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sixteenshells

Member
  • Content count

    169
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About sixteenshells

  • Rank
    Miss Violence
  • Birthday 03/13/84

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://letterboxd.com/MissViolence/

Profile Information

  • Gender
    female
  • Location
    New York
  • Interests
    Horror films, weird music, occult, disturbing art, tattoos, photography, writing, filmmaking, true crime, adorable animals. But not people; people are never adorable.

Recent Profile Visitors

4618 profile views
  1. Life is beating me up.

    1. Retromancer

      Retromancer

      Sorry to hear L. I have been thinking about you.

  2. How strange it is to be anything at all.

  3. Heroin is the best antidepressant and anti-anxiety drug I've ever taken. Honestly it fixes all my problems... except I then have new ones in the form of trying to score and addiction. If not for that, it would be perfect for my mental wellbeing.
  4. Look, I know this is a first-person site, but this post is about another CB member who is too overwhelmed to post, and he knows I am posting this and gave me permission, so please please let this post stay up. He is bipolar with psychotic features and treatment-resistant, so his illness is severe and without meds he'll tank. His insurance no longer covers his pdoc or his prescriptions (which they gave very little warning about), and he has an appointment with a new one but it isn't until late May, so in the meantime he is fucked. He talked to his former pdoc and he says he's "working on it" but nothing is happening and he's quickly running out of meds. He messaged his new pdoc, because one of the possible options was having her prescribe his meds, but it's up to her whether she'll do it and she hasn't said anything yet. His insurance won't do anything. If he changes insurance he has to wait 30 days anyway. If he goes IP he'll lose his job. He spoke to Medicaid to see if they could help as an emergency case (he does not currently have Medicaid) and they said they can't do anything. He knows about NeedyMeds, GoodRx etc and they don't help enough with what he makes at his job right now. I just can't think of any other options, but this isn't supposed to happen. Why doesn't anybody care? Why don't they understand he'll lose all the progress he's made and the voices, paranoia and mood swings will all come back and he'll likely lose his job just from that, let alone from likely having to go IP again? There has to be a way, I just can't believe there's nothing set up for this. This is in the US by the way if it wasn't obvious before. I'm so stressed about this, if you have any ideas please help. Thanks for listening.
  5. I kind of wish there was a space on CB where users not in recovery could talk about their addiction, even if they like it and want to talk about how much they love it/hate it. Yes, I know you can do that in Drugsforum and Reddit, but they're not necessarily well-versed in MI. It'd be nice to have a supportive space where we don't have to worry about triggering anyone in recovery, because I'm craving the needle baaaaaaad, and I kind of want to write soliloquies about heroin, haha.
  6. Almost 2 am here ... :)

  7. I know I'm posting so incredibly late (my mind has been chaos), but I wanted to let everyone know I am here and how much of a loss this is for CB. Pod was great... kind of the easygoing person you could count on to be level-headed in chat. It's so hard to lose people; grief is something that never gets easier with repetition. Sorry, this is a terrible disjointed post and Pod deserves better... but it's easier to express my sentiment by just leaving this song here, for Pod.
  8. I talked to my therapist and she said she would help me with the paperwork (she knows I get really intimidated by it), and we have an appointment set, so things should hopefully be ok. Pdoc hasn't called me back yet so I'll probably call him again tomorrow. Either way, I feel a lot better about the whole thing... I knew reevaluations were a part of the process, but when it finally came up my brain went "PANIC!!!" haha. Thanks everyone.
  9. Thanks all... I'm feeling a bit better hearing your responses. I left a message with my pdoc this morning to let him know this is something that's happening and to get his opinion on my stability. I think I just am always a bit worried because so many people don't see mental illness as potentially disabling even though it clearly is, and it's always my fear that the government will decide to shorten its SSD rosters by kicking off some people with mental illness. When I got SSD I didn't even have a treatment team or a diagnosis, just a long psych history (which is now much longer and more severe) and recent trauma, and I got it on the first try... so maybe even the government can see how crazy I am, haha.
  10. I got a letter in the mail on Saturday saying a periodic reevaluation would be conducted to see if I still qualify for SSD. I'm completely terrified that they'll somehow decide that I'm fit for work, when I most definitely am not. I was just formally diagnosed bipolar I a little less than a year ago, I went IP in November of last year, and I currently am experiencing a crippling agoraphobia that makes me unable to leave the house more than about once a month. I've made some improvements since being put on Seroquel, but those improvement are very much contingent on my being in a space that I control and feel safe in. Putting me in a workplace full of strangers and noise would cause me to break down. I'm hoping my pdoc will be on my side with this, but I'm frankly terrified that the state doctors, who have never met me, will just decide that I "should" be able to work and suddenly my income will vanish; and there is no way I can work if that happens. I'm afraid my pdoc will look at my recent improvements in mood and say I'm ok to work even though he knows about my agoraphobia. I honestly feel like I'd have to die if they took away my SSD; I just don't have any other options for staying afloat. If someone could reassure me I would really, really appreciate it.
  11. It is. I wish it weren't. They only just came out with a generic this year, finally.
  12. I started having severe bouts of depression by age 7, which I couldn't tell anyone about because I didn't know what depression was. I was always high-strung and started exhibiting clinical anxiety around the same time as the depression. Started using heroin after my fiance died some years back. Started out snorting, graduated to IV. Part of me wishes I had never found out how good opiates feel because I know I will always always want them, and part of me doesn't care as long as I have money and a dealer. I'm an episodic user, I go on random binges and then I stop because I run out of money. I wouldn't stop at all if it weren't for going broke.
  13. What are you listening to NOW?

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