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What have you missed out on in life?

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#21 melissaw72

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Posted 28 June 2012 - 06:09 PM

My mental illness is mine, and a part of who I am. There's no way to say what my life would have been like without it, because without it I would be someone else entirely.


Good point.

Current Psychiatric Dxs ... Schizoaffective, bipolar type; Anxiety disorder, PTSD, agoraphobia

Also recovered Anorexic/Bulimic finally after 20 years.

Current meds: Provigil, Klonopin, Xanax, Naltrexone, Wellbutrin SR, Abilify, Lamictal, Prozac, Lansoprazole, Linzess, QVAR inhaler, Xopenex inhaler, Methimazole, Flonase, Propranolol.

Any questions just ask :)

 

"I've learned so much from my mistakes, I think I'll make a few more."



#22 exl2398

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Posted 28 June 2012 - 07:41 PM

I have had problems dealing with stress. the littlest thing will set me off, which has made me a volatile person to be around, so I have few friends who, when I decide to let them be my friends, stick around to put up with my shit.

I have never moved out because I don't feel safe from the world or myself.

I have never had children because I do not trust myself to be a good parent.

I haven't had a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone in over 7 years because I don't like sex or people seeing me naked, which is most certainly a product of the sexual abuse I went through as a child.

I never did or do much of anything that is fun because I don't do well around people, meaning they drain me and I don't know how to interact with them unless I am talking about myself or something that interests me.

a fear of driving because I worry I would run myseelf into a bridge support during a desperate moment.

not going to grad school because I was literally afraid to take the GRE and felt I was a fraud.
Diagnosis: Bipolar type I rapid cycling, PTSD, OCD, intermittant psychosis, general insanity
Past diagnosis: MDD, bipolar type II, schizoaffective disorder (this might have been a more accurate description of what I have, but who knows), depression
Rx: Lamictal 300mg, topomax 100mg, clomipramine (spelling?) 225mg, lithium carbonate, idk the dose.
Past Rx: Symbyax (made me paranoid), Celexa (worthless), Abilify (blurry vision), Geodon (made me paranoid), Wellbutrin (made me rage), Pristiq (worthless), topomax (worthless), emsam (worthless), risperdal (worsened diabetes and made me gain 82lbs, discontinued 10/2011), remeron (worthless POS that made me binge eat at night, discontinued 6/2012)

...In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid...

#23 kittyloaf

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Posted 28 June 2012 - 11:21 PM

I have always been MI so I don't know what I have missed out on because of it.

The things I am bitter about missing out on are due to the deaths of my parents and husband, not my MI.

Dx: Schizoaffective disorder-bipolar type, PTSD, social anxiety disorder, ADHD inattentive, trichotillomania, physical stuff
Meds: Seroquel IR (300 mg), Topamax (200 mg), Cymbalta (90 mg), Vitamin D (50,000 IU), Effexor XR (300 mg), Ativan (1 mg prn), levothyroxine (0.100 mg), copper IUD


#24 crtclms

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Posted 29 June 2012 - 01:08 AM

Saorise, I didn't think you were moping, I was just saying you may not have missed out on as much as you thought. I HATED college. I thought I was going to really love it. I'm am definitely an outlier among alumni for hating it there, but i did.

And while I was abused as a kid both physically and emotionally, I have to say, I had everything money could buy. So it makes me feel conflicted about the abuse. I know money doesn't compensate for beatings and verbal abuse and neglect, but I was given a lot of opportunities other kids did not receive. Which is what made not using my degree even more depressing.

I'm not saying I didn't used to feel the way a lot of you do. I am just saying I've come to realize a lot of the expectations people are trying to live up to are artificial, in many ways. It pisses me off to see people measure themselves with a ruler that doesn't even measure things all that well in the first place. I don't mean pissed at the people, but pissed that they have been fooled into thinking badly of themselves.

