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  1. Thanks all
  2. Will you have me back?

    So, I used to post all the time but I stopped because I was doing really well and started to feel (irrationally) like I couldn't post and perhaps I was never sick at all (lol def still am). But can I come back? For those who do not know me, and those that have forgotten I am a 24 year old Australian, I work with autistic kids and I was going to uni. I'm not currently taking any medication but everything in my signature is the same I guess. Also, I had a baby in June! He is a wonderful baby and really nothing has gone wrong, I was really scared about all that post partum depression and anxiety but so far so good! I'm looking forward to reading blogs and seeing what's up! xo
  3. I'm sorry Mal. I hope they sort something out soon for you.
  4. surprise!

    So I'm pregnant! Super unplanned but we are very happy and excited and scared. CB please throw at me all your combined wisdom. I don't really know what else to say. I'm about 5 weeks. So the real world doesn't know yet. Kinda still in the omg really stage and it hasn't sunk in even though it's been 4 days.
  5. Thanks guys, I'll keep you updated. I feel so dumb but I know I'm not the first or the last to do so
  6. I'm so glad to hear it
  7. Goodluck!
  8. I need to tell my pdoc something

    Okay, get ready for it guys. I need to tell my pdoc that I stopped taking my meds, like a month or so back. No, it was probably like two. Yes I suck so bad. And in typical fashion I was fine, even good for like two weeks. I felt healthier and my brain felt clearer, so that was nice. Then for the last two weeks maybe three I've been really depressed. Just vanilla depression, like it sucks but I'm not manic or psychotic and most people feel somewhat depressed. I don't know if I want to go back on meds. I want to feel better, but I don't want to take them in case this is pretty solid proof that I'm fine, and just really mellow dramatic. I don't really know what to say to her. Also I skipped my last appointment, because I stopped taking anything and it would have felt weird to go. I don't want to do the titrating up thing. Like honestly that seems so painful that it's not worth it. But I know that you have to, and I don't want to get threatened with injectables or hospital time. I'm really teary lately so I know I'm not going to be able to have this conversation rationally, which will make me look crazier and more in need of hefty medication. So what do I say? I have an appointment tuesday, but I only have 20 minutes. I didn't stop taking them on purpose, I just ran out of scripts and then got really better and by that time I was through the worst of the withdrawal so I just didn't start up again. Then I decided for good measure to chuck everything out so that I wouldn't take it all at once. Once again, I suck.
  9. Oh man, I hate phone calls. I call my doctors before they open and ask for a time, a specific one and then when they call back I don't pick up, then they send a text and I reply to that. I hate it so much that I do it. I just wish they would implement an email system. Once I even sent my doctors a letter, by post asking for an appointment.
  10. I understand the feeling well. Blurred Boundaries is right, pretty much nothing is made better by stress. School and work is hard anytime as well!
  11. Restless

    I don't know what I want to do and it's really getting to me. I'm depressed and agitated which is probably my least favourite kind of depression. I know that I'm being bitchy and snappy at others, but I don't realise it quick enough to stop it. So I usually just shut my mouth and hope for the best. I got dressed, and for once I was like, success! I look fierce *snaps fingers and poses* Then about five minutes later I was angry because I thought I looked hideous, and as if I was going to leave the house wearing something wear someone could see my scars and accuse me of *attention seeking*. I started doing homework. I got torn between wanting to get it done and not doing it. Same deal with housework, I started doing it but then got mad that my boyfriend hadn't cleaned the house in ages so I stopped. Then I wanted to go out shopping, except I feel too ugly to do that, and I'd probably just go and blow money on useless stuff. I have a bit of disposable money at the moment but that doesn't mean I should spend it on shoes. Idk it might make me feel better. So basically I have achieved nothing today and I don't know what to do.
  12. Sounds like you did amazing on the trip!
  13. Also sending positive vibes. I did a spell also <3
  14. I love you guys. I'll post a better update tommorow!
  15. long time no blog

    Hello, I guess I feel like a stranger to you all now. I have been reading all your blogs quietly. I was doing a lot better and I kinda felt that disqualified me from commenting or posting. Lest I sound like one of those annoying indivduals that tell you 'It gets better' or hey look at me I was terrible but now I'm all better!1! I haven't been feeling very well for the past week or so. I can kinda tell because I have this overwhelming need for validation and affection. Not like physical but I just want to be reasured that someone likes me and I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. I've been chatting with some internet friends I've made which has been comforting. The benefits of international friends is that someone is always around. I know that this isn't the healthiest of things to do. I don't talk about my issues with them we just talk about nothing, and I think that helps. As always, I lose words when I'm depressed. I purchased a type writer, I'm looking forward to it's arrival. It's my anniversary with my boyfriend tommorow, we are going out to eat. I want to do my best to seem happy and not be a downer for the day. I have thought of you all often.