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About TakeAChillPill

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    Cats, nature, spirituality, philosophy, food, eating, online scrabble, photography, modeling, music.

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  1. Listening to 60s music- reminiscing and daydreaming but mostly dreaming. I had dessert after dinner. It was so unhealthy but tomorrow is a new day. I feel mad because my mom keeps saying I'm in a bad mood all the time but I feel like she is imagining it plus she thinks I'm thinking something or troubled just because I'm quiet. We see each other every day for dinner and talk on the phone a lot too. There's not much to say sometimes. She thinks she "knows" what I'm thinking all the time which is a delusion or misconception. I'm tired of her asking me what I'm thinking. I tell her "nothing" which is the truth but she won't accept that as the answer. Crazy. She INSISTS I AM thinking something and that she "knows" what it is or that it's bad and that I'm upset. Thats enough to make anyone flustered. I'm going to tell my Dr. the next time I see her.
  2. So I think I'm done with my sheep painting. I've heard from two different people that i should try to add more details to the cherry blossoms. I don't know if I will. Maybe. kind of believe that part of its beauty is the simplicity. I like it the way it its and am having trouble seeing it from their perspective.
  3. I will talk to my Dr about adding Remeron. Thank you.
  4. This is good to know. Thank you. I have been strung out all night with a force I'm unaccustomed to. It might be akathisia a it's finest because although I have an inner restlessness, I don't have racing thoughts or any changes in mood. I only feel frustrated when I try to shut down and go to sleep. I am thinking the generic Wellbutrin is to blame. I also found out from my mother who set up my pill cases at the beginning of the week that I've been on generic Abilify, for almost a week. My generic is Aripiprozole. I am not sure of Welly can cause akathisia but I'll google that one. Maybe it is the Aripiprozole. Either way I don't know why it's so hard to just relax. I took NyQuil and a little Benadryl at 10:30pm and I haven't done that in a long time. Not only am I still awake now at almost 5am, I also am not even the slightest bit tired. Stupid Generics.
  5. What's good? Bran flakes with blueberries and whole milk.
  6. @paintedsky That is profoundly great advice which is why I hit like on your post. @JustGotOut I thought I'd be a leading scientist, professional astrologer, world famous artist, famous Hollywood actress, a Saint, and a professional basketball player. Maybe I would even find a cure for cancer! God knows I was out there on another planet but I survived! Here I am at age 36 living off my parents and not having a job. The crazy thing is that I'm not even sick anymore- especially on meds! I might be a little wonky without them. :-). I am happier than most other people but only because I've been through my own personal hell and now I have no symptoms and I feel WELL. I've been okay for quite some time meaning several years. My main problem is I'm morbidly obese. That's a matter of compulsive eating. I still get around like everyone else. My hobbies are painting and making jewelry with store bought beads, CrazyBoards, online scrabble, and facebook. I am a great friend, daughter, sister and Aunt. I need to improve but I am very content. I think I had the right idea when I was in Kindergarten and said I'd like to wash cars when I grew up- that and water plants. My dreams if gradeur started in adolescence and ended with Zyprexa. Ha! I have a wonderful support team but I am also very good at being my own support team when necessary. I use self-love. I utilize my great imagination in order to give myself a lot of positive mental feedback. Sorry for talking about myself so much. I know how you feel because reality has slapped me in the face many, many times along my journey and I at one point I lost all my will to live. Actually that was more than one point. Everyones different. Some people are better off not working and like Sky said most people are self-centered and want to talk about themselves. When people ask me I say "I'm not working right now" because it implies I've worked before and will again. I used to bag groceries at a supermarket. Take note: grocery stores hire handicapped people to bag groceries but they also hire young or inexperienced people to do the job as well. You can work your way up to being a cashier easily once you're already an employee of the store. I was 26 when I got that job and it was basicslly my first job. I got bored and lost motivation after two years of bringing in carts and bagging groceries. I tried starting my own blog on google. I never acquired any followers. My blog was centered around my obsession with clothes and food. I don't talk about having a a Mental Illness. I would need to be a much better writer to be more entertaining and get an audience. I stick to things I can do sufficiently. I never thought I'd create good art until recently and I'm pretty old. I wanted to be an artist my whole life but my eagerness and thirst for perfection turned out to be a recipe for stuff that was not that great. I grew into my creativity but it took decades of trial and error and even now I have some limitations but I just know how to fake it. What I mean is that I am not good at detail and my technique is perhaps childish but what I have succeeded in doing is using the skills I do have and my own unique creativity to make my paintings cool and desirable. I could see a couple of my things being sold at a store like Homegoods. People really like my stuff. It amazes me. I am proud of myself. Stay open and don't be all or nothing. Some people are good plumbers or carpenters. While those jobs sound boring and mundane they are jobs that need to be done. Im still wondering how I will make my own money. I still haven't exactly "grown up." I take courses at the community college sometimes. I surprisingly like to learn. I just don't like the thought of having a career or working. I can do homework and study for exams because I like being a student. Just take it one day at a time. Good luck.