Dx: Bipolar 1; GAD; Migraine w/ Aura; Migraine w/o Aura; Status Migrainosus
Rx: Alprazolam; Botox; Buproprion; CoQ10; Dihydroergotomine via IV Infusion; Flexeril; Green Coffee Bean Extract; Lamotrigine; Lithium; Magnesium Chloride; Metoclopramide; Midrin; Migranal; Prilosec; Promethazine; Riboflavin; Verapamil; Vitamin D3
Currently Shelved: Abilify; Amerge; Anaprox; Atenolol; Buspar; Cafergot; Cymbalta; Depakote; Di-Hydro-ergotamine, injected; Gabapentin; Geodon; Imitrex Tablets; Klonopin; Maxalt; Namenda; Nortriptyline; Norvasc; Propranolol; Prozac; Risperidone; Relpax; Sansert; Sumatriptan injectables; Tegretol; Trazadone; Zoloft; Zolpidem; Zomig; Zonegran


Affectations can be dangerous. -Gertrude Stein

 

I moderate Bipolar, Panic/Anxiety, Dissociative Disorders, Migraine, Seizures, Not Otherwise Specified, Anticonvulsants, Side Effects, Family Feud, and I Still Have Issues. PM me if you have any questions


#25 justme04

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Posted 29 June 2012 - 01:13 AM

I think i've missed the oppurtunity to have a normal relationship with anyone.

It's robbed me of my happiness, my well being, i've missed whole days where I couldn't even get out of bed...I've missed out on life in general.
Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius. It is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness

"You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But you can't pick your friend's nose."

#26 Closure

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Posted 29 June 2012 - 02:47 AM

About hating college, I am mixed on whether I hated my college years or not. I loved being a member of the undergraduate students' group in the computer science department, when I could attend, being on my own far more than before, and no longer being in the environment of my high school, but I just hated being really sick all the time and only struggling to get by academically, despite my very high expectations for myself, because I was too sick to attend classes much of the time. So I am not sure what to make of my being in college as there is so much I liked and so much I hated about it.

Current Dx: either SZA bipolar-type or Bipolar I, OCD
Past Dx: Bipolar II
Rx: 1200 mg lithium carbonate, 800 mg carbamazepine, 15 mg mirtazapine, 5 mg risperidone


#27 Catnapper

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Posted 29 June 2012 - 01:58 PM

I've missed some years of life when I was depressed and could barely get out of bed. Because of those missed years I've also gone through some extreme financial hardships, and may never be able to retire (I'm 53 now.)

But what I have gained is just as important as what I've missed out on, if not more so. I have learned to have a tremendous sense of empathy and give people the benefit of the doubt. I used to be impatient with others' shortcomings. I have also gained a huge appreciation of the simple pleasures in life. Looking out the window right now and seeing the trees rippling in the breeze makes me feel good, and although I'm sure I noticed things like that before I got sick the first time, I know that I didn't really notice how wonderful they are.

I don't think anyone's life turns out as they thought, in both good and bad ways. But having a MI definitely makes that much more apparent, the same as any chronic illness does.
New Improved Diagnosis: Probably BP II (instead of MDD recurrent), or as the pdoc said, "There's clearly some sort of cycle going on." The more I think about it, the more I think he's right. I've started a mood stabilizer and feel better, so I have my fingers crossed I'll stay far away from the abyss.

RX: Generic versions of Lamictal 200 mg, Wellbutrin SR 300 mg, Ambien 10 mg, Gabapentin 900 mg (for hot flashes), lots of vitamins and fish oil tablets.
RX Graveyard: Prozac, Topomax, Zoloft, Vivactil, Adderall, Provigil
DX: Previously DXed with Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, Without Psychotic Symptoms; still enjoying Dysthymia and Binge Eating Disorder

"All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental." Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

#28 saoirse

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Posted 29 June 2012 - 08:25 PM

Saorise, I didn't think you were moping, I was just saying you may not have missed out on as much as you thought. I HATED college. I thought I was going to really love it. I'm am definitely an outlier among alumni for hating it there, but i did.

And while I was abused as a kid both physically and emotionally, I have to say, I had everything money could buy. So it makes me feel conflicted about the abuse. I know money doesn't compensate for beatings and verbal abuse and neglect, but I was given a lot of opportunities other kids did not receive. Which is what made not using my degree even more depressing.

