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Thoughts of hurting others or self


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#1 Bribarian

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Posted 12 July 2010 - 09:37 PM

This symptom has been distressing me a lot lately. This thought that I'm going to snap and hurt my dog or family. It gets really bad and the thoughts are very morbid.

It gets so bad that I've even considered being locked up to keep everyone safe.

When does it cross the line from OCD to psychosis I wonder?

My Pdoc's nurse said the thoughts about losing control and stabbing someone is a psychotic symptom that goes beyond OCD. However, the OCD book I'm reading says the opposite, it's an ocd symptom.

Edited by Bribarian, 12 July 2010 - 09:40 PM.

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#2 Velvet Elvis

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Posted 12 July 2010 - 09:59 PM

If you're scared you're going to do but realize it's irrational and that you don't want to do it, it's OCD. As long as "reality testing" is intact, it's not psychosis. As long as you know that you really don't want to do those things, it's not psychosis.

Dr Hyman whose book I swear by has termed OCD "the doubting disease." It plants little "what if" questions in your brain that fuck with you until you go nuts. What if I hurt someone? What if I'm going to hell? What if I left the stove on? What if I've covered in germs? What if I'm a child molester, etc.

You realistically know that the answer to all of these questions is "no" that you aren't, and will not, but the questions still just bugger away at your soul.

See if you can get a copy of that workbook where you are. It's done more good for me than any med or therapist.

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#3 rowen

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Posted 12 July 2010 - 10:03 PM

FWIW, I've had similar thoughts when my obsessions are out of control. I wrote about them in gory detail once, before I realized it wasn't normal, and I presented it in a writing workshop. People were quite offended.

It's scary, but it's not real. Hope some med tweaking helps out.
I have been every flavor of Bipolar, and have now come back to Mood Disorder NOS. Heh. Also, OCD and working on AvPD
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#4 bpladybug

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Posted 12 July 2010 - 11:39 PM

This symptom has been distressing me a lot lately. This thought that I'm going to snap and hurt my dog or family. It gets really bad and the thoughts are very morbid.

It gets so bad that I've even considered being locked up to keep everyone safe.

When does it cross the line from OCD to psychosis I wonder?

My Pdoc's nurse said the thoughts about losing control and stabbing someone is a psychotic symptom that goes beyond OCD. However, the OCD book I'm reading says the opposite, it's an ocd symptom.



It is definitely OCD, as long as you feel some sort of guilt or shame then you are dealing with OCD. The OCD is torturing you with these horrible ruminating thoughts. If God is telling you to pick up a knife and ......... then it is Psychosis. The best treatment for this is CBT. www.beckinstitute.org I am so sorry this is tormenting you.

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#5 klingon001

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 07:23 AM

...


Edited by klingon001, 02 April 2014 - 02:06 PM.


#6 itsbrendawalsh

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 11:28 AM

My very good friend committed suicide two years ago. Ever since then, I have been obsessed with the idea of causing other people to do the same.

Sometimes I walk the streets just waiting for someone to make one wrong move...maybe they'll not see me crossing the street in front of their car and inch forward a bit (this is a HUGE trigger) and I'll start screaming at them like an insane person...insulting their shitty car, calling them fat or ugly...whatever negative I can see that they might be self conscious about. It can be as simple as a person bumping into me at the wrong moment. I don't necessarily need provocation at all. I might just be in a mood and decide to inform somebody that she is a disgusting fat pig. (I have a lot of hatred for overweight people). As long as I think I can stay anonymous, nothing gives me bigger thrills than really sticking it to somebody good. In my imagination, my words hurt them deeply. It ruins their day. My words stick with them because they think "why would a stranger with no motive say such things if they aren't true?" And then hopefully, down the line, my insults are powerful enough to push them to self hate and ultimately suicide.

Could I possibly be a bigger asshole?

I can't stop! I just want other people to be miserable like me. If somebody who I loved could feel so much pain that they ended their own life, these other people...whose lives I simply don't value at the point, ought to suffer in the same way.

