[Fiona]

wileycat, on Jun 23 2005, 10:09 AM, said:

I am think sometimes - and I say *sometimes* -  that maybe it is not so much TRD as it is
something situational in our lives not going well. But then that too can aggravate our underlying chemical imbalances which makes cause for a med change or addition.

And regardless of where it came from, it wreaks such havoc in our lives that things can become a nasty cycle.

Quote

I don't know how the conversation started but I was sitting with my mom and I told her I had been thinking about ECT again and she said really? And I said, "Yes. A lot."

If you've been depressed a long time and can't find a med that works this is a good option. Although if you can take an MAOI, not everyone can, I'd suggest trying that first. There's a thread about ECT in the depression board. And I'll try to put together the overall post in the next couple of days.

Fiona

[cj2]

Wileycat:

I am so sorry that you are feeling so low. No wonder, given all the challenges you are facing.

“I think anyone would be depressed if they had struggled for years to deal with a major depression and had finally gotten it in remission after getting a masters degree and holding down thier first professional job, only to have some drunk run a red light and leave with you with increasing amounts of chronic pain and a head injury which turned my dx from major depression to a resurfaced bipolar depression and undending fatigue. “

Absolutely yes, anyone would be depressed in your situation. I know this, because I am practically in your situation.  Major depression for many years, master's degree, professional career, bodily dysfunction, increasing amounts of chronic pain, and ta da! =  bipolar depression, sluglike fatigue, with cognitive impairments. (Okay, I missed the drunken driver, but I know how traumatic it feels to suddenly realize how horrible accidents can happen in an instant because highways depend on everybody following the rules.) and how about those days where you can't sleep for more than 30 minutes because your internal brain alarm keeps waking you up with this "of my god the world is going to come to an and and it is all my fault" panic?

Is there anything we can do to help you feel less lonely?  We are here.  We care.

I too am tired of waiting for the perfect medication or combination of medications that will work. (That doesn't mean I don't still get my hopes up, only to be dashed again.)

“someone I can cuddle up with every night”… do you have a dog or cat? I know they are not a person, but sometimes it is better than a person. They don't argue or snore.

I can't imagine how painful it would be to have experienced “calling my father to PLEASE come and get me. He called me a drug addict and hung up on  me.”. Whoever gave him a license to become a father, should have their credentials revoked. Yes, mental illness pushes family members away, but divorce the ones who were mean. Good family members will not desert you. (They may at times get understandably irritated, frustrated, and confused, but they will try to help the best they can.)

Sorry this is so scatter brained, and I'm not sure I am helping you in any way. But please keep taking the cocktail of medication, tweaking it as you go along, because the research shows that it will still blunt some of the terrible effects of coping with a stressful situation for people with affective disorders.

And then what is really hard right now, but give yourself time.  Give yourself credit for not giving up.  Your kind spirit shows through in your postings.  We need your sage advice.

[cj2]

yes, yes, anything you can actually did to make yourself feel better is terrific.  Please just don't beat yourself up if somehow, sometimes it (the therapy, exercise, creating positive experiences) doesn't work.

And, YES, I think the pain medication may very well be contributing to your depression.  While I have never taken methadone, I have had several surgeries and then given morphine. when the morphine wore off however, I crashed badly, every time. the morphine was given intravenously, so I'm guessing it was pretty potent.  Certainly helped with the pain.  But I'm not sure if the black hole of depression when it wore off was worth it. I'm not saying don't take the pain medication, says that it might indeed be bumpy as it wears off.

and good heavens, none of this is your fault.

I hope you get to feeling better.  We need you.