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About saoirse

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  • Birthday 06/30/1990

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  1. I saw my tdoc for the first time in a long time but I've started to notice things about her that I hadn't before.... For instance, she said she'd get some paperwork and explain it to me, but she never did. And she focuses a LOT on my diagnosis rather than my symptoms. When I expressed that I was concerned that I had Borderline Personality Disorder, she shot that down without a blink but her only explanation was that "BPD is usually caused by abuse or neglect" which I know isn't exactly true, is it? Besides, I'm starting to wonder if I'm not repressing some past abuse/neglect myself, or maybe have not just processed it fully. It scares me and I don't know how she'd respond if I brought it up. She said, "You sound manic" or something and I did NOT sound manic I sounded confused and maybe quasi-psychotic and paranoid. i don't know. What are your red flags with tdocs? What would make you run in the opposite direction? edit:// Oh, I forgot to add, it doesn't feel like we get anything /done/, you know? Like we just talk. And she makes me feel better about my worries (not my paranoia tho, I spent the whole session believing that she could read my mind) but what's the point of therapy if we don't accomplish anything?
  2. I did a partial hospitalization program where the main therapy used was DBT and it really helped me. Since it ended I haven't gone back to my binder because I'm afraid I'm not smart enough to work through the skills on my own... but I need to get back into it. Sometimes I wonder if my 'manias' have just all been the side effects of drugs and I'm really BPD. I know SSRI's and some antipsychotics are activating to more than just BP people. It doesn't explain the extended psychosis I've had, though.... but I guess here is not the place for this ramble. It just sucks because taking some pills when you're anxious is easy and I found some of the DBT stuff challenging. But ideally I would like to be off the benzos. I don't know where this anxiety has come from.
  3. No.... I don't know anything about it other than what I've read on here. Is it helpful for anxiety? I remember I tried low dose Haldol for the anxiety and it was like taking a sugar pill.
  4. My anxiety has been very severe lately. I wake up with my heart pounding and there's an awful tension in my chest. The benzos I take aren't enough and my doctor said that he would consider adding another medication. I don't do well on SSRIs or Buspar. Gabapentin did nothing. Another user helpfully pointed out that some people find success with low dose typical antipsychotics. Has anyone here ever been prescribed an antipsychotic for anxiety? I'm hoping to stop the Seroquel but it does nothing for my anxiety anyhow.
  5. I think Abilify is known to be activating. It made me manicky, and when I asked my pdoc about it he said that it could do that. I was on 10 or 15 mg at the time. Taking it in the morning is a good idea; I hope your sleep has improved! If it doesn't I would make an appt with your doctor. Repeated nights of insomnia aren't good for anyone.
  6. These problems can certainly be caused the wonderful duo of depression and anxiety. Depression can cause insomnia or hypersomnia (or maybe it's your anxiety causing the sleep issues), brain fog, sleepiness, troubles with concentration... Depression can cause so many symptoms, and unfortunately none of them are any fun. I would also ask your doctor about Klonopin instead of Ativan.
  7. I was thinking of antipsychotics but I'm already on Latuda and Seroquel. I know Seroquel works for anxiety for some but it's never done a thing for me; it doesn't even make me tired. I wish I could go off of it honestly, I prefer less medication to more. I see my pdoc in three weeks... not sure if I can hold out that long with this anxiety. I may see him sooner. Thanks for your advice.
  8. Yeah, I try to be completely honest with him but the anxiety has been so bad that I don't know if I could function without the benzos. I don't know what other medication he would try... don't they usually use SSRI's for anxiety? The last time I was on an SSRI I went hypomanic and they stopped it. Buspar, nope, Gabapentin, nope. I don't know what else he would try.
  9. My mood is stable - my lithium levels are perfect the pdoc said, and I've always responded well to lithium. But my anxiety is off the charts and I've been taking more benzos than I was prescribed.... so then I don't have any for a period of time until the next refill. My problem is that I've always had a high tolerance to well, just about anything-- booze, drugs, pills. Should I tell my pdoc what I've been doing? I know I'm not abusing them to get high, I'm abusing them to stop the anxiety for a few hours, but at my last appointment he said if my anxiety doesn't get better he might add another medication, which he doesn't really want to do. I'm afraid that if I tell him I've been taking more than prescribed he will stop prescribing me benzos and they're the only thing that helps with my anxiety. I can't take SSRI's; they sometimes make me suicidal, sometimes manicky, Buspar made me rage, Gabapentin did nothing. I'm just not sure what to do. Preferably I would like to be off of the benzos altogether but it's amazing how quick doctors will give you Xanax or Ativan if you have a bipolar diagnosis. Should I just try to take only the prescribed dosage with my next refill? I know I can; it's just hard when it barely takes the edge of my anxiety.
  10. When I'm anxious I worry and ruminate and sometimes freeze up. When I'm paranoid I'm genuinely frightened (except for that one grandiose psychosis... thing.... where I thought I was all powerful). Also when I'm paranoid I often see "evidence" of it surrounding me -- things look brighter, harsher. Tilted. I would not wish the paranoia I've felt on my worst enemy. edit:// also, when I'm genuinely paranoid (not anxious) nothing anyone says will soothe me. I don't believe them. I'm trapped in my own mind.
  11. I'm really sorry that you've had to go through all of that. Wow. I'm so sorry. As to your question, I have also heard that sociopathy "lessens" with age. I have an uncle who is diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder. They knew from when he was a child. He doesn't seem to have much of a conscience and has been in and out of jail a few times. But now he's middle-aged and seemingly normal (whatever 'normal' is).... He's happily married to a non-sociopathic woman and they seem, well, happy. He even came over to my house when I was scared and did some stuff to put my mind at ease. I don't know if all sociopaths mellow out, but my uncle sure seemed to. He can be very charming; I've read that is a trait found in many sociopaths, though I don't know for sure.
  12. When I'm depressed or paranoid I struggle with this. When I was in a bad psychotic episode for months I showered maybe once a week. I was too scared to go outside so it wasn't like anyone had to see me. Still, I always feel better after I shower, and now that I am not psychotic or depressed, it's much easier to get done. Seconding that if you just can't do it, wash your hair in the sink and clean under your arms with a wash towel-- it's easier to do and might even make you feel a lot better. I wish I had better advice for you, but good job persisting and trying to do it. If the anxiety is so bad, maybe a benzo would help, but obviously I'm not a doctor. Maybe it is time to get the anxiety addressed.
  13. Surprised that the Lamictal isn't giving you a bit of a boost... It felt like it did that for me, but then again, it is a mood stabilizer. Maybe I was just slightly hypo when I was on it. Seconding that it could also be the Invega. I have never felt this "flat" Lithium effect so I can't help you there, sorry. But I hope it goes away for you soon!
  14. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Calm, even. I slept well last night for the first time in a while with the help of a sleeping pill (Seroquel wasn't doing the trick). Contemplative.
  15. Same. It doesn't always work out like that for me -- sometimes I'll have a few nights of bad insomnia and feel like crap -- but that time the less I slept, the more wide awake I felt. Ahhhh, mentally ill brains.