I think this is a little different than what you are describing because I hear that the rest of you feel anxiety at the thought of hurting another person. I only wish I had more opportunities to hurt. I only wish that I was quicker, smarter and more convincing. I wish people would fuck with me more often so that I could get out my feelings of rage.

Do you mainly feel like hurting strangers or people you know?

I usually get my aggression out on strangers because I don't have to feel badly for them. I also don't need to worry about being punished for my behavior as long as nobody recognizes me. That being said, there are a few individuals that have become such a focus of my hatred that I'd even want to be recognized as having scarred them for life. I couldn't hurt them badly enough. They deserve every ounce of meanness that I've got in me. If only I could assure that I wouldn't be sued or otherwise held accountable...

I know at the bottom of this compulsion is just a pathetic and deeply hurt little girl who lacks the power to control her own life, let alone those of others. But I can't stop my thoughts. That's OCD.

I've been kicked out of suicide chat rooms for trying to goad people into "going for it." This is not just a fantasy. I assume that I would feel badly if anyone listened to my advice and decided to snuff it. Well, most people, anyway...i think..........

I have never really felt the urge to hit or otherwise physically harm another person myself. Bruises heal. I want to destroy someone's life.

I think what I'm experiencing is a combination of my personality disorder and OCD. The feelings might be there because of borderline personality disorder, but the OCD drives me to act.

Anyway, the big big big picture is that my OCD is very focused on death...my own death and that of others. I can't sleep at night sometimes unless I've watched a graphic documentary on some atrocity. Death is at the ultimate end of pretty much every trail of thought that I have.

I wish I had some insight or advice to share about this topic, but OCD seems to be the biggest and worst facet of my mental illness. Whenever I make progress with one compulsion, I find that I'm over my head in another and didn't even see it coming. This latest one is just sick. Why can't I just be obsessive about cleaning house? Why can't I just be satisfied to step over the cracks on the sidewalk? Why can't my OCD be useful or simply quirky? Am I going to die from this?

I feel completely helpless

#7 The Emperor

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 12:22 PM

I went through an entire summer like that when I was thirteen. I was afraid I was going to end up killing my entire family. I never told anyone about, but I obsessed over that for three freaking months.

It happened again when I had my baby.

I agree with what's already been said about it- if you're AFRAID of doing these things and don't want to do them, then it's OCD. Also, if you're so scared of doing them- YOU AREN'T GOING TO DO THEM.

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#8 mika

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 04:01 PM

This happens to me all the time. Suicidal or homicidal. I would want to call 911 and ask them to put me in restraints. I ended up always solving my suffering by overloading myself with APs and benzos (not good).

3 months ago, I was so frightened that I was going to murder my parents. I eventually snapped and threw my mother down the stairs. She could have died. I ended up in the psych hospital for 2 months. They made me take a neuropsych exam to see if I was psychotic. I wasn't. It ended up being serious dissociative symptoms of PTSD and not OCD or schizophrenia. Those were all ruled out by this test.

If you have OCD though, it is probably from that. If you think you NEED to be sure, ask you pdoc if you can take a neuropsych exam to make sure it isn't psychosis.

The mind is very powerful. Our thoughts are strong and the extreme thoughts, like the ones you are having, rarely ever happen. Hopefully you can ease you mind by knowing that.
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#9 Bribarian

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 06:40 PM

My Pdoc's nurse seemed to think it was psychosis, because I have a lot thoughts about stabbing along with dissociation, but I seem to be improving on Zyprexa. She doesn't think I'm psychotic now, only that I may have gone through an episode.

Unfortunately I still have the shitty thoughts.
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#10 Cyberchondriac

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 07:55 PM

I go through the same thing with my OCD. It usually revolves around snapping, losing control, and hurting strangers standing/walking near me. Like thinking of pushing them into traffic or in front of train.


Sounds like me. Some days I wont go outside, because I'm afraid that if I do, I'm going to hurt someone. Badly. I get uncontrollably angry at strangers for merely existing.

