Cerberus

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About Cerberus

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  • Birthday 12/29/66

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  1. Steve223 - You say your mother says her position is 100% set in stone. I doubt that very much. If she tells you she's "not sure how she feels about it", says one thing and then backtracks, seems confused, tells you she wants you in her life, says she isn't convinced you're gay yet pushes you to basically convince her - her position is changeable. First of all, she's your mom. That isn't going to change. She may have raised you with certain hopes and expectations (daughter-in-law, grandchildren) and may be having a problem with the idea that those dreams may not be in the cards. But if it comes to a choice between having you in her life or not having you in her life, I suspect she'll find she's more flexible than she thinks. The key is keeping communication open. My nephew came out to my sister and her husband, and although it took some adjusting, they are all fine with him and his partner now. We can't imagine his partner not being a part of the family. Give your mom some time, and keep reassuring her that no matter how confused she may feel about you that you love her just the same. She's not rejecting you - she's coming to grips with changes in her own expectations, and - and pay special attention to this - you are not responsible for those expectations. It is not your responsibility to live up to those expectations. You were born to live your own life, not to live the life someone else thinks you should live. Dress as you wish, live as you wish, love as your heart dictates, be the person that reflects your soul. Your mother will come around in time. I know it's hard, but try to have patience with her.
  2. The scriptures are notably silent on the subject of what Jesus personally did with regard to "jus getting it out". Anything you might suggest would be nothing more than guessing, and probably blasphemous guessing that in another era would have gotten you labeled a heretic and tarred and feathered at the very least. Hush, now.
  3. Heil, remember that the big CB question has always been: Which Sucks Less? The MI, or the side effects from the meds? Unfortunately, science just doesn't know enough about the brain yet to give us side-effect-free meds. Until it does, we're always going to have that question to answer, and that choice to make. The fact that we even ask the question means that the MI sucks mightily, so much so that we begin to question whether our quality of life is acceptable, or whether a different - but also reduced - quality of life would be preferable. For me, my mind is the thing that is going to determine whether I feel well or not. If my mind feels well but my body isn't well, my mind can still take a positive view on life, and can work to heal my body. But if my mind is sick and my body is well, I am going to feel unwell regardless of how well my body is doing. I'll take a well mind every time.
  4. Elijah - I was once as you are, deeply committed to a love of God (as I still am) yet terribly conflicted by the demands of my personal sexuality and my fear of the judgment of God and the church over it. I will counsel you as one who has found peace in Christ, and as one who also believes in the truth of God's Creation as revealed to us through science. God does nothing without a purpose. In your belief, you are a creation of God. God made you. God made you in every detail, your whole body with all its parts and working systems, each with a function intended for a purpose. He made your mind, and gave it both the gift of free will, and the blessing of the ability to use that free will responsibly and without fear through the Grace of Christ who died for all sin. Now, this part you may or may not have difficulty with, but bear with me: The body that God has given you, that He has placed your eternal soul within, is in essence an animal body. Not "animal" as in a "beast", but animal as in not a vegetable or a mineral. It is a biological machine. It can only behave according to the physical laws that nature places on biological machines. (Think of it as the car your soul drives.) That biological machine has certain natural features, and if you do not properly understand them and their purpose, then trying to drive around with them not doing what you think they ought to do can lead to distress. Your body is male. A young man's body is naturally designed to feel sexually excited, because it is at this time that he is at his peak reproductive state. In other words, your body is supposed to feel this way now. And if God made your body and put you in it, it stands to reason that God intended you to feel this way. This is where the whole thing gets tricky. The church often tells us (by interpreting the Bible certain ways) that sexuality is bad Bad BAD and that if we act upon the very strong impulses we feel, we will suffer eternal damnation (which would be worse Worse WORSE). Yet God has placed us within bodies that have a really really strong drive to be sexual. Therefore, it would seem as though God has placed within us a very strong urge to condemn ourselves to eternal damnation. This makes no sense at all, especially given the lengths to which God went to ensure that humanity could obtain everlasting life. Something about the notion that sex is bad must be, therefore, wrong. Someone in the church has gotten the wrong end of the stick somewhere along the line. Actually, there are very good reasons to persuade a population of people to control their sexual urges - too many babies is not a good thing. Sexually transmitted disease is not a good thing. Unfaithful relationships are not a good thing. Men killing other men over women is not a good thing. Over the centuries, church leaders have used religion as a tool to mold societies by warning people that Bad Things Will Happen To Them if they are too sexy. The trouble is, it's much too easy to over-apply this on the individual level, as you have done. Your sexuality is completely natural, and is a gift from God to you. It is not meant to be hidden away like a candle hidden beneath a basket. It is a powerful, fulfilling gift God gave you to enrich your life. God has intended that we should feel pleasure in life just as we should feel the pain of growth and the pain of loss - He gives us pleasure in balance. He also teaches us to use all His gifts in moderation, and with responsibility. Your sexuality is for you, and for you to share with those special persons with whom you wish to form personal bonds. It is a powerful expression of human love. Use it for that. It is meant for that. There is no obligation for you to use it for anything else if you don't want to. Use it to allow yourself the feeling of pleasure in life when you wish, by yourself - you can do no possible harm in that, and again, it is intended. Elijah, I will tell you that I did not have sex until the year I graduated from college, and as difficult as it is for me to believe as I look back upon it now, I actually feared that God would strike me down - like, with lightning - when I had done it. No lightning. Nothing. God isn't going to judge you. There is no judgment. No matter what some worked-up clergyman has to say about it, no matter what you read in some tract about "purity", God isn't going to frown if you feel sexual. He meant for you to from the moment He made you. Go now, and be free of fear, and live in the love and light of your Creator.
