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Reasons for staying on meds (poll)


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Poll: Why do you stay on meds? (625 member(s) have cast votes)

Why do you stay on meds?

  1. Voted to help prevent depression (462 votes [9.21%])

    Percentage of vote: 9.21%

  2. Voted to help prevent anxiety (361 votes [7.20%])

    Percentage of vote: 7.20%

  3. Voted to help prevent mania (312 votes [6.22%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.22%

  4. Voted to help prevent psychosis (217 votes [4.33%])

    Percentage of vote: 4.33%

  5. Voted to stay in remission (207 votes [4.13%])

    Percentage of vote: 4.13%

  6. Voted to help prevent irritability (317 votes [6.32%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.32%

  7. Voted so my family or friends don't have to deal with the fallout (382 votes [7.62%])

    Percentage of vote: 7.62%

  8. Voted I don't want to lose my job / have to drop out of school (275 votes [5.48%])

    Percentage of vote: 5.48%

  9. Voted so I don't have to be hospitalized (340 votes [6.78%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.78%

  10. Voted I can't afford another spending spree (136 votes [2.71%])

    Percentage of vote: 2.71%

  11. Voted so I don't have to apologize to a lot of people afterward (202 votes [4.03%])

    Percentage of vote: 4.03%

  12. Voted to help prevent other symptoms (obsessions/compulsions, etc) (194 votes [3.87%])

    Percentage of vote: 3.87%

  13. Voted to stay functional (can leave the house, etc) (390 votes [7.78%])

    Percentage of vote: 7.78%

  14. Voted because I don't want the same thing that happened last time to happen again (354 votes [7.06%])

    Percentage of vote: 7.06%

  15. Voted to help prevent self-injury (190 votes [3.79%])

    Percentage of vote: 3.79%

  16. Voted so that I'm not dead (322 votes [6.42%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.42%

  17. Voted so that I can sleep (304 votes [6.06%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.06%

  18. additional reasons (put in post if you like) (50 votes [1.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 1.00%

Why do you stay on meds even if they're not fully working?

  1. Voted I'm still less crazy than I am without them (454 votes [39.31%])

    Percentage of vote: 39.31%

  2. Voted The benefits outweigh the side effects (281 votes [24.33%])

    Percentage of vote: 24.33%

  3. Voted They work better than the last set of meds (232 votes [20.09%])

    Percentage of vote: 20.09%

  4. Voted see above reasons (159 votes [13.77%])

    Percentage of vote: 13.77%

  5. additional reasons (put in post if you like) (29 votes [2.51%])

    Percentage of vote: 2.51%

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#161 Washington Park Commons

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 01:14 AM

This. 

 

I am a way fun person when I'm not medicated. I can be the life of the party. I'm witty, brilliant, fearless and outrageous. I'm also a raging asshole, a constantly veering on killing myself wreck, a nightmare to my boyfriend, and an obsessive who will spend weeks researching trivia like the perfect handbag (which is always unaffordable). I have moments of mania in which I say awful things. i can't or won't bathe myself. I'm paranoid. I can't finish anything I start. And most of all, i'm a danger to myself. 

 

I do not care if my meds make me go blind. I don't care if they make my liver fall out, or wreck my teeth, or turn me purple with pink spots. I don't care if my IQ drops to near zero. I don't want to be that horrible person again. Not ever. Because as wonderful as she is when highly hypomanic, she is a horror show when depressed and a nutcase when manic and out of control. I want to go into remission the way a Jesuit wants to commune with Christ. And I've been there. It's a glorious thing. But then one day something happens and the horrors hit, and I'm on the floor curled up in a ball, rocking myself and crying while obsessing about killing myself or maybe even someone else. The mixed episodes are the worst, because I'm deluded and paranoid but have just enough energy to act on my madness without feeling any guilt at all because I'm on a fucking mission from God. So I will take meds until doctors can maybe cure me at the genetic level, or fix my brain, or do whatever they have to do to keep me a beneficial member of society.

