I'm just wondering if anyone else feels their social phobia has at least some element of anti-socialness about it?
My social anxiety has been quite bad at times, to the point where I never went outside for quite a while. But over the years I have become more comfortable speaking to people and I can function day-2-day and manage tasks like grocery shopping, albeit with some anxiety.
The thing is I do wonder sometimes if it is really my anxiety that keeps me isolated or if I am just antisocial in some way. Sometimes I literally just want people to f*ck off out of my way, often times I'm just not interested in their inane chit-chat and small talk. I have a very large personal space bubble and I physically and mentally cringe when someone sits next to me in a lecture or waiting room or whatever. I struggle to engage in normal small talk with acquaintances like "hello, how are you..." , because I simply don't care. On the other hand I can form meaningful relationships and have indepth conversations with certain people who I feel safe with and have some respect for.
Is is weird? Is it part of social anxiety?