[tryp]

I can't decide if I'm feeling bad BECAUSE OF my meds or IN SPITE OF my meds.

I feel apathetic, lethargic, no motivation or concentration. No interest in the future. Not wanting to get out of bed.

It's been going on for months and months. I was in a black, black depression in January, then I moved into this and stayed in it in spite of the Remeron.

Pdoc switched me to Celexa three weeks ago, and I was good for a few days after I first decreased the Remeron in order to cross-taper, and then I fell back down again. No sign of the Celexa alleviating anything.

I've been on the Seroquel since late December, a little before the really bad depression came on.

I can't decide whether I have depression that my cocktail isn't adequately addressing, or if the Seroquel and/or the AD is making me like this. Mainly the Seroquel, because going off the Remeron and starting the Celexa didn't really help, except for a couple of days that I think were due to a discontinuation effect of the Remeron.

On the other hand, I really like the Seroquel and I don't want it to be causing this.

How do I tell?

It's making me feel really bad - I feel like it must be the meds and therefore everything that has happened is my fault and if I'd just never taken the meds, I wouldn't be this bad. I think that's probably illogical, but I can't shake it.

This post has been edited by tryp: 29 April 2009 - 11:32 AM

[danceintherain]

"I feel apathetic, lethargic, no motivation or concentration. No interest in the future. Not wanting to get out of bed."

So it could be a side effect, but it reads to me like depression. How are you doing as far as the other signs/symptoms? (appetite, sleep, thinking patterns, etc.) When's the last time you had a good laugh? Have you felt up/happy at a point in time that you remember?

Medications can cause the stuff that you're saying too, as your post shows you know of course. I think it's one of those areas where experience can really make the difference--i.e. a pdoc's opinion, rather than that of someone on the board. I asked at one point in time how you tell if it's a symptom or a side effect and a very good doctor said "we just have had a lot of practice with these things and make our best guess." I think that's pretty realistic...it's not an exact science, but it is more scientific for people who have more experience.

[dianthus]

tryp, on Apr 29 2009, 12:27 PM, said:

It's making me feel really bad - I feel like it must be the meds and therefore everything that has happened is my fault and if I'd just never taken the meds, I wouldn't be this bad. I think that's probably illogical, but I can't shake it.

That line of thinking is so familiar. I can't tell you how many times I've been down that same road before.

Here are my thoughts.

You really haven't given the Celexa a fair shot to see if it's doing or going to do anything. Give it 3-5 more weeks and re-evalutate. You'll have a better idea by then. Right now you're still being affected by all the changes you've made.

Also, even though you may not feel better, in some ways it seems like you're making some better choices and not freaking out as much as a few weeks ago. I know when I'm depressed, I start to do things in a more healthy way before I realize I'm actually feeling better. Maybe that's where you are right now.

It's possible that the meds you're on aren't going to work for you, but I think it's premature to determine what's going on right now. You may need an AD with some more activating properties or you may need to decrease your Seroquel slightly. But give it time. Most of what you're describing sounds like it very well could be just depression.

This post has been edited by susanb: 29 April 2009 - 11:47 AM

[Stacia]

Sounds like depression is still lingering. That said, Seroquel can cause some dampening, especially if you no longer need it or need as much. This is a long shot, btw. IIRC, you are taking it for anxiety/PTSD symptoms and not depression. If that's right, have these symptoms abated enough to talk to your pdoc about trying to lower it, or perhaps stop taking it during the day? I'd still bet on depression, but it might be worth very slowly investigating.

[tryp]

I actually just raised the Seroquel because I was having some bad daytime agitation, as well as recurrent PTSD symptoms. And it's helped with that.

I know I need to wait longer on the Celexa, but between the beating it's giving my sex life and the idea that psych meds are making things worse (probably not true)...I'm frustrated.

I don't know how I'm doing with the other signs of depression. I'm not hugely interested in food, but I'm eating. I'm having sleep issues again, even with the Seroquel.

Sometimes I feel peaceful, like when I'm with my girlfriend, but I haven't been really happy in a long time.

But I'm also getting hammered with situational factors.

It's a mess. Maybe pdoc will be able to sort it out.

This post has been edited by tryp: 29 April 2009 - 11:56 AM

[Phoenix_Rising]

Depression does not follow a linear progression. Instead it weaves to the right and you feel better for a bit and then it lurches back to the left and you are anxious and deeply depressed.

I have to remind myself of this every time I get severely depressed. The symptoms are awful. They are so awful that I will do anything to get rid of them. When I feel any kind of shift in my emotions, I try to find out why my emotions shifted. I obsess over finding of what caused the shift.

Then I realized that there is no point in chasing after depression. I figured my best line of defense was stick to a few rules:
1. Listen to pdoc
2. Do exactly what pdoc says. (No fudging with doses)
3. Do not read anything into mood variances unless it is a drastic swing that needs a pdoc's attention.
4. When I have a good day, try to just enjoy it for what it is....a random occurrence.

I mentally go through this checklist about 10-15 times a day.

I agree with the other posters. I think you're still dealing with depression. But, like Susan said, you do sound better in your blogs. I can hear some determination.

This depression will end, tryp.

Much love and peace.

[tryp]

You're so wise, PR

Guess I just gotta hurry up and wait.