 

the reasons for giving up meds that you list are so familiar to me.  i hate the side effects of my meds.  i hate that they're never right and something always  needs changing.  i hate being stupid, i hate being nauseous, i hate being overweight, i hate that i have to pay attention to what's in every single fucking thing i eat (MAOI diet), i hate the money it all entails, and oh yeah people DO like me MUCH better when i'm hypomanic than when i'm stable!  not to mention i like life a whole lot better! 

 

alas we both know the good part doesn't stay around that long.  then the really bad part happens (again).  and that's where trusting someone else rather than relying on whatever insight we have or don't is a really good idea.  i think it's great to use our insight to get to know our symptoms better, learn about what helps us (and what doesn't) stay well, and share with others what we know about ourselves and our experiences.  but not always when it comes to meds, depending on your history.  i've only thrown them all in the garbage for months once - but that's enough times to tell me i'm not always wise in my crazier times.

 

 


If I had children, they'd look like these beautiful kids.

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#162 Washington Park Commons

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 01:26 AM

Why do you stay on meds even if they're not fully working?

There comes a point where you can't differentiate what is and what is not working. It is just modern art using a dozen different colors splattered onto a warped canvas, compliments of Van Gogh...

As for "so I'm not dead", well, that is entirely accurate and surprisingly straightforward. Yet, perhaps - and it is probably just me - I sense dark humor. I'm sure Bill Hicks would approve.

 

I don't sense dark humor. 

 

Sawing on myself or walking into the Passaic with bricks tied to my wrists isn't my idea of dark humor- it's my idea of what I might do (I've already researched the proper ways to cut so as to bleed out, and the tide tables for my local river) without meds. I know this because with meds, i just want to kill myself, and then after a half hour or so I realize that would be a stupid thing to do, and I watch a movie or dig out some crochet. I suspect it's similar for many of us.

 

I know what I look like completely unmedicated. I know the wreckage I've left in my life and the shame I feel. I'd rather be partly or mostly functional than not functional at all. and just as I can tell the difference between the intentionality of a Jackson Pollock from a child's paint spill, I can tell the difference between the mindful person I am on meds from the crazy person i am when i'm not. 

 

Just so you know, Van Gogh didn't do paint spatters. Nor did he use warped canvases. And there's a reason why Pollock is in world class museums, but your little cousin Susie's finger paintings aren't. Intentionality isn't as hard to perceive as you seem to think it is.


If I had children, they'd look like these beautiful kids.

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#163 Washington Park Commons

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 01:47 AM

At the risk of being caught in the crossfire, I want to say that I think that the word "Aspergers" in teluia's signature bears a lot of relevance to what is going on here. Maybe she needs to be cut some slack. She needs this place as much as anyone else. We all need a little tolerance with each other's MI idiosyncrasies. the world is difficult enough for many of us.

 

Edited: wording.

Edited again: wording, dammit I am trying not to step on toes especially mod toes...

It could be Asperger's. It could be schizoaffective disorder. But to some extent (and it might not be meant this way) it comes across as baiting that isn't very nice. This isn't meant as an insult to teluia, but as an observation. 

 

Many of us here are self aware enough to know (or believe we know, depending on one's point of view) that we need meds. It is no more a sign of weakness (which is what words like 'crutch' imply) to take meds everyday than it is for a paraplegic to use a wheelchair to get to work. In fact, it's a rather stupid idea to think that even though wheelchairs are bulky and often inconvenient and can't go everywhere, that people who use wheelchairs are fools for doing so when they could just drag themselves around by their hands, including across the street while taking the chance of a light changing and being hit by a car. Yet Teluia is asking many of us to consider doing the equivalent with mental illness. To speak of the talk of suicide as 'dark humor' is tasteless at best and highly trollish at worst. Having known people with Asperger's, I've never met any who would see using words like this as a form of objectivity. For someone to say they received As in English but not know that 'crutch' has a particular shade of meaning, or to act as if modern art has no discernable meaning to a reasonably intelligent person, or to not understand that medications for all diseases have side effects and rarely work one hundred percent is ludicrous. So yes, i call shenanigans on someone whose tag is 'The Ultimate Thread Killer' a title which shows more than a little awareness and implies a strong desire to disrupt for disruption's sake. 


