12 replies to this topic

[alienonite]

Hi,

I'm trying to pin down one of my major symptoms that can and has completely impaired my life. My OCD revolves around harm, such as fears that I will harm someone, violent thoughts of harming someone, and even urges to harm someone. I don't think I want to hurt anyone, but my OCD tells me differently. Sometimes I will get a violent thought when I am standing near someone and I will not hurt them, but I will quickly walk away to avoid any chance of ever acting on my thought/urge.

Ok, here's the weirdest part: Later on, after I have walked far away from people in order to avoid hurting them, I believe that I actually did hurt someone after all, and that my memory of avoiding him/her is a false memory, or I just forgot the true memory of actually harming the person in question. I truly have believed many times that I was a murderer, despite tons of evidence to the contrary. Looking back, I realized I've wasted so much time believing I'd done something terrible and waiting to be locked up forever. However, at the time, my beliefs were unshakeable and persisted despite all the evidence that my family/friends/counselor threw at me to try to convince me that I had done nothing wrong.

My questions are: Does anyone else with harm OCD have a symptom like mine (believing something obviously false)? Do you think it's more of a psychotic delusion or just a false belief brought on by excessive anxiety (keep in mind I do have a psychotic disorder as well)?

I am wondering because my pdoc has not said anything about this particular symptom.

[alienonite]

Thanks for the reply. I usually think of delusions as believing you're Jesus Christ or something similarly impossible. I wasn't completely sure if delusions could be connected to my OCD thoughts, but it makes sense.

Edited by alienonite, 01 March 2010 - 01:56 PM.

[Swamp56]

The 1st part sounds like OCD.

If you were afraid that you had hurt someone, then the 2nd part could be categorized into OCD-type thinking. If you truly believed it, then it's possible that it was a delusion. Please note, however, that OCD and psychosis can be intertwined.

[alienonite]

A lot of the time, it was both. Sometimes I would think "what if I hurt that person" and sometimes I truly believed that I had hurt somebody, or that I probably had. My antipsychotic is helping with this symptom, so my OCD may indeed involve psychosis.

Edited by alienonite, 02 March 2010 - 09:41 PM.

[alienonite]

I think my OCD may involve hallucinations as well. Whenever I think I may have harmed someone I hear police/ambulance sirens. Coincidence? Maybe, I'm not sure. When my OCD started to improve at school I was hearing less sirens.

[pepperrae]

That is something I have brought up with several doctors because some of my obsessions are so fantastical that you'd think you'd have to be psychotic to have them. However, I have been assured that they are OCD. I'm not saying you may not have an underlying psychotic disorder, I noticed you listed schizoaffective disorder as one of your diagonsises (spelling?). But, your fear of harming obsession is so classical you could find it listed in any textbook on OCD. Extremely, extremely common type of OCD with an absolutely classic presentation. They feel real at the time, which is why you would think you were psychotic, but after you have calmed down in your heart you know you don't believe it. You just can't be sure.

[alienonite]

That is something I have brought up with several doctors because some of my obsessions are so fantastical that you'd think you'd have to be psychotic to have them. However, I have been assured that they are OCD. I'm not saying you may not have an underlying psychotic disorder, I noticed you listed schizoaffective disorder as one of your diagonsises (spelling?). But, your fear of harming obsession is so classical you could find it listed in any textbook on OCD. Extremely, extremely common type of OCD with an absolutely classic presentation. They feel real at the time, which is why you would think you were psychotic, but after you have calmed down in your heart you know you don't believe it. You just can't be sure.

You may be right. My new pdoc write down that my OCD fears were at the delusional level, but my psychotherapist thinks its classic OCD. She said that severe untreated OCD can lead to a "loss of contact with reality" but that it doesn't necessarily mean that people with OCD and "delusions" are psychotic, or have a psychotic disorder (I do, but that's beside the point).

[rowen]

You can be a member of this site and receive PM's from other members. Or post on the forums. I don't see a lot of folks open to disclosing their personal e-mail addresses.

