of funds to buy that amount.

Quote

Have you checked your blood pressure lately? My dh had migranes caused by high blood pressure.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that! I have low blood pressure, and a low body temperature. Not off the charts low, but low enough that nurses comment on it occasionally.

Quote

I don't know what to say about the other symptoms though. Could you check the phonebook or google for a free/low cost clinic near you?

They have a mental health clinic that I go to here, but the low cost medical clinic is about an hour drive from here. All of these things are from way back (except the joint pain), and so far there doesn't seem to be anything doctors can do about them, other than the asthma. Even at low cost, they'll just say the same thing, "we can't find anything wrong with you." Thanks, but no thanks.

[scatty]

Amitriptyline is an older anti-depressant.

[withing]

scatty, on Nov 12 2008, 06:53 PM, said:

Amitriptyline is an older anti-depressant.

Guess I should stop being lazy and look these things up before I ask huh? >.<

Sorry, it's been a nerve-racking day.

[BPBear]

Next time you have a chance to discuss your pain with your doctor you may want to talk to him about the possibility of having fibromyalgia. This causes extensive pain in the joints but does not show up on an xray.

[withing]

BPBear, on Nov 12 2008, 07:38 PM, said:

Next time you have a chance to discuss your pain with your doctor you may want to talk to him about the possibility of having fibromyalgia. This causes extensive pain in the joints but does not show up on an xray.

Yeah, they diagnosed me with that this past February. The main difficulty I have with the diagnosis is the dismissive way the doctor gave me this diagnosis. He was so condescending about it. He said that it's more of a "mind over matter" thing, that I'm not "wired right" and there "it's anything they can do about it" (all " " are direct quotes) even with the diagnosis. He basically told me, "all you need is Tylenol and exercise" even though I had already *told* him I was walking three miles a day... how much more exercise do I need???

Plus I've looked fibromyalga up on the internet. Other than the joint pain and fatigue, the diagnosis doesn't quite fit.

I have a rant about it in the Medical system sucks forum... I'm too worn out to type more.

later