If I had children, they'd look like these beautiful kids.

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#164 Kestra

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Posted 08 October 2013 - 02:56 AM

I have to be on some sort of mood stabilizer or I seriously rapid cycle moods every 20 minutes. It's very debilitating, much more so now than when I was younger


Dx: Bipolar Type II, Anxiety Disorder | Rx: Lamictal, Fish Oil

You are the universe experiencing itself.

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#165 Angeni Mai

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Posted 28 December 2013 - 03:10 AM

Only reason I stay on them is because they 1) help me get out 2) keep me at home, not in the hospital and 3) my psych threatened to send me back IP if she finds out I'm not taking my meds. Number 3 is the biggest one to me.

I couldn't care less about being "functional" as my mind still runs half a$$ed anyways and IP and home are equally as bad for me but I just really don't want to go back to that same damned inpatient facility as they don't even try to understand self harm and punish me, they call it safety precautions but I'm not stupid and know that it's supposed to be a measure to get me to stop but I find ways around it anyways if I'm feeling really anxious/ upset/ angry, so it doesn't do much good, does it? They provide no specialized treatment for self harm behaviors and therefore makes it pointless for me to be there as I feel that is my main issue at this point.

Dxs ~ Mood disorder NOS, Panic disorder with agoraphobia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Personality Disorder NOS, Dissociative disorder NOS

Rxs ~ Buspar (20mg/ AM, Noon, PM)


#166 jt07

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Posted 28 December 2013 - 09:04 AM

Because being depressed sucks more than taking meds


Dx: Atypical MDD with anxiety, possible ADD, OCD (mostly recovered)
Rx: Citalopram (20 mg), Remeron (45 mg), Abilify (30 mg), Carbamazepine (800 mg), Lamotrigine (200 mg), Ritalin (20 mg AM, 10 mg PM)


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#167 saintalto

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Posted 23 January 2014 - 04:37 PM

the "other" reason I stay on meds even though they don't do the job all that well...

 

-to respect my family and loved ones. I do meds and therapy faithfully because if I didn't it would be a really horrible and selfish act against all those who love and care for me. They deserve me doing the best I can. 


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#168 Flash

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Posted 29 January 2014 - 06:39 PM

I came very close to just letting go and riding the wave of manic euphoria on Monday night, when I suddenly realized what was happening. But I posting in real time on another forum and people told me to take my fucking zyprexa. I vacillated a bit, then took two. Stopped the roller coaster dead in its tracks in less than an hour, I swear. And about 2-1/2 hours after taking them, I couldn't stand any longer and went to bed, where I spent the next eleven hours. But the euphoria is soooooooo fun ... Until it isn't and everything goes to shit. So I'm glad I took them, despite the fact that the night woulda been a whole lot more fun if I hadn't.
Dx: Bipolar I with mixed episodes
Rx: Lithium 1200mg, Zyprexa 10mg PRN, Lexapro 20mg

#169 BipolarCrimGrad9

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Posted 01 February 2014 - 09:15 PM

I stay on them because I'm scared to relapse, but at the same time, it's just another ritual/habit I have. I ask myself why I take them at all a lot.


Bipolar, NOS (November 2010) (1200mg Lithium, 150mg Wellbutrin XL)

 

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#170 ryker66

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Posted 06 February 2014 - 01:48 PM