  5. Roman Catholics are Christians. Both are Christian churches. If, however, by "Christian church" you mean Church of Christ, then you're attending both Catholic and Protestant services, and two very different ways of getting at God. Perhaps rather than asking if there is something wrong with attending multiple churches, you should consider evaluating what it is you're actually deriving spiritually from these visits. If you're attending services with such widely differing beliefs concerning the same God, you may find it difficult to arrive at a cohesive set of beliefs of your own.
  6. Christians, Jews and Muslims believe in the same God. That hasn't stopped them from shedding millions of gallons of each other's blood for centuries in the name of religion. You're right, it ought not be a big deal, and it shouldn't be to you as you seek out spirituality for yourself. It only becomes a big deal for those insecure in their faith and in their relationship with the Divine such that they have to try to define their own sense of spiritual worth through others. Unfortunately, for some it becomes such a big deal that entire churches experience schisms that separate large congregations of people who once worshipped together into separate sects unable to bridge their difference. A good example in recent times are those churches who have split over the question of ordaining women as clergy, or of sanctifying homosexual marriage (or accepting gays at all). Or it can be a small thing that spills into something secular and political, like a church that condemns alcohol consumption rallying a vote against a local wet/dry ordinance. If you go in the morning to the Church of the Teetotal Redeemer where they only use grape juice in the sacrament, and those folks hear that you also took communion with actual wine at Our Lady of the Holy Vine Chapel that evening, you're going to have some explaining to do because to them, it's a Big Deal.
  7. I want to emphasize that I agree with this in principle. Yet church membership, if one becomes an active participant in the life of the church, is not a solitary activity. The OP may not owe anyone an explanation, but should not be surprised if asked for one. The reality is that as with any human social sphere, the individual is expected to adhere to the group's accepted tenets, especially so in religion. This is why I gave up trying to attend services years ago and find my connection with my Creator in nature. The raccoons don't argue, and the opossums are all Marsupialists.
  8. From a personal spiritual perspective, how you interface with the Divine is no one's business but your own. For Christians, the Bible is quite clear: "Seek ye the Lord where he may be found; call upon him while he is near." - Isaiah 55:6 The difficulty you may encounter, however, will not be with God, but with the members of the congregations, particularly if the two churches you are participating in represent different denominations that have irreconcilable dogma. For instance, if you attend a Baptist church in the morning and a Methodist church in the evening, you may find that congregants will expect you to adhere to belief one way or the other upon whether your baptism is legitimate if you were, or were not, fully immersed in water. The main reason that multiple denominations of Christianity exist, rather than a unified Church, is that there are points of vigorous disagreement about matters of faith, and these (de facto) do not respond to rational debate. Social structures then develop to support these points of view, gain leaders and adherents, and thus form churches. As a result, a person wishing to join a given church therefore makes certain commitments to the others in that social belief structure. If the person attempts to belong to more than one such belief structure, the members of both structures have reason to doubt that the person actually believes what they believe, and may react negatively, even to the point of ejecting the person from the group. All of that is an overly-wordy way of saying there's nothing wrong with sampling churches until you find one you like - people do it all the time - but in the end, probably best to pick one and stick with it.
  9. Because I'm not buying what they're selling. If you look at the colossal amount of energy the people you are describing pour into maintaining their happy-happy-happy lives, that tells me that something is actually not well. Any system that requires high levels of any kind of energy to maintain itself cannot do so indefinitely; entropy increases. Indeed, that's the very reason they insist that people who are not like them must be avoided - dealing with unlike people introduces complexity, and therefore, entropy, and causes their system to start breaking down. It's actually highly susceptible to breaking down, to my way of thinking, because I don't believe we're put on Earth for the purpose of being blissful. We're here to suffer in the crucible of life, have our limitations and imperfections excised away, and thus become greater than we are. These poor people are fighting the process tooth and nail, and I strongly suspect that for each of them there is an unhappiness, a longing, an emptiness, something that they vigorously work to conceal at all costs. They are more to be pitied than scorned.
