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About Cerberus

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  • Birthday 12/29/66

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    The Abyssal Inn

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  1. Tiffany - If you can't make yourself throw out the pills, then do this instead: Write a note on a sticky or a small piece of paper that simply says, "What if your best moment is just around the corner?" Then, tape it to the pill bottle so you would have to see it before you could open the bottle. You can do that for yourself, at least, eh?
  2. Tiffany - Reading through what you wrote, I was struck by a phrase you used, twice. The first time, you said you thought this was your only option at the moment. The second time, you said you felt like this decision was your only one at the moment. This suggests strongly to me that you realize that in another moment, things could change, and that you could find that you have another option, that you could make another decision. It could happen in a moment. Any moment. We live in our moments, moment to moment. All we have is the present moment. But if you do what you are thinking of doing, the moment when something might change for you will definitely, absolutely never come. You will have no more moments at all. No more chances. Unless you try and screw it up, and then the moments to come could be filed with regret and pain and suffering worse than you experience now. On the other hand, you can look at the many, many people here at CB who have faced similar challenges and have worked to better their lives by sticking it out, fighting, and reaching that better place because they understood that at the moment doesn't mean forever. Get rid of the pills. Do it right now, this instant, while you realize what a bad idea it is, and keep up the good fight along with us.
  3. The trouble with this is that it is extraordinarily difficult to be certain that any given action an individual performs will not ultimately cause harm to someone. We cannot always anticipate the repercussions of our actions, no matter how seemingly innocuous. Simply standing in a doorway may cause someone to choose to go through a different door and step into the path of a moving car, etc. From the hedonist's perspective, what harm is done if the Satanist hedonist smokes a little pot in the privacy of his own home? On the face of it, none - except that the Satanist's "harmless" dollars that paid for the pot become the dollars that pay for the drug dealer's bullet that the drug dealer uses to accidentally kill a six-year-old child during a deal gone bad in a drug-infested neighborhood three months later. What harm does it do if 23-year-old Britney scores a little 'molly' for a rave because she wants to dance? Probably nothing, long-term, except that the market she and those like her creates encourages dealers to sell dangerous mixes of, and substitutes for, MDMA that ultimately results in MDMA becoming banned to the point that people like me whose pdoc say might actually get better if we could obtain and use it legally now cannot do so. Because Britney is a bit hedonistic and doesn't give a shit. Is that evil? Is it a form of evil? Is it a societal evil? Is it wrong, right, good, bad, what the fuck, what the hell, so-so, so what? You tell me. Hedonists piss me off, but I'm anhedonic as fuck, so I'm hardly an objective judge. Anyway, that's the problem with "As my will, so mote it be" - none of us is omniscient enough to wield our will with that kind of surety. Some Buddhists, I believe, take this to the other extreme, to the point of suggesting that we should pretty much do nothing whatsoever because every single thing we do affects the Universe.
  4. Dylann Roof - infamous white supremacist nutjob facing a death sentence for ice-bloodedly shooting up a church full of worshipers in Charleston, South Carolina, has evidently informed the court that he adamantly does not want to be considered as having Asperger's or being autistic in any way. "Nerds and losers have autism," he is reported to have said. "I'm just a sociopath." Let's let that sink in for a moment, shall we? One of the most mentally ill, morally compromised, arguably fucked-up minds on the entire planet, one who places a bargain-basement value on human life, would rather see himself as a sociopath than one of us. If I could dismiss that comment simply as the raving of one of the worst among us, I would. But I can't. Because "Nerds and losers have autism" is echoed by so many, many people, every day... and suddenly they all have something in common with Dylann Roof. It just got chilly in here.
