19 replies to this topic

[divinedesign21]

When I get angry at someone else or myself, I hit myself repeatedly in the head. I guess it's a form of self-punishment. I've made a lot of really stupid decisions over the past year and I feel completely helpless and trapped.

Now I'm living in Chicago and I don't have a doctor here. Just got here 2 weeks ago. I guess I could call my pdoc in Florida, but he's such an asswipe he'd probably say something stupid like, "I need to see you."

I need help!

[RoseDropper]

When I get angry at someone else or myself, I hit myself repeatedly in the head. I guess it's a form of self-punishment. I've made a lot of really stupid decisions over the past year and I feel completely helpless and trapped.

Now I'm living in Chicago and I don't have a doctor here. Just got here 2 weeks ago. I guess I could call my pdoc in Florida, but he's such an asswipe he'd probably say something stupid like, "I need to see you."

I need help!

Don't know about the doctor part but I always used to do this punching myself in the head thing too. Usually over stupid decisions. I haven't much in the past year. It's really reduced. For myself, I guess a lot of things have helped like accepting myself regardless to what stupid thing I did. So hard and it did take a lot of time. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy gave me reality checks as to put each situation into perspective. I've had to separate myself from the mistake.

Perhaps, Give the doctor a shot. You can't predict how it will turn out, no one can. Ask for alternatives.

[rowen]

I can relate to this.

Can you call Chicago's CMH and ask for a referral? It sounds like therapy could be a good thing right now.

[sylvan]

I guess I'm not understanding why you'd need to contact your pdoc in Florida. What is keeping you from finding a new pdoc or tdoc in Chicago? There are plenty of both in Chicago. If it were me, I'd start looking tomorrow.

[divinedesign21]

I guess I'm not understanding why you'd need to contact your pdoc in Florida. What is keeping you from finding a new pdoc or tdoc in Chicago? There are plenty of both in Chicago. If it were me, I'd start looking tomorrow.

Because it costs a fortune for a new patient appointment. I am not working yet. No money. I am on Florida Medicaid and it would take at least 45 days to get approved in another state.

[rowen]

Can you call Chicago's CMH and ask for a referral?

Explain your situation, and see if there's anyone who can help until your Medicaid gets transferred over.

[Miss Blue]

I thought I was the only one that did that. I used to do that all the time when I was younger. What I did was try to redirect it to another body part, like my hip.. no the best solution, but better than your head at least.

[PsychoPunk]

I've been there. I punched different glass things and walls, which eventually escalated into burning myself and having to receive stitches from opening up my hand. The strange thing about it is that the only times I ever wanted to hurt myself, other than suicide was when I was mad at someone else. It was like the first thing that came to my mind to do when I got mad. I would always make sure to do it in full view of everyone, I guess I was trying to make them feel guilty.

[kianaaacakes]

I used to do that! And somehow I barely even realized that it wasn't normal. I wouldn't do it as self-punishment, I would only do it when I was EXTREMELY angry. It was like an instinct reaction, though, I didn't really "decide: to do it. I suppose that's because I would only do it when I was extremely angry, so I guess I was so desperate to cure it that I would do the first thing that came to mind. I only did it in extreme cases, however, so it was never a habit for me. I can't really imagine doing it on a regular basis for small things.

[creepy]

sounds like a control cheat, where you dislike soooo much this agitated, helpless feeling that you hurt yourself since you have control over that. It eases the helplessness, but it feeds into other cyclical, reinforcing behaviors that are very bad. I self-punish with memories where I did something stupid. Some days they hit me over and over again and its maddening. I try to ask myself 'why are you showing me these memories?'. Maybe one day Ill get an answer! =)

[mr freezy]

Yeah man, I do that all the time. That and headbut things repeatedly. It feels strangley satisfying.

Sorry, I don't have any real advice, I'm just glad I'm not the only one that does this.

[LikeMinded]

Yes, hitting oneself upside the head is considered SI, it's really my major form of SI, or was at least when I was a child, got referred to school counseling services a lot for it (and school counseling services called my parents on it a lot, not that parents cared). Throughout middle school, honestly, I was hell-bent on dying for some reason.

A friend of mine who's a school counselor says it's common amongst autistics, although I personally think SI in general is more common in autistics than the general population.^{[citation needed]}

I'm not sure what the consequences of it are, save for injury to the object the head hit (well ok, that and injury to the head itself!). I don't recommend it, especially after I personally suffered a VERY serious blunt-force blow to the head during a fall/hit head TBI incident in 2006. That left me with a concussion of anterograde amnesia, and I'm glad that I didn't suffer any intra-cranial bleeding.

I could advise you to punch yourself elsewhere, but that'd still be SI. Usually, identifying the stressor that's causing your SI impulses and talking about it (aloud to others in real life or on a forum like here) is a better idea, but that's just my personal experience.

[friction]

I also hit myself in the head. The pain makes me feel better, so it's definitely an SI thing for me. I used to do it a lot more when I was younger, but it's eased off as I've moved into other forms of SI.

[WinterRosie]

Can relate. Have tapered off as other SI behaviours ramp up, but it's still a simple default when required.

We are clueless as to how the American health care system possibly works (well, someone here knows but they're unavailable right now) so we don't have much advice to give. Sorry. But, at least you're not alone. You can talk to us (crazyboards) as much as you need to!

[LikeMinded]

We are clueless as to how the American health care system possibly works (well, someone here knows but they're unavailable right now) so we don't have much advice to give. Sorry. But, at least you're not alone. You can talk to us (crazyboards) as much as you need to!

The American health care system works?

(Cue complaints from fellow Americans, as well as Britons, Canadians, and basically anybody outside of Continental Europe or Australia).

[r2mnot]

I used to hit myself in the head, in grade school and Jr High back in the 70's (Ive never shared that with anyone. Ever.) It just kind of stopped as my alcoholism ramped up.
I think alcohol is a SI thing for me, since it replaced hitting myself.

[reetchbeetch]

I used to hit myself a lot. By used to I mean that I have rarely done it the past month. Before that it was pretty frequent. I've thought about talking about this here for awhile so I'm glad you mentioned it. I think prozac + a few other factors have helped me get in a better mood. This is probably why i'm not doing it anymore.

[Stickler]

The American health care system works?

Well, the poster did say "possibly". There's a possibility it may work...

When the moon is full an old Shaman comes forth from his cave and, before the sacred fire, he casts the bones...and if they fall in the proper alignment, the American health care system will work a few times in the next month!

And the People give thanks (yay)...

My SI is depression-related, absolutely.

[liveoak]

There is no American health care system. It's a corporate monolith, crushing all humans in its path.