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About inabook

  • Rank
    Should we have stayed at home and thought of here?

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    in the forests of the night
  • Interests
    literature, scifi, fantasy, photography, birds, random knowledge.

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10179 profile views
  1. Hello hello, So, right now, I am struggling with feeling someone is abandoning me/has done it/will do it, and it's the worst thing ever. Great way to activate my infamous "borderline" traits. I am really struggling to not just withdraw from the relationship, stop ... being present, to avoid the hurt of losing someone. I know it's not a great way to deal with it (because then... I will definitely lose that friend). I was hoping to find some advice/some DBT skill, or something that would address that issue specifically? "how to deal with the terror/pain of maybe losing someone without just "leaving first"? What do you do?
  2. I have thoughts which my tdoc, or others, tend to classify as "depressive", and I should not believe them. How many times have I heard it "don't believe it, it's the mental illness speaking", "it's one of the old records".... But.... what if it's not? I mean, the "I will never have the lifestyle I am used to (because my parents are wealthy), which means I'll have to give up on many things that have been part of my self-care for years (therapy,eating fancy food,...)". Are these things essential? No. But I am already miserable with all this to help make life less painful, so... how will I do? Because I won't have a "good" job like my parents. I can barely handle the stress of working in a bookstore... and I don't have any useful skill. And... there was this one "dream" of what I wanted to do with my life (in terms of job), and... it's obvious I can't do it, and probably won't ever be able to do it, because it requires an emotional stability and resilience I don't have. So yeah. What if there is really mostly misery in my future?
  3. Hi! I just got a case worker. It had been recommended for me to apply to get one, so i tried. She is nice, and wanting to help but... I have no idea what to tell her, how to "use" her? I have never had one, and I don't know what I'm supposed to tell her, what kind of help she provides.... (And of course, I feel I am too functioning to have one, so I think she will disappear). For those of you have have/have had case workers, what do they do? what do you tell them? (I mean, what kind of things) Thank you
  4. Update: staying at the er tonight. Take care all

  5. Great News About Pods pups

    Thank you for keeping us posted.
  6. Hello! Just wondering whether anyone here is interested in bird photography and could give me some advice? I currently have a Sony alpha30, which is... old (10 years or so), and some of the buttons are not working anymore, making the settings very slow. Nothing awful, but it makes it harder to actually take pictures of birds which are not totally still for 20 minutes... And it would cost me more to fix it than to get a new camera. I have some lenses, one 50mm 1.8 that I love and a 18-70 mm and a 55-200mm which I use now. The issue is... from what I've seen, Sony does not make "entry level" DSLR anymore. And very few affordable lenses above 200mm. So: - do I switch to another brand? but then.... I probably won't be able to use my current lenses much. - what kind of lenses do I want? I've read everything "anything below 400mm is worthless for birds" to "use a teleconverter" to "never use a teleconverter". Any recommendation? Knowing that obviously, I don't have much money for it, so I will definitely buy second-hand, not the latest models, and not the best ones.
  7. The active noise-cancelling ones sort of do that, but, at least with mine, you still hear some things, just much less, and less loud and it is AMAZING. I ended up getting the Bose ones, and love them. They are comfortable (I usually spend hours wearing them almost every day) and work perfectly for that use.
  8. After therapy

    Thank you for all the suggestions, I will try them! I used to write after therapy, but I have been kind of... avoiding doing it because I feel too ashamed about everything I said/did in therapy But I suppose avoidance very RARELY helps. So I will try to do it again. I like the idea of recording notes, it might be easier. I will try some of your ideas. Walking for 3 to 5 hours seems to help to get back to myself and improve my mood but it takes time! I wish my tdoc would do notes, but I don't think I'll ask, I feel too needy. Thank you all.
  9. After therapy

    Thank you for the replies. I have made progress, even though I can rarely see exactly a "I've done A in therapy, so B is happening", but yeah. I have just started talking about a new topic that is very shame-full, more than I expected, and after the last 2 sessions I've felt down and almost sick for a few days from all the shame-repercussions it has everywhere. I wish I knew what to do, even just for now rather thanin general, to feel better and be more functional. It slows me down. Sorry I am whining.
  10. I guess I just want to know whether... everybody feels the same way I do after therapy, and how you handle it. Almost every time, I leave exhausted to the point of shaking a bit, especially if I have "frozen" a lot during the session. My brain feels all blurry, floating, and it takes time to "reintegrate myself/reconnect with myself" (usually the cold air helps). And then I just feel physically tired/almost painful from all the shame/fear. And, usually later, I get stuck with negative thoughts and feelings, from which I want to hide, because it usually sounds a lot like my mother telling me how I'm bad and should shut up and everything I say in therapy is "bad" because i should just stop letting myself have these emotions/make them exist by thinking about them. Anyway, I just feel stupid/bad. I don't know how to avoid this, it is not too bad, but I often waste the rest of the day trying to get back on tracks.
  11. Chat

