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Angeni Mai

Member
  • Content count

    546
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About Angeni Mai

  • Rank
    I am but a figment ...
  • Birthday 10/29/1991

Profile Information

  • Gender
    female
  • Location
    Somewhere, Earth, Universe
  • Interests
    Helping people, writing, photography, drawing, singing

Recent Profile Visitors

26642 profile views
  1. I'm mostly looking for advice at this moment on how to foster and encourage my significant other's (soon to be married) interests. She seems to want to share a lot of things with me, such as things about other people and all; however, when it comes to her interests, she tells me about them but doesn't include me in them. I know she tries but she also gives up if she even perceives that I'm not interested. Often times it isn't a lack of interest but rather that I may be having a bad day or an having difficulties with things and processing. (I have Cerebral Palsy and multiple mental health diagnoses) I don't mean to make her feel like I have no interest or I don't want to get along, but is it not ok to indulge in my own thing/ have some alone time? A lot of things I do bother her sensory issues (singing opera, playing jokes, touch randomly without remembering her boundaries because my memory is shit). I want to better our relationship by sharing some in each other's interests but I also still have that need to do my own thing when it is something I know she can't handle. She's also pregnant which makes her sensory issues twice as bad, which has lead to some hard feelings, especially when I would like to sing (as I have a generally loud singing voice as I've sung opera for the past 8 years. She also has a developmental delay that causes her to need to speak things aloud and get that feedback on social situations and some other things to process them, in which she is quite long-winded most of the time. That has also lead to more hard feelings as it leads to limited time to indulge in anything else but talking from the time we are up until the time she goes to bed. Any other time that's left during the day, she usually insists that we spend it together because she wants to be close but she has also said that if we don't have that closeness each and every day, multiple times a day even (most days) then she and I will be too distant and she won't be able to open back up to me because I'll be a stranger (she has had issues with selective mutism when she was a child is the only thing I could assume she means by she will stop opening up). It may just be a matter of her mental health and I just misunderstood what she meant, however, is it wrong of me to feel like she is somewhat playing mind games/ manipulating me/ twisting my arm for me to pay all of my attention to her?She is currently visiting from Canada and I live 422 miles away from her home. She has said that things will be different when we go back to Canada in 5 days, but I don't know whether or not I can trust this as I have seen different happen when she's back home and we just talk over video call. She says she doesn't really lie, and I know that, but is it bad of me to feel like she just doesn't really know herself all that well in what she really and needs from a person, especially when she's never really been in a long term relationship before us getting together? I'm really trying to let go of the past but this is just a lot to handle. Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with these situations? Is it too much for me to continue to wish for and sometimes expect her to understand my needs? Is it too much for me to want to be left alone sometimes (as it helps me to cope with life and process my own emotions)?I really don't want her or our relationship to suffer because I'm not giving her what she needs. Thanks for any responses. They are much appreciated. P.S. ~ Are there any books you would recommend somebody in a relationship with somebody who has ASD reads to have a better understanding of what it is like to have autism or books on how to cope with the differences in their partner? P.P.S. ~ I know she's not a manipulative person and she wouldn't mindfully force me to do what I don't wish to, it's just I feel backed into a corner most days and I lash out emotionally in anger and start to yell when she's annoying me, most often times at the expense of being called mean when I say something she doesn't view as true and, at the best of times, neither do I. I guess it's just hard when both parties have mental health issues that result in a lot of emotions (and a TON of anger) and developmental issues, and social skills deficits on her end. I love her to death though and just want to make things easier on the both of us, more so on her though.
  2. What's that smell?? It's you! You aflacked, p-u!! :P 

    I loves youuu! <3 :) 

  3. A wild Fur in her natural habitat: her bedroom! :)

    My beautiful darling
  4. You are never forgotten <3 

  5. @Angeni Mai

    Public service announcement! Guess what! I love you <3 

    That is all.

    1. Angeni Mai

      Angeni Mai

      PSA: I love you more! VAH!

       

  6. I don't understand mourning the loss of somebody like him. IMHO, he was needing of repentance more than a lot of other people. He was hateful towards people who weren't like him. I'm not saying I'm glad he's dead, and I know the cycle will continue because of the mindless drivel he spewed in the "name of the Lord", but I am glad that he no longer has that influence.
  7. Yes, for a few moments, but it takes my brain a bit longer (5 - 10 minutes) to adjust and understand the reality.
  8. Lately I've been finding myself believing that there are kangaroos and camels in the backyard but later recognize them as deer. It makes no sense because neither kangaroo nor camel are native to my country. Additionally, I've been having issues with thinking I'm speaking with people and then when I ask them what we were just talking about, they either say we haven't talked about anything for a while or that we were talking about something completely unrelated to what I thought the conversation was. Any ideas of what the Hell might be going on here? I've never had something like this happen persistently up until a few months ago but now it's really becoming a concern. I start seeing a new psychiatrist on the 15th of March, and will bring all of this up, but I kind of wonder if anyone can give me a glimmer of insight of what might be happening here.
  9. Lately I've been finding myself believing that there are kangaroos and camels in the backyard but later recognize them as deer. It makes no sense because neither kangaroo nor camel are native to my country. Additionally, I've been having issues with thinking I'm speaking with people and then when I ask them what we were just talking about, they either say we haven't talked about anything for a while or that we were talking about something completely unrelated to what I thought the conversation was. Any ideas of what the Hell might be going on here? I've never had something like this happen persistently up until a few months ago but now it's really becoming a concern. I start seeing a new psychiatrist on the 15th of March, and will bring all of this up, but I kind of wonder if anyone can give me a glimmer of insight of what might be happening here.
  10. I believe that the theory behind "classic" and "quiet" types within the borderline spectrum came into being to either make it easier for treating doctors to recognize BPD in people who do not present as the "textbook case" or to make dealing with a diagnosis not so terrifying for people. I'm not going to lie, it still hurts me to this day that I was diagnosed with BPD. I do everything in my power to not be re-diagnosed because it hurts me as it gives validation to the points as to why nobody wants to be around me and it scares off potential doctors and/ or makes them believe I'm just being dramatic when I tell them anything. If I were to be re-diagnosed I'd honestly just off myself as most doctors don't talk about sub-categories of BPD and just see (mostly) everyone with it as terrible people who don't want or deserve help, so it is hard to find accurate help whether I'm honest or dishonest about my true self. Despite identifying as and wanting to be labelled as a quiet borderline, even I agree that sub-categorization in BPD is not a good idea because it further divides people with it and gives the notion of "good" and "bad" borderlines. It only serves to allow doctors to treat classic behavior within the diagnosis as a crime. No one with BPD is bad because of their symptoms and we all deserve to be treated fairly, and well, by loved ones, professionals, and peers. The system is failing if we are not treated with kindness and respect.
  11. You are brave, kind, beautiful, smart, talented, and amazing at everything you do and set your mind to. I'm so beyond happy to call you mine. I love you darling ❤️

  12. Are you okay Ang? You were doing not-great a few days ago.

     

  13. My mother had substance abuse issues and severe bipolar disorder. I was told it was likely that she had an undiagnosed personality disorder. My father has ADHD and alcoholism. Many, if not all of my immediate relatives on his side struggle with depression and/or ADHD. My older sister has anxiety, bipolar, and ADHD.
  14. What age did you start cutting?

    Aged 11, after my first suicide attempt.
  15. I don't find IP helps any. I just feel worse when I come out.
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