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About Wonderful.Cheese

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    Cheddar makes everything better!

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    Cheese (lol), Internet, music, knitting, crocheting, crafts in general, trying to go to the gym

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  1. Thanks everyone for the understanding and the advice. I will explore my options and try to make a list of chores I'd like to do regularly and try to go from there. I do have Medicare and case management. I will see if they can be of any help. And way to go @TakeAChillPill! That's awesome that you cleaned the fish tank! Nice work! I'm inspired by your hard work! Very cool!
  2. That other owner does suck! Your poor pup and you! Sorry that happened geek. Ugh.
  3. I haven't cleaned anything in my home for an embarrassingly long time. It's filthy and disgusting around here. The bathrooms, the kitchen, the dust, the floors are dirty, etc. It's all suffocating me because I can't seem to do it. Basically I am way too crazy to get anything productive done. I have told my tdoc and pdoc that I have not been cleaning or cooking or other household tasks. They are not helpful or concerned. I'm struggling big time. I wonder if my case manager could help or if she could send the case aide over to my house? I just need some motivation to start cleaning. Even someone to talk to while I start cleaning. I don't want them to be grossed out and I'm embarrassed to ask for this help. I don't know if I would be able to ask even. Are there any other options for me? How do other disabled people keep up a house? We can't afford a maid service and I need to be the cleaner. Any guidance would be much appreciated.
  4. San I'm so sorry. You deserve all the good things and right now you are getting all the bad things. This sucks so much. All I can say is that that lady is lucky I'm afraid of the phone and she lives out of the country from me. I'd like to have a few choice words with her! I hate that you were treated so beyond disgustingly. You deserve much better in this life. You are amazing. Look at all you've accomplished! I truly believe it all isn't for nothing. I just hope things turn around for you ASAP. You deserve some good news after all that BS. Don't settle for less than anything truly spectacular (which is what you are). Don't forget you are truly loved here (rabbit is right).
  5. How is it going with the vistaril @Alien Navel Cord? I take 50 mg prn up to three times a day. It calms me mostly by making me tired. But that is better than nothing so I'll take it. I take it when I need to sleep better or when I'm having severe panic attacks or anxiety. It works so so for me but it's better than nothing like I said. I take it when I'm in for the night as that's when usually my anxiety acts up. I have taken it during the day but I am pretty useless if I do that. But that beats panic I have to say. I have at extreme times of distress taken 100 mg of vistaril. I am pretty dopey after that but at least tired so somewhat calmer. Good luck with it!
  6. I'm really taking a beating tonight. Voices are berating me and the world is placing dark signs and messages in my environment and my mind. I saw a huge bug as the end of things and order in my home. I suck. I still haven't cleaned an inch of the house. I'm paralyzed and I panic. I often think killing myself would be the answer because of the messages and the signs from now and the past. I am analyzing my past experiences and there is much that makes me feel ridiculously guilty and not worthy of life. Death themes from past experiences are very prominent. I don't know if I was meant to survive those suicidal times and attempts. Maybe this is the world's way of getting revenge.
  7. <3

    1. Wonderful.Cheese


      Thanks heil. Love to you too. <3 I'm thinking of you tonight and hoping things are ok. 

  8. Thanks Melissa. I'm sorry about your classmates and the high school reunion. I didn't go to mine either and won't go to any of them. You aren't a loser though! I'm sorry you felt like that. I'm glad you made peace with not being invited to the reunions. That's the right kind of mindset to have. To not get hung up on things. Thanks for that perspective. That helps. I will move on and it will be ok. I still consider them real sisters and do love them. The upcoming family event will be ok. Thanks for saying I've come far. It's easy to forget that. You are right though. That's something good to focus on.
  9. I do, but I don't, wanna ask why I wasn't invited! And I couldn't ask the one who planned this girl's day. She already thinks I am a weirdo. I know she knows that I'm on SSDI because of craziness. And she knows that I am socially not so "cool" when hanging out. I am nice to her so I don't know why she doesn't like me. I just don't get why all the other sister in laws were invited but me. I can't think of one reason that makes any sense. I agree that I shouldn't hide the hurt but I don't want them to think I'm starting "drama" either. Ugh.
  10. Thanks jt. I am so non confrontational though! I would probably start crying. I could text the one I'm closest to but it wasn't her plan/idea in the first place. So it's not really her fault. It was the other girl's plan (the one who thinks I'm a weirdo). I don't really talk to her. Oh boy! I wish I had the guts to do this! I could never though! I'm a wimp!
  11. Oh no! I am sorry to hear that all of that happened! I'm glad you are safe though. That's what matters the most. Good luck with the taper and switch to clozapine!
  12. I'm so hurt. But I should know better by now. I'm a crazy freak. No one wants a crazy person for a family member or a friend. I don't have any friends and my own family doesn't want to be around me apparently. I saw on Facebook that all of my sister in laws went out for a girl's day. She wrote she has the best sister in laws. I guess that doesn't include me. I'm going to be her child's aunt too. I guess I don't matter. How do you handle these types of hurtful situations? I will be seeing my sister in laws soon for a family event. I guess I need to hide the hurt somehow. I'm always nice to them and try to be normal around them. I don't get it. I'm a pathetic loser I guess.
  13. I take 35 mg of abilify and have taken this med for over 10 years now! 30 mg is usually the max dose however. Anyway, the good news is that you have room to go up on your dose if your Dr approves it of course. It has been a wonderful med for me so I hope it helps you too!
  14. Thanks for explaining what the attenuated psychosis means. I hadn't heard of that before. I have schizoaffective bipolar disorder. @melissaw72 said it all so well! I agree! Tell your Dr, yes. He/she can't help otherwise, like Melissa said. And early treatment is always good. I wish I had gotten proper treatment earlier. I think my life would be much better than it is now if that would have happened. Be honest with your Dr and get the treatment you need and deserve.
  15. I only went off abilify once. It was when I first started it. I had been on it for 3 months maybe. It was helping. Maybe more than I thought. But like @jt07 I could no longer afford it. It was not generic and a brand new med practically. So we are talking I think $300 - $400 per bottle way back when!! (I had shitty insurance) All my money was gone and I had to choose between rent and the abilify. Going off of it, well let's just say it didn't end pretty. Like @melissaw72 said, it was the worst thing I could have done for me personally. I had no physical withdrawal symptoms that I remember. If that helps. It's the return of the mental issues that got me bad. In about a week or maybe a little longer symptoms returned. I tried to off myself after hearing voices tell me to non stop, and ended up in long term care. I was off abilify for nearly a year and other meds were tried. I was put back on it finally and *poof* I started getting better and was finally released. It's too bad you cannot do a cross taper. Does clozapine react poorly with abilify or haldol or both I wonder? A question for your Dr of course. I would call your Dr and get some advice as to what you should do. Screaming voices are hell. I'm sorry this is happening to you @The Hitcher. I hope the rest of the taper down of your AP's goes better. I know you have been wanting to try clozapine for a long time. I hope that it really helps you. You deserve to feel better.