[neveralone]

even my best friends - one a nurse and one a doctor -don't realize how much i drink. i even lie to my docs. i have like 5 glasses of wine (at least) when i drink at least 5 days a week - sometimes more..... i work in the medical profession .....(and fyi i do not work directly with patients - it's administrative) know this is not good... it takes me at least that much to feel like i can go to bed. my marriage sucks - but i don't know if this thinking is my major depression, drinking, or reality.....meds not right maybe? thank God i have not missed work, gotten a DUI, or hurt my kids, etc... i LOVE my kids - is there anyone else out there who knows they drink too much and knows it fucks with their depression, etc... i feel like when the slightest mention of this to a doc, counselor, etc... has resulted in negative attitudes..... anyone feel this way too?

[grousemouse]

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. You are very much not alone with your problem. I hid my drinking for YEARS and no-one suspected. I almost felt annoyed that no-one had noticed because I became so sloppy about it in the last few years. It all seemed to be about creativity in hiding bottles etc.

I stopped finally with the support of my family. One day I just phoned my sister, blurted out that I had a drinking problem and was coming over. Then I drove over (no, not while intoxicated), sat on her couch and told her everything.

In retrospect I realise that I drank because of my depression - to escape. It was always very private drinking and it was always to escape.

By that point however I was already on meds and in counselling and I know what you mean about negative attitudes towards the drinking. My GP told me that no therapist would take me seriously until I had quit drinking. So that was the point I finally quit.

grouse.

[ehygon]

In the past, I had a huge issue with drinking. I was drinking amounts that left me barely conscious, unable to open my eyes or sit up. I got the disdainful reaction from a therapist, who kindly gave a rehab center my contact information (when i was under age and living at home! nice to get those messages from your parents). I realized that my drinking (and drug use) was at the cost of getting help with my mental health issues, and I stopped. My advice would be to keep trying to find someone knowledgeable about addiction who is willing to help you stop, if that is indeed what you want. Not everyone will turn you away; the job title 'addictions counselor' does not describe someone who talks exclusively to people who already have control over addiction issues.

Best of luck

[r.mcmurphy]

it's a bitch when we use alc. as a sleeping agent . it works but makes for really compromised sleep .
no doubt you have read all the ' you have a drinking problem..if..' material . what i believe is really damaging to a problem drinker who won't quit is the cost to one's integrity . i mean how can the interior conflict not suffer depression when at one moment it is 'i am gonna quit' and the next moment one caves into the unspeakable pleasure of it .

compared to me, your consumption is chicken scratch - won't do a tune on your liver and so forth . but particularly if your marital partner calls you on it-you have to consider that the family is gonna be torn apart . even at that you can only quit to make yourself whole .

wish your wino ass the best in this struggle that so many in so many cultures endure .

p.s. when you grow up you can graduate to everclear (190 proof grain alc.)

[neveralone]

really, you didn't have to put in ( ) what everclear is...! i'm almost 40 and have been there and done that like 20 years ago. LOL


thank you all for your comments. i really appreciate them and it helps to hear from others who have struggled with the same stuff.

[r.mcmurphy]

" really, you didn't have to put in ( ) what everclear is...." it is part of my everyday beverage consumption and because of blue laws it is not available in more stodgy states . makes a dandy drink for me and is so economical . did not mean to denigrate your ethyl connoisseur mastery . after all i have only been hitting it since i was 58 yrs of age with no looking back .