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About malachite

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  • Birthday January 6

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    Western U.S.

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  1. I am shocked and disgusted by this. Is this a new FDA policy or an old one? It seems like societal thinking on MI and policy is going backward in some cases rather than forward. @Raven's Soul, you have every reason to feel hurt and stigmatized, because *you were.* It is completely ignorant and wrong and I am sorry that happened to you.
  2. I am posting this in the hopes that it helps someone else with chronic migraines. For years I had regular and very long-lasting migraines. After first getting them 15 years ago, they kept increasing in frequency and duration. A little over a year ago, my pdoc suggested testing me for the MTHFR gene mutation in the hopes of helping my depression with L-methylfolate if I did have it. I have the heterozygous form of the mutation, which means I can convert *some* folic acid to folate in my body but my ability to do so is hampered. After a few months on Enlyte, my migraines disappeared. I know this likely isn't the cause of most people's migraines, but I wanted to share in case it helps anyone else suffering. My pdoc has a couple other patients with migraines and the MTHFR mutation whose episodes have been greatly reduced due to prescription supplementation. I never thought I could be free from the hell my migraines caused me.
  3. I think there can be value in working toward acceptance. I believe you when you say no treatments have worked and are unlikely to work in the future. I think there is a modality called Radical Acceptance but I am not well-versed in it.
  4. I would say in my experience that benzos don't treat my depression directly, but since my anxiety and depression are enmeshed in some sort of sick love affair with each other, benzos are very helpful in turning my anxiety to a lower volume and keeping me from getting overly agitated in a depressive episode. In that sense, they are helpful for certain aspects of my depression and for my anxiety generally.
  5. I have tried turmeric for a long time without effect. Do you find chaga more helpful?
  6. Without getting too much into the long story, I am dealing with severe joint pain. I suspect EDS and am working on getting in to a geneticist who specializes in it. In the meantime, I have tried more things than I want to count to deal with my pain, and my doctor refuses to prescribe pain meds that would actually be effective. Has anyone here tried chaga tincture or other forms of chaga for pain? I got some yesterday for a trial run and would love to hear from others who have tried it.
  7. ECT

    I am so glad my words brought you comfort. Honestly, I have felt so traumatized by ECT that I haven't spoken much about it with professionals. I have mentioned it, but not really unpacked my trauma. Not because they wouldn't be open and supportive, but in the way that all trauma works and tries to make us avoid it because it hurts and scares us. I wish I had spoken of it sooner to the right professional, and I hope you can find someone you trust in order to process and grieve and hopefully not have this trauma stay with you forever. Earlier processing probably means fewer emotional scars later on.
  8. ECT

    Yes, it can be effective for people. Most of the people (though not all) that I know who were helped by ECT had temporary results, however, unless they were willing to do maintenance treatments. It sounds like it really helped you though, and I am happy it did. Depression does make us desperate, and I am thrilled for anyone who gets relief in whatever way works for them. For myself, I wish docs had pushed other med options first (stimulants, which have given me the best remission in over 20 years and which I started a few months ago, or MAOIs.) My doc did mention possible memory side effects, but stressed how rare and temporary they were. He also mentioned nothing of the ECT delirium I had. I wish I had known that was a possibility. Oh, and I didn't find your response to be asshole-ish! I like having civil discussions and getting lots of perspectives!
  9. ECT

    Lifequake, I cannot begin to understand the utter devastation ECT has had on your brain, body, and life. I am so deeply sorry, I have no words to even express it. After my horrible experience with ECT, I truly wanted to work on banning it in this country (it is banned in many others.) So many folks told me of how much it helped them though that I thought my experience was just a huge anomaly. I have PTSD due to having it. I do not believe that the medical establishment's idea of informed consent is close to adequate. First of all, if you have a patient so depressed they are considering getting their brain shocked repeatedly, you have a patient who is desperate and who likely has cognitive impairment due to severe depression. Secondly, there is never a mention of how often things don't work, or worse, are detrimental to the patient. Only after I had delirium from ECT did my doctor inform us that 12 percent of ECT patients experience this! I was never even told it was a possibility! Honestly, I have barely faced the memory loss I have. It's hard to remember what you have forgotten, right? For me, it's long-term stuff, I think. But I also have had trauma and years of depression so I am sure that's what docs would pin it on. I would like to be of comfort and assistance to you, in any small way I can. You have always been a good friend to me here on cb, and I imagine what you are going through is terrifying, infuriating, and sorrowful. If you would like to message me we could talk about what I might do to be there for you. I would be honored if you did.
  10. ECT

    Lifequake, I have been away from the boards for awhile, but just read your posts. I am profoundly sad and sorry to hear the negative effects ECT had on you. I don't know the details of the deleterious effect it had on you. My experiences with ECT were not good. I wanted to offer you one glimmer of hope though, and feel free to disregard if it's not applicable to your experience. I had some cognitive impairment post-ECT. Difficulty finding the correct words to express a point and difficulty spelling. Both these things previously came very easily to me so it was extremely frustrating and absolutely devastating. After about six months, however, these issues resolved. I very much hope this will be the case for you.
  11. This is exactly the thread I need right now! I am 38 and time is running out. In addition to my mental cooties, I have some physical problems including diabetes triggered by prior use of aaps. I am on 9 drugs right now (slowly weaning off one.) My pdoc is very supportive if I do want to get pregnant. I have always, always, always wanted a child. Kids love me; I spent a lot of time working with kids before going on ssdi. I agree with the above posters that infants are weird and it's kind of scary caring for them. But once a kid reaches the age of 1, I adore every age from then on. My partner and I don't have a support system for a kid if I go off the rails, nor enough money to hire help. I worry about my health going through pregnancy and childbirth and getting off meds that are dangerous before conceiving. And lack of sleep during infancy and worry about my child and, well...everything. I vacillate about whether to have a child all the time. Can't really afford to not make up my mind much longer and doubt with my MI history we could adopt.
  12. Yes. I had this exact experience when quitting. I quit for 3.5 years but then went back. I found what helped me in the first few months was the patch PLUS the gum for when a craving hit. Idk how much you smoked, but the research I have read points to using more nicotine replacement rather than less for success. The other thing I used was an online support forum. That was also helpful. If you do use the patch, remember to take it off at night or you will likely have horrible nightmares. This depression due to quitting won't last forever btw. If you can get through the first weeks/months, it should dissipate. Don't feel ridiculous for your reaction. There is a reason people with MI have such high rates of smoking. You are doing a really hard thing, and smoking is considered the most addictive substance there is. Be good to yourself during this time. Maybe set up a reward system for something you do with the money you're saving. I found I had to give myself frequent, small treats rather than saving all the money for one big thing. Also, if you are in crisis with a plan for suicide, please reach out to someone. I wish you all the luck in the world.
  13. Parents and Cats!

    Declawing is pure mutilation. I am glad you are so against it and very sorry your mom had your cat declawed while you were in the hospital. I had a thought: what about adopting an older cat from the shelter whose previous owner declawed them? That way your kitty could have a companion, your dad would be mollified, and you wouldn't be inflicting pain and cruelty on a cat.
  14. I want today to be done but I don't want tomorrow. 

    1. lifequake


      I know this feeling well.  I hope you find some comfort today, mal.

  15. For those reeling from the U.S. election

    I am waking up every day in a cold sweat, horrified that Trump has been elected. It feels apocalyptic. I vacilate between stunned and terrified. He is an extremely volatile person, and the people he is selecting to run his administration are white supremacist billionaires. I can't believe it. I never labored under the delusion that America was equal opportunity or truly democratic, but this is an extreme we have never seen before.