I'm not saying I didn't used to feel the way a lot of you do. I am just saying I've come to realize a lot of the expectations people are trying to live up to are artificial, in many ways. It pisses me off to see people measure themselves with a ruler that doesn't even measure things all that well in the first place. I don't mean pissed at the people, but pissed that they have been fooled into thinking badly of themselves.


This is a very helpful post, thanks. It helped me put some things into perspective, especially concerning how upset I was about not being able to attend that university.
dx's: Bipolar I w/ psychosis, anxiety
meds: 1500 mg trileptal, 600 mg lithium, 4 mg risperidone

"but i don't want to go among mad people," alice remarked.
"oh you can't help that," said the Cat. "we're all mad here. i'm mad. you're mad."
"how do you know i'm mad?" said alice.
"you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

#29 Vivian Darkbloom

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 04:32 AM

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Edited by Vivian Darkbloom, 02 July 2012 - 10:05 PM.


#30 crtclms

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 11:30 AM

Just to be continuously annoying, I went to law school. To be honest, I enjoyed law school (although I had awful grades). It was practicing that was too much for me to handle. Even when I did appellate work, which allows you to work more on your own schedule.

It sounds like you aren't in the US (I wonder why we say "college," and not university), but if you are, this is a horrible time to become an attorney, job wise.

Dx: Bipolar 1; GAD; Migraine w/ Aura; Migraine w/o Aura; Status Migrainosus
Rx: Alprazolam; Botox; Buproprion; CoQ10; Dihydroergotomine via IV Infusion; Flexeril; Green Coffee Bean Extract; Lamotrigine; Lithium; Magnesium Chloride; Metoclopramide; Midrin; Migranal; Prilosec; Promethazine; Riboflavin; Verapamil; Vitamin D3
Currently Shelved: Abilify; Amerge; Anaprox; Atenolol; Buspar; Cafergot; Cymbalta; Depakote; Di-Hydro-ergotamine, injected; Gabapentin; Geodon; Imitrex Tablets; Klonopin; Maxalt; Namenda; Nortriptyline; Norvasc; Propranolol; Prozac; Risperidone; Relpax; Sansert; Sumatriptan injectables; Tegretol; Trazadone; Zoloft; Zolpidem; Zomig; Zonegran


Affectations can be dangerous. -Gertrude Stein

 

I moderate Bipolar, Panic/Anxiety, Dissociative Disorders, Migraine, Seizures, Not Otherwise Specified, Anticonvulsants, Side Effects, Family Feud, and I Still Have Issues. PM me if you have any questions


#31 Vivian Darkbloom

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 11:44 AM

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Edited by Vivian Darkbloom, 02 July 2012 - 10:05 PM.


#32 crtclms

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 11:47 AM

My sister is finishing a veterinary degree at University of Melbourne, and she is 42. I went to law school with people in their 50s. Once you are older, the experience is different than it is for the younger students, but it is totally doable.

Dx: Bipolar 1; GAD; Migraine w/ Aura; Migraine w/o Aura; Status Migrainosus
Rx: Alprazolam; Botox; Buproprion; CoQ10; Dihydroergotomine via IV Infusion; Flexeril; Green Coffee Bean Extract; Lamotrigine; Lithium; Magnesium Chloride; Metoclopramide; Midrin; Migranal; Prilosec; Promethazine; Riboflavin; Verapamil; Vitamin D3
Currently Shelved: Abilify; Amerge; Anaprox; Atenolol; Buspar; Cafergot; Cymbalta; Depakote; Di-Hydro-ergotamine, injected; Gabapentin; Geodon; Imitrex Tablets; Klonopin; Maxalt; Namenda; Nortriptyline; Norvasc; Propranolol; Prozac; Risperidone; Relpax; Sansert; Sumatriptan injectables; Tegretol; Trazadone; Zoloft; Zolpidem; Zomig; Zonegran


Affectations can be dangerous. -Gertrude Stein

 

I moderate Bipolar, Panic/Anxiety, Dissociative Disorders, Migraine, Seizures, Not Otherwise Specified, Anticonvulsants, Side Effects, Family Feud, and I Still Have Issues. PM me if you have any questions


#33 crtclms

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 11:50 AM

Oh, and the legal profession is swamped with lawyers. It is worse because of the economy, but it was already happening all through the last 20 years. My class (93) was one of the first classes that didn't have full employment within 6 months of graduation, and the job market has worsened from there. Close to 50k people graduate from law school in the US every year. There is a huge glut.

