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  1. Today
  2. I had to fill one of those out last month. I don't remember how long it was before the last one. I worked a little in the past 2 years, but when winter came around I was done. I put down crippling depression as the reason. Which is true. And where it asked my current condition I put worse. I told them I took a genetic test to see if the results would help me find meds that work. That's all I can do, I have no power or money for a lawyer to fight. I should add, that if my brother in laws sister, who has nothing wrong with her, can go to the ER 3+ times a week on medicaid, for $3, for scripts to sell, they sure as shit better not cut me off...
  3. I'm not suicidal, tried a few times, wasn't very good at it. I will probably go if I can't get some better medications next Wednesday. Well, better than what I'm on now. I guess I don't care about the money anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm not being hired due to having multiple judgments against me for past credit problems. I read that employers can get this info in a credit report / background checks. So they can decide not to hire someone if they know they'll have to go through the hassle of withholding pay and diverting the funds. I don't blame them, I wouldn't want to put up with that shit either. If it gets bad enough I'll just file bankruptcy. I know it's not responsible, but I am past the point of holding a good job or owning a business like I used to. Your talking to someone who sells personal belongings to pay for an appointment. I had to give that money to a relative so I would be sure to have it for my appointment. I just spent the last 4 dollars in change I had on tobacco. Not too bright, but at least I won't have nicotine withdrawal as well.
  4. CHanging therapists

    i guess i can do that at the next session. LIke i said he ignores what i want to work on, and half the session is like the hows it going, thats good, so whats next whats the future gonna bring. i have goals, and things i wanna work through!
  5. CHanging therapists

    You can just call and leave a message that it’s not working out and you’re going to be seeing someone else. If your pdoc requires you to do therapy you should probably get on someone else’s schedule before ending it with your current tdoc. That all said, I think it’s often worth saying straight up “I don’t feel like I’m making progress or improving.” Change takes time and our MI blinds us to small victories that others may notice. My therapy continues based on the response to that statement. Maybe they see change, maybe they’re unclear what your goals are, either way how they respond is instructive, I think.
  6. my insurance is through kaiser (my husband's employer has kaiser and another option...he's selected kaiser) and i get charged about 250 for each hospitalisation. your insurance sounds like a real challenge. but the bottom line is that if you think you can't handle things for a month, which is a long fucking time, then you should check yourself in.
  7. Do you have any income ? They can garnish that, tax refunds, disability, etc. You would need to pay off any debts and wait I believe it is 5 years for the bad credit info to roll off then if you pay your bills on time for a while you will begin to build good credit. I negotiated with some creditors, mainly school loans, and got them to erase my bad credit and say you "paid as agreed" if I paid off the loans. There are no free rides but your creditors will get their money if you ever want good credit. Hospitals are tenacious in getting their money.
  8. As far as I can tell, there was a federal court verdict that treatment noncompliance is not disqualifying in mental illness claims. That and a pdf on ssa.gov with a flowchart that says that they have to give you a chance to get back on treatment before disqualifying for noncompliance. EDIT: And I was more concerned that the medical records would say I was off my meds, which they probably do because I admitted as much to them when I went inpatient in a manic state And another search suggests that treatment noncompliance is only an issue when the treatment is clearly expected to provide the ability to allow you to perform substantial gainful activity. EDIT#2 See https://www.ssa.gov/OP_Home/rulings/di/02/SSR82-59-di-02.html
  9. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    @Rabbit37 i've been having trouble lately allowing myself to do things that are just fun and relaxing after getting home from a day at work, like reading or watching TV or playing games. she's trying to help me accept that even if those things are "unproductive", they're necessary for my well-being, and valuable in that regard. so i'm trying to let loose a bit, and let myself have fun. :-) she's very wise. she's a great sounding board when i'm going ballistic obsessive. i feel good right now. i cleaned my car and had a good day at work. feeling wrung out and accomplished.
  10. 1st day of work program begins tomorrow. And it's supposed to rain. Typical.
  11. Yesterday
  12. Does the hospital you would go to have a patient assistance program? Also are you suicidal? If you are at risk of taking your life you should go to the hospital, you can always figure out what to do about the copay later.
  13. I think I should be inpatient, I'm depressed as fuck, paranoid and delusional. I was able to scrape together some money and have an appointment next week with the pdoc instead of in August. The problem is, she is taking the entire month of July off and unless she will let me see one of her associates, I'm pretty much screwed for a month. I just looked at my inpatient coverage and found out the copay for the first 5 days of inpatient is $400 each day. I should probably be in a hospital, but I can't even pay for real food at the moment. I guess I'm just going to have to be hopeful med changes at the appointment make a difference. What would you do in this situation? My credit is already screwed, so does another 2 grand in collections really matter?
  14. I dislike myself, so I don't want anyone else to like me. I don't love myself, so I don't want anyone else to love me. If I have a "positive" conversation with someone, I replay it over and over, till it's negative. If I have a negative conversation with someone. Game on, I got what I want, i can be assured of no friendship. I'm not purposely mean to anyone except myself. But I will never let anyone get close. If I get the feeling that they might be, I will push them away. Or I will just run and cease contact. I have enough voices in my head to keep me company as it is. I've had entire relationships with people, just in my head. It clearly isn't a good place to be, but it beats trying to explain myself to someone. This especially happens with women, who, if I functioned properly, would like to get to know. But I don't, and I don't want to be responsible for ruining anyone else's life. So, I just keep it in my head. I was born with poor mental genetics, physically I was gifted, but that's all gone now. I think it's best to die without spreading my diseased seed.
  15. Unlikely. Lamictal does not hit, to any significant amount, hit serotonin. It is not just by chance that most of the meds that can help with withdrawal from a SSRI strongly effect serotonin.
  16. Just one more question. Do you think taking lamictal will minimize the effects of paxil withdrawl? I read they don't fully understand how it even works.
  17. Starting residential on Wednesday. Nervous about insurance coverage, but hopeful about getting better.
  18. Yes, I do this a lot. My tdoc thinks my paranoia is partly driven by projected guilt. I dislike myself and feel worthy of punishment, so I believe other people dislike me and are out to punish me somehow. I don't know how to stop doing it, though. Or even why I have so much negativity towards myself.
  19. I'm already on tons of medication because of my bipolar disorder. I had been relatively stable and in a good place before I got pregnant, but a complicated pregnancy plus traumatic birth experience destabilized me. in the 6 years following the birth, I've gone from one med to 5... Hoping to get off of some of them soon. Luckily I have a very attentive psychiatrist and have made an appointment to get some therapy. I would like to try EMDR.
  20. I would see a professional therapist/pdoc, but sounds like PTSD to me. Any kind of event that was traumatic for you could possibly lead to PTSD. In fact, many people have PTSD from childhood, without even remembering the exact moment it started. The Body remembers....and your "emotional body" outside the rational thinking brain, trauma can be buried within and when triggered suddenly it can cause intense outbursts (random flashback type thoughts/images and crying spells, breakdowns) i think it can be very difficult to work through. I wish you luck in getting help through this. I think trying to find the right therapist you trust and medication are a good place to start.
  21. CHanging therapists

