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About CeremonyNewOrder

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    Voices say I'm the shit

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  1. Depression can manifest itself in different forms. It isn't just laying on the couch and crying all day. My depression had a manic quality to it. I had lots of energy but was very suicidal at the same time. I ate and slept okay and was fully immersed in my life.
  2. For me therapy did not work until I got the right medication combination but that is just my experience. Did you try ALL the meds for GAD?
  3. I can relate to how you feel. I feel like I've been in remission of my symptoms for over a year now. Yes, I do get occasional flare ups of my symptoms but I can better deal with it now. I even stopped going to therapy because I had nothing much else to talk about. No I'm not perfect but now I know how to better address my issues from what I learned in therapy. Clozapine and lithium saved my life.
  4. I second trying Clozapine if you haven't already. Some therapy can help but ultimately dealing with psychosis requires getting the right medication.
  5. I would seriously consider the Clozapine. I know I too was terrified about it before I took it but it has reduced my symptoms by about 70-80% and the only side effect I get is sedation (which has been treated with Adderall). Generally speaking, if several anti-psychotics fail you then you should try Clozapine. While I can not know if it will work for you, it has a pretty good track record for treating treatment resistance psychosis. Also if it works for you, you'll only have to take one AP, thereby reducing your chances of getting diabetes or weight gain.
  6. If I remember correctly, you can take up to 200mg of trazodone (contact doctor before adjusting your dose). Other sleep meds you could try: klonopin, restoril, lunesta, doxepin. I don't know what your diagnosis is but if your schizoeffective or schizophrenic, clozapine has helped me sleep better.
  7. Adderall was the only thing that helped me with Clozapine-induced sedativeness. Unfortunately, you can build up a tolerance though. I'd suggest maybe switching from valproic acid to lithium or lamictal.
  8. Clozapine has done the best for my symptoms but it can be very sedative and the intial weekly blood tests are a pain in the ass.
  9. Fuck life. The adderall stopped working in dealing with the massive sedation caused by clozapine so my pdoc said I should stop taking adderall for a week because I built up tolerance. I've been able to do nothing but sleep. Just when I thought I had my meds finally figured out. Why the fuck do I have to choose between being not psychotic and sedated or psychotic but awake? I hate this fucking illness. Why can't I be a normal person?
  10. Happy to be doing better symptom wise but I've felt very melancholy lately when I think of the past and how my illness kept me from achieving the most in any particular situation. And I feel like I'll never marry or have kids. How do I deal with these thoughts? I'm afraid of becoming super depressed again.
  11. I could not do exposure therapy until I was stable on meds, so maybe you should talk to your pdoc about maybe trying another medication. For the past year, I've done group therapy surrounding my social anxiety. Several things. You need to start slow. In my group, we have to speak in front of the group about something for 3 minutes. Maybe try small trips outside of the house at first and build. Also exposure therapy is not designed to make you 100% anxiety free but rather teaches you to live with the anxiety and manage as best as possible. Have you tried CBT therapy? This can be helpful for challenging negative and fearful thoughts. Also a mindfullness practice can help. Have faith, work with your pdoc, and realize it can be done! I was rarely social and rarely left the house until like a couple of years ago.
  12. I take 300mg all at night and it works during the day. I can't imagine taking clozapine during the day because its so sedative for me.
  13. Hi everyone, First, let me state that I do not take Adderall for ADHD. I take it to counter the sedation I get from Clozapine. My pdoc put me on 40mg of Adderall and for about a half of a year, I could wake up early and function during the day. However, starting last week I could not wake up until late afternoon and was still tired and I felt like I was stoned and could not think straight. I can only guess that I have built up a tolerance to the Adderall because the Adderall working was the variable that kept me awake after starting clozapine. I really hope this isn't the case because I've tried other stimulants and provigil all which didn't work. I can't quit clozapine It has saved my life. Any thoughts? Thanks.
  14. I support limited intervention in Syria that will actually save lives and contain Assad. Trump's strikes are just meant to distract from his domestic failures. They do nothing to deter Assad from using chemical weapons. I think we should create a no fly zone over northern Syria to protect refugees and our best ally in Syria, the Kurds.
  15. I hear you. I did a Master's degree but was never accepted into a PhD program. I have mixed feelings about graduate school and mental illness. I'm a total geek and love learning and I am always reading and I loved writing my thesis BUT I feel like graduate school can exacerbate symptoms. For one, you are working day and night and isolate yourself from the world and have no time to do something normal like going to the beach. I was severely depressed in graduate school because of this. It also appears like your work isn't paying off in anything tangible right away so I felt like I was wasting my life. I also find academics, for all their talk of social justice and equality, to be elitist snobs...the Harvard graduate will always be hired over the other candidate and academics also act like children most of the time as well.