[SunshineOutside]

I had a med overhaul six months ago and have never felt more stable in my life. Sometimes it does not feel like a good thing, certainly way better than I was when I was severly depressed, but sometimes I feel flat. I used to be passionate about certain causes but while I have interests I just don't feel passionate anymore. I miss that feeling.

How has medication affected you?

Thanks,

Sunshine Outside

[Tom]

Good for you

So far I haven't found the right combo. I am still unstable. This is after trying 18 meds. Currently on 4.

-Tom

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi Sunshine,

I'm glad you're feeling stable.

I know what you mean about losing some of that passion.

I change my med doses throughout the month due to rapid cycling so I feel different depending on which meds I've increased.

The most obvious is klonopin. I feel like my brain is numb. I walk around rather zombie-like. When my anxiety was out of control I felt sharp and on-the-ball, but I was also miserable.

When I feel depressed and I take provigil, I go from "blah" to rather agitated.

The rest of the month, the good part, I feel a lot sharper. I like that

So its different all the time for me.

Peace,
Phoenix

[karuna]

I'm stable on Lithium, and I feel as passionate about things as I ever did, if not more, because the apathy is depressions has lifted.

[Stacia]

I've been stable for a couple months for the first time in many years. I have some cognitive dulling to deal with (covetously eying your Provigil) which leaves me a little slow mentally which makes me a little slow in response. That's a med issue I have to work out.

What I am finding is that I am reluctant to let myself fully respond emotionally for fear that it will set off an episode. I lived unmedicated and episodic for a long time, and that was my self-management technique. It's not necessary now, but it's not quite so easy to stop doing, either. I just need to test these meds slowly it seems. The combination of this and not having big feelings does leave the world feeling flat sometimes. I occasionally think, 'Oh my, how boring the interior emotional lives of these normals.' But, mostly I'm grateful to be stable and find the world a much more tolerable place. It's even been amazing how easy a couple difficult situations were to maneuver. Real nice.

Are you holding yourself in a little because stability is still new.?

[maybetinymaybesad]

i truly feel like i found the "real" me through meds and therapy. (interesting rhetorical question: can one find one's "real" self through meds or not?) i am much happier, more spontaneous, more expressive. my passion for being alive has increased a ton although i have always had passion for certain areas of study, sports, etc even when i was sick.

therapy was a vital piece of that, though. in the past when i didn't do therapy, meds didn't help me much. i did about five months of intensive in-patient therapy before i even started meds.

[SunshineOutside]

Tom, on Jan 27 2009, 11:05 AM, said:

Good for you

So far I haven't found the right combo. I am still unstable. This is after trying 18 meds. Currently on 4.

-Tom

Thanks Tom. I hope you find the right combo soon. I'm thinking about you.

Sunshine Outside

[SunshineOutside]

Phoenix_Rising, on Jan 27 2009, 11:09 AM, said:

Hi Sunshine,

I'm glad you're feeling stable.

I know what you mean about losing some of that passion.

I change my med doses throughout the month due to rapid cycling so I feel different depending on which meds I've increased.

The most obvious is klonopin. I feel like my brain is numb. I walk around rather zombie-like. When my anxiety was out of control I felt sharp and on-the-ball, but I was also miserable.!

When I feel depressed and I take provigil, I go from "blah" to rather agitated.

The rest of the month, the good part, I feel a lot sharper. I like that

So its different all the time for me.

Peace,
Phoenix

Hi Phoenix,

Good to hear from you! Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I take Provigil too and it seems to help with my cognitive deficits.

I too feel numb and rather zombie like....But, I feel waaaay much better than before and I can function!!!! For now, I'll practice on acceptance of the way I feel...

I want to feel sharper too!

Sunshine Outside

[SunshineOutside]

karuna, on Jan 27 2009, 11:46 AM, said:

I'm stable on Lithium, and I feel as passionate about things as I ever did, if not more, because the apathy is depressions has lifted.

Karuna,

I'm so envious!

Sunshine Outside

[SunshineOutside]

Stacia, on Jan 27 2009, 02:27 PM, said:

I've been stable for a couple months for the first time in many years. I have some cognitive dulling to deal with (covetously eying your Provigil) which leaves me a little slow mentally which makes me a little slow in response. That's a med issue I have to work out.

What I am finding is that I am reluctant to let myself fully respond emotionally for fear that it will set off an episode. I lived unmedicated and episodic for a long time, and that was my self-management technique. It's not necessary now, but it's not quite so easy to stop doing, either. I just need to test these meds slowly it seems. The combination of this and not having big feelings does leave the world feeling flat sometimes. I occasionally think, 'Oh my, how boring the interior emotional lives of these normals.' But, mostly I'm grateful to be stable and find the world a much more tolerable place. It's even been amazing how easy a couple difficult situations were to maneuver. Real nice.

Are you holding yourself in a little because stability is still new.?

Hi Stacia,

Good to hear from you!

I'm so glad you're stable too! Yea!!! I have cognitive dulling also and Provigil does help me with that.

It sounds like you're doing really well. I appreciate you relating not feeling big emotions and feeling flat sometimes.

I'm not sure if this is how stability is supposed to feel. Maybe my previous passion was during hypomanic periods...

I've just started volunteering for SC Share which is a non-profit organization that provides education and support to those with mental illness. We have skill classes and support groups. I am a little excited about this and hope my passion grows.

Thanks much for sharing.

Sunshine Outside

[SunshineOutside]

maybetinymaybesad, on Jan 27 2009, 10:29 PM, said:

i truly feel like i found the "real" me through meds and therapy. (interesting rhetorical question: can one find one's "real" self through meds or not?) i am much happier, more spontaneous, more expressive. my passion for being alive has increased a ton although i have always had passion for certain areas of study, sports, etc even when i was sick.

therapy was a vital piece of that, though. in the past when i didn't do therapy, meds didn't help me much. i did about five months of intensive in-patient therapy before i even started meds.

Thanks for sharing maybe,

Good question whether we can find our "real" self through meds or not...I think I knew myself before I became so ill and this was done with lots of therapy.
I never lost my true self during my illness but I certainly did not look like the same person to the outside world .

It is great that your passion for living has increased! Yea!!!

Sunshine Outside

[Anelize]

I'm still fighting for stability, since I just switched over from geodon to risperidal. I'm going through some vicious anxiety, which I think is the geodon withdrawal. Sleep is fucked, since I haven't found the sweet spot with the risperidal. I miss stability, I miss being numb, I'm sick of feeling like I'm gonna have a heart attack any minute from anxiety. Meh.