  5. Nykki - You ask multiple questions here, which you condense at the end of your post: Why do your thought processes seem to move slowly in reaction to these situations; Why do you tend to allow others access to your body; and Why are you worried about being stern with people? I would suggest that all of these questions may be related to the way you perceive yourself in the view of other people - that is, the way you approach acceptance and rejection. Now, I don't know you, but persons who may feel uncertain about themselves or may harbor self-doubt, poor self-love, self-acceptance or self-esteem may also find that they tend to address these fears in relationships by becoming overly obliging, generous, agreeable or permissive, even if it isn't what the person actually wants. The negative thought patterns that accompany Major Depressive Disorder can contribute to this, certainly. There is no question at all that you have been the victim of sexual assault. No means No. From the moment you said No, he should have backed completely away and taken no further action. Everything from that instant onward was a crime. Whether you choose to take action to report this is a decision for you to make, but Nykki, whether you do or not, please consider this very carefully - Your situation, as you describe it, puts you in a position in which it is very likely that you will face sexual assault by the same person again. You must take steps to protect yourself. 1. The man who raped you in May is living in your apartment. This is very very very not good. 2. The same man has sexually assaulted you again. This means he has twice crossed that threshold, and will no longer feel any barrier to doing so. He he has been able to make you available to him twice; there is no reason for him to believe that he cannot have you again. He has suffered no consequences for doing so, therefore he will. 3. Although you did eventually tell him you couldn't, you were only able to do so after having been violated. You already realize that your thought processes may tend to freeze on concerns about upsetting another person and not function for your own protection. Therefore, you must not trust them - you cannot allow yourself to remain in a vulnerable position. 4. I would advise you to either be completely candid with your roommate about what has taken place and allow him to deal with his brother. Or, report it to the police and let them deal with him. Or if you simply cannot, I would advise you to seek new living arrangements with someone else. Regardless of what you choose to do, under no circumstances whatever should you touch him in any way or allow him to touch you in any way. Under no circumstances should you permit him to enter your room or lie down on your bed. Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be alone in any room with him, or agree to travel alone with him or meet him alone at any location. Do not concern yourself about hurting his feelings for one second. Never forget: He is a rapist, and he will rape you if he can. Please take care. And if he won't listen to No, let your knee deliver a sharp message to his crotch. I promise he'll pay attention to that. Cerberus
  6. I'll address your direct question, 'Why do people continue to deny that they're here?' with an example from where I work. Where I work, there are scientists who study animals and keep records of what animals live within the boundary. They have official lists of the animals that they can say with absolute certainty exist here. Not on that list is the red fox, Vulpes vulpes. No one has ever photographed or videoed one within the boundary. None of them has ever found a dead red fox here, or a complete skeleton (a partial fox skeleton wouldn't do, because something else could have brought it in). None of them has ever found a trail of fox tracks, or a pile of fox poop. The proof has to be something that can be brought to a lab, reviewed, analyzed by other specialists, and confirmed so that we are certain there hasn't been a trick of the eyes or the imagination. There is currently no evidence that the red fox lives within the boundary. I have personally seen them cross the road at night on my way home here on two separate occasions, and they are certainly known in the entire area surrounding the boundary, and there is no reason why they would not come in, so common sense tells us they ought to be here. But there is no conclusive evidence. Similarly, there is no conclusive evidence of bigfoot, and every time someone claims to have some, it "mysteriously disappears" before it can be scientifically confirmed. Therefore, science cannot be expected to accept its existence when the proof keeps running off. It is human nature to trust our senses - they are, after all, the equipment we have been given to make sense of the Universe. If our sensory apparatus fails to register anything, our natural first inclination is to accept that no phenomenon is present or occurring. There is currently no universally acknowledged piece of evidence that definitively, beyond doubt, is a biological sample of an extraterrestrial life form, or an artifact created by an extraterrestrial intelligence. Conspiracy theories abound, of course, that governments and cabals and shadow societies and whatnot are hoarding such things out of the public eye, or that there are mountains riddled with tunnels, or underwater citadels, populated with Zeta Reticulans, or Anunnaki, or whatever, but until one shows up that anyone can see, hear, smell and touch, they're not going to believe it. Add to all this the mathematical realities posed by modern cosmology, astronomy, and physics, all in the context of the Drake Equation, and the scientifically minded among us, however much they may yearn to believe, begin to find it difficult. On the other end of the bell curve, those who find it easy to believe in such things may not have a problem accepting the word of those who claim to be eyewitnesses - until those same eyewitnesses also start yattering on about how the earth is flat, the Apollo Moon landing was faked, and they know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. If aliens walk among us and don't want to be outed, they've done a masterful job of concealing their presence by abducting a significant proportion of tinfoil-hat-wearing kooks, basket-cases and conspiracy theorists. It also doesn't help that claims of extraterrestrial contact are often associated with spiritual matters, because most people really aren't that spiritually attuned. For the average person, spirituality, the psychic, the paranormal, the astral, the ethereal, multidimensionality - indeed, anything you can't grab hold of with your two mitts - is the realm of hippies, dope-heads, and worst - poets. It's the sort of thing that makes men of a certain age look at you and say, "Get a job!" For all I know there's a Pleiadian standing behind me, looking over my shoulder as I type this. I hope so. I wish they'd materialize already. But too many people would probably lose their shit, and that's why people continue to deny that they're here.