You missed a reason: I never want another ECT. As much as I have wanted to stop and have periodically missed doses from nausea/forgetting to bring my pill box somewhere, I cannot fathom my life with out lamotrigine and lithium. It took nearly a decade to finally find a combination that has worked for me enough to function decently. The trial and error of trying to find medications to help stop me from skyrocketing into the sun AND at the same time from killing myself made me want to do so on several occasions - absolutely brutal for me and everyone who cared about/for me. I ended up having 5 ECTs in the midst of it, hoping it would help - pure evil as far as I'm concerned. I will never allow it again, just the distinct and horrific memory of that bite guard being placed in my mouth (THAT should be on the poll) keeps me med compliant... I deal with the nausea and quite bothersome short term memory loss from Lamictal and the hand tremors from lithium (but bitch about it constantly - we're allowed that much, right?). I will not return to a psych ward for another month of my life because of my stupidity and selfishness because of some physical discomfort. I've made promises with myself, my husband of 23 years, friends, family and my dog that I won't screw with their hearts because of something as relatively simple as taking my meds. My biggest concern and has been for years is... what happens when the efficacy wanes. What if I stop, start again and it doesn't do what it did before? Not an option. I mourned the loss of my manic self (LOVED him) for a long time and back then considered jumping off the meds to save him, but that's looooooong since past me now. I'm the same guy - lite and I'm happy to be him (and alive). Med compliancy for me.


Edited by ryker66, 06 February 2014 - 04:20 PM.

BP1 (diag 3/2000, but cycled since a child)

Current Meds: Lamotrigine 400 mg; Lithium 900mg. This combination changed my life for the better.

Previous Meds/Treatments: Too many to bother listing. All SSRIs made things worse and the trial and error was brutal. In addition, Paxil was devastating, Seroquel and Depakote were unkind to lesser extent. 5 ECTs - worst thing to ever happen in my life. Don't do it.

 

"Heaven help me. I love a psychotic!", Margot Channing - "All About Eve"


#171 Haikyo Girl

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Posted 11 February 2014 - 08:18 AM

I quit my meds on the 5th. I now cannot seem to convince myself to take them again. I'm hearing things, seeing things in the dark, can't tell the difference between the content of my dreams and true events, can't drink, can only eat under duress, and am driving my family up the wall. Whoops. So, I guess my reason would be: to escape all of that fun stuff.

Dx: Schizoaffective Bipolar Type // OSFED // Dermatillomania // Asperger's Syndrome

Past Dx: MDD // Psychotic Depression // Bipolar I // Anorexia Nervosa // Bulimia Nervosa // Traits of Borderline
Currently: Reasonably Stable // Inpatient
Rx: Clopixol Decanoate // Lamictal // Ativan // Zopiclone

Past Rx (in no particular order): Olanzapine // Aripiprazole // Temazepam // Prozac // Zoloft // Depakote // Risperdal // Risperdal Consta // Haldol // Promethazine

 


#172 Flash

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Posted 25 February 2014 - 09:47 PM

Can't tell difference between real life and dreams? I get that sometimes. It's frustrating. I didn't know it was a bipolar thang. Thought I was just stupid.
Dx: Bipolar I with mixed episodes
Rx: Lithium 1200mg, Zyprexa 10mg PRN, Lexapro 20mg

#173 crtclms

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:22 AM

I don't think it is specific to bipolar illness. I know people this happens to who are not mentally ill. It is just your subconscious fucking with you.


Dx: Bipolar 1; GAD; Migraine w/ Aura; Migraine w/o Aura; Renal Tubular Acidosis (caused by Zonegran); Status Migrainosus
Rx: Alprazolam; Botox; Buproprion; Dihydroergotomine via IV Infusion; Flexeril; Lamotrigine; Latuda; Lithium; Metoclopramide; Midrin; Migranal; Potassium Citrate; Prilosec; Promethazine; Riboflavin; Tizanidine; Verapamil; Vitamin D3
Currently Shelved: Abilify; Amerge; Anaprox; Atenolol; Buspar; Cafergot; Cymbalta; Depakote; Di-Hydro-ergotamine, injected; Gabapentin; Geodon; Imitrex Tablets; Klonopin; Maxalt; Namenda; Nortriptyline; Norvasc; Propranolol; Prozac; Risperidone; Relpax; Sansert; Sumatriptan injectables; Tegretol; Trazadone; Zoloft; Zolpidem; Zomig; Zonegran


Affectations can be dangerous. -Gertrude Stein

 

I moderate Bipolar, Panic/Anxiety, Dissociative Disorders, Migraine, Seizures, Not Otherwise Specified, Anticonvulsants, Side Effects, Family Feud, and I Still Have Issues. Remember, I am not a medical professional. PM me if you have any questions


#174 miss-e

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:33 AM

I doubt meds working for me. Sometimes initially after starting a new one (unless side effects are too unbearable) I may get a brief period of "oh YAY this one works!

