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About Chantho

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  1. What's worse: saying "thanks for the cameltoe" on a weightloss before and after photo set where the woman is scantily clad but not posing sexually saying "look at my vag" that you actually have to zoom on to even see the cameltoe or a guy coming up to a woman wearing leggings in a bar and saying "thanks for the cameltoe"? I posit that both are supremely shitty, and that if you say "the woman should know that she opens herself up to all kinds of people," you're kind of a dick. And yes, I wholeheartedly believe that if a man posts a non-sexual photo of himself in tight jeans, it's supremely shitty to say, "thanks for the bulge." 

  2. I can *survive* without meds, but only just. And it ain't pretty. My hypomanias are not so much the "go on $1000 spending sprees, spend the weekend binge-drinking, and get arrested for assault" level of destructive as they're the "get a $150 tattoo when I need the money for rent, have sex with someone I don't know, and speed a little" variety. Still, I've done my share of damage (getting pregnant by someone I'd known two weeks when I couldn't even afford a roof over my head because I thought I wanted to be a mom - that was a doozy). My mixed episodes are nightmares, though. Toeing the line of abuse regularly, desperately demanding of a three-year-old whether he's really there because I'm derealizing so badly, becoming convinced that an entire neighborhood was conspiring with the police to take my kids away by spying on me. My depressed episodes are horrible, but the suicidal ideation is at least never acted upon because of my pathological fear of hell, so basically I'm in a lot of pain but not actively damaging relationships and my future. In spite of all this knowledge, the last time I was hypomanic, I stopped taking my meds because I deluded myself into thinking that things didn't *really* get that bad, and then it got *much* worse.
  3. I'm in an open marriage. I engaged in a mini-relationship with someone who implied he was single but didn't explicitly state he was. Just found out he's totally not. I'm the other fucking woman. I immediately let him know that I was not comfortable with continuing any sort of relationship. I think that's the first time in my life that I've made a healthy, rational, and self-confident decision in a relationship.

  4. My mom has anhedonia in general, so I'm not sure if it's a side effect of the meds. I do know that Prozac and Risperdal both caused flat affect in her, though, which looks like anhedonia sometimes.
  5. I'm running out of the will to keep trying. What's the point?

  6. I tend to think that I'm just making mountains out of molehills, and I'm really just a little moody.
  7. I did well with customer service most of the time. I enjoyed it most of the time, too. But, whatever is wrong with my ability to think at times prevented me from doing well with the technical aspects. Right now, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I mostly do well with that, and I enjoy it slightly more than customer service.
  8. I have a mother with borderline personality disorder and a father with MDD and anxiety. My dad's brother is on the schizophrenia spectrum, but no one can answer me as to what specifically he has going on.
  9. It's not 100% great, because of the circumstance, but I talked to hubs about a major issue I have with him. It went well: no fighting, no major accusations or blaming, and he has said he'll work on the problem. I'm hopeful.
  10. Maybe three weeks. Might just be two. I was hypo for about a month. Part of the time, I stupidly went off meds and got even worse. Then I went back on an increased dose and that killed it.
  11. My heart aches for you. I think that, if you don't feel safe, going to the hospital may be a good idea. Hopefully, they could monitor the med changes there and see if things are improving. That way, when you're in an outside environment again, you'll be equipped. I hope you'll be gentle with yourself. It must be so scary and distressing to go through this.
  12. It seems like I'm in a perpetual state of confusion about my moods. I had what was definitely a big-ass hypomanic episode. A med adjustment took care of that in short order. Then I spent some time bouncing between a slightly low mood and baseline. Now, though, I don't know where I am. I don't feel sad most of the time. I'm laughing freely. I'm sleeping normally, if a little less than typical. I feel like there's hope for the future (although not the eternal future, because I'm convinced I'm going to hell). On the other hand, my negative self-talk has increased. I'm isolating more. I have less interest in the things I usually enjoy. I've stopped cleaning. Anyone ever experience a weird mood limbo like this one? Is it something you can just snap out of since it's not likely true depression? Or is it possible that it is depression without all the symptoms? I'm at a loss.
  13. I've found that I have an easier time quitting if I'm hypomanic. I impulsively quit the last time I was hypo. I went almost three weeks. Then I got really hypomanic, almost manic, and I impulsively started up again. I quit again a week ago, because I was reminded of the fact that smoking while on birth control can cause an increased risk of blood clots. It's been hard, but not as hard as it is when I'm depressed. So, it's pretty clear to me that my mood state affects the ease of quitting. It also affects the amount I smoke. When I'm baseline, I smoke considerably less than when I'm hypo or depressed. I don't know why it is that way, yet it makes a little sense to me.
  14. My husband is not particularly interested in researching my illness. That bothered me a little at first, but then I realized he was at least counting on me to give him some information. He's also very supportive: letting me know when he thinks my mood is shifting, helping me with therapy goals, etc. Still, I don't think it's necessarily a sign of her not loving you enough. It may be that she doesn't want to accept it because she cares about you so much. I believe that's why my grandma doesn't accept my diagnosis.
  15. I think Ryka carries wide width. At least, I know my mom and grandma used to wear them a lot, and they have wide feet.