[NaturaLeigh]

During our appt this week, my psychiatrist actually asked if I'd ever had my brain examined after I spent 5 minutes updating him on my moods. wtf? I thought that was his job! I feel a "not otherwise specified" diagnosis coming my way...

Anyway, it made me think of all the stupid/insane comments I've heard from doctors who are supposed to be smarter than me. Suddenly I heard this strange noise..... and then realized that, for the first time in a ridiculously long time, I was laughing!

So, I pose the question to you all: What are some of your favorite stupid/funny/crazy doctor quotes? I know you all must have a few doozies! Perhaps we can help each other laugh a little!

[crtclms]

Actually, he may have been asking you if you had had any brain imaging procedures, like an MRI, or a CT Scan. MRIs are used fairly frequently in new patient work-ups, they want to rule out any growths. So it does sound weird out of context, but I think that he meant had you had your brain imaged, not that you should have your head examined.

[Emettman]

"I got the results of your brain scan back: they didn't find anything." (genuine)

[isis]

" Wow you really are weird "

[Odille]

I haven't had any funny quotables yet but I love the way he went blundering through the typical 'assessment' questions in a really dry tone: "Does the radio ever talk to you? Have you ever have any contact with aliens?" It was like a comedy sketch.

Also, he *really* needs to learn the meaning of some modern day shorthand terms: "meh" "blah" and "fuxing my perceptions".


Disclaimer: Yes, I know it's my job to explain my feelings and emotions to him; it was just funny, that's all.

[tryp]

"Ewww"

"You'd make a good porno writer"

Those are my tops right now

[DarkendHour]

"now that is interesting"

[rowen]

"She's alive!"

(When he saw my daughter - I had postpartum something or another)

[dianthus]

tryp, on 20 March 2010 - 10:23 AM, said:

"You'd make a good porno writer"

I think my response to that would be, "you're fired."

[Inspired_Neurosis]

When I was 11: "Don't you think that your parents divorced because of you?"

My response didn't help my argument at the time that I didn't have impulse control issues...

[isis]

my pdoc also obviously has a fascination for basketball cos i went to a 30 min session once in my runners and he spent pretty much the whole time talking about how they looked like the perfect colours his team had and was i affiliated with them? it was a totally surreal moment where i suddenly wondered if he was a bit delusional.

he also doesnt understand most of technology. cant use his phone, dont think he gets the fax, and stuff like forums online and instant messaging had to be explained in simple terms.

[gizmo]

I once had a pdoc had me come outside to talk to him while he had a cigarette. I mean, the dude was as nice as could be, but he had to get his fix during my time?

[lavender]

Here's one for you... at age 16 I'm at the gynecologist after being brutally raped (complete with broken beer bottle held at my neck, clothes set on fire and more, too personal to mention) As I'm describing the attack to the Dr, he replies: "Well, how did you let THAT happen?"

BASTARD!!!!!

[tryp]

lavender, on 21 March 2010 - 03:52 PM, said:

Here's one for you... at age 16 I'm at the gynecologist after being brutally raped (complete with broken beer bottle held at my neck, clothes set on fire and more, too personal to mention) As I'm describing the attack to the Dr, he replies: "Well, how did you let THAT happen?"

BASTARD!!!!!

Fuck, that doctor should be taken outside and shot. That's one of the worst things I've heard.

[NaturaLeigh]

lavender, on 21 March 2010 - 03:52 PM, said:

Here's one for you... at age 16 I'm at the gynecologist after being brutally raped (complete with broken beer bottle held at my neck, clothes set on fire and more, too personal to mention) As I'm describing the attack to the Dr, he replies: "Well, how did you let THAT happen?"

BASTARD!!!!!

OMG! Thats beyond terrible! Docs with bedside manners like those should not be allowed to see patients. I hope you kicked him. I also hope you are recovering from such a horrible experience!

[withing]

This one isn't as bad as lavender's...

When I was about 16 I carved my initials into my arm in a rebellious rage against my stepfather (my initials were not his, dammit!) and during one of the three family therapy sessions we had, the pdoc noticed them (still scabbed over) and the other (fresher) cuts on my arms. He asked me about it, and I told him that I "felt like" doing it.

A look of total disgust came over his face and he said, "does that give you pleasure?" in a horrified voice.

Even back then I thought that was completely unprofessional even though I was mortified by his reaction.

[Sam_I_Am]

"Most women that were sexually abused end up becoming bipolar "-- a pdoc I saw once (and only once)
"The lower your weight, the higher your dose"-- a psychAPRN I saw for a few months (when trying to justify why she wanted me to take above the maximum dose of Zoloft)

[DarkendHour]

"I could give you pills to fix this problem right away but I can't because you will go all crazy. Here use shampoo instead" said by a GP in reference to a skin problem

[seraphina]

Nothing very interesting, I've had really boring docs and therapists although when I was 15 my court ordered therapist called me a "spoiled little bitch". Such a lovely women no wonder I refused to see any therapist for years.