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About Chantho

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  1. My hypomanic episodes usually last anywhere from a couple weeks to a month. There was the exception of what I suspect was hypomania that lasted roughly 6 months, but that was years ago. I am at what I hope is the tail end of a six-month period of rapid-ish cycling. Two weeks depressed, four weeks, hypo, four days distinctly dysphoric hypo/manic, a week depressed... and so on in that manner, if not the pattern. I kind of wonder, thinking back on that period ten years ago, if that long episode was actually like this one. I kinda feel like there we days here and there where I was depressed or dysphoric, but I'm not sure, because I wasn't diagnosed then, so I didn't know the various symptoms/signs, or how to track the moods and such, and it's a blur, so it's hard for me to really determine what had happened then. But, yeah. My hypomania tends to run short.
  2. It almost never reaches full-on mad, although it approaches it. I mainly don't get mad about it because part of me feels it isn't my place. I'm a stay-at-home mom. For this reason, I'm the one who messages the teacher with concerns/updates/requests for updates. I'm the one who keeps track of lunch accounts, doctor's appointments, medications, events, favorites, sizes, medical history for everyone including his family, finances... and so on. Even when it's events for his family (his sister's wedding, for example), I keep track of everything. That bit is logical, even if it at times feels a little much for one person considering a person with a "real" job would have times when they're not responsible for the goings-on at their place of employment, but I almost always accept and understand it. However, where the frustration comes into play is things such as my husband not wanting to have the account info to look at the boys' report cards or for the classroom behavior/messaging/social media-like system in order to get updates or message the teacher if, say, I'm in the hospital or out of town for a funeral or something. Or maybe knowing about their growth/current health. Or working on their behavior aside from punishing (something I'd really like to get away from because my understanding is it's usually less effective/potentially harmful) It feels like he's not as concerned about their development/education as I'd expect from a parent. He doesn't know his sons' friends' names (including the girl G says he's discussed marriage with lol). As I say, it's just frustration, largely borne out of sadness (aside from when I'm mentally exhausted from keeping track of 575,000 different things haha). However, I'd really like to tell him how I'm feeling about it. Any suggestions on how to adequately express this without it sounding accusatory/whiny/critical?
  3. Dear anyone,

    At least one person who was abused as a child and adult has a tendency to get very jumpy at the sound of slamming doors. Chances are, she's not the only one. It would be a kindness from tenants in an apartment building to not slam your door and the main entrance door on your way in and out, especially if you leave & come back several times a day. And in short succession a lot of the time.

    Thank you,

    Person Who Knows She's Overreacting But Can't Seem To Control It

  4. I will start doing a thing where, if they get up at 7, they can have some sort of activity with me, whether that's a card game, a story... a card game. Okay, I'm having trouble coming up with ideas for that. From there, I have a set(ish - I know there will be hiccups/modifications sometimes) schedule for each day. Most days, they'll do homework in the evening and a bath in the afternoon. I do think that may work, especially if they're feeling a bit frazzled from school and don't even realize it. It could be a relaxation thing? I set up some positive behaviors-rewards and ended the bit where I add a day to their grounding for temper outbursts. I am, however, going to continue what grounding time they've earned so far. I may also keep the removing an extra for each day they go without a tantrum. I'm feeling (a bit) more rational and calm. Now I'm just feeling down/guilty over my horrible reaction to the rage.
  5. They have a pretty solid routine during the week. I start waking 60-90 minutes before they have to be at school. Then they eat breakfast, T has his bath, and then they get dressed. That was the routine. Then T started losing sleep because he'd wake at 6 to play on the computer/LeapTV, so I took away screen time, and that made mornings far more difficult. When they get home, they do homework, and then have free time most days until dinner at 6. Then they start getting ready for bed at the same time in the same order. I may try the specific food or drink in the morning to get them up thing. That may help. Punishing is very clearly not working, but I don't know how to apply positive consequences effectively. And, my husband doesn't believe they're effective whether you do them perfectly or not. I don't know why. He was repeatedly punished, and it didn't have positive results. Maybe I could start waking them earlier and play a board game or read with them. And, if I start waking them earlier, they'll start going to bed earlier. Maybe I could adjust the routine so they could have baths after school and homework time after dinner so, if morning or evening become difficult I don't have to worry about that, and if the afternoon becomes difficult, I still have the evening or morning. Those two times are their most frequent ragey times. Or, maybe I could do what my favorite YouTuber's parents did and get them hooked on coffee. (That's a joke... although a teensy drop of me wonders if it'd work.)
  6. Even if it's just genetics, isn't it still on me since I chose to have kids? At this point, my six-year-old has lost all screen time for an insanely long amount of time. I'd started a thing where I'd add a day for every day they had a rage and remove an extra day for every day they didn't. They rarely go a day without one. These involve them hurting me and, when that doesn't work, hurting each other. Physically and emotionally. We can't afford psych testing and therapy, and we can't afford insurance that will cover it. I've thought about changing the behavior-consequence system in some way, but I don't know in what way I can do it. I've thought that specific good behaviors could earn specific rewards and specific bad behaviors negative consequences. I'd probably have to start them out with a clean slate. Nothing seems to affect them.
  7. I know their rages are my fault, but I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I set boundaries. They have consequences. I'm not abusive. I don't have any substance abuse problems. What am I missing? I don't think I can do this anymore. I know I'm a terrible mother. What other explanation is there? But I really try. I provide love, entertainment, and affection.
  8. Relatively certain my son is depressed. I was relatively certain for a couple months that he was manic. He's only 8. Please send positive thoughts that he really is simply sick like he says. 

  9. I don't know. They were so bad that I couldn't tolerate it. It sounds silly, I'm sure, but they were really painful and distracting.
  10. Oh, I tend to as well. I just mean one last amplified burst within hypo/mania right before the crash. If your mood/energy are at, say, an 8 on average for month, and then you shoot up to a 9.5 or 10 for a day or so before completely crashing.... that's what I mean.
  11. I don't think I've noticed this before, but maybe a big burst of energy/irritability/whatever right before a crash? Let's say you're cruising along at a fairly standard hypo/manic level for a month or something. Then suddenly you end up with a skyrocketing of energy, maybe you get into a huge fight and leave your spouse or go out on a gambling spree. Next day you wake up exhausted, depressed, etc. Is that a thing? Am I making sense? My communication skills have been iffy of late.
  12. Manic for two days?

    I almost always have very short hypo/mania. A month or so is fairly normal for me. On the other side, my depressed episodes tend to last any where from a couple months to half a year.
  13. Probably should put away the chocolate covered coffee beans before I find myself rearranging my entire apartment's furniture. ;)

  14. There's this singer whom the boys and I really like. Since his fanbase is fairly small, he can do things like live streaming the writing process of his new song. Also, because it's small, he can easily recognize frequent commenters, even across media if they have the same/a similar name. I'm one of those. When he recognized my name in the chat, he said, "oh hi, chantho (not my actual name)." My son said, "how does he know you?" with an awed voice. It was funny.

  15. I'm suicidal, but I don't want to tell my husband:

    1. I'll soon be "the girl who cried suicide". 

    2. I may decide to act on it soon. Yes, I'm fighting it now. I mean, it's roughly the equivalent of using a BB gun on a great white shark (one that's attacking you; I don't advocate violence toward animals), but it's technically a fight? Maybe?

    3. I don't want to state it aloud. I'm sure I'll probably delete this because I won't be able to even face seeing it written... or the judgment I'll inevitably perceive.

    1. Lori


      Im here if you want to talk


    2. Chantho


      Thank you. I'm doing better this morning. It's still there, but I'm not actively needing to fight the desire anymore.