  7. Depleated Uranium - Welcome to CB. I hope you find your experience here helpful. I would strongly second WinterRosie's suggestion of therapy, rather than attempting to resort to chemical means to suppress your emotions. While you might gain some short-term relief if you found something that did so, you will never be free of the problem until you work through the underlying emotional issues and past trauma that are causing the anger and rage in the first place. The fact that you were able to step outside yourself and view yourself in such a way (in third person, as it were) that you could see objectively what was happening to you is a positive indicator for your future ability to make progress; the ability to view oneself objectively from without is considered a marker of high emotional intelligence. A good therapist should be able to help you leverage that ability to useful effect. Think of the causes of your problem as an enormous, hugely tangled knot of string. Your life is a bead that needs to slide smoothly along that string. You must untangle that wretched knot, no matter how difficult it is, no matter how hard the knot has become, no matter how long it takes. you have to keep at it. But you can do it, even if just one tangle at a time, and once you are finished, it will be gone for good. I almost never refer members to inspirational web sites, but you sound as though this particular set of quotes might benefit you: Words of Wisdom. They're selected quotes about emotional intelligence, and I think you might find some of them worth a thought in your situation.
  8. ??? It's just A-dar, people. Like RAdar. Why overcomplicate it?
  9. The thing is, @JustNuts, you're not a Moderator here. So your experience with 4-Chan or Reddit or wherever else you were tooling around has no meaning to this site or its standards. Butting heads with the site Moderators here is a sign of sheer unadulterated stupidity, but we make allowances for lunacy here at Crazyboards - on a limited basis. And you've just spent your allowance. Cerberus Moderator
  10. That would seem unlikely, as he makes it clear in his post above that he holds the reason for our decision in contempt, and we therefore have no reason to believe he would not repeat the behavior, which was, in fact, a crime. And unfortunately for him, melissaw, whatever your opinion, you are not a moderator.
  11. We will be the judge of what the site stands for, not you, or your boyfriend. You have been invited once to stop dispensing this particular brand of bad advice on this forum, and yes, this advice is bad. Not all of your advice is bad. Learn the difference. You will not be extended a second invitation. To the OP: We realize you are looking for real-world opinions, and obviously you're getting one. Obviously, people do drink whilst on their meds. But over the course of our long experience with members here on CB, the vast majority of opinion supports, long-term, the medical opinion that alcohol and depression is baaaaaad news, and that alcohol and antidepressants are a non-starter. Can you have a few beers with your friends on vacation? Naturally, that's your decision to make, and you will not die if you do so, if you take them in moderation. Be prepared to suffer a possible worsening of the symptoms your medication is meant to relieve, which may have an impact on your vacation. Read the PI (prescribing information) sheet for Citalopram so that you're fully aware of its possible interactions with alcohol, and if you are left with any doubt, consult your pdoc.