[Bribarian]

Hi,

I'm trying to pin down one of my major symptoms that can and has completely impaired my life. My OCD revolves around harm, such as fears that I will harm someone, violent thoughts of harming someone, and even urges to harm someone. I don't think I want to hurt anyone, but my OCD tells me differently. Sometimes I will get a violent thought when I am standing near someone and I will not hurt them, but I will quickly walk away to avoid any chance of ever acting on my thought/urge.

Ok, here's the weirdest part: Later on, after I have walked far away from people in order to avoid hurting them, I believe that I actually did hurt someone after all, and that my memory of avoiding him/her is a false memory, or I just forgot the true memory of actually harming the person in question. I truly have believed many times that I was a murderer, despite tons of evidence to the contrary. Looking back, I realized I've wasted so much time believing I'd done something terrible and waiting to be locked up forever. However, at the time, my beliefs were unshakeable and persisted despite all the evidence that my family/friends/counselor threw at me to try to convince me that I had done nothing wrong.

My questions are: Does anyone else with harm OCD have a symptom like mine (believing something obviously false)? Do you think it's more of a psychotic delusion or just a false belief brought on by excessive anxiety (keep in mind I do have a psychotic disorder as well)?

I am wondering because my pdoc has not said anything about this particular symptom.

I feel for you alien, I have the same thoughts, I was standing behind my father at dinner and I was sure I was going to stab him in the back of the head. I never do these things, but I always think them.

I haven't had it yet to where I was sure I DID do it, but I have heard that people with OCD have that symptom to where they'll turn their car around just to make sure they didn't do it. Not sure if it's psychosis, sounds like OCD, but I'm no doctor.

I think most people with OCD believe things that are false.

[bpladybug]

Hi,

I'm trying to pin down one of my major symptoms that can and has completely impaired my life. My OCD revolves around harm, such as fears that I will harm someone, violent thoughts of harming someone, and even urges to harm someone. I don't think I want to hurt anyone, but my OCD tells me differently. Sometimes I will get a violent thought when I am standing near someone and I will not hurt them, but I will quickly walk away to avoid any chance of ever acting on my thought/urge.

Ok, here's the weirdest part: Later on, after I have walked far away from people in order to avoid hurting them, I believe that I actually did hurt someone after all, and that my memory of avoiding him/her is a false memory, or I just forgot the true memory of actually harming the person in question. I truly have believed many times that I was a murderer, despite tons of evidence to the contrary. Looking back, I realized I've wasted so much time believing I'd done something terrible and waiting to be locked up forever. However, at the time, my beliefs were unshakeable and persisted despite all the evidence that my family/friends/counselor threw at me to try to convince me that I had done nothing wrong.

My questions are: Does anyone else with harm OCD have a symptom like mine (believing something obviously false)? Do you think it's more of a psychotic delusion or just a false belief brought on by excessive anxiety (keep in mind I do have a psychotic disorder as well)?

I am wondering because my pdoc has not said anything about this particular symptom.

I have had a lot of exposure to OCD and the OCD Foundation. Gone to lots of support meetings. This is definitely OCD. The best treatment is Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy with an expert therapist. I don't think it is a psychotic delusion. It is an OCD rumination. I am so sorry that you suffer from this. www.beckinstitute.org

[nicole]

I dont know if anyone will respond to my comment as it has been over two years since the original post.

In the past month and a half, I have expierenced severe OCD- harming thoughts etc.

Everyday I wake up cycling through the same thought pattern.. it;s exhausting and quite frankly scary.

I am a bit concerned because when I first went to my doctor I told her I was feeling anxious all the time but didnt get into the details of why.. I gave her an example of when my dad told me not to turn onn the inside lights because it might electricute him outside and I worried about that so much/obsessed.

She put me on Celexa 20 mg.. I have been on it for a month.. but I feel like my obsessions are getting worse.. or at least becoming somewhat delusional. One replacing another.

Does anyone have suggestions for medications for my OCD thoughts/delusions that have worked for them?

It makes me feel so alone.

[Wooster]

Cognitive behavioral therapy... I know I say this a lot... but learning how to challenge my thoughts has been more helpful than any particular medication for my worries about bad things happening, or causing bad things to happen.