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About Cerberus

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  • Birthday 12/29/66

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  1. I was unaware that we had a sitting Justice of the Supreme Court as a member of Crazyboards. Oh... you're not? In that case, you'll excuse me if I take a pass on your legal opinion. In fact, I think you'll find that what you're doing is very little different than using the Crazyboards server as a Peer-to-Peer sharing service for copyrighted material you do not have the authority to distribute. (Ask Napster's original owners how that worked out for them.) Allowing such activity would very much place the site owner in liability. In addition, your argument that the content of private messages is inaccessible to copyright holders would make a cat laugh - what you're arguing is that because the rightful owners of the copyrights your are violating can't see you doing it makes it okay. N-n-n-ope. If you give another person something that belongs to a third party, that the person you're giving it to would have otherwise had to pay the third party for, it's theft, whether the third party is aware of the theft or not. And ethics doesn't enter into it; it's illegal. You also seem to be under a misapprehension about the way Instant Messaging works here. We offer our members an Instant Messaging system that connects two members for a one-to-one (or many-to-many) dialogue without involving the rest of the forum. Those messages do not somehow evaporate into the ether like snapchat images - they are stored on the server. The only people who have access to them are the members who sent and received them, and the site Administrators, who access them only upon request of the originators or for reasons of member safety or site operational necessity. Therefore, whatever material you send in violation of copyright is stored, and stored in association with your username, clever clocks, along with that of the person who received your hot merch. Not that it matters. We're not going to let you continue to do it here. Cease and desist. Cerberus Moderator And the rest of you - Any major public library and every decent-sized university library will have subscriptions to all of the online periodicals. Hit the libraries, people. it's what they're there for. And while you're at it, if there's a price to access some information you want to access - that means someone had to work to do the research. Researchers have to eat, you know. Why do you deserve to get the benefit of their labor for free? Go read The Little Red Hen, for God's sake.
  2. Thanks to all who have taken the time to offer advice. I should point out, however, that the OP posted this thread in 2012 and has not been back, at least not as that username, for five years. Feel free to carry on the discussion if it pertains to your own situations, but otherwise this is a necro thread.
  3. ha The critical thing to grasp, and to cling onto for dear life, is the realization is that you have not become something horrid. The person that is you has not changed, your personality hasn't changed, your values haven't changed. Nothing about you has changed that would warrant any judgment of any kind. This isn't something that has come from you - it is something that has happened to you. You didn't ask for this. You don't want it. You're doing your very best to cope with it in a responsible way. Props for you! You are not to blame if some as-yet-poorly-understood-by-science combination of causes, possibly genetic and way the hell not your fault, are causing your brain's sexy module to misfire. We do not judge you, and you must not judge yourself. If you feel like you are behaving in an animal way, it is because the animal body your mind inhabits is reacting as programmed to the chemical signals it is receiving. It is a biological machine. I think of my body basically as the car I drive while in this existence on Earth (evidently I picked a lemon). Do not condemn yourself for impulses that came with the equipment you were born into just because they are not working properly. There is help, and you can find it.
  4. Heil - Being of the unipolar flavor of depression, I have never experienced this, but I can say that I have never had any of the usual AD suspects affect libido. (Lexapro was even actually supposed to have the side effect of increasing it - alas, no joy there.) But I tend to be leery of the idea of starting a med only to take advantage of a side-effect; even if you did discover that another med had the effect of dampening down your sex drive, you might end up having to deal with other side effects or interactions with your primary meds that made your situation worse as a whole. I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of helpful alternatives, however. Bingeing on Netflix, but only if you can find a genre without titillating fare - good luck with that. Exercise works for some people by the endorphine and adrenaline release, but for others it just worsens the problem. You could take a light martial arts course, perhaps, and let it out in controlled violence... unless you're really...into that. Yard work? Horseback ridi- forget the horseback riding. No horses. I always get totally lost and absorbed in museums - although avoid the Greco-Roman statuary. Instead, maybe turn yourself loose in a library; I can spend days bopping from one area to another just browsing. Oh, but in time you'd eventually end up holding a copy of Lady Chatterly's Lover and then you're back at square one. Ooh! Ooh! The Aquarium! I love the Aquarium where you are. That's good for some distraction. Lots of things to observe to completely take your mind off it. Unless you're into tentacle porn. Yeah, I got bupkis. Out of curiosity, why would it be harder to hide if you were a dude? Do you mean simply because a dude would have an erection all the time, or are you referring to some other aspect of hypersexuality that manifests in guys? Genuinely asking, because this is not something that I, as an Aspie, would tend to pick up on.
