this post is about supporting my daughter rather than myself, so i hope it's still appropriate to ask questions.
my daughter is 21 and has had three significant relationships with boys in her life thus far (i say boys because to me they aren't quite men yet).
boy #2 hung himself just over a year ago. she was devastated. she still looks at his pictures, and has his name tatoooed on her forearm so that she'll never forget him.
boy #1 hung himself a few weeks ago. he was the single most important person in her life, even though they've been broken up for about two years. they still hung out a lot, and talked on the phone a lot. she thought he was feeling better.
as you can imagine, she is reeling from this experience. the funeral was heartbreaking - it was on what should have been his 21st birthday. he and my daugher had matching stuffed sheep, and he was cremated with both of them. i could barely hold my own self together that day - i cannot imagine what she must have been feeling.
i want to know what i can do for her. it's one thing to lose your loved ones who are sick or aging, and another thing to lose someone to suicide (i think.... i cannot say this with certainty). i've found groups for people in her shoes, but they're all at night and that's when she works (and cannot take the time off).
she has lots of friends who can comfort her, and for that i'm really glad. but i'm not sure, as a mother, what i might do that will help - and what i might do that would make things worse.
if you've been through this before, and can talk about it, could you tell me some things that helped or didn't help at all? in a smaller way, i guess i want this information for my own benefit too. i didn't love him, but he was a big part of my life for a long time too. i find myself crying for him, and imagining how he looked when he died. i have a hard time talking about it without crying, and i know my daughter does not need to see that. i also keep thinking about my own life and how many times i've come so close to doing what these boys did. but i don't know how to resolve my feelings to that i won't cry, or bring my own issues into the conversation.
she's functioning fine one day and then the next day she's a mess. do i give her space? do i hover? how do i remain calm about it?
thanks if anyone can help.