Today I was at the welfare office, and I was terribly afraid that I'd end up hurting the receptionist Just the sight of her was making me feel as though I could snap out at any moment and do something to hurt her. It was awful.
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#11 chimpmaster

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Posted 13 July 2010 - 11:05 PM

Yes there is definitely a cross over between OCD & Psychosis. I am a classic example of that.

I think its important that we dont get to hung up on labels- they are only names given to a group of symptoms, and as you have discovered, you dont clearly fit the criteria for either condition, or indeed you fit the criteria for both.

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#12 llama44

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Posted 19 July 2010 - 10:06 AM

I get these thoughts too. (although meds have helped a lot)

I think the crossover to psychosis (vs. OCD) would be something like what happened to me. I thought I actually did strangle someone and that spirits were taking thoughts/putting thoughts in my head that made me forget what I did. I felt really guilty and suicidal at times over this.
Diagnoses: Schizoaffective Bipolar Type ("Significant, Severe, Chronic, and Clear Cut"), Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Anorexia (in remission; dx in early teen years), OCD (dx in early teen years)

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Some days are better than others, but I do what I can.

How I'm doing now: I am down and am suicidal. I want to stay in bed forever. I never want to leave the apartment. The voices have been really bothering me. They also put thoughts in my head that aren't mine. They do this to torture me constantly. It is never silent.

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 12:07 AM

My very good friend committed suicide two years ago. Ever since then, I have been obsessed with the idea of causing other people to do the same.

Sometimes I walk the streets just waiting for someone to make one wrong move...maybe they'll not see me crossing the street in front of their car and inch forward a bit (this is a HUGE trigger) and I'll start screaming at them like an insane person...insulting their shitty car, calling them fat or ugly...whatever negative I can see that they might be self conscious about. It can be as simple as a person bumping into me at the wrong moment. I don't necessarily need provocation at all. I might just be in a mood and decide to inform somebody that she is a disgusting fat pig. (I have a lot of hatred for overweight people). As long as I think I can stay anonymous, nothing gives me bigger thrills than really sticking it to somebody good. In my imagination, my words hurt them deeply. It ruins their day. My words stick with them because they think "why would a stranger with no motive say such things if they aren't true?" And then hopefully, down the line, my insults are powerful enough to push them to self hate and ultimately suicide.

Could I possibly be a bigger asshole?

I can't stop! I just want other people to be miserable like me. If somebody who I loved could feel so much pain that they ended their own life, these other people...whose lives I simply don't value at the point, ought to suffer in the same way.

I think this is a little different than what you are describing because I hear that the rest of you feel anxiety at the thought of hurting another person. I only wish I had more opportunities to hurt. I only wish that I was quicker, smarter and more convincing. I wish people would fuck with me more often so that I could get out my feelings of rage.

Do you mainly feel like hurting strangers or people you know?

I usually get my aggression out on strangers because I don't have to feel badly for them. I also don't need to worry about being punished for my behavior as long as nobody recognizes me. That being said, there are a few individuals that have become such a focus of my hatred that I'd even want to be recognized as having scarred them for life. I couldn't hurt them badly enough. They deserve every ounce of meanness that I've got in me. If only I could assure that I wouldn't be sued or otherwise held accountable...

I know at the bottom of this compulsion is just a pathetic and deeply hurt little girl who lacks the power to control her own life, let alone those of others. But I can't stop my thoughts. That's OCD.

I've been kicked out of suicide chat rooms for trying to goad people into "going for it." This is not just a fantasy. I assume that I would feel badly if anyone listened to my advice and decided to snuff it. Well, most people, anyway...i think..........

I have never really felt the urge to hit or otherwise physically harm another person myself. Bruises heal. I want to destroy someone's life.

I think what I'm experiencing is a combination of my personality disorder and OCD. The feelings might be there because of borderline personality disorder, but the OCD drives me to act.

Anyway, the big big big picture is that my OCD is very focused on death...my own death and that of others. I can't sleep at night sometimes unless I've watched a graphic documentary on some atrocity. Death is at the ultimate end of pretty much every trail of thought that I have.

