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Why do people keep attacking my weight?


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#1 heavendj4

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:45 AM

Yes I have issues with appearances. I admit it. At one point I was nearly 300 pounds and I was getting abuse and nasty comments from people left, right and centre. I admit I was huge and everything I wore had to be elastic. My diet was all over the place. I wasn't overweight. I was morbidly obese.

Thinking if I lose the weight people would leave me alone. Doctors saying 'You WILL die of diabetes if you stay the way you are'

I felt like shit. Everything seemed to be about my weight. People sarcastically staring at my stomach as they saw me.

"people treat you as you treat yourself"

Thank you to the person who posted that.

Because I am so young I SHOULD be a healthy weight??


#2 Mirazh

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:56 AM

Okay, so, while I think some or a lot of the 'people are staring at me/my belly' may be anxiety/self image/etc. (though of course I am just a crazy person and so very much not a doctor) the rest of your question is answered: because we live in a thin-privileged fat-phobic world, it's true. Now, not everyone behaves that way, but, there are some people instantly bigoted against others simply because of weight.

The line about treating ourselves well still holds. You deserve to be treated well - why not start doing it yourself? You're the first and last person in yoour life that is going to be there for you to rely on.

If Diabetes is a serious concern in your case, it's important to work on doing what you can to halt or slow it. Just my opinion.

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#3 heavendj4

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:20 AM

Okay, so, while I think some or a lot of the 'people are staring at me/my belly' may be anxiety/self image/etc. (though of course I am just a crazy person and so very much not a doctor) the rest of your question is answered: because we live in a thin-privileged fat-phobic world, it's true. Now, not everyone behaves that way, but, there are some people instantly bigoted against others simply because of weight.

The line about treating ourselves well still holds. You deserve to be treated well - why not start doing it yourself? You're the first and last person in yoour life that is going to be there for you to rely on.

If Diabetes is a serious concern in your case, it's important to work on doing what you can to halt or slow it. Just my opinion.


All this "obesity is on the increase" I believe is utter crap. I rarely see any overweight/obese people when I venture outside. Even at my work in retail rarely an overweight/obese customer in sight.

I actually think people are too thin at the moment. To the extreme where nearly every girl I see is just stick and bones with a 6 pack.

#4 Socially Unacceptable

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 07:34 AM

i don't care if people are large or thin, it's just important to be healthy.


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#5 WinterRosie

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 08:53 AM

Personally I'm a really avid fan of Health At Every Size. Why? Because it will help you with the diabetes risk (as well as help you to identify bad, fat-phobic, doctors to avoid). Because it will help you to celebrate what your body can do and is capable of, which is armor against the people who stare (and worse). Because, regardless of weight, you deserve to be happier than you currently seem to be.

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#6 lifequake

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 09:08 AM

At least in the U.S., obesity is on the rise, especially in children.  It isn't 'utter crap'.  Check out the CDC's Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity, and Obesity if you are curious (http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/).

 

I am a huge proponent of finding happiness and confidence at any size, but I am also aware that there are health risks associated with being overweight and obese.  And you know what?  There are health risks associated with being underweight, too.  I believe in striving to be healthy, no matter what the scale or one's inner critic says.  We can all make more positive changes in terms of diet and activity levels, no matter our weight.

 

Unfortunately, people can be shallow, judgmental, narcissistic, and cruel when it comes to weight.  I wish it weren't so.


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#7 JadeMultiple

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 10:06 AM

people always search for a way to put others below themselves and increase their sense of self by comparison. I'm so sorry that people are so horrible about your weight :( please remember: it's not about you. It's about their own low self-esteems that they are projecting onto you. We cannot change how people treat us, but we can change how we feel about it :)


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#8 heavendj4

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:32 PM

people always search for a way to put others below themselves and increase their sense of self by comparison. I'm so sorry that people are so horrible about your weight :( please remember: it's not about you. It's about their own low self-esteems that they are projecting onto you. We cannot change how people treat us, but we can change how we feel about it :)


Maybe it's coz im unhappy with myself and my 'weight' is the easiest thing for people to pick on.

Whenever complaining about people attacking my weight the person replies ' Well, not to be mean but you were 'that' size... '

#9 crtclms

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:49 PM

Your response: "Well, not to be mean, but you *are* [fill in the negative attribute]." How about, "Not to be mean, but you *are* a thoughtless jerk." "Not to be mean, but at least I already noticed I am overweight. So I was wondering if *you* had noticed that you have an [equally shallow flaw].

 

I know it is hard, but those people are out of line. Unless you have asked for their help with your health, it is none of their goddamn business. If you did ask for their help, explain that their approach isn't working. Plan ahead of time what you want to say, if need be. Don't let them steamroll you.


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#10 Gearhead

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 07:29 PM

As to your question of why people keep attacking your weight, I think it's part of a bizarre belief that people have that others' bodies don't really belong to them, that bodies are somehow common property in a society. I think pregnant women get the worst of it, but everyone's body is on display and ripe for the comments and opinions of others.

 

If people could just stay the fuck off of the subject and talk about subjects that have some substance, our world would be a better place.