    I'm not getting the email with the password either. Hopefully it will arrive some time soon. Thanks for organizing all this. (And I don't mean to blame any one for shutting down the chat, I hope it did not feel that way. I can see there are reasons for it.)
  12. Chat

    It really saddens me. I feel that a lot of us are quite isolated, and the chat was an important presence/support, even if I did not always like the atmosphere there, it was important for me to know that there was a place where I could go and speak and chat in real time with people I "knew". I don't feel that it is less important than the boards. I will try the new one.
  13. Have you ever read the resources from this website: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/youre_not_pregnant_why_do_you_think_you_are ? (sorry if it totally does not fit for you, I just thought I could share it in case it was of any use).
  14. I don't feel that this is going against being pro-treatment, rather looking at more resources to support people with MI. I hardly see how this would be incompatible with treatment... Sadly I don't have any resource to recommend (workbooks online?)
  15. Hi Geek! I don't think you're doing therapy wrong, for what it's worth. How my therapy looks like: I arrive very exactly on time (never get in/near the building before that), she tells me to come in. I settle in, maybe chatting about the weather, put my coat beside me, start the recording (I always record, I don't know why, it makes me feel safer). Then, once we're both sitting and ready, we actually say hi and she asks how I am. I look unconvinced, and say "fine?". We laugh because I NEVER know what to answer to this darn question. So I go on describing the days, if they've been good, it's easy (and I almost always start with "something good" because I must offer something good), if not, I avoid a lot. The first 25 minutes are usually about daily life, current issues, and we can be more "practical" about it, strategies about how to deal with a situation, or a person, or planning something (when I am struggling with food/cooking, we make meal plans, for example). A good part of it is "fact-checking"/looking for other interpretations/ways of thinking, especially about social situations and she may offer other interpretations (beside "they will hate meeee") or helps me get to the conclusion they probably won't. I am never really convinced but it still helps lowering my feeling of "they will hate me). Then I move on to the Big Issue, which I have usually planned (by writing down things, drawing, or just made an outline, because I am ... a perfectionist even in therapy) and things get blurry because I can't speak and freeze and there is more grounding and... explaining what I mean, and I don't know how to describe it. But it has to do a lot with just... experiencing all that/talking about the things and her not running away, and trying to have me actually knowing she is not running away. Then we finish up and chit-chat while I am leaving. I use humour to deflect a lot, so anyone listening would have the impression that therapy is SUPER FUNNY. A few months, I established 3 "big topics I wanted to deal with" (shame about 3 things), and for almost every appt I have an agenda with topics. There are running themes like "social anxiety", but it is not really formalized as a "goal" that we get back to every time. 6 months ago my tdoc started beginning almost every appt with a mention of what we had talked about the previous time, giving me a chance to go back to it, as a result of me saying how hard it was to go back and how much it mattered to me to see she "remembered it". So it gives some continuity, but there are lots of... spin offs. I'm not sure whether this helps. During the times when I am badly depressed, it also feels like i have nothing to say/always the same/i am just whining and it feels useless, and I think it is partly due to the depression. I'm sure you know we are going to say it: "could you talk about it with your tdoc?" to see whether some things could be shifted, or to address your feeling, especially if you feel that things are not helping right now. I am not super big into "let's structure everything" (some descriptions of CBT scare the hell out of me), but it's a personal preference, and I still like some structure (and I partly have to be the one in charge of it, bc my tdoc... is not good at it ), so I don't think that the lack of structure or of not using One Kind of Therapy has to be a problem (I mean, it's up to you) and at times, I feel I use my tdoc as a... cheerleader, to have someone telling me "you're good, you can do it". But truth is... it helps. I don't know whether you've ever read this quote: Maybe it's just cheesy, but it feels very true to me, and I felt that the "relation" aspect of therapy has been super important in it, so... there may be some value in it too? Do you know why you feel more depressed when leaving the appt? (sorry I wrote so much)