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Otulissa

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About Otulissa

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  1. The thought and the distress itself, the 'spike' in emotions it causes.
  2. This has me so afraid, someone who has suffered from my obsession and 'recovered' told me that the spike itself would always be there. Does this mean I have to deal with this one thought for the rest of my life? Ive had it for two years and its been the worst two years of my life, I dont want the rest to be so miserable, I thought I could live without it again if I worked hard enough at it
  3. Im just so afraid that over a year is too long, like ive passed the point of no return so to speak. I cannot take this forever, even when its better its still taking its toll on me. I just really feel alone, like my thought could be true. Why does it have to feel like it could be true when I know it cant be true? Its so confusing and distressing.
  4. Do things just not change? Will this thought always be here? Im accepting that the doubt is going to stay, but I dont think I can stand it if the thought never goes away. I figure if it does things will go back to normal, it wont matter if the doubt is there because I wouldnt be thinking about it. But im getting the feeling im going to be stuck with this thought here a fair amount of the time.
  5. Big news, it feels like the derealization is finally going away. My home feels like home again, its hard to describe. I still dont know what I believe though, going to tell the pdoc about that. I hope one day these thoughts just arent here much anymore.
  6. I guess you're right about it taking a long time. Its been bad for a year, so most likely its going to take awhile to get over. I just wish I knew it WOULD be over one day, then I could take it a long time.
  7. Therapy has been helping a little bit, I just cant see me being happy again while I have this doubt. Im hoping what will happen is I will eventually forget the thought and the doubt will go with it, only being there when the thought is there.
  8. I know ill always have the thought, at least every now and then. But its the doubt that makes it hurt, im just wondering if I can ever get to where I have the thought and go, no I dont think thats right. Instead of now where it feels like it could really be true.
  9. Something ive been ruminating about, I figured when the anxiety left( which it hasnt all the way) the doubt the thoughts caused would go with it, in that you would know what you believed anyway. Because I know I cant be certain everything is real, but I can believe it. And I dont know what I believe right now feeling like this.
  10. Im trying really hard to focus on something else, it just seems like everything happy makes me sad that I cant enjoy it like I used to. Im trying to keep in mind that getting better will happen very slowly. And I know I cant get rid of the thought completely as it will always be a memory that will pop in every now and then. Its just this constantness I cant take.
  11. I know I shouldnt compare myself to others, but I cant stop thinking about the person whos had it for 15 years and still arent better, it scares me. I know 15 years isnt forever, but it seems like it makes it possible that it could last.
  12. So do you guys not really feel the doubt now? Like when the thought does come, does it not feel true anymore? I make sure to stay social with people, even though it hurts and it does help. Its like my heart knows its not true but my mind still thinks it could be.
  13. I guess my obsession is kinda switching from worrying if solipsism is true, to worrying if ill obsess about it forever, thus never getting my life back. My therapist says it wont be forever, that it will just be a memory some day. But I keep doubting her, how can she know that? Ive been trying to accept, but it was easier to accept the thought may be true and have hope id forget it anyway than accepting ill be stuck like this forever. Should I just treat this like I did before? Agree with the thought and let the fear sit?
  14. Thanks, part of me is afraid that life wont feel like it used to when im not thinking the thoughts. But shouldn't it?
  15. My anxiety toward me obsessive thoughts about reality are much better thanks to erp, but the doubt is still there. Can I ever get to a point where I 'feel' sure the thought is wrong even if I cant prove it so it will stop haunting me? I had hoped with enough work this could be the case :/
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