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Breaking up with my Counselor


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#1 vondick

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 03:40 PM

Today. Any advice? I could really use some.


Really quite very sure I'm on the spectrum. Awaiting report back from assessment.
Recently quit Wellbutrin XL 150, taking Dexedrine spansules when I can afford it.
A little slow with social interaction- if I offend you do not hesitate to let me know, chances are I really didn't mean it.



#2 bluechick

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 03:43 PM

I'm kind of a chicken shit when it comes to that.  For tdocs that I didn't like, I just stopped going.  The last one I had that I DID like I just explained to him that his schedule did not permit me to continue seeing him.  He only scheduled appointments between 10:00 and 4:00.  And his office is 25 miles away from mine.  I just couldn't take that much time off of work every week.  He totally understood.


Dx: Bipolar Disorder I, ADD, BDD
Rx: Lamictal 300mg; Wellbutrin 300mg: Celexa 40mg
FAIL: Lithium; Geodon. Abilify


#3 bpladybug

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 03:45 PM

You are ASD?  right

just tell your counselor you appreciate how they have helped you

but you now want to work with someone who is an expert in your disorder

thank you very much

 

keep it simple


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'Mania is a dangerous Mistress.' BPLadybug

Bipolar 1
Treatment: 900 mgs Lithium, 900 mgs Neurontin, 400 mgs Seroquel, Xanax prn, Temazepam, fish oil, vitamins, Vit. D 5, 000 IU, exercize, some talk therapy and CBT Therapy. Exercize helps as does the Light Box; 30 mins every morning. I also have physical health challenges.


#4 tryp

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 03:46 PM

It's okay to just be honest - your therapist is a professional and will not take it personally if you just tell the truth. Personally, I think that telling the truth at the end of a relationship can be an important way of getting closure.

As long as you don't do something criminal, like hit the guy in the face, and preferably avoid open hostility and aggression, there is really no wrong way to do it. It is something that you as a patient have every right to do, and therapists understand that.

Something like - thank you for the work we have done together, but I think it's time for me to move on - will be perfectly adequate.

Edited by tryp, 30 January 2013 - 03:47 PM.

Diag-nonsense: complex PTSD w/ recurrent depression
Tx: Lamictal (250) + prazosin (7.5) + "therapy"


#5 vondick

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 03:57 PM

I feel awkward because he offered several times to switch me to another counselor- which made me feel awkward because at the time, I really didn't think it was necessary. And then very recently, he brought it up again, and I approached him about it and asked if he thought I should be working with someone else. He said no, which I feel was a lie. And then he asked me for homework, to write in the point of view of someone else, and I just realized- wow, if you think that is something I can do in any genuine way, that isn't like: Oh what should I be writing? You really haven't listened to a god damn thing I've said.


Really quite very sure I'm on the spectrum. Awaiting report back from assessment.
Recently quit Wellbutrin XL 150, taking Dexedrine spansules when I can afford it.
A little slow with social interaction- if I offend you do not hesitate to let me know, chances are I really didn't mean it.


#6 bpladybug

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 04:12 PM

now I think I remember, this guy is a college counselor, right?

you really do need someone else, I believe


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'Mania is a dangerous Mistress.' BPLadybug

Bipolar 1
Treatment: 900 mgs Lithium, 900 mgs Neurontin, 400 mgs Seroquel, Xanax prn, Temazepam, fish oil, vitamins, Vit. D 5, 000 IU, exercize, some talk therapy and CBT Therapy. Exercize helps as does the Light Box; 30 mins every morning. I also have physical health challenges.


#7 bluechick

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 04:13 PM

I feel awkward because he offered several times to switch me to another counselor- which made me feel awkward because at the time, I really didn't think it was necessary. And then very recently, he brought it up again, and I approached him about it and asked if he thought I should be working with someone else. He said no, which I feel was a lie. And then he asked me for homework, to write in the point of view of someone else, and I just realized- wow, if you think that is something I can do in any genuine way, that isn't like: Oh what should I be writing? You really haven't listened to a god damn thing I've said.

It sounds like he has already opined that it would be best to find someone else.  Sounds like he doesn't want to abandon you, though.  Like most good therapists, he is probably waiting for you to come to your own conclusion about what is best for you. I think you may be stressing yourself out unnecessarily.  Sounds like he is pushing you to go find someone else.  Should be an easy break-up!


Dx: Bipolar Disorder I, ADD, BDD
Rx: Lamictal 300mg; Wellbutrin 300mg: Celexa 40mg
FAIL: Lithium; Geodon. Abilify


#8 vondick

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 04:25 PM

I'm not too worried about the break up itself- it's clearly the right choice, but I just want to provide him with the best information I can upon leaving, just about my experience.

 

And Bluechick- that's just the thing, I feel as though he was hinting at it, which I hate hate hate hate, and then when I confronted him about it, and asked for his opinion, he turned around and said that he didn't feel there was any reason at this point for me to see someone else. That's what he said! And I mean, after he brought it up three times I realized that he clearly did think that, but I don't think what he was doing was out of being a good counselor, I think he was just avoiding giving me any actual advice. Which is what he has been doing this entire time. And he lied to me. And I don't care why. and maybe that is my asd talking- but I don't care why he lied- he lied, and it ruined my trust.

 

Bpladybug- Yes he is a student counselor, which is why I feel I owe it to him to go in today and talk to him face to face and discuss some of the reasons why. He is still under evaluation, and has asked me to fill out surveys and stuff before, so I think it would be good if I let him know what things I took major issue of during our time together.