  5. D - We are unclear why you are posting these screenshots. Are you doing so to illustrate a conversation you had, or as an alternative to typing into the post dialogue? If the latter, please don't use those as a substitute for a normal post. They may make it difficult for some users to understand, and will make it impossible for us to properly incorporate your content into the site as text. Thanks, Cerberus Moderator
  6. Blahblah - I've battled Double-D for 40 years, and the only thing that's ever pulled me over the top on the dysthymia was the combo of Effexor XR and a dopamine release agent (stimulant). Now, bear in mind that every case is different, and in my case I believe that dopamine is the big culprit - Effexor XR works for me because I take the highest dose my pdoc dares give me (450mg), which is clinically effective as a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. Then, bless the man, he added Adderall as a dopamine release agent. <angel chorus> For the first time, some relief. The stim makes me produce more dopamine and the Effexor causes it to stick around longer. Huzzah! The only problem with the Adderall was that at the 30mg dose that was really useful, it caused me to start grinding my own teeth into sand. So my pdoc swapped me out to Vyvanse, which did the same good without all the grit. If only I could afford to keep taking it. But that's a different problem; at least I know that I can get relief from the depression. (Your Mileage May Vary. See your PDOC dealer for details. Offer dubious in Timbuktu, Cucamonga and Kalamazoo. Some assembly required. Whatever.)
  7. Wookie - Two things come to mind as you describe the benefit you're getting from the antidepressant. The first is to wonder whether you would benefit from a slightly higher dose of the antidepressants, though you don't want to reach the point where you're "numbed" by them. The second, and forgive me if I'm asking a question you've already covered elsewhere, but are you engaged in any type of therapy as an adjunct to your meds regime? Relying on meds alone to combat anxiety and mood shift isn't always the quickest, or the most effective, way to achieve control. Depending on your flavor of MI, you might find that some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would give you the ability to nip those incidental anxiety blooms in the bud by teaching you how to identify their precursors in time to use techniques like mindfulness, control of your breathing, and other conscious physiological mechanisms to prevent your body and mind from cascading into an anxiety attack. If CBT doesn't work for you, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy might by giving you insight into the factors that prompt your reactions. In any case, there are very good reasons not to fall back too heavily on the benzos. Also, you say you're "not truly bipolar" - it's important to know your diagnosis, as bipolar and unipolar depression are not the same, and some medications that show good results with unipolar depression are chancy if not absolutely contraindicated with bipolar. Iceberg, above, mentions Effexor, but some bipolars report a worsening of symptoms, particularly hypomania, when using it.
  8. All - If you are knowledgeable about the action of a particular pharmaceutical, it would be most helpful to the board if you could give the rest of us a pointer to the source where you excavated your knowledge in the first place. Some of us like to read up. Also, it helps ensure that we get the straight dope (as it were) and nobody gets misled by statements that begin with "I've heard that..." or "Many people say..." etc. Not that anybody's doing that in this thread, but everybody just looks smarter when they're able to quote something, don't they? I'm off to metabolize now. Cerberus
  9. Cale - We measure member infractions by whether they're being bigger assholes than the Moderators. Have you read the User Agreement? And your comment that prompted crtclms' response is a particularly poor place from which to launch a complaint about non-support. Besides, the response was not libelous; a statement is not libel if the statement is demonstrably true. Now, as to the point people in this thread are trying to get through to you: Mental illness is not part of a human's personality - therefore, neither are its symptoms. One does not overcome one's personality, but we strive to overcome our mental illness and its symptoms every day. To say that "an alcoholic is an alcoholic" merely states that a person suffering from addiction is suffering from addiction - it says nothing whatever about personality. (Actually, it doesn't really say anything of substance, since it just repeats itself twice in a circular argument.) A person who suffers from mania should accept the fact that mania is a real part of his or her life with bipolar disorder, but that person should not come to accept that the symptomatic state of mind is normal for him or her or simply part of his or her "personality". With treatment, that state of mind will change, and the true, normal personality will reassert itself. If you still wish to argue the point, go boil your head. Cerberus Moderator
  10. anticipateit - Welcome to Crazyboards. If you feel so inclined, we have a board for members to write an introduction of themselves and their background so we can get to know you. It's under "Generic Forum Crap > Introductions - Who The Hell Are You?" No obligation, we're just irrepressibly curious. {: I hope you find what you're looking for here. If you need any assistance, please don't hesitate to contact me or any of our Moderators or Administrators. Cerberus Moderator