  12. This is the Depression Forum, so let's all be crystal clear here - Alcohol is a chemical depressant. Alcohol is the very last thing you need to be putting into your body if you are combatting Depression. There are no modifiers, qualifiers, ifs, ands or buts to this. Furthermore, alcohol is contraindicated for every antidepressant medication one might care to name. Why is this? Because alcohol is a depressant. Now: As for @ladyboss' comments: Your comments here paint a different picture. They reveal you to be a posturing, reckless, ignorant young person who does not understand that advising other people to do unsafe and/or illegal things is the opposite of being helpful. The fact that you openly confess to illegal activity and make claims that beggar belief (sorry, no responsible health care professional is going to tell you "feel free to drink while on your meds") gives your credibility junk bond status, and your petulance toward the Moderators simply marks you as immature - possibly too much so to be taken seriously by the adults on these forums. These are serious forums for serious questions from people dealing with serious issues. This is not Reddit or 4Chan. If you cannot behave appropriately, please take your leave.
  13. This Glossary of abbreviations was compiled by Maddy in 2005, based on a list originally ported over from CrazyMeds [salute], with additions by Wifezilla, Velvet Elvis, Batou, Hoplelessly Broken, Aura, and others. Language changes with time, and new abbreviations will be added as they appear in the world of crazy. Suggestions are welcome. This listing of acronyms is intended specifically for codes related to being Mentally Interesting, not for general Internet shorthand. For that purpose, I also - with great trepidation - offer a link to the NetLingo List of Chat Acronyms and Text Shorthand. This is not to encourage the wholesale abandonment of the Queen's Perfectly Good English, but to give you a point of reference to try to comprehend what those ninnies who do are trying to say. Remember that plain language is the key to getting your message across to the global audience of members and guests on CB, some of whom find reading complicated posts a mental challenge. In particular, I take a very dim view of people who go for such alphabetical gymnastics as: IANADBIPOOTV (I Am Not A Doctor But I Play One On TV), RUMCYMHMD (Are You on Medication Cause You Must Have Missed a Dose), and GSYJDWURMNKH (Good Seeing You, Just Don't Wear Your Monkey Hat). Don't go there. The Abbreviations & Acronyms List 201 = voluntary commitment 302 = involuntary commitment 5150 = Seventy-two hour hospitalization for treatment and evaluation when patient is considered a threat to self or others. (WELFARE AND INSTITUTIONS CODE SECTION 5150-5157 - link to comple text) 5HT = Serotonin AAP = Atypical AntiPsychotic AD = Anti Depressant ADD = Attention Deficit Disorder ADHD = Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder ADLs = activities of daily living AED = Anti Epileptic Drug(s) AN = anorexia nervosa AP = AntiPsychotic AS = Asperger's Syndrome AVPD = Avoidant Personality Disorder BED = binge eating disorder BDD = Body Dysmorphic Disorder B/P = binge/purge (not to be confused with BP (bipolar) BC or BCP = Birth Control / Birth Control Pill (aka "The Pill") BID = Twice a day BF = Boyfriend BN = bulimia nervosa BP = BiPolar may be used with the modifiers: I, II, RC, UC RC = Rapid Cycling UC = Ultra Rapid Cycling BPD = Borderline Personality Disorder Bx = behavior BTW = By The Way CAT = Crisis Assessment Team CBT = Cognitive Behavior Therapy CD = Conduct Disorder COE = compulsive overeating disorder CP = Complex Partial (seizure) CSA = childhood sexual abuse CYA = Cover your ass DA = Dopamine DBT = Dialectical Behavioral Therapy DD = developmental disability OR dual diagnosis OR Double Depression DH = Dear Hubby DID = Dissociative Identity Disorder (same as MPD) Double D = Double Depression - MDD + Dysthymia DSM-IV = Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - Fourth Edition DSM-IV-TR = Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision DSM-V = Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition DW = Dear Wife DX = Diagnosis ECT = Electro Convulsive Therapy (shock treatment) ED = Eating Disorder OR Emergency Department EDNOS = Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (deprecated, see OSFED) EMDR = eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (trauma