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saoirse

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About saoirse

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    "seer-sha"
  • Birthday 06/30/90

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  1. My hypomanias are usually brief and escalate quickly.
  2. Abilify was never activating for me, and I sleep fine on it. It's like a godsend for me, so I'm glad. But it does do that to many people, it seems like.
  3. Thanks to everyone who replied, I appreciate it. I got in to see the doctor today. After listening to me he decided to raise my Risperdal dosage. I am taking my meds again, although I was off of them for a while. Does anyone know how long it takes for Risperdal to kick in? I am so tired of this fear. And I need to know whether or not my suspicions are real because it's making me feel almost ill.
  4. The last few weeks have been rough... I don't think I'm really in an episode. I'm just severely panicky and anxious on and off, and always worried, and it feels like there's a ball of horrible energy surging in my chest. I've turned agoraphobic practically, and don't really leave the house. I feel like people are watching me through my phone/ipad at times, but at other times (like now) I realize that's probably not the case. I'm highly anxious about what people think of me and it takes me forever to send texts because I edit them over and over. I am now fairly positive that there are a few people who have banded together in order to humiliate me in a pretty spectacular fashion, though, and it's awful having to wait for it to happen. When I try to explain it to people they don't get it, and I have to be vague anyway. They don't understand that the whole point of this planned humiliation is that it's carefully constructed to look like I'm just making most of it up because I'm crazy. I'm terrified of this future humiliation though, and it's hard to sleep now since I've put it together in my head. I'm suspicious of anyone who isn't close family. I feel like everyone is using me for things or is just being nice to me because they pity me. Everything feels connected, but not in a good way. These are frightening connections, and they make me feel almost sick at times. I can't really stand people looking at me while I'm in public, which is part of the reason I've stayed inside so much. A few days ago I was okay, on and off. Now the anxiety/worry is almost unrelenting and it's hard to push it aside. I'm sleeping badly too. I kind of think there's a conspiracy on here and it goes back to the people who have planned to humiliate me, and so I wasn't sure if I should post this. Then I realized that there's probably nothing I can do to stop it, so. I'm posting this in hopes that other people have dealt with similar things so it will be easier to rationalize some of this away, if I can. I have never experienced this sort of thing before and even though I'm pretty positive these people have banded against me, I know that my general suspiciousness and my fear of everyone in my life using me could be irrational. Has anyone dealt with this sort of anxiety before? eta: ok, I just realized this post makes me sound worse than I am. I'm still functioning to some degree, I'm just super anxious in public and get overwhelmed easily when I go out.
  5. manic, and...sleepy?

    I'm pretty sure I almost always feel more profoundly awake and need less sleep when hypo or manic. It's one of the most telling signs for me.
  6. Is this normal?

    Yeah, I've been wondering if I need a new pdoc. I was wondering if this was standard practice or not. It seems to be at the clinic I go to now, but I've seen another psychiatrist in the past (at another practice) and I don't remember him ever doing anything like this. Thankfully I haven't been going "up" at all, but this slow downward trend is miserable. Today is the worst it's been. I feel dead inside. Numb. I haven't had a serious depressive episode in over a year and I am afraid of slipping back into one. I'm also worried about psychosis.
  7. But you don't look crazy...?

    Welcome! Good to hear that you have a great team working with you. That's very important.
  8. So I'm out of three of my five meds, and my pdoc won't refill them. My therapist left the practice, and apparently until I see a tdoc again, they won't refill my prescriptions. Is this normal? I have been on just Abilify and Trileptal, and my mood has been swinging lower and lower. I can feel myself slipping into a depression and it feels totally out of control. I don't know what to do. I've been trying to schedule an appointment with a new tdoc just to get my meds refilled, but I keep missing the tdoc or missing their calls. Not sure what to do, as I'm feeling more and more consistently depressed and my mood is sinking lower and lower. Until I see a tdoc, I guess I'll just "hang in there", but this is miserable.
  9. I've heard that Lamictal is often used with a lot of success for BP II. Lamictal + an AD made me go pretty high, but of course everyone's experiences are different. At the very least, I found it very effective against depression. I'm sad that it doesn't seem to work as an anti-manic for me, because it really seemed to keep the depression away, IIRC. People sometimes get a little manicky during the titration phase, and, as SugarBooger said, it can take a while to get relief from your symptoms. Hang in there.
  10. I'm recovering from a brief "up" spell I had five or six weeks ago that was kicked into overdrive by stimulants I take for another illness. I feel like crap and can't believe I wasn't more careful. I think I managed to lose a few friends and worry the heck out of my parents. I thought I landed smoothly at first, but now it's evident that I didn't. I'm doing my best to act normal but a lot of the time I'm a depressed mess. Ack.
  11. Stimulant Intoxication?

    That's just really, comprehensive, concise advice. Just be on the lookout for any mania that may have been triggered. Like Forbedden said, if it hasn't cleared up in a week, send up the warning flares to your doc. I think it may have helped to kick start some hypomania. My mind is going incredibly fast and I'm euphoric, I feel excellent. I keep getting these little waves of pleasure up and down my body. But I slept pretty well last night so I think I'm okay for now.
  12. Welcome! Is it possible that they were hypnogogic hallucinations? I just ask because I've read that seeing spiders is a common hypnogogic hallucination.
  13. I stopped sleeping a few days ago. I started a new med (dextroamphetamine) for my sleep disorder yesterday. For a while there I was feeling really great but now I'm beginning to get worried. Can low dosages of a stimulant cause psychosis or stimulant intoxication? I used to be on high dosages of adderall and ritalin with no problems other than mild hypomania at the beginning of use. I feel powerful and all knowing but paranoid. I'm wide awake and feel like I'm in love, but it also feels vaguely crazy. Yesterday I thought the TV was talking to me. I'm not schizophrenic so what the heck is going on? I'm not manic. eta: someone keeps calling my house and it's freaking me out. Obviously have discontinued the dextroamphetamine. How long will it take for these effects to wear off?
  14. I'm terrified.

    Hmm, that's interesting. As was said above - bipolar mood swings usually last days, weeks, or months. I've never heard of a bipolar mood swing lasting hours, but I'm not a doctor, of course. Whatever it is, I hope you get to see a psychiatrist soon. Having your mood swing up and down like that must be very frightening.
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