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About mellifluous

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  1. i've taken it/am taking it for OCD (intrusive thoughts, specifically), but i haven't taken it for schizophrenia because i get agitation a lot and it's said to be activating if that's already a big problem for you when psychotic. i would say it helped with the intrusive thoughts within a couple of weeks. i only take 10 mg though. i take it in the morning because it would keep me up if i took it later. i think it should work fairly quickly for you or you should check in with your psychiatrist. x
  2. to my in laws i'm totally a crazy person. my partner's family has a little alcoholism and probably some anxiety/depression sprinkled through the tree. they think i'm.... i don't know how to put it, but the things my mother-in-law has said to me... ohmyfuck! i hear you.
  3. Not always, but when I have strong negative symptoms present, then yes, definitely.
  4. Exactly as hydrocat and redhead suggested. I have a history of attempts and though none have been via overdose, my psychiatrist doesn't think it worth the risk in giving me something I potentially could OD on and succeed.
  5. i take low dose seroquel at night and it hasn't caused me to gain weight. i haven't lost weight, but i'm already on the slim side.
  6. i really want to try this as it would reduce the number of meds i take overall if i could take one thing only for OCD. my psychiatrist won't give it to me because it can be lethal.
  7. i was going to reply to the continuous usage part (i take ativan daily as catatonia preventative and have xanax PRN) because i've done that for years and i've also abruptly discontinued all of my meds loads of times and not suffered withdrawal. i don't recommend doing that as they lower the seizure threshold and if you're prone at all to seizures, or even if not, you can have them if you abruptly discontinue at the amount i take. but then i saw people saying that they're meds were immediately discontinued when inpatient and that's fucking nuts! that's not been my experience and i've been in the hospital a lot. i think that sounds so backwards. i haven't tried trintellix (i take low-dose zoloft and abilify, but for OCD) but i hope it works. i don't know about the vibrating. can you call a psych nurse to ask? and finally, the liver question. i do get regular blood tests (for clozaril) and i have quarterly types of other tests. i've never had a bad one and i've taken a lot of meds. i think you'll likely be fine. : )
  8. My friend sent me this link and I thought I'd share https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01596608
  9. what do you think it means to dream about dying?

    Hmm. I have both paranoid schizophrenia and OCD so anxiety is definitely around me. I haven't had a panic attack in a while. Well at least not this week I'm certain. But yeah I have anxiety of sorts I'm currently on Ativan as catatonia preventative and Xanax PRN. It's weird what my phone capitalizes. Anyway, I think the thing that worries me about telling professionals is that I don't want them to go away necessarily. I know that might sound messed up but I keep wanting to go back to it. It's just gives me such peace but in a that's not the point but the point is that I do have anxiety in my diagnoses and I can see this being a manifestation of that sorta. But I'm on so much clozaril I don't actively want to die right now. So it's weird in that way, too. Thanks for the input everyone x
  10. what do you think it means to dream about dying?

    most often lately it's been that i'm hanging myself, but successfully. the sheets are all crisp and fresh and bleached and i do it on my fire escape. it hurts and i struggle a bit and then it all goes dark and i wake up. the only difference between that and my most recent attempt is that i haven't cut open my arms or tried to vitamix and drink my pills AND i don't get interrupted by the cleaning lady showing up 1.5 hours early when i'm dreaming. i've also had successful bridge jumps in dreams but i wake when i'm falling right before i hit the water. i haven't dreamed of decapitating myself, which is the other attempt i made. so i guess it's just those two ways. though, now that i think about it, i did try to slit my throat in a dream semi recently. not really the same, but was more successful than that decapitation thing played out. i guess bottom line is that i do die in the dreams, but then it goes dark or i wake up. the thing is...i'm not super keen on killing myself at the moment. if anything, the med increase just started working, literally, yesterday and i have very little going on voices-wise again today. they wear me down, but ...i don't know. i just don't know why i'm having these dreams and having them now...it's a mystery to me. x
  11. regularly. it's always suicide but it's different means. sometimes it's reliving but succeeding at the ones i have tried. when i wake up i always want to go right back to sleep. i don't want to tell my psychiatrist or therapist this just yet. i need to figure out how i feel about it. energized, buoyant, at peace...are probably not the right things to say. i need to get this under control. so, any thoughts? what's the psychoanalysis on that? it's so brutal when it's happening, but then i fantasize about it, if you know what i mean, and romanticise it in these dreams and upon waking. it's gruesome what i've done to myself, though, you know, in non dream life? why the fuck am i attracted to it in these dreams?
  12. this brief rant is brought to you by things people have endured or reported enduring, the letter p and the number five. WHY are people so quick to remove people from care when they're clearly unwell? the treatment some friends of mine have received is absolutely abysmal. if i missed my weekly appointments, i would get phone calls. i have been discharged from IP when still unwell AMA, but never when suicidal; on the contrary, they hold me against my will. what the fuck? i don't believe people are misrepresenting things, so, what the hell? why are mental health professionals so messed up in some cases? it's more frequently than you'd think would be allowable or even just statistically likely having bad apples in a profession, etc. it seems that a lot of people are treated like shit by professionals IN THE FIELD...i mean...what the fuck? who's supposed to know better than to do such things?
  13. it's possible not to gain weight on clozaril. i don't tend to gain weight on meds generally, but that includes clozaril and zyprexa--two meds that often end up with weight gain. i'm not saying you should or shouldn't try it, but that it's possible it could work and you can avoid the weight gain.
  14. Ask for Help, they say...

    yes and no... i feel that way when i'm lonely, but then when i have too many people in my life i can't juggle them all. it's really a double edged sword for me. on the one hand i want more interaction, but on the other, i can't handle much more. xx
  15. Trying to control OCD

    I hope it helps! xx