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lifequake

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About lifequake

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    female
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    West Coast, USA

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  1. F^&% you, ECT.

  2. ECT

    Thank you for the suggestion, Ice. TMS would be traumatizing. The splitting headaches and burning feeling in my brain make me cry almost daily.
  3. ECT

    I wish I had seen this sooner, mal, as your words are of great comfort. And I cannot believe you had delirium, too!! I realized, only after weeks of delirium, that my nightmarish experience might have a name. Guess I was correct in my self-diagnosis. No idea how I have endured all of this without any professional help or validation, but the severe PTSD and ignorance has made me reticent and mistrustful. Did you see any psychiatrists or medical professionals after the ECT who understood your experience? How did you start to pick up the pieces afterward?
  4. In theory, it can help with both. I just meant that, from my experience, the biggest effect is seen on reducing time it takes to fall asleep vs. keeping me asleep. There are now extended release formulations that might help more in both departments. I know you can purchase it as a liquid, tablet, or sublingual/quick-dissolve tab. Most grocery stores and pharmacies will carry it in the vitamin or diet section. Also, it is not a "more is better" kind of thing, as taking too much can actually disrupt your sleep-wake rhythm.
  5. The "tryptophan ocean" is a myth. Tryptophan, an amino acid, is found in similar quantities in other meats and foods. Steak, chicken, a few servings of cheddar cheese or beans, etc. are just like eating a serving of turkey. The post-Thanksgiving sleepiness is likely due to overeating and consuming a lot of carbs. Hope that helps.
  6. Melatonin is a naturally-occurring hormone with anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. It's not going to have a laundry list of side effects like a prescription medication. Even in inpatient psych facilities, I have been offered melatonin to try before a sleep med. If it helps someone, it is usually with sleep onset and not maintenance, so you can't expect a knock-out effect like something like Ambien or Seroquel. If you are concerned or have questions about dosing, your pharmacist or pdoc are the folks to consult. Hope that helps.
  7. ECT

    I just saw this kind reply, mal. It really, truly ruined my life to a degree nobody will ever comprehend. I am fighting placement in a long term care facility and realizing hopelessly that I will never get adequate rehabilitation for brain injury because psychiatrists refuse to admit that ECT can cause diffuse brain damage and cognitive impairment. Next to zero of my entire life of memory has returned, and I cannot access memories at will, without an external cue. All things related to executive functioning and the frontal lobe are trashed. I wet my pants almost daily and drool, cannot recognize faces, cannot read, cannot watch TV, cannot follow conversations, cannot learn or retain information, loss most of my sense of taste, have balance/muscle-coordination impairment, physical symptoms I can't begin to list, severe neurobehavioral and emotional deficits (impulse control, egocentrism, socially inappropriate behavior, violence/aggression, etc). I am apathetic and emotionally fried to a point of zombie-ness. Family and professionals tell me that if I had not been intelligent before this, I would be a complete and total vegetable. I am glad ECT is life-saving for many. It took mine away.
  8. I envy the birds.  They get to fly away.

  9. I receive so much external pressure to be positive, accepting, and grateful for the life I have left. However, that means precious little in the face of unspeakable grief and suicidal depression. I lost my mind, memory, personality, abilities, and sense of self due to brain injury. People I have talked to have said to accept that the old me is dead and gone. "Recovery" is a cruel misnomer, and I do not know how to accept the uncertainty about "improvement." How does one let go? Will there be a time when every moment won't be a reminder of loss and limitation? I do not want this life.
  10. I'm curious if anyone had any suggestions or experience with ASD assessment for adults? Everything seems geared toward the pediatric population. I am looking into neuropsychological testing but doubt I can even sit still or use my noggin for that long. I fear my cognitive impairment and inability to articulate my experience is going to leave me stuck, alone in my own world. Appreciate any advice.
  11. ECT Pro vs. Con

    I acknowledge the potential benefits of ECT and would never claim to be an expert or advisor on anyone else's treatment. We are all on different paths. But in the interest of promoting true informed consent, I will say that ECT has serious risks. I was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury and severe cognitive impairment consequent to ECT. The phrases thrown around by the million docs include "tragic," "complete disability," and "ECT gone wrong." Leaving out details, I'll just say this: Nobody imagines they will be "that person" who has the rare, adverse treatment outcome. But that doesn't mean that person doesn't exist. I sincerely hope everyone reading finds the relief and well-being they are seeking.
  12. Life is not fair.  I do not understand this.

    1. M@ri

      [email protected]

      No, it's really not. :(

  13. ECT

    @Blahblah @mellifluous Thank you two for commenting and supporting. Family won't be around to help me get to a doctor for a week+, and recovery is not really happening. I'm so scared. Lots of trouble walking, speaking, loss of taste, God-please-kill-me-now headaches. I'm sobbing and begging the universe for some sign of hope.
  14. ECT

    Did not respond to ECT. Memory and cognitive abilities profoundly f^&*ed. Devastated by the above --> near-suicide --> thrown IP. Rock bottom + regret. See no way through this.
  15. Zofran?

    I am curious: Has anyone taken Zofran in an effort to minimize binge-purge behaviors? I am not sure the research definitively supports its helpfulness, but I can't see many downsides to trying. I took Naltrexone unsuccessfully in the past but probably didn't combine it with enough concurrent therapy. I can't imagine flip-flopping between anorexia and bulimia forevermore. I need this monkey off my back!
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