  7. Hello @Vixiepixie and welcome to CB's! I am on and off the dieting wagon myself and binge eating is the main reason I weigh 320 pounds. I hope someone has some wisdom to impart on you here. In the meantime, I can I suggest trying to stock up on produce (fruits and vegetables) and trying to snack on them even binge on them when the cravings hit. I find myself roasting vegetables in the oven at weird hours of the night but obviously it's somewhat better than eating a jar of peanut butter instead. I wish i liked exercise as much as you do. It sounds like you have a running start so to speak. Activity is a big part of the battle. I wonder if maybe you stay on the meds and start getting used to your new environment, that you will not have as many binge urges. I tried Over Eaters Anonymous but they want you to accept that their is a "higher power" and then somehow submit to it and I am not that imaginative or religious so it was not good enough for me. It's pretty much like Alcoholics Anonymous but for over eaters. Weight Watchers face to face, meaning going to actual live meetings, might be something to try. I don't know if you can do it in a foreign country where you do not speak entirely fluently though. I find the meetings help you stay accountable as do the weekly weigh ins. It also gives you a sense of community and kills feelings of isolation. I think i just talked myself into joining weight watchers again! lol. Good luck on your journey.
  8. I'm making the transition to all generic because on my insurance the brand is exorbitantly priced. My Dr. submitted a form requesting they cover brand but to no avail. I have already switched my Wellbutrin 150mg XL to the generic several days ago and so far I haven't turned into newt. LOL Soon I will be switching to generic Prozac and Abilify. My biggest concern is that generic Abilify will have some funky side effects I cannot deal with. I'm only on 7mg. Does anyone have any experience with the generic form of Abilify? Any other advice is welcome.
  9. I worked on a painting and it's coming along pleasingly. I ate lots of fruit instead of junk. I emailed my doc with some concerns about how she handles thing and how it makes me feel. I had a lovely conversation with my mom, my Aunt, and her husband today at my mom's house. I felt very mature and very with it.
  10. Snuggled in for the night and hoping to make up for lost sleep.
  11. I'm making great progress on a new nature painting. I'm really proud of myself.
  12. @nervousbat Such a pretty girl! What lovely haircut! I adhered to my diet today. I showered. I put on a nice outfit for dinner. I'm not used to getting dressed nicely that often.It's actually still kind of casual but it's an improvement nonetheless.
  13. Like a big cranky baby. I don't know of I need sleep, sugar even though it;s a major NO, more stimulation... I'm running out of ideas of things to console myself with. Just a little bit messy but if I get at least a chunk of sleep I will go to the gym tomorrow and start my day off right. Dieting has left me emotional and frail. Don;t get me wrong, I am morbidly obese, I just get so wonky when I start a diet. I'll blog about it I guess. :-/
  14. I ate really super duper healthy today. i hope I stay satisfied. There's always yogurt!
  15. Finished!