Dx: Bipolar 1; GAD; Migraine w/ Aura; Migraine w/o Aura; Status Migrainosus
Rx: Alprazolam; Botox; Buproprion; CoQ10; Dihydroergotomine via IV Infusion; Flexeril; Green Coffee Bean Extract; Lamotrigine; Lithium; Magnesium Chloride; Metoclopramide; Midrin; Migranal; Prilosec; Promethazine; Riboflavin; Verapamil; Vitamin D3
Currently Shelved: Abilify; Amerge; Anaprox; Atenolol; Buspar; Cafergot; Cymbalta; Depakote; Di-Hydro-ergotamine, injected; Gabapentin; Geodon; Imitrex Tablets; Klonopin; Maxalt; Namenda; Nortriptyline; Norvasc; Propranolol; Prozac; Risperidone; Relpax; Sansert; Sumatriptan injectables; Tegretol; Trazadone; Zoloft; Zolpidem; Zomig; Zonegran


Affectations can be dangerous. -Gertrude Stein

 

I moderate Bipolar, Panic/Anxiety, Dissociative Disorders, Migraine, Seizures, Not Otherwise Specified, Anticonvulsants, Side Effects, Family Feud, and I Still Have Issues. PM me if you have any questions


#34 Vivian Darkbloom

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 11:59 AM

...

Edited by Vivian Darkbloom, 02 July 2012 - 10:06 PM.


#35 Cetkat

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 04:24 PM

I've missed out on being me. There was such a dramatic shift from who I was when I was a young child prior to things unraveling and who I ended up being. Before and after dysthymia.. before and after MDD.. I can see some clear rapid shifts, and I wish they hadn't happened.

Certain things like my empathy and compassion, the ability to understand other views, my strong will, finding humor if difficult situations.. that's all increased as a result, but I'm pretty sure they would have developed anyway - if to a lesser degree. My sensitivity was always there.

I've missed out on being allowed to be a child, feeling secure and supported. I've missed interacting in the world rather than pushing through it in survival mode. I've never felt apart of any school environment. The college experience is lost on me. I fit in there academically - not socially. There's a huge disconnect.

I've also missed out on the ability to set goals and wants. I've been too wrapped up in the MI situation that I've never truly gotten a handle on to be able to look ahead to a point beyond it. I've learned to postpone and settle. Relationships and kids are on a permanent back-burner for when I'm capable of giving to them what they'd deserve.

I suppose that if all of this has given me one thing I wouldn't have had otherwise, is the ability to buckle-down and persevere through anything. This isn't necessary a great thing - I'll run myself into the ground before I'll stop trying, but it's become a key part of who I am.

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _

Dx: Major Depression w/ Dysthymia and Panic Disorder, ADHD, Fibromyalgia
Pdoc's Theory Dx: Bipolar NOS (recently re-theorized by current pdoc)
Rx : Strattera 80mg, Armour Thyroid 60mg (1 gr), Nadolol prn, Xanax prn, Methocarbamol 750mg prn
EXRx : Zoloft, Seroquel, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Lithium, Lamictal, Remeron, Lexapro, Abilify, Zyprexa, Geodon, Cymbalta, Paxil, Sonata, Lunesta, Effexor, Metadate, Risperdal, BuSpar, Ambien, Invega, Tegretol, Nortriptyline, Desipramine, Deplin, Neurontin, Concerta, Trazodone, Mirapex, Amitriptyline, Saphris, Prestiq

I do whatever my rice krispies tell me to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"All of life is a struggle. It's a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. You're fighting gravity all day long." - Richard Rose
_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _. _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _


#36 ginger_flybaby

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 04:51 PM

I've missed out on happiness. I managed to finish college and get my degree and I'm a R.N. I don't work or pursue working because I feel as though I'm not deserving of having a good life. Hence, my lack of being or ever acheiving some form of "happy". I spent countless years and tons of student debt to just exist. Maybe I failed at marriage too, I dunno.

