mellifluous

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About mellifluous

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  1. i had my partner hide the pliers from me, but i've now ransacked our house looking for them. i would go to the hardware store, but i'd have to leave the house. fuuuuuuuuck! the voices and the urges are just getting worse and worse. i sincerely hope my child wakes soon so i can be distracted from this. i simply cannot follow through on the teeth coming out right now. i need to ring my psychiatrist but i want to do it when i know he won't pick up. the medication adjustment ...shit...this is bad. i need to distract myself but i can't find anything to do to do so.
  2. i have two main issues right now: 1. i need to have a tooth fixed, but i know they'll try to implant another device in me if i do. this has concluded with me feeling urges to take pliers and pull every tooth from my head that has a filling or crown. my husband has hidden the pliers from me. 2. my thoughts keep pouring out of my head where others can see and i can't stop the flow. i'm very non conversational in person right now because all of the words are like magnets of the same charge and can't hang together in speech. i can't find anything or the right thing to say. can anyone here with sz/sza relate? i'm not looking for medical advice here. i'm asking if anyone can relate to having one or both of these situations. how long could you endure it? i had a psych appointment (urgent one) last friday and got a medication adjustment. this weekend was hellish. i have another psych appointment thursday. i know i can make it until thursday. or i think i can. i just really want these devices out of my body and it's getting hard to ...i can't just set this aside. they've been doing this to me for years and i can't let it continue.
  3. just wanted to post to say that i read this and i'm sorry you're struggling with such a rough time. please don't hurt yourself. things can go wrong. maybe print out this post and show to your psychiatrist? so s/he can take you more seriously? best to you, xx
  4. With me, they could tell. So they asked me if I was hearing voices more by saying they could help make the voices stop tormenting me. And they said that my listening to the voices is putting my life at risk, not saving it. That was years abd and years ago though. What I struggle with now is admitting to a new therapist or group person that I have a history of command hallucinations. I also...I will say I am hearing voices. Currently they're giving information/commentary and then others are whispering and snickering. If I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, and with my therapist last week...I give a little at a time. I know it's preferable they're floating so I might not mention they're now embedded in the walls. Be brave though. The more you share the more help then can potentially offer.
  5. i fear greatly that i'm a net negative/a detriment to the lives of those i love the most.
  6. alienated
  7. how many of us have you allowed moderators or other members to run off, VE? you realise that melissa has been run off. nowhere else on these boards are people allowed to come in and post about someone they knew with ___, but that happens all of the time on here. people have been openly hostile to me when i've been struggling and took it upon themselves to message me (on someone's behalf) that i'm triggering. i've never purposely triggered anyone, i've only talked about myself. and people go into that section to gawk and to dispense NON first hand experience advice. if that happened on other sections it would be dealt with. i want to be here so badly, because i have friends here and i want to have a place here. and i tried only doing blogs and not participating in the section *I* am diagnosed with after cerebrus' exchange with me. a lot of people have been run off here. do you not want us here, VE? if so, just say so. or just remove the section. the symptom plus schizophrenia section. i mean, obviously don't because there must be people who rely upon it. it just sucks that we're treated, or have been historically treated,in chat and in threads and in private messages, differently than what is afforded others on here. what happened to there's no hierarchy? if that's true, then why it is it the section that is treated like a free for all? why don't people have to have experience to post there? why is this thread closed so i coulnd't even put it where i'd like: i enjoyed a lot of people on here, including times i've chatted with you. please consider how this site is unfriendly to many schizophrenics. i could put link after link of threads here that've been closed or times it's been permitted for people to ignore the rules so long as NONE of schizophrenics even consider doing that. i know i'm not alone, but i speak only for myself. this place isn't as welcoming as people act like it is...and certainly not managed with uniformly, for all of the different flavours of MI which is why, i'm having a horrible time with voices and i had to have my husband hide the pliers because of my teeth and....i feel like, if i say what's going on someone will say i'm a terrible mother or that it's all my fault (a.k.a. get more meds; have you taken all of your meds)...it's fucking NOT the case that all things are treatment responsive. and that whole pushing just take more, do more, figure it out, go talk to your doctor...ignores the fact taht this is a chronic fucking condition. this place doesn't offer support to all when it's needed most. just to some. and it's bullshit. you can do better.
  8. hey there long time glad you're (mostly) well. i had a baby. she's two now. xx
  9. i've felt physical sensations. in my head. i've heard them through my skull, too.

    i read your post and i'm not posting on the forum anymore, but didn't want to leave a friend feeling alone. i hear you and that's happened to me. xx

  10. soon off to psych appointment i fear him requiring i go to the hospital. but maybe he should. i do not know take care, melli xx
  11. i have sz, not sza defo have worsened more decompensation over time.
  12. no not really but i will.... i took my zyprexa should hlep soon i've missedyou maybe will emai detail unwell this hell.ihate hell.i want peace, but i am in pieces of me fragment floating and falling like snow falls but there's no ground