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About lifequake

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    West Coast, USA

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  1. @browri Thank you mucho for that information. Anticholinergics are quite high on the no-no list for TBI. I feel like any shot at quality of life has gone down the drain. Tired of existing in this vacuum post-electrical lobotomy. It's the cruelest thing one could inflict upon another human being. Sorry, needed a rant.
  2. My mom died.

    Tears flowing reading this, saoirse. I am sorry for your loss, the unanswered questions, and the waves of emotion and pain you must be feeling. I once heard someone say that the grief we feel is in proportion to the love we felt. Thinking of you.
  3. 5 mg Trintellix. Started on day 2 of taking it. I ended up involuntarily hospitalized, and guess what? No more Trintellix, no more akathisia/RLS. Every pdoc who says my reactions are "not typical" or "can't happen" can eat my socks. heh
  4. I stopped the Trintellix. Praying the akathisia torture won't last more than a few days to a week. There have to be alternatives.
  5. Living with the horrible akathisia and restlessness feels like a non-option. But clearly can't go on the way I've been living. Catch-22. Took gabapentin, requip, propranolol and still want to run in place and peel the skin off my entire body.
  6. I am on Day 3 of Trintellix, and the restless legs are torture. It's often in my arms, too. Like bugs crawling on my bones. Constant at night, when sitting, or when anxiety spikes. Afraid to contact pdoc. Afraid to take another pill. I want the feeling to be over NOW. I self-medicated with former propranolol and requip Rx's to get through yesterday and last night. My life is so far down the drain after ECT brain damage and TBI. I don't feel suicidal in this moment, but OBGYN and parents urged hospitalization yesterday. Been such a sobbing, psychotic, raging maniac. But I have fucked over all treatment options presented due to fear and intense mistrust of doctors and psychiatry after ECT ruined my life. Trouble making decisions because I am so dependent, cognitively screwed, panicky, violent, aggressive, agitated, depressed. I don't know what to do.
  7. I always had a family member drop off my birth control, as it was something the psych hospital did not carry. They sent it down to the hospital pharmacy for verification and would then administer it once approved as not being crack haha. Process would take a day or so. They gave me my thyroid med when I was taking it after performing labs and after pdoc authorization. Honestly, I think going IP is like playing the lottery. Sometimes you're heard and treated like a human being. Other times, you get an invalidating pdoc and shuffle through the system like a piece of meat on a conveyor belt. Worst case scenario, they lose or do not authorize the Rx, and you'd have to get a new fill from your outside doc upon release.
  8. Going to treatment

    @becca129 I went to Center for Discovery near Sacramento, CA. It feels like several lifetimes ago. If you have questions about ED residential or treatment options (or just need to vent), feel free to PM me.
  9. Like you, I have gotten akathisia on all atypicals and thus tolerate them poorly (e.g. max out on Zyprexa at 1.25 mg). When one is pacing like a caged animal, swinging one's legs in chairs, and writhing in agony lying in bed nightly, it becomes a serious quality of life issue. Frankly, it really gets my goat that your pdoc is not hearing your concerns and understanding the torture that is akathisia. A new pdoc recently convinced me to retry 10 mg of Latuda on an empty stomach (so it would, in effect, be more like 5 mg), and I was reminded that crippling symptoms are almost preferable to bone-burning-ant-crawling akathisia. Going into the med trial with full optimism is your best bet, but experience tells me to suggest a sensible PRN and back-up strategy coordinated with your pdoc. Good luck.
  10. This is my darkest night of the soul. 

  11. ECT

    Thank you for the suggestion, Ice. TMS would be traumatizing. The splitting headaches and burning feeling in my brain make me cry almost daily.
  12. ECT

    I wish I had seen this sooner, mal, as your words are of great comfort. And I cannot believe you had delirium, too!! I realized, only after weeks of delirium, that my nightmarish experience might have a name. Guess I was correct in my self-diagnosis. No idea how I have endured all of this without any professional help or validation, but the severe PTSD and ignorance has made me reticent and mistrustful. Did you see any psychiatrists or medical professionals after the ECT who understood your experience? How did you start to pick up the pieces afterward?
  13. In theory, it can help with both. I just meant that, from my experience, the biggest effect is seen on reducing time it takes to fall asleep vs. keeping me asleep. There are now extended release formulations that might help more in both departments. I know you can purchase it as a liquid, tablet, or sublingual/quick-dissolve tab. Most grocery stores and pharmacies will carry it in the vitamin or diet section. Also, it is not a "more is better" kind of thing, as taking too much can actually disrupt your sleep-wake rhythm.
  14. The "tryptophan ocean" is a myth. Tryptophan, an amino acid, is found in similar quantities in other meats and foods. Steak, chicken, a few servings of cheddar cheese or beans, etc. are just like eating a serving of turkey. The post-Thanksgiving sleepiness is likely due to overeating and consuming a lot of carbs. Hope that helps.