  10. Steve223 - I think you misunderstand both the OP's original post and my reply. If you re-read the original post, deeschmee's perspective boyfriend has not only explained to her that he is bi, but has explained that he has experience with men. Your first reply in this thread assumed that he did not and had a need to experiment. My reply to the OP, while not altogether discouraging the possibility of romantic adventuring at some point in the future if the couple feels secure enough in their relationship at that point to include it in their lifestyle, did counsel avoiding it until the one-on-one relationship had been very firmly established. Then, once a sufficient level of love, trust and confidence is established, another person might be occasionally included if desired... with boundaries understood by all parties. I have had enough threesomes (and moresomes) to know whereof I speak on this.
  11. deeschmee - There's no reason to be particularly concerned that your new boyfriend is bisexual, especially as he's open with you about it. Beginning with the Kinsey studies, science on human sexuality since the '70s has recognized that individual human sexual orientation lies along a curve rather than in hard-and-fast categories. Very few people are absolutely straight or absolutely gay in that they would never, ever, ever, ever suddenly find themselves attracted to a person of the same gender under the right circumstances. If such people represent the extremes of the bell curve, those who are truly go-either-way bisexual represent a narrow band right in the middle, with everyone else (minus the asexuals) spreading out on either side. I'm bi, and I've been with way more men than women, but I'm pretty sure I would choose a woman for relationship material just about every time. I married one, and although it didn't end as I would have hoped, I still believe I would be happier with a woman. I could have fallen for a guy if I had let myself, but I knew it wouldn't have worked. In general, men are good when I need to scratch an itch, and the nice thing is that the motivation is almost always mutual. But I made it my policy not to do threesomes with committed couples, and never to do threesomes with a married man and wife. The thing I would counsel you on is to work on building a one-to-one relationship with this man first, before you agree to any adventuring. If you think you could be on board with sharing your private time with a third person at some point, it's okay to let him know that, but I would suggest that you explain that for the time being you want to explore the wonders of the number Two. Once you have developed a bond that can't be threatened by some mutual fun (with agreed-upon boundaries) then maybe you can explore a little farther afield. For now, though, I'm sure that the old wives' adage at least partly applies - If you've got hold of him and you want to keep him, don't give him any time or reason to look anywhere else - turn up the VaVaVoom. Nudge-nudge-wink-wink, say no more.
  12. michelle205 - I'm afraid Crazyboards is a first-person peer support site, and we are not able to assist with inquiries by one person about another person's mental illness. You say that your husband is self-diagnosed, yet has a psychiatrist prescribing him antidepressants, therefore he must have a formal diagnosis of some kind. Generally speaking, alcohol is a chemical depressant, and has the opposite effect of antidepressants. Alcohol is almost universally contraindicated in patients taking psychoactive medications. We would encourage him to work closely with his care provider to find ways to get the best results from the care he is being given. Work with a therapist might also be in order.
  13. Nope. Not enough empathy. I don't lack compassion; I just can't read people. As a result, I would end up seeming far too analytical, too clinical. I think I could help people with Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy if they were already in the mindset for it, but with people who needed an emotional approach, I fear I would do more harm than good.
  14. Flash - Your post is not helpful in this context. Nestor is seeking the complete elimination of sexual desire, which cannot be achieved through castration. Furthermore, if you have paid any attention at all to this thread, you would realize that the OP is considering a rash and ill-advised course of action that could threaten his life based on the idea that he can get results by castrating himself. Making castration sound like a good idea is the opposite of helpful here. I don't give a damn whether you have a point or not, get some perspective. For Nestor, cutting his testicles off isn't going to help him, and you don't need to encourage it in any way. If you've got nothing helpful to add, don't post.
  15. Nestor - Okay, whoa, there. First of all, is it true that you're tormented by pedophilic thoughts? If so, that's a whole different crate full of gibbons. If not, that is a most unwise subterfuge - in many jurisdictions, psychiatric professionals have a legal obligation to report anyone presenting to them with pedophiliac thoughts to the authorities, and you could end up losing job, home, family, and worse, and end up on publicly-searchable registers and be the recipient of random death threats. (And the rest of you lot, don't even start on about how despicable he is, etc. because even if this isn't just a ruse he's come up with, he hasn't actually done anything, and the best science we have suggests that pedophilia is caused by atypical brain wiring. So can it.) If you are, in fact, having such thoughts, and this is why you want to part ways with the Twins, then I'm truly, truly sorry to have to repeat what I said before, but: It's Not Going To Work. The problem isn't in your testicles, it's in your brain wiring. Removing your testicles, physically or chemically, will have zero effect on the cause of your distress. That is a medical fact. I'm sorry, but your plan is doomed. Also, given your remarks vis-a-vis your parents, I feel I should ask about your own age in relation to them. You are under no obligation to answer, of course, but it might help us see a fuller picture of your situation and offer better advice.