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malachite

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About malachite

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  • Birthday January 6

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  • Gender
    Unicorn
  • Location
    Western U.S.

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50788 profile views
  1. Daily Mugshot (Reboot)

  2. I definitely relate! I have PTSD (went a very long time before being diagnosed,) and for me I think my lack of ability to know what the right thing to do is from a lack of trust in myself due to trauma. Despite cognitively understanding that the abuse that happened to me was not my fault, I still blame myself, still think if I had made different decisions (even as a child!) the traumatic events would not have occurred. Since that is my perspective, how could I ever trust myself again? It comes back to a fundamental (erroneous) belief that I cannot keep myself safe.
  3. I hope it helps you as it has helped me!
  4. I did a ton of research on this years ago for myself. It is really important to look at EPA and DHA levels per capsule, not just omega-3s. Basically, drugstore brands are useless unless you were to take an enormous number of the capsules per days. I get mine on Amazon. A brand called Innovix labs. They are not small pills, but no fish burp afterwards. I can't remember the exact DHA/EPA amount per pill, but the combination of the two in one pill is almost 1000mg. I found working up to taking three a day best for my mood. Don't start at that dosage however; your GI system won't be happy!
  5. What about listening to podcasts? I find them more engaging than music and there are so many different ones that you could find something to match your interests. Right now I listen to NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Two Dope Queens, and The Hilarious World of Depression.
  6. After many years of waiting until my depression had flared up severely and for a long period time to ask about med increases, I set a rule for myself of three days of obviously (to me) endogenous depression before reaching out to my provider. I have not always stuck to that rule (unfortunately) and it hasn't always meant an increase for me but it often does, and I am at least alerting my provider before it gets so bad that I don't reach out at all. As far as second guessing yourself, I get that! For me, depression inevitably has me distrusting my own knowledge and also blaming myself if symptoms return. Which is a red flag that, yes, I need assistance. I am happy you called your pdoc and hope the Prozac increase is helpful!
  7. I am shocked and disgusted by this. Is this a new FDA policy or an old one? It seems like societal thinking on MI and policy is going backward in some cases rather than forward. @Raven's Soul, you have every reason to feel hurt and stigmatized, because *you were.* It is completely ignorant and wrong and I am sorry that happened to you.
  8. I am posting this in the hopes that it helps someone else with chronic migraines. For years I had regular and very long-lasting migraines. After first getting them 15 years ago, they kept increasing in frequency and duration. A little over a year ago, my pdoc suggested testing me for the MTHFR gene mutation in the hopes of helping my depression with L-methylfolate if I did have it. I have the heterozygous form of the mutation, which means I can convert *some* folic acid to folate in my body but my ability to do so is hampered. After a few months on Enlyte, my migraines disappeared. I know this likely isn't the cause of most people's migraines, but I wanted to share in case it helps anyone else suffering. My pdoc has a couple other patients with migraines and the MTHFR mutation whose episodes have been greatly reduced due to prescription supplementation. I never thought I could be free from the hell my migraines caused me.
  9. I think there can be value in working toward acceptance. I believe you when you say no treatments have worked and are unlikely to work in the future. I think there is a modality called Radical Acceptance but I am not well-versed in it.
  10. I would say in my experience that benzos don't treat my depression directly, but since my anxiety and depression are enmeshed in some sort of sick love affair with each other, benzos are very helpful in turning my anxiety to a lower volume and keeping me from getting overly agitated in a depressive episode. In that sense, they are helpful for certain aspects of my depression and for my anxiety generally.
  11. I have tried turmeric for a long time without effect. Do you find chaga more helpful?
  12. Without getting too much into the long story, I am dealing with severe joint pain. I suspect EDS and am working on getting in to a geneticist who specializes in it. In the meantime, I have tried more things than I want to count to deal with my pain, and my doctor refuses to prescribe pain meds that would actually be effective. Has anyone here tried chaga tincture or other forms of chaga for pain? I got some yesterday for a trial run and would love to hear from others who have tried it.
  13. ECT

    I am so glad my words brought you comfort. Honestly, I have felt so traumatized by ECT that I haven't spoken much about it with professionals. I have mentioned it, but not really unpacked my trauma. Not because they wouldn't be open and supportive, but in the way that all trauma works and tries to make us avoid it because it hurts and scares us. I wish I had spoken of it sooner to the right professional, and I hope you can find someone you trust in order to process and grieve and hopefully not have this trauma stay with you forever. Earlier processing probably means fewer emotional scars later on.
  14. ECT

    Yes, it can be effective for people. Most of the people (though not all) that I know who were helped by ECT had temporary results, however, unless they were willing to do maintenance treatments. It sounds like it really helped you though, and I am happy it did. Depression does make us desperate, and I am thrilled for anyone who gets relief in whatever way works for them. For myself, I wish docs had pushed other med options first (stimulants, which have given me the best remission in over 20 years and which I started a few months ago, or MAOIs.) My doc did mention possible memory side effects, but stressed how rare and temporary they were. He also mentioned nothing of the ECT delirium I had. I wish I had known that was a possibility. Oh, and I didn't find your response to be asshole-ish! I like having civil discussions and getting lots of perspectives!
  15. ECT

    Lifequake, I cannot begin to understand the utter devastation ECT has had on your brain, body, and life. I am so deeply sorry, I have no words to even express it. After my horrible experience with ECT, I truly wanted to work on banning it in this country (it is banned in many others.) So many folks told me of how much it helped them though that I thought my experience was just a huge anomaly. I have PTSD due to having it. I do not believe that the medical establishment's idea of informed consent is close to adequate. First of all, if you have a patient so depressed they are considering getting their brain shocked repeatedly, you have a patient who is desperate and who likely has cognitive impairment due to severe depression. Secondly, there is never a mention of how often things don't work, or worse, are detrimental to the patient. Only after I had delirium from ECT did my doctor inform us that 12 percent of ECT patients experience this! I was never even told it was a possibility! Honestly, I have barely faced the memory loss I have. It's hard to remember what you have forgotten, right? For me, it's long-term stuff, I think. But I also have had trauma and years of depression so I am sure that's what docs would pin it on. I would like to be of comfort and assistance to you, in any small way I can. You have always been a good friend to me here on cb, and I imagine what you are going through is terrifying, infuriating, and sorrowful. If you would like to message me we could talk about what I might do to be there for you. I would be honored if you did.
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