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About Wonderful.Cheese

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    Cheddar makes everything better!

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    Cheese (lol), Internet, music, knitting, crocheting, crafts in general, trying to go to the gym

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  1. I think when you are a danger to yourself or others. Are you ok? Thinking of you.
  2. My beloved group is no more. My heart is broken. 9 years minimum there.

  3. (also super yay to your mood being good! Awesome! I'm happy for you!)
  4. I have SZA and I see a therapist regularly like at least every other week. More like every 1.5 weeks. I'm supposed to see her weekly but she books out so far ahead it's ridiculous. Anyway. We talk about my goals in my treatment plan, coping with my psychosis and mood issues somewhat, and mostly and honestly how to calm my beastly anxiety. Which is great because meds only work so much for my anxiety which is usually terrible and can get out of hand quite quickly and totally interferes with my life. So I think it's great that you have a plan of what you want to work on in therapy, a goal! It's good to have a paper with bullet points. Are they about your anxiety and how it impacts your life and what it's like for you symptom wise? Like what does an anxiety attack look like for you personally? That could help your new tdoc decide on which coping skills might be best to try first to help you with your awful anxiety. My tdoc focuses on CBT and a tiny bit of DBT (distraction and mindfulness.) That could be a question if you'd like to find out more about your tdoc's specialty. That could possibly help ease some of the worries? It's ok to ask them appropriate questions too! It's your treatment after all! I think you're off to a great start! I totally understand the worry about the complex history. But I'm sure he/she has worked with people of all sorts of backgrounds before. But this could be another good question for your new tdoc if you'd like to know their experience with bipolar patients and patients with suicide attempts histories. I know I'd like to know that too. I don't blame you for wondering and being worried. But my point is people from all walks of life seek therapy. You'd be surprised. From grieving people to people on the SZ spectrum. So I know it will be hard and anxiety provoking for your appointment. But hang in there. Take a PRN if you have any. That could help. Request one from your pdoc if need be. You sound prepared. That's great! Take a deep breath. You got this!
  5. Distant Partners

    See? SZA wins again!
  6. Another day and absolutely nothing done nor accomplished. Unless you count laying in bed. Then I accomplished a fuck ton. Thanks “no motivation for who the fuck knows how long”. Thanks death sensor making me feel so fucking beyond low. Thanks thanks thanks SZA. Now take a bow. You deserve it. You work so hard all the time. My life: Gone. Ruined. Demolished. Destroyed. Nonexistent. Pathetic. Pitiful. Stupid. Take a bow take a bow take a bow! SZA, the winner!
  7. I’m sorry you didn’t get any replies initially. My main diagnosis is SZA so I’m not normally on the depression board much. But I can empathize. I feel similar. I feel detached and empty. Especially compared to many other people’s lives and especially on Facebook but elsewhere too. I agree: fuck depression. I hope you start to feel better. Because seriously, fuck depression.
  8. The death sensing and messages have become permanent. I’m very sad.
  9. I have had the opposite experience. I was told right away after they concluded that I had schizoaffective disorder. They didn’t try to hide anything from me. I don’t think a good provider would try to hide any kind of diagnosis from a patient. I guess unless they really thought it would harm the patient. But I just think that how could they hide that or lie about it from someone if you directly and firmly asked what your actual diagnosis is? But what do I know. I’m not a dr.
  10. My husband has started to distance himself from me for his own protection. I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to be around me either. But I won't be here much longer so really what does it matter. I don't know why I'm crying. I've been implanted with death sensors. I feel it.
  11. i think should probably go to the hospital, but it's pointless

    @mellifluous Love you Melli. I hope you get help at the hospital. You so deserve to feel better and happy with your family and especially that amazing small girl of yours. I know it must have been so hard, but I really think you did the right thing. Thinking of you and sending support.
  12. How are you doing now @rowan77? My pdoc started me off on 5 mg of haldol, three times a day. I didn't take it long enough to know if it would really be helpful to me. But I hope it's helping you! I take Clonazepam at 1 mg, three times a day regularly. I find it helps my anxiety. I'm not sure if it helps when I'm hypo/manic but I'm sure it does. I've been on it for so long.
  13. I didn’t notice much until 200 mg a day of the Topamax IME. It has never made me throw up. I’m confused though. You want the Topamax to make you throw up? Or am I misreading? I’m sorry you got sick. That’s no fun. Topamax has not affected my sleep or mood as far as I can tell. I have a hefty dose of seroquel to make me sleep so no worries there. And I’m on three antipsychotics and a mood stabilizer and Klonopin. So I don’t get drastic and extremely horrible mood swings that require lengthy hospitalizations anymore. I’ve been hospital free for maybe 2.5 years now! That’s major for me! I hope you notice some help from the Topamax soon. I hope it isn’t messing with your mood. I think most people here have found it to be a pretty weak mood stabilizer med. But ymmv and some love it. It doesn’t have an official indication for mood stabilization or anything. Although it is used off label. So again ymmv.
  14. @BipolarSpinster what dose of Topamax are you taking? I would give it some time to work. I didn’t notice an immediate appetite suppression help either. I don’t recall how long it took but it stopped the overeating for the most part anyway. I still have my moments. But I’ve lost 22 lbs at least since starting it and metformin too. I take 200 mg Topamax split and 2,000 mg metformin split. For weight loss from antipsychotics. I hope to continue to lose weight! Also, switching to XR seroquel from the IR helped. Since doing all these changes and exercising maybe 2-3 times a week, I’ve lost 50 lbs nearly over a long period of time though. Good luck!