    Ive had him since january. i wish i had his email addreess but i dont. he works for my pdoc. you just schedule all at the same place. so id be switching to a diff therapist in the same group. I have tried saying i wanna work on things or try things, but we never do.
  22. Has anyone here come to realize the moments when you are projecting in a relationship? By Projection, I mean the behavior where you do not accept your own thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings as your own. These "unwanted" feelings or thoughts are dealt with by being projected / placed outside of yourself or attributed to someone else... I've noticed (as a chronically depressed, anxious, highly-sensitive person) that I have a habit of often projecting, and misinterpreting other's behavior as critical, unloving, uncaring, angry and disapproving...when in fact, these are the constant ruminations that I have about MYSELF. This is simply how my brain operates in the world. I'm VERY critical of myself (I often see myself as unlovable, unworthy, lazy, too emotional, disorganized, I never do anything right)... Ex: Someone communicates a neutral statement to me, but I over analyze and read into it emotionally, and start feeling and questioning that the person is angry with me or disapproves of me. Anyone experience this? How do you de-program your automatic projections?
  23. CHanging therapists

    It's always awkward I agree. If you've only "tried him out" a few times, you may not need to make a big deal, sometimes I'm just vague and say....well I really need to check my calendar, quite busy next 2 weeks....Can I email you about scheduling? And then send an email saying I've decided to take a break with therapy or I'm having financial problems...or the commute is too far.... There have been times where I told the person I wanted to try a therapist that uses different expertise or methods (CBT, DBT or whatever). Or I dunno, if you feel really bold, you can say I'm not feeling any improvement or I feel worse when I leave the session....
  24. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Not too bad. Productive busy day and feel like I'm sort of on top of things...well, somewhat.
  25. Manic

    Using a week or 2 of 20mg Prozac after weaning off is helpful. Cymbalta & Effexor have very short half life, and Prozac keeps a more even keel of the serotonin in your system (so you don't have the intense drop-off). You might want to consider if you start getting those brain zaps... Go down slowly, the worst is when you get to the lowest dose but all depends on how long you've been on the med.
  26. CHanging therapists

    I was given this one by my newer pdoc, but i feel he doesnt do much. we get along ok, but im kinda over him. How do you go about switching. Do you tell him? Theres other ppl in the group that works for my pdoc, i can jsut schedule with them...........i hate confrontation
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