[smileontheoutside4you]

hi.

I don't really know what to say, but i was told i should post cause of how i've been feeling lately and how supportive this site is considered to be.
I'm 23/f and i've been through a WHOLE lot in my life, and recently espeically. I've been on depakote, and lexapro for the past 8 monhts, but am now weaning off the lexapro and starting on zoloft with the depakote; due to doctor's orders.

I am also a self harmer and have 34 days SI free. Although, lately, i've been having 'urges' that are pretty hard to get through.

I think alot lately about what is specifically getting me down, but i can't pinpoint it for the life of me. All i know is that i found myself writing a post in my livejournal.com community about wanting to take all the pills in the house and just call it a life. I still do.... i'm just tryin to weigh in the courage.

yesterday i was babysitting my 4 godchildren (3 months, 2 years, 3 years, and 4 years old) and i was just snapping on them left and right and that's NOT me. God knows those kids are part of what's kept me here THIS long.

I don't really know what else to write. I feel like this is a waste of y'all's time. Thanks for reading thus far.

Amy

[rein]

I really hope you don't think this is a waste of time..I hope it helps to just get it out and see it in black and white. Sometimes I can pick up on  a pattern or two. It sounds like you just haven't hit on the right combo yet. Keep the faith sometimes it can take a few attempts.

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34 days SI free

Congratulations! That is great! 34 days is a huge accomplishment. Give yourself some credit! Sometimes one day is huge..

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think alot lately about what is specifically getting me down, but i can't pinpoint it for the life of me. All i know is that i found myself writing a post in my livejournal.com community about wanting to take all the pills in the house and just call it a life. I still do....

Have you talked to your doc about this? This to me sounds like you are definately not on the right meds! Please don't think depression is neccisarily situational. Sometimes everything is going GREAT. I  know this was my experience. I am happily married with three great kids. We have no money problems. I have traveled more than I ever dreamed I would. Still, before I  got on the right meds, I had to fight the urge to just drive off the bridge everyday..It's the depression talking. Once you really understand that it's so much easier to fight the urge to end it all. It's not real. Its your brain misfiring.
I hope you find posting in here as helpful as I do. You keep posting and I will keep reading...

[Cerberus]

This post has been edited by Cerberus: 10 August 2005 - 11:39 AM

[Supergwen]

This post has been edited by Supergwen: 08 August 2005 - 01:53 PM

[synthetic]

So what's your dx?  Doesn't sound like the meds are doing a whole lot for you.  Have you relayed your problems to your pdoc?

The only advice I can give is to keep perspective.  You may feel like shit today and tomorrow and the day after that, but it won't last forever.  You will feel better.  You just have to get through the shitty parts. 

And don't worry about wasting our time with your posts.  Most of us don't have anything else better to do with ourselves than spend half the day perusing the boards.  So really you're doing us a favor.

[dianthus]

Hi Amy,

First hugs and love, espeically from Garrett.  He thinks you are the best (for all you kids out there, Amy is my real life friend).

Please, please, please hang in there, and keep posting here.  Crazymeds has gotten me through more shit than I could shovel with a backhoe.  The people here are wonderful, and no one will ever tell you to snap out of it.

I'm glad you're here.

Susan

[stipple]

  promiss me to turn off the t.v. ,don't read any of the mags like People and all that stuff.It isn't easy but you can do it,post here and post more it helps.

[Fiona]

There doesn't have to be something wrong in your life for you to feel lousy. I happens sometimes even when everything is going terrific, inside we're still depressed and feel like we're dying.

Maybe the current problem is the change in your medications? When changing meds it's not unusual to have a change in symptoms and troubles as well. Hopefully after the change is over and they're stable again, you'll be stable and better again as well.

Know that this is temporary. It will pass.

Fiona