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About sonicwhite

  • Rank
    The great unknown
  • Birthday 04/01/1985

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  • Gender
  • Location
    In your neck of the woods.
  • Interests
    I love Ministry. I have a passion to do the will of God. There is nothing in this world that can fill that hunger....I'm going back to school and I'm not making any excuses.....I love my cat's. Yes I am a cat man......

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  1. 31 days folks. I hope I look back and say thank you to myself.
  2. SSDI work what hours?

    119 SSI. 650 SSDI. So I don’t know how all of this is going to work
  3. SSDI work what hours?

    Is 850 with what I already make. 769 is what I make so I’ll only be able to make less then hundred.
  4. Ok I’m in ssi and SSDI. I’ve been out of work since 08. Im legitimately disabled but I was my most happiest when working. Anyone know now what I can work without losing anything. Not that I’m greedy but I’ve got to get my life back in order. I live in Oklahoma btw so I don’t know if that matters.
  5. Told the doc that gabapentin is a problem. She asked why and I said because I abuse it. She understood and said we will dp a slow wean. I’m thankful I have a doc that doesn’t just cut ppl off of things when their honest. Can anyone one give me some encouragement on gabapentin withdraws?
  6. Almost three months clean

    Today I had a little bit of OCD AND anxiety. Every time I’ve called to get a Xanax since I’ve stopped has been thrawted by divine intervention. Today I was going to buy three 2 mg Xanax to help my anxiety. Well she lost her phone. Last time a huge storm bout blew my buddies car off the road. I believe in divine intervention. I’m almost three months so we and I don’t want to screw that up because I have more anxiety then usual.
  7. It’s amazing in April I told God if I have withdrawals I’m going to go thru it for the sake I need to handle the anxiety on my own. I flushed the xanax I had. I’ve hardly had any withdrawals from it. I have my normal anxiety that’s a sword that will never leave my home. God was faithful in taking it all away. Im not preaching just showing you my victory
  8. In 05 I had a psychotic break. Even when ceasing all drug use the psychosis didn’t go away for like seven months. In 06 I gave my life to Christ. I had a profound peace and joy. I kept having ideas after ideas about being a preacher. I thought i qas called to be the next Billy Graham. i keep bouncing back to the euphoria I was experiencing was due to being born again and not hypo mania. It lasted two years until I got in a anti psychotic and from there my mood crashed into massive obsession and delusions. Can can anyone help me clear my thinking up,
  9. You guys know you can’t reason with OCD. Its jusr my possible worst fear.
  10. For a Christian like myself I hang on everything the Gospel talks about. To me it’s the most important decision you can make. My my worst possible fear is dying, standing before the Almighty. Giving an account of my life. And sent to hell. My pure O OCD latched onto the worst possible outcome. At first my OCD latched onto fear of children. One day I was looking at porn and I immediately got this fear, what if I’m standing before God and doing this. Then it went on from there. I would fear at any moment I was going to be thrusted into hell for all eternity. My anxiety was beyond help. The Worst possible fear had sunk in. Oh how I hate spikes.
  11. I’m scared

    I was abusing my doc that died out of the blue at 42. I used to just try to get pills I knew I could abuse. I wasn’t always that way but when I backslid in faith I wanted something to take away the klonopin depression. I have this fear fear that Dr Holloway killed himself because he was being investigated and that I’m the cause of it. Now I don’t know if he was being investigated and it strikes me as odd that he died so young and before he died he said Daniel I’m just trying to make life easier for you. He died the day before my appointment. Please guys i have have always wondered this but now I feel like it’s a good possibility. Im going to suffer the rest of my life with guilt because I don’t know how he died
  12. I’m thankful I fired my docs last year at this time and started my own wean. I was cut cut cold turkey three mg of klonopin for seven years. I was in what they call it a benzo psychosis. I kept thinking I was actually dead and about to be sent to hell. From July till March I weaned to .25 twice a day then I jumped. It was scary at first but nothing like cold turkey. I highly recommend anyone withdrawalinf from benzos to stay to stay away from engaging about your symptoms. Now or the next drug to tackle is gabapentin.
  13. Yes but when I’m off of it I just feel normal anxiety. I know I’m thru the benzo withdrawals. My suggestion to ppl who want to recover from benzo withdrawals is don’t engage about your symptoms. I fled the benzobuddie forum because it was just making me worse. Since i I banned myself I haven’t dealt with any symptoms.
  14. It’s a great relief for me. I weaned off klonopin and I’m almost two months off and I don’t feel any withdrawals. Just my normal morning anxiety.
  15. Guys. I’m humbled by the Lord. I feel like I’m the worst. There are are too many self righteous Christians who prevent ppl from growing in Christ because they show what they bend delivered of and boast in the self confidence. When i I first can to Christ I thought He chose me because of something good about me. No! It was because of His great love and mercy I see the world the way it should be. Im not even worthy to lift my eyes to the heavens because of my unworthiness. Folks if I ever come across as arrogant I’m sorry. Im trying to weed out the ppl who boast in themselves. Lord have ave mercy of this sinner.