I wish I had some insight or advice to share about this topic, but OCD seems to be the biggest and worst facet of my mental illness. Whenever I make progress with one compulsion, I find that I'm over my head in another and didn't even see it coming. This latest one is just sick. Why can't I just be obsessive about cleaning house? Why can't I just be satisfied to step over the cracks on the sidewalk? Why can't my OCD be useful or simply quirky? Am I going to die from this?

I feel completely helpless



#14 Guest_hue_*

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 01:06 AM

[quote name='hue' timestamp='1293080847' post='450949']
[quote name='itsbrendawalsh' timestamp='1279038529' post='420424']
My very good friend committed suicide two years ago. Ever since then, I have been obsessed with the idea of causing other people to do the same.

Sometimes I walk the streets just waiting for someone to make one wrong move...maybe they'll not see me crossing the street in front of their car and inch forward a bit (this is a HUGE trigger) and I'll start screaming at them like an insane person...insulting their shitty car, calling them fat or ugly...whatever negative I can see that they might be self conscious about. It can be as simple as a person bumping into me at the wrong moment. I don't necessarily need provocation at all. I might just be in a mood and decide to inform somebody that she is a disgusting fat pig. (I have a lot of hatred for overweight people). As long as I think I can stay anonymous, nothing gives me bigger thrills than really sticking it to somebody good. In my imagination, my words hurt them deeply. It ruins their day. My words stick with them because they think "why would a stranger with no motive say such things if they aren't true?" And then hopefully, down the line, my insults are powerful enough to push them to self hate and ultimately suicide.

Could I possibly be a bigger asshole?

I can't stop! I just want other people to be miserable like me. If somebody who I loved could feel so much pain that they ended their own life, these other people...whose lives I simply don't value at the point, ought to suffer in the same way.

I think this is a little different than what you are describing because I hear that the rest of you feel anxiety at the thought of hurting another person. I only wish I had more opportunities to hurt. I only wish that I was quicker, smarter and more convincing. I wish people would fuck with me more often so that I could get out my feelings of rage.

Do you mainly feel like hurting strangers or people you know?

I usually get my aggression out on strangers because I don't have to feel badly for them. I also don't need to worry about being punished for my behavior as long as nobody recognizes me. That being said, there are a few individuals that have become such a focus of my hatred that I'd even want to be recognized as having scarred them for life. I couldn't hurt them badly enough. They deserve every ounce of meanness that I've got in me. If only I could assure that I wouldn't be sued or otherwise held accountable...

I know at the bottom of this compulsion is just a pathetic and deeply hurt little girl who lacks the power to control her own life, let alone those of others. But I can't stop my thoughts. That's OCD.

I've been kicked out of suicide chat rooms for trying to goad people into "going for it." This is not just a fantasy. I assume that I would feel badly if anyone listened to my advice and decided to snuff it. Well, most people, anyway...i think..........

I have never really felt the urge to hit or otherwise physically harm another person myself. Bruises heal. I want to destroy someone's life.

I think what I'm experiencing is a combination of my personality disorder and OCD. The feelings might be there because of borderline personality disorder, but the OCD drives me to act.

Anyway, the big big big picture is that my OCD is very focused on death...my own death and that of others. I can't sleep at night sometimes unless I've watched a graphic documentary on some atrocity. Death is at the ultimate end of pretty much every trail of thought that I have.

I wish I had some insight or advice to share about this topic, but OCD seems to be the biggest and worst facet of my mental illness. Whenever I make progress with one compulsion, I find that I'm over my head in another and didn't even see it coming. This latest one is just sick. Why can't I just be obsessive about cleaning house? Why can't I just be satisfied to step over the cracks on the sidewalk? Why can't my OCD be useful or simply quirky? Am I going to die from this?

I feel completely helpless
Dear brendelwalsh, this is all OCD, I have read your symptoms and what you feel like and maybe the thoughts of oh that person really deserves 'such and such' are feelings that you think to get off your rage which may not be caused but might just be there, but the actions are all plainly OCD. You're not an asshole, you're just upset and OCDish, I also have OCD. i think what you need and I mean this literally, is either someone to talk to, or a therapist, (a stranger that you don't know, or someone you're comfortable talking to, someone who you look at as older and smarter to some extent). You're not hopeless, the answer is to remind yourself that the less you think of yourself in a bad way, because you're not, the actions will go away. Bear with me, please.

