143 replies to this topic

[Luna-]

I unfortunately know of several people who ended their marriages based on mental illness. 

 

I ended my marriage because of being MI. I was on an AD but hadn't been dx'ed BP then and I was still doing some weird things. In some ways it is a relief (he was a Scientologist and believed I was choosing to be depressed) but I am often lonely.

 

To keep on topic: frankly I take my meds because my pdoc and my therapist tell me to; they say that I am stable BECAUSE of the meds.

 

Please don't jump down my throat for saying this: Maybe I've lost my insight but I think that except for some anxiety, I am fine now. I am also very scared of getting TD which just haunts me whenever I think about it so that often tempts me to give up, especially on the Geodon. Plus I think the Lamictin makes me stupid so that I struggle with my studies. Plus I never did really crazy shit when I was manic - in fact people thought I was great, I was so friendly with everyone and fun to be around.

 

But last year I tried to stop and it ended badly, going IP, so maybe I should just accept that even though my BP is episodic, I need maintenance medication to prevent the next episode. Apparently BP episodes fry your brain, too. So either way, with or without meds, I am screwed, that is just the way it goes. And I don't want to ever be depressed like the last time, again.

 

Thanks for just letting me vent a bit. Please don't jump all over me.

[lysergia]

Luna, trusting someone professional when they say you need help, in the form of medication,  even when you say you're "fine now" is a good thing.  i don't think you deserve being jumped on for that.  that insight thing is a bitch sometimes.  i'm sort of losing mine, and i was glad to see this thread come up again (i had forgotten about it). 

 

the reasons for giving up meds that you list are so familiar to me.  i hate the side effects of my meds.  i hate that they're never right and something always  needs changing.  i hate being stupid, i hate being nauseous, i hate being overweight, i hate that i have to pay attention to what's in every single fucking thing i eat (MAOI diet), i hate the money it all entails, and oh yeah people DO like me MUCH better when i'm hypomanic than when i'm stable!  not to mention i like life a whole lot better! 

 

alas we both know the good part doesn't stay around that long.  then the really bad part happens (again).  and that's where trusting someone else rather than relying on whatever insight we have or don't is a really good idea.  i think it's great to use our insight to get to know our symptoms better, learn about what helps us (and what doesn't) stay well, and share with others what we know about ourselves and our experiences.  but not always when it comes to meds, depending on your history.  i've only thrown them all in the garbage for months once - but that's enough times to tell me i'm not always wise in my crazier times.

 

i'm sorry your marriage ended that way.  that's terrible.

[Luna-]

Thanks a lot, lysergia... I appreciate it. Just so tempted sometimes - I guess it was a good thing I read this thread.

[madisonchrza]

I have stopped meds in the past, thinking I would be able to conquer my illness on my own. I stay on my meds now because every time I have stopped, things have gotten very bad. I want to live, and without my meds, the likelihood of killing myself increases dramatically.