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#11 heavendj4

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 10:04 PM

I noticed that people are at their nastiest when it comes to someone's weight.

'Dutchess of York' turned into 'Dutchess of PORK'

Some people fear the nastiness so much that turn themselves into an anorexic with muscles just to be one of 'them'

Edited by heavendj4, 29 January 2013 - 11:07 PM.


#12 december_brigette

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 03:18 AM

Gearhead - thank you!!! :)

 

Having a huge social phobia, when I was preggers it was nerve wracking. And after the baby was born and everyone wanting to talk to us. yuck. I'm sure there are topics and posts from me about this in the archives.

 

I'm still overweight. Recently I haven't done much to change it. Certain times I will get really bloated and look preggers again. People will ask if I'm having a boy or girl. It takes me a second to remember and then I lie and pick a gender. It gets them off my back rather than "Oh Im not pregnant, just fat and bloated."

 

right now in my head I just say fuck it. Im dealing with too much crap. Im eating as healthy as I can with a treat here or there.

 

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#13 Mim

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 02:37 AM

Your response: "Well, not to be mean, but you *are* [fill in the negative attribute]." How about, "Not to be mean, but you *are* a thoughtless jerk." "Not to be mean, but at least I already noticed I am overweight. So I was wondering if *you* had noticed that you have an [equally shallow flaw].
 
I know it is hard, but those people are out of line. Unless you have asked for their help with your health, it is none of their goddamn business. If you did ask for their help, explain that their approach isn't working. Plan ahead of time what you want to say, if need be. Don't let them steamroll you.


Yes.

Your body is yours. It is unequivocally okay for you to tell someone to back up. People who care as well as nasty strangers need to hear that, but what's more, it will be affirming for you to say it. It won't change the fact that the culture is bigoted and unpleasant toward overweight people, but at least you can have some space and the satisfaction of knowing you've established a boundary.

Diabetes is nothing to take lightly, however. A reasonably healthy diet and regular exercise within possibilities are probably a good undertaking, although difficult. I say make it about yourself. Improve your health for your own sake. Everyone else can do that thing they do at the junction of Judgmental and Insecurity Streets.

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#14 heavendj4

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:13 AM

You guys keep saying "overweight" however I think there is a big difference between being a little "overweight" to morbidly obese?

#15 WinterRosie

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:27 AM

Most people that I know don't differentiate. You're either fat, or you're not. You're either healthy (fat or not) or you're not (fat or not) or you're on your way to being healthy regardless of size.

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#16 Mirazh

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 11:14 AM

I wish a great blog called 'fatgirlonabike' was still around. She is 'morbidly obese,' eats healthy, and participates in things like triathalons - hence the blog name. It wasn't to lose weight, it's just something she did, and she wasn't the last person or anything in the competitions either.

The fatphobia plus the phenomena of fuckwads on the Internet finally took its toll, though, and she shut her blog down. AFAIK she still does her thing, but doesn't blog about it anymore.

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#17 WinterRosie

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 12:01 PM

Miron, I loved that blog! I know of some other women who weigh over 400 lbs who blog about doing things like teaching yoga, or who are powerlifters, or who are models if you have a void that needs filling?


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#18 Mirazh

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 03:30 PM

Let's also not forget Beth Ditto, she's definitely fat, self-identified, successful and talented musician, featured tastefully nude on a magazine cover, etc.

One of my good friends, he's twice my age but we connect on a similar level despite that. He's somewhere in the near 300lbs range, round, friendly guy. He makes stupid money in the industrial trades, and is a very talented BDSM practitioner - super active in my province's community. He gets respect at work, respect in his social community, and he's polyamorous too though currently with one partner right now but I'm friends with a former partner of his as well (very cute lady.) His weight never seems to hold him back from things in his life, and he doesn't even try to eat healthy or anything, though his job (and his sex life, whew!) gets him a lot of exercise.

Society is fatphobic, this is a fact. People can treat fat people like crap. Thin people can get crap too - my sister has escaped physical assault aimed at her because she "looks like a Barbie doll" which is fucking ridiculous. But the truth remains that society typically privileges the thin over the fat, without a lot of understanding about actual HEALTH. Like, I can eat what I wish in public, but a fat lover of mine will eat the same thing and people will go up and tell her how she shouldn't be eating ice cream or WTF because HEALTH! And I'm not even thin, but I'm not fat, so, I get a lot of thin privilege.

But that doesn't mean we buy into that bullshit. And if you're having issues breaking free of such thinking, might I suggest a therapist and a gdoc who are pro-health-at-every-size? I know finding them is easier said than done, but still.

Those BMI calculators are LIES, IMHO. When I was over 180lbs or so, that plus my height, tipped me over into the obese category, yet photos of me at that weight, no one would have ever guessed, most people eyeballed me at least 20lbs lighter if not more, and I have more muscle mass even when out of shape than most others with an estrogen-dominant system.

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#19 bpladybug

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 04:33 PM

There is a huge difference between RUDE people making ugly comments

 

and your doctor - with his serious, legitimate concern about your health.

 

I am sorry about the rude, abusive remarks, and I hope you take your doctors concerns to heart

and start walking, making a few diet changes, give up pop or whatever.


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