#15 Guest_hue_*

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 01:07 AM

[quote name='hue' timestamp='1293080847' post='450949']
[quote name='itsbrendawalsh' timestamp='1279038529' post='420424']
My very good friend committed suicide two years ago. Ever since then, I have been obsessed with the idea of causing other people to do the same.

Sometimes I walk the streets just waiting for someone to make one wrong move...maybe they'll not see me crossing the street in front of their car and inch forward a bit (this is a HUGE trigger) and I'll start screaming at them like an insane person...insulting their shitty car, calling them fat or ugly...whatever negative I can see that they might be self conscious about. It can be as simple as a person bumping into me at the wrong moment. I don't necessarily need provocation at all. I might just be in a mood and decide to inform somebody that she is a disgusting fat pig. (I have a lot of hatred for overweight people). As long as I think I can stay anonymous, nothing gives me bigger thrills than really sticking it to somebody good. In my imagination, my words hurt them deeply. It ruins their day. My words stick with them because they think "why would a stranger with no motive say such things if they aren't true?" And then hopefully, down the line, my insults are powerful enough to push them to self hate and ultimately suicide.

Could I possibly be a bigger asshole?

I can't stop! I just want other people to be miserable like me. If somebody who I loved could feel so much pain that they ended their own life, these other people...whose lives I simply don't value at the point, ought to suffer in the same way.

I think this is a little different than what you are describing because I hear that the rest of you feel anxiety at the thought of hurting another person. I only wish I had more opportunities to hurt. I only wish that I was quicker, smarter and more convincing. I wish people would fuck with me more often so that I could get out my feelings of rage.

Do you mainly feel like hurting strangers or people you know?

I usually get my aggression out on strangers because I don't have to feel badly for them. I also don't need to worry about being punished for my behavior as long as nobody recognizes me. That being said, there are a few individuals that have become such a focus of my hatred that I'd even want to be recognized as having scarred them for life. I couldn't hurt them badly enough. They deserve every ounce of meanness that I've got in me. If only I could assure that I wouldn't be sued or otherwise held accountable...

I know at the bottom of this compulsion is just a pathetic and deeply hurt little girl who lacks the power to control her own life, let alone those of others. But I can't stop my thoughts. That's OCD.

I've been kicked out of suicide chat rooms for trying to goad people into "going for it." This is not just a fantasy. I assume that I would feel badly if anyone listened to my advice and decided to snuff it. Well, most people, anyway...i think..........

I have never really felt the urge to hit or otherwise physically harm another person myself. Bruises heal. I want to destroy someone's life.

I think what I'm experiencing is a combination of my personality disorder and OCD. The feelings might be there because of borderline personality disorder, but the OCD drives me to act.

Anyway, the big big big picture is that my OCD is very focused on death...my own death and that of others. I can't sleep at night sometimes unless I've watched a graphic documentary on some atrocity. Death is at the ultimate end of pretty much every trail of thought that I have.

I wish I had some insight or advice to share about this topic, but OCD seems to be the biggest and worst facet of my mental illness. Whenever I make progress with one compulsion, I find that I'm over my head in another and didn't even see it coming. This latest one is just sick. Why can't I just be obsessive about cleaning house? Why can't I just be satisfied to step over the cracks on the sidewalk? Why can't my OCD be useful or simply quirky? Am I going to die from this?

I feel completely helpless
Dear brendelwalsh, this is all OCD, I have read your symptoms and what you feel like and maybe the thoughts of oh that person really deserves 'such and such' are feelings that you think to get off your rage which may not be caused but might just be there, but the actions are all plainly OCD. You're not an asshole, you're just upset and OCDish, I also have OCD. i think what you need and I mean this literally, is either someone to talk to, or a therapist, (a stranger that you don't know, or someone you're comfortable talking to, someone who you look at as older and smarter to some extent). You're not hopeless, the answer is to remind yourself that the less you think of yourself in a bad way, because you're not, the actions will go away. Bear with me.