therapy) EPS = ExtraPyramidal Symptoms ER = Emergency Room ETOH = Ethanol (i.e. alcohol) FOO = family of origin GABA = Gamma-AminoButyric Acid GAD = Generalized Anxiety Disorder GLBTQ = Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer (see also LGBTQ) Gdoc = Medical doctor (variant for general practitioner, also Mdoc, GP) GD - Gender Dysphoria GF = Girlfriend GID - Gender Identity Disorder (replaced by GD in the DSM-V) GP = General Practitioner (regular Doctor, see also Gdoc, Mdoc) HALT = hungry/angry/lonely/tired HFA = High Functioning Autistic/Autism Hx = History IBS = Irritable Bowel Syndrome IOP = intensive outpatient IP = In-Patient (aka - In-Patient hospitalization) LGBTQ = Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer (see also GLBTQ) MAO/MAOI = monoamine oxidase/inhibitor Mdoc = Medical doctor (variant for general practitioner, see Gdoc, GP) MDD = Major Depressive Disorder MI = Mental Illness, or Mentally Interesting MIL = mother-in-law (or sil, bil, or fil for sister-, brother-, or father-in-law) MOTOS = Member of the opposite sex MOMOS = Member of my own sex MPD = Multiple Personality Disorder MS = Mood Stabilizer (or Multiple Sclerosis, etc. Check it's use against the context of the sentence or topic.) NA = Norepenephrine NAMI = National Alliance for the Mentally Ill NHS = National Health Service (UK) NIMH = National Institute of Mental Health NOS = Not Otherwise Specified NP = nurse practitioner NPD = Narcissistic Personality Disorder NT = Neurotypical (non-autistic, "normal" people) NVLD = Non Verbal Learning Disorder OCD = Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCPD = Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder ODD = Oppositional Defiant Disorder OP = Outpatient OSFED = Other Feeding/Eating Disorder (replaced EDNOS) OTC = Over The Counter PHP = partial hospitalization program PD = Panic Disorder PDD = Pervasive Developmental Disorder Pdoc = Psychiatrist PPD = post-partum depression PRN = As needed PTSD = Post Traumatic Stress Disorder QAM = in the morning QD = Once per day Qdoc = Quack Doctor QHS (or hs) - at bedtime QID = Four times a day QOD = every other day RD = registered dietician R/O = A diagnosis under consideration but not yet ruled out Rx = Prescription SAD = Seasonal Affective Disorder SI = Self Injury SID = Once a day SO = significant other SP = Simple Partial (seizure) SNRI = Selective Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors SSRI = selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor Sx = symptoms SZ = Schizophrenia SZA = Schizoaffective Disorder TBI = traumatic brain injury TCA = tricyclic antidepressant TD = Tarditive Dyskensia Tdoc = Therapist, psychologist THC = marijuana (or MJ) TID = Three times per day TLE = Temporal Lobe Epilepsy TMJ = TemporoMandibular Joint TX = Treatment Uberspazz = being autistic, bipolar and epileptic. (Also referred to as the Classic Trifecta) Plural form: uberspazzen (according to strungoutonlife) (I can only imagine what this must be like if one also has ADHD - Cerberus) YMMV = your mileage may vary
  14. Puh-lease spare us your tiresome and transparent exercise in equivocating apologetics. Your opening salvo in this mess left no ambiguity in your approach to the matter: Your words, not mine. By clear inference, you describe yourself as someone who sees no fault in people taking things that cost money without paying for them. You make it clear that you do unethical things even though you are aware that they are unethical. And though you offer up entire books, you still brazenly purport to have a comprehensive understanding of the Fair Use provisions of copyright law, even though those provisions expressly weigh, in part, upon the "amount and substantiality" of the work used - I refer you to ยง107 of the Copyright Act. And you bold-facedly maintain, bizarrely, that all of the above would still be perfectly acceptable if we, the authorities, and the victims of the theft, simply remained blissfully unaware of it. I have seen no evidence to convince me that you are an attorney whose arguments should persuade anyone here. I am not an attorney either. I am, however, a certified librarian with a Master's Degree in library and information science, and the base of understanding of information law that comes with that credential. I am neither mistaken nor misinformed, and you are on thin ice. Three Moderators have now told you to can it. Take the hint.