Key word there being "breif"... then it's just back into the batcave of hell....

BUT I am also considering the fact my depression may not get quite as bad if I am on meds.

I am yet to find one that does anything useful for mood fluctuations which seem to be weekly-fortnightly (sometimes even few daily at the moment)



#175 Flash

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Posted 09 March 2014 - 12:08 AM

I don't think it is specific to bipolar illness. I know people this happens to who are not mentally ill. It is just your subconscious fucking with you.


I've made plans and stuff as a result, and then it turns out not to be real. It has happened a lot more in recent years than in the past.
Dx: Bipolar I with mixed episodes
Rx: Lithium 1200mg, Zyprexa 10mg PRN, Lexapro 20mg

#176 Crodentia

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Posted 02 June 2014 - 11:39 PM

I stay on my meds because they're relatively new, so I want to give them time to work. Even if they aren't fully functional, I'm still better with them than I am without them. I wouldn't (in my right mind) stop taking them, mostly because I'm a fan of not ending up dead in a ditch somewhere.


"Though much is taken, much abides, and though we are not now that strength which in old days moved Earth and Heaven, that which we are, we are: one equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

Ulysses by Alfred Lord Tennyson

 

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Mental: Bipolar I Disorder, PTSD || 900mg Lithium, 4mg Prazosin, 100mg Vistaril || Misdiagnosed: ADD, Atypical Depression || 5mg Ritalin, 10mg Paxil || Physical: Spina Bifida Myelomeningocele, Hydrocephalus || 10mg Ditropan || Other: Executive Function Disorder


#177 KillBytes

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 01:45 AM

Truth be told, I don't mind the mania. It's only got me in trouble a hand full of times my whole life, usually just hypomanic. But the sudden rapid swings or depression, I hate. Also chronic sleep disorder, anxiety and occasional psychosis. Mostly I stay on meds for my imediate family and work. Even on meds I can be a challenge at times. Better then being totally out there.



#178 chantho

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Posted 12 June 2014 - 12:43 PM

I'm usually hypomanic, so it's really kind of handy honestly. Even my depression tends to be on the mild to moderate side, so I survive. The irritability rage that made me wonder if I was just a horrible person has to stay the eff away. It still gets kinda bad in the hypomanic episodes right now (my meds aren't working great because they need to be upped), but at least I'm learning coping strategies. Other than that, I don't want to know what the fallout would be like if I didn't have the meds.


Recent Dx: MI: Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD; Physical: Fibromyalgia, IBS

Previous Dx: Major depression, social anxiety, general anxiety

 

Current Meds: Zyprexa, 10 mg; Cymbalta 30 mg; Atarax, 25 mg, PRN

Previous Meds: Celexa, Zoloft, Lexapro, BuSpar, Risperidol, Abilify, Saphris, Valium, Trazadone, Depakote, Depakote ER, Topamax


#179 shinydistraction7

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Posted 18 June 2014 - 11:33 AM

I actually DO shit when I'm on my medication and feel human instead of lay around in bed all day.


<><>One of the best moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of the things you can't change.

 

<> I AM A SURVIVOR <>

 

----Always forgive your enemies; nothing upsets them more-----

 

Diagnoses: ADHD, Mood Disorder NOS, Generalized Panic Disorder Without Agoraphobia 

Meds: Ambien 10mg, Zoloft 25mg, celexa 40mg, Snythroid 75mg, adderrall 30mg, Visitril 25mg prn 






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