[meg]

hey te,

first of all, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that you had some questions and posted this, so no need to backtrack and apologize, deal?

we all have concerns from time to time and yeah we could sit around and research and torture ourselves trying to make sense of it alone, or we can come someplace like CB and get some input and a reality check from other people who likely know where you're coming from or have had the same questions at some point.
also, it's the internet-- this post is now out there for some other person to find and be reassured by when they have similar concerns and could save them a lot of worry, you know?


ok- as far as your question goes:

Quote

violence scares the hell out of me and is something I'd never want to exhibit

if that's a fundamental part of who you are and what you believe then I seriously doubt even med-induced-mixed-state-rage is going to make you throw it out the window and become the opposite of what you believe in. do you know what I mean?

also, you're way ahead of the game if by some 1 in a million chance you did start to get rage-y and start to have homicidal thoughts (which we've established is pretty fricken unlikely) then you'd be tuned into yourself enough to go "holy cr*p! this is NOT OKAY! something is wrong here, I'd better get help" vs. letting it escalate or not noticing anything was off until it got really bad. I'm trying to think of another way to say this--

say it's winter and you're driving home from work:

situation 1)
you've been warned by a coworker that there's some black ice patches and the roads are really slippery even though they don't look that bad-- so you proceed with caution, when you feel yourself skid a little you pay attention to it and don't barrel around corners and you give yourself extra time to brake, etc. -- you make it home just fine because you had warning and were very aware of yourself and your driving. you paid attention to the warning and the little skid (didn't blow it off but knew it could be a sign of more to come), adjusted accordingly and therefore you and the other cars on the road were safe.

situation 2)
the roads look fine and nobody has warned you it's super slippery so you drive as you normally do and are totally caught by surprise when you start skidding-- you're already going too fast around the corner and need to brake for the car in front of you but don't have enough space due to the ice and rear-end them because you can't stop yourself at that point. you didn't notice the first little skid, kept on barreling along and by the time you realized something was very wrong it was too late and you'd already hurt yourself and other people.

you're the first driver-- you're aware of yourself and cautious so you'll have plenty of warning if anything starts feeling 'off' and will get help if you need it. hope that makes sense and maybe helps a little bit.

m

ps- just a suggestion, maybe you could keep a journal for the next few weeks if you don't already just to keep an eye out for how you're feeling-- vent your worries there and then maybe it'll be easier to not carry them around with you everywhere, you know? I hope the prozac works for you, keep us in the loop!

[The Emperor]

beetle- yes this makes sense.

meg- thanks a lot! That was a good post, it made me feel better. You're good at useful analogies, that was cool. That helped a lot.

So most of this violence against others shit is coming from highly unstable individuals and may or may not(most likely the latter) be caused by SSRI's is the jist of this I suppose. I'm over the whole "am I going to kill someone because of prozac" thing at this point, and it was really helpful to have all the feedback here.

It's good, like meg said, that maybe someone else will benefit from reading this who has the same concerns I do, thanks for bringing that to my attention as well, meg. I don't feel as stupid for having posted this in the first place anymore. I remember how many threads helped me here when I was a creepy lurker. Not all lurkers are creepy, just me.

Thanks everyone.