  11. TheIsland - You're still justifying it under the thinking that it would be an equivalent exchange - you're using each other, but it's tit-for-tat, no harm, no foul... except that you're mistaken. You accept the false automatic thinking that "I am alone and I always will be." In fact, such a statement is both irrational and impossible to prove, as it claims to predict all possible future eventualities. Not only that, there is every reason to believe that you can enjoy a happier, more socially fulfilling life with treatment by a competent professional, which, as all of us here are pointing out, you are not getting. But even if it were true that you would use her for sex and then end up alone, she would not end up level with you at the close of the exchange. She would use you for sex... and then, having had her little adventure, would return to her husband and her friends, with your money fattening her bank account - money she swindled from you by accepting your payment and then failing to treat you. So you will have been fucked over (literally), defrauded of your money, abandoned, and your condition untreated, and left with the incorrect impression that therapy isn't effective. If all you actually want is some physical contact (it is a basic human need, after all) that leaves both parties equally transacted, then Wooster's suggestion above is legitimate - you would be far better off hiring a prostitute or an escort. or even hiring a chatty masseuse. It would certainly be a more honest exchange. You asked why it matters? This is why it matters. You don't have to feel this lonely, isolated and abandoned. A good, competent, professional, ethical therapist would be helping you overcome the barriers that are preventing you from enjoying your life. Instead, you have run afoul of this vile leech in human form who is abusing her public credential to rob you, manipulate you, and prevent you from receiving the treatment you need so that she can satisfy her personal desires. Such a person preys on the vulnerable, and that is why what she is doing is illegal. If her behavior were uncovered, her credential would be revoked, and she would no longer be permitted to harm people seeking therapeutic help. Think of her as a vampire. You might take a cross and a rosewood stake with you to your next session. Bring a mirror and check whether she casts a reflection in it. Rub yourself all over with garlic and see how she acts. Check her canines (from a distance - no tongue). Sprinkle holy water. Regardless of whether you get any reaction to any of this, fire her and find a new therapist pronto. Really. No, really.
  12. Soul - If I might ask, what type of therapist were you seeing? Was the person an actual psychologist, or were you seeing a licensed clinical social worker or some other type of counselor? Unless you were doing sessions every day, six weeks of any type of therapy strikes me as too little for a therapist to base a decision that you would not benefit from the therapy. Add to that: Why would a competent therapist tell you that you needed to get some psychotherapy? What were you seeing the therapist for, if not for psychotherapy? I regret to say that it does not sound as if you were dealing with a competent professional, and I strongly encourage you to find a professional psychologist (not a LCSW or other counselor) in your area and give it another try. I am also curious why you have chosen to refuse medication. I have suffered from treatment-resistant Major Depressive Disorder for 40 years. I beat back its first major onslaught with therapy alone, and it took a decade. The second time it dragged me down, I decided to try the meds along with the therapy, and discovered that I could get relief in a fraction of the time because the medicine made it possible for the part of my mind that was still well to work against the part that wasn't. The medical mental health community as a whole generally accepts that the combination of medication plus therapy is more effective and provides quicker relief than either medication or therapy alone. I read you saying "I understand perception is everything, All is mental, all is in the mind." While awareness and mindfulness is important in getting better, it is absolutely untrue that "it's all in your head" in the sense that anything that makes you mentally unwell is the result of your self-imposed cognitive constructs. Your brain is a biological organ, and it can suffer physical ailment just like your heart, liver, or pancreas. There is no shame in needing medical help to correct a physical malfunction in a part of your body, and your brain is just another part. You may be suffering from the effects of poor neurotransmitter function or an imbalance of other chemical, enzyme or hormone levels that moderate the proper activity of your brain. Thoughts don't just "happen" in your head - without a working brain, you would have no thoughts, and if your brain isn't a correctly working biological machine, you won't produce your thoughts correctly. The social isolation you describe is not a sign of positive self-reliance, but a concerning symptom of deepening depression. I'm glad that you've reached out to our community here at Crazyboards, and I hope you'll feel like sharing more about how you feel, how you progress, and read about some of our other members' experiences that may not be too different from your own. Cerberus