Edited by ginger_flybaby, 01 July 2012 - 04:53 PM.

Current Crazy ~ Who the hell knows!! PTSD, BPD,OCD, LIFE!!!
Oh My Gosh, It's a miracle I actually get out of bed everyday with all that dysfunction ^^^^
My Crazy tamers ~ Prozac 30 mg, Topamax 100mg, Adderall 10mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, Xanax 0.50 mgs (prn), Trazodone 100mgs or 50mgs prn for sleep issues , Lunesta 3mg prn

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#37 scatty

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 06:27 PM

I dropped out of high school, didn't finish community college, and have never had a career. I have a family and was able to be a stay at home mom, so that is the positive side of it.

Dx:
Bipolar I & Anxiety.  Self diagnosed cunt.

My New (old) Meds: (previously these kept me the most stable)
Lithium ER 1350 mgs.
Lamictal 200 mgs.

Klonopin 2 mgs.

 

Practicing CBT, DBT, and ACT self-help therapy.

Crazy since the 80's!
 


#38 Cacia

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 07:48 PM

I missed out on a normal childhood, going to uni, a relationship with a person I love, I've distanced friends and family, a lot of stuff.
But if it wasn't for losing all that, I wouldn't have the friends I have now, I wouldn't be doing the course that I really love, and I wouldn't be me.
Because of what I've been through to get where I am now, I feel like I've really earnt what I have, whereas before everything I had was just there for me.

The only thing I really feel like I'm missing out on is having kids, I feel like I can't do that because of my experiences and MI. But that could change I guess. :/

diagnosed with

| b.p.d | recurrent m.d.d (w/ psychotic symptoms) | s.a.d w/ selective mutism | chronic p.t.s.d | veganism | gifted |

 

daily medications

| venlafaxine 300mg | seroquel 800mg | mirtazapine 45mg | clonazepam 4mg prn |

 

You can delete my dicks but I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really need everyone to know how much I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really don't care.
 


#39 Cherriichan

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Posted 02 July 2012 - 05:07 PM

I have missed out on so many things, purely because of my depression.
I am usually too scared and paranoid and depressed to leave the house, so I coop myself up for days on end; as a result I miss out doing things people my age do like going to parties and seeing friends and going shopping. I can't communicate, so I've missed out finding good friends and socalising, and finding a boyfriend. My ED and depression and SI combined has wrecked my health; I am weak, I constantly feel awful and I've encountered health problems from forgetting or not wanting to eat.

In short, my depression has robbed me of so many things in life and left me with nothing left to build on. I thought things would be fine; but everything is difficult and forced and I struggle to do the basics like wash and get out of bed, let alone go to school and eat and socalise. I feel different and isolated from everybody else, and I feel like a stranger: to others and myself.

I'm really not very interesting.


Things wrong with my head : [ Depression, Autism Spectrum Disorder (Aspergers Syndrome), Self-Injury, Suicidal Ideation, OCD, Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa ]

Things used to 'even me out': { Fluoxetine }

General / Other things : [ Dyscalculia ]


#40 Chapter

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Posted 04 July 2012 - 11:09 AM

Everything. And not just like that. I don't mean a roof over my head, or my family. I mean my ability to live the life I should have lived, that everyone takes for granted. Being able to actually enjoy things, being able to relax, not feeling like a prisoner inside my own head. Not waking up and wishing I'd had an aneuryism in my sleep.

But the thing that hurts the most? Love. Knowing that nobody will ever love me in the way that validates existence. Nobody did before. They certainly won't now.





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