#16 Guest_hue_*

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 01:09 AM

[quote name='hue' timestamp='1293080847' post='450949']
[quote name='itsbrendawalsh' timestamp='1279038529' post='420424']
My very good friend committed suicide two years ago. Ever since then, I have been obsessed with the idea of causing other people to do the same.

Sometimes I walk the streets just waiting for someone to make one wrong move...maybe they'll not see me crossing the street in front of their car and inch forward a bit (this is a HUGE trigger) and I'll start screaming at them like an insane person...insulting their shitty car, calling them fat or ugly...whatever negative I can see that they might be self conscious about. It can be as simple as a person bumping into me at the wrong moment. I don't necessarily need provocation at all. I might just be in a mood and decide to inform somebody that she is a disgusting fat pig. (I have a lot of hatred for overweight people). As long as I think I can stay anonymous, nothing gives me bigger thrills than really sticking it to somebody good. In my imagination, my words hurt them deeply. It ruins their day. My words stick with them because they think "why would a stranger with no motive say such things if they aren't true?" And then hopefully, down the line, my insults are powerful enough to push them to self hate and ultimately suicide.

Could I possibly be a bigger asshole?

I can't stop! I just want other people to be miserable like me. If somebody who I loved could feel so much pain that they ended their own life, these other people...whose lives I simply don't value at the point, ought to suffer in the same way.

I think this is a little different than what you are describing because I hear that the rest of you feel anxiety at the thought of hurting another person. I only wish I had more opportunities to hurt. I only wish that I was quicker, smarter and more convincing. I wish people would fuck with me more often so that I could get out my feelings of rage.

Do you mainly feel like hurting strangers or people you know?

I usually get my aggression out on strangers because I don't have to feel badly for them. I also don't need to worry about being punished for my behavior as long as nobody recognizes me. That being said, there are a few individuals that have become such a focus of my hatred that I'd even want to be recognized as having scarred them for life. I couldn't hurt them badly enough. They deserve every ounce of meanness that I've got in me. If only I could assure that I wouldn't be sued or otherwise held accountable...

I know at the bottom of this compulsion is just a pathetic and deeply hurt little girl who lacks the power to control her own life, let alone those of others. But I can't stop my thoughts. That's OCD.

I've been kicked out of suicide chat rooms for trying to goad people into "going for it." This is not just a fantasy. I assume that I would feel badly if anyone listened to my advice and decided to snuff it. Well, most people, anyway...i think..........

I have never really felt the urge to hit or otherwise physically harm another person myself. Bruises heal. I want to destroy someone's life.

I think what I'm experiencing is a combination of my personality disorder and OCD. The feelings might be there because of borderline personality disorder, but the OCD drives me to act.

Anyway, the big big big picture is that my OCD is very focused on death...my own death and that of others. I can't sleep at night sometimes unless I've watched a graphic documentary on some atrocity. Death is at the ultimate end of pretty much every trail of thought that I have.

I wish I had some insight or advice to share about this topic, but OCD seems to be the biggest and worst facet of my mental illness. Whenever I make progress with one compulsion, I find that I'm over my head in another and didn't even see it coming. This latest one is just sick. Why can't I just be obsessive about cleaning house? Why can't I just be satisfied to step over the cracks on the sidewalk? Why can't my OCD be useful or simply quirky? Am I going to die from this?

I feel completely helpless
Dear brendelwalsh, this is all OCD, I have read your symptoms and what you feel like and maybe the thoughts of oh that person really deserves 'such and such' are feelings that you think to get off your rage which may not be caused but might just be there, but the actions are all plainly OCD. You're not an asshole, you're just upset and OCDish, I also have OCD. i think what you need and I mean this literally, is either someone to talk to, or a therapist, (a stranger that you don't know, or someone you're comfortable talking to, someone who you look at as older and smarter to some extent). You're not hopeless, the answer is to remind yourself that the less you think of yourself in a bad way, because you're not, the actions will go away. Bear with me.





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