confused

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  1. Is this a hypothetical? How about a real situation? Like thinking people are watching, thinking things or doing things against you. And, it goes along with other symptoms. Really, these questions are good for a tdoc or pdoc.
  2. @iaawal I do that, too. It is like people don't exist when they leave the room. Maybe I need to get out, too. And, I still need a shower but I am going to take one soon
  3. No. What are you trying to say? Yes, you can have rational fears. That is not paranoia.
  4. I have trouble, but it is different. I space out a bit and miss part of the conversation, so it is hard to follow. But, I also lose track of what I was trying to say (what was the point). Anyways, I have the same dx sza bipolar type, and I have trouble following conversations. There are times when I come away going, I know the words but not what they meant in that context, too. Not so much word salad, though. My understanding is it is unusual to be dx with an autism spectrum disorder and a thought disorder because some symptoms overlap. (There are people with both).
  5. Worrying that they won't be cared for properly or possibly harmed? No
  6. I wouldn't classify either of those as paranoia. In the general lexicon people misuse the term. If it was an irrational fear that someone was after you in some way-that would be something I would call paranoia. People are generally protective of their children and not wanting to leave them with strangers is common sense. I don't think it would happen, but people do steal. They may have a place to hold valuables at camp. You have described other fears in the past that do sound like paranoia, though.
  7. Hmmmm... I do not know. I am pretty stable now, but at the time I wasn't. I guess that was part of my dysfunction, not being able to get along with the others.
  8. My cleaning goal is me. Shower and wash hair by end of day.
  9. So tired, so stinky. I don't know when I last showered. I keep saying I am going to, but the time flies by. I slept early Friday night and then most of the day yesterday. I am having trouble staying awake today. I am doing okay otherwise. I am planning on going to a meeting tonight. Hopefully, I can get in the shower beforehand. So, talkative on-line. I posted 4 articles on medium and have been responding here.
  10. I never saw anyone restrained but it does happen. There was one case I heard of where a pt filed a grievance (in my county) for not being able to see a medical dr for arm pain. When it was investigated it was found his arm had been broken when they restrained him. So, they broke his arm and then denied medical treatment, ack! I don't know what happened after that. I heard it from one of the grievance workers, at a lecture.
  11. For my pdoc I do keep in mind if there was anything that has been bothering me like thoughts or sleep. Otherwise, I just talk. Same sorta with tdoc. If I have something that has been on my mind, I will bring it up, but sometimes I am unprepared. Something, usually comes up. If I feel I have nothing to talk about it usually means things are going pretty well. With my tdoc we might think of lengthening the time between visits. I see my pdoc monthly. He likes it like that in case I need a med change.
  12. I think this was a good spot to post I have been in groups where people have mostly mood symptoms and I feel like no one understands my paranoia or other types of more psychotic symptoms. I don't know that I wish I had what they had instead, more that i felt like I didn't fit in. But, I do understand what you are saying.
  13. It doesn't sound so much as you like being annoying as that you are trying to relieve stress and don't care if it bothers them. (I could be reading it wrong). You do sound like you have a lot going on with work. I am not sure if this relates, but I smile when I am angry. Especially, if I say something that i think is a zinger. I know it can be hurtful but it also amuses me. I don't feel remorse, either. It goes against my natural instinct to want people to like me.
  14. I was in one. I guess it was a county hospital but it was just for psych patients. It was the worst I went to and I wasn't in the secure (lock down) section. I was still locked in and there were guards, but there was another section if you couldn't follow the "rules". I was taken in on a 5150 (72 hour hold). I was hearing voices, having trouble speaking. I told them in writing that i had anxiety but was ignored. There was a room of cots, you were supposed to change your linens and they would bring in a cart with drinks and snacks.I had a hard time figuring out what to do, some of the other patients helped me. Then, at night, I heard people I know who weren't there, I wandered trying to find them. I almost broke a rule and crossed over a literal line on the floor. I was directed to the pdoc. The first time I saw her there. She was able to get me medication for my anxiety and my other meds they forgot to give me. Then, I was transferred to a community hospital closer to my sister's house. The community hospital was pretty nice, for what it was. I was in the behavioral health unit in the hospital. I had to be non-violent to get in. I am not, but I am not sure how they determined that. They had plenty of activities and tried to get us involved. I was there for the rest of the 72 hours and did a week in the outpatient facility. I may have had a room to myself, I don't remember. (it was in 2003 and i wasn't well). The one thing I remember is that they didn't approve of my hair. It frizzes, and the more I brush it, the worse it gets. The nurse wouldn't let me leave my room until I looked presentable and it was frustrating. I was also in a hospital in my county in the behavioral health unit, too. This time I started on the more severe side. I was hearing voices. I had my own room. There was a woman who kept taking off her clothes in going into other rooms. She was really "up". She didn't bother me, but I felt bad for her, and we were on opposite extremes. I was only relying on tangible things because that was all I knew i could believe and she was talking about fairies and magic. They upped my depakote, the voices stopped and I was moved to the other side. There were 4 to a room, but you had more freedom and they had some groups. I wrote a piece on medium about how lonely it gets https:[email protected]/the-loneliness-of-the-psych-ward-cd0ad7501ad1#.g328iad9e
  15. One more vote for therapy. A therapist can help you come to terms with the past, make goals for the future, develop some better coping skills. You may not be able to get back to where you were. I don't know. That is something therapy can help you determine. But, you can rebuild. I am not where I was, but I feel like i am in a better place in many ways. When I think about losses it just makes me sad. I imagine it is much worse when they are so fresh. Some people can set a "worry time" where they will only allow themselves to think about certain concerns at a set time of day and journal. I can't do that. The thoughts keep drifting into my consciousness. But, if that is something that would help you stay in the present, it is one idea.