Really quite very sure I'm on the spectrum. Awaiting report back from assessment.
Recently quit Wellbutrin XL 150, taking Dexedrine spansules when I can afford it.
A little slow with social interaction- if I offend you do not hesitate to let me know, chances are I really didn't mean it.


#9 Lauren1083

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 04:30 PM

And I think he will appreciate that you took the time to go in and explain what issues you had - I think if he is really interested in becoming a counselor he will appreciate your insight and try to use that to better himself and his practices. Good luck


Dx: Depression (diagnosed 2/2011)

One inpatient hospitalization 3/2011

Also dealing with PCOS, Insulin resistance (diagnosed 1999), High blood pressure

 

Psych Rx: Effexor XR 225mg, Latuda 40mg

Other Rx: Glucophage ER, Lo Estrin Fe, Benicar 20mg

PRN Rx: Xanax 0.25mg, Vistaril 25mg

 

 


#10 vondick

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:37 PM

So.... Funny story..

 

I went to counseling today, and he opened the door and there was a test waiting for me to fill out, an emotional intelligence test. My main issue up until now with my counselor is that he seemed to either not understand, not believe, or not address my feelings concerning autism, which, had come to a deal breaking point, because I felt I couldn't really discuss them, and at times, that he was trying to push me to not care about the assesment. By asking me to fill that out, I feel like he was making an attempt to better understand the things that I have been telling him- and address them. He didn't bring up the A word today, but he did completely address it, which is what I've been looking for. I understand he was probably avoiding it before, since he can't diagnose me, but I need to be able to talk about it in therapy, and I feel like for the first time he was participating in that area of feelings I have.

 

I didn't discontinue therapy with him.

 

I feel like I would do better with a female (and fully trained) therapist. I've made first contact with a few people and am waiting to hear back, but until then, I don't have someone lined up, I don't want to discontinue therapy suddenly, and I don't have insurance quite yet. So now that he's addressed this and appears to be open to working around it in the future, I'm going to stick around for now.


Really quite very sure I'm on the spectrum. Awaiting report back from assessment.
Recently quit Wellbutrin XL 150, taking Dexedrine spansules when I can afford it.
A little slow with social interaction- if I offend you do not hesitate to let me know, chances are I really didn't mean it.


#11 kateislate

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 11:09 PM

My therapist has brought up my seeing someone else a few times. Once when I was doing worse in therapy (years ago). And the other times when I expressed some ambivalence about being in therapy. In all cases I've taken it very badly - as a rejection and confirmation that she was completely sick of me and thought I was hopeless  I guess that's possible - I can't imagine how she wouldn't be sick of me at this point. But I also think (with some more distance) it's perfectly likely that she was doing the ethical thing - making it clear that was OK if I wanted to see someone else, and I shouldn't let feeling beholden to her get in the way. I also think that the last time (shortly after I was in the hospital) she might have been worried that I'd bail on treatment altogether (which I had considered) and thought it better that I see someone else rather than not be in therapy at all.

 

Anyway, from all that, I'm wondering about the context of what your therapist said. Had you said anything that would make him think you wanted to see someone else or were unhappy with him or how therapy was going? Because if that's the case it's possible that he was doing just that - making it clear to you that it was OK to see someone else. That would be the right thing to do, I think, and wouldn't mean that he was lying about whether you should see him or not.


Dx: Depression and various anxiety disorders, factitious disorder
Rx: Latuda, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Strattera, Zyprexa prn, Verapamil
Past Rx: Most of them.

"She said that 10 percent of any population is cruel, no matter what, and that 10 percent is merciful, no matter what, and that the remaining 80 percent could be moved in either direction."

--Kurt Vonnegut quoting Susan Sontag

#12 vondick

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 11:55 PM

Honestly- I feel earlier that I was reacting more to what bluechick said than what my therapist was saying.. He wasn't saying that I should see someone else, just bringing it up that he wanted whatever was best for me, and if there was someone who might help me more, that it would be okay. He HAS brought it up several times in not that long, which was making me uncomfortable, but it was probably from feeling that I wasn't entirely comfortable to begin with. I see very black and white when it comes to lying- and in bluechicks scenario, that would have been lying and I had a strong emotional reaction to it.

 

I don't think I have said anything or done anything specific really, but in the past, I have sort of felt that he has been trying to press the diagnosis doesn't matter theory on me, while simultaneously completely ignoring the aspects about myself that I consider to be from asd. So I felt like he either didn't understand or didn't believe me, and it was really hard to not be able to address that in therapy. In my last session though, he asked me what I would do if after my assesment, they told me that I was wrong and I wasn't autistic. I told him that if they couldn't offer any other totally plausible reason to explain everything, I would seek a second opinion. At that point, I thought that he thought I was being irrational or something, and he did say something about problem seeking, which bothered me. But when I walked in and found the emotional intelligence test on the desk, I felt like he was finally addressing it in a way that wasn't just skeptical. I think maybe he realized this wasn't just a whim, which was nice.

 

Yesterday, I came to a point where I realized that I need to stop saying "I think I'm autistic." Because I don't think I'm autistic, I am 99.9999999999999% sure I'm autistic. I don't need a doctor to tell me I'm on the spectrum, I need a doctor to tell me so that I can comfortably tell my family I'm on the spectrum. That's the only damn reason I need a diagnosis.

 

I digress.... I still don't think he is the perfect fit for me. But now that he is willing to talk about this, I am confident enough to continue for a while more. Since it's either keep going- or not go to therapy at all. Which I don't really want! So- yay.


Really quite very sure I'm on the spectrum. Awaiting report back from assessment.
Recently quit Wellbutrin XL 150, taking Dexedrine spansules when I can afford it.
A little slow with social interaction- if I offend you do not hesitate to let me know, chances are I really didn't mean it.






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