  13. TheIsland - Please carefully consider what Wooster has told you. There are several things to consider here: First, you must determine whether your therapist is, in fact, making actual sexual advances on you with intent. What evidence is there that brings you to this conclusion without any doubt? Is it at all possible that you have misconstrued some behavior of hers? Is it at all possible that your strong desire or need for someone to behave in such a way is affecting your perception? If these are possibilities, then you must take a step back and re-evaluate. Several factors argue against the idea that your therapist is doing so. 1) Such behavior is directly contrary to her professional training, her Duty of Care for you as a patient, and her professional code of ethics. 2) Such behavior is illegal, and she could face serious consequences as a result. 3) She is married, and swore vows to her husband. In order for you to accept that she is truly making advances on you with intent, you must accept that she is willing to abandon all the professional and personal vows she has taken, and risk serious legal consequences, including the loss of her livelihood, in order to have sex with you. This does not seem like a rational action on the part of your therapist. For the moment, however, let us assume that you have incontrovertible evidence of her intent, and every reason to believe that she does indeed plan to follow this unethical and illegal course of action. The question then arises, why would you want to have anything to do with such an unethical, self-destructive individual, who, if she's planning on doing this, plainly cares nothing whatever about your mental well-being? While the thought of enjoying the activity may be very tempting, you should also realize that there will be fallout. There is always fallout. 1) You will no longer have a therapist. Even if the two of you somehow managed to keep the affair hidden, it would fundamentally alter the patient-therapist dynamic, and it would be impossible afterward to benefit from therapy with her. 2) It is extremely likely that she will abandon you; and why not? A person willing to abandon her marriage vows would think nothing of leaving someone to whom she had no attachment. 3) In the aftermath of something like this, the difference between what you have said you yearn for, "closeness and love", and the adventurism of casual sex, is set off in stark and often dismaying contrast. I fear that you would, probably sooner rather than later, find that any closeness and love were fleeting at best; at worst, a tissue of lies used to lead you astray. Now, let us set the therapist aside for a moment and consider your ethics. You are aware that your therapist has a spouse, has an ethical bar to sexual relations with you, and could suffer serious legal consequences if she did so. You nonetheless indicate that you intend to go forward with it. Most of your post is taken up with arguments in which you attempt to rationalize this decision based on an observation that fate and other people have been unkind to you. From this you conclude that "it seems only obvious to live in the moment and take advantage of every possible situation" and care nothing about other people. This is a nihilist/Nietzschean perspective that, taken to its logical extent, ends with sociopathy and anarchy. You say that you feel like you are "a terrible person for this" – we are not here to stand in judgment on you. That's not what this site is for. But I would gently suggest that you posted here because something in your heart of hearts is telling you that no matter how much you reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally want to do this... it's wrong. There is a Better Angel of Your Nature saying, "Don't do this, buddy, this is Trouble. Run far away." I think you already know it. I think you already know that even if you did it, you would feel like dirt later for having done it. I think you already know that it would all end badly, badly, badly, badly, and you would end up hurting worse than before. And it's your virginity, for God's sake. Save it for someone who actually loves you, or at least for a friend. Think hard, and be at peace.
  14. Cerberus here, my lovely ones. Being LGBTQ in a chaotic, hateful world is enough to make anyone crazy. Being LGBTQ+MI in such a world is asking a little much, in my opinion, which is why Crazyboards is so determined to keep a safe space open for those of us stubbornly determined to be who we are even though we aren't mainstream. We hope that you've found a haven here where you can feel free to talk, ask and share without fear of judgment, hate or stigma. We want to always be here for you. To make that happen, though, we need your help. Crazyboards relies on the financial support of its members to keep the lights on and the servers running. A couple of times a year, we host a modest fundraising campaign to make it easy for our members to contribute to keeping this Haven For Crazies, By Crazies, open. This year, we have the additional cost approaching of investing in a new chat client to replace the previous one, which is phasing out. We know that money is tight right now, and meds aren't getting any cheaper, but any amount you could spare would be so very much appreciated. Click Here to visit our GoFundMe campaign and make your generous donation to keep Crazyboards online, and thank you for being fabulous.