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coraline

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About coraline

  • Rank
    you and your third dimension
  • Birthday 10/11/1980

Profile Information

  • Gender
    female
  • Location
    floating in space
  • Interests
    Music. Creating art via paint or what ever strikes my fancy. Reading and writing,even when it's bad.Exploring the universe and possibilities beyond my mind. Doing whatever it takes to get and remain stable all while cursing the ones who throw meds at me and challenge my thinking. Moonlight and stars. The sky and its ever changing colors. Being near and walking on the beach preferably tropical,although I do enjoy my local ice cold waters. Collecting things I find..rocks,puzzle pieces,cards,bread ties,pamphlets,sugar packets,change..maybe I'm a mild freegan klepto. Anything Hello Kitty.Helping and supporting people even when I'm not feeling well myself. Venturing into the outdoors when possible. I have an awesome red cruiser bike named Vera I ride in circles,straight lines,ocasional left and right turns.She has white wall tires and peddle breaks and a kickstand and is easy going and we've been on many adventures. I have a wonderful loving doggie named Bailey that helps me get through tough times and can always bring a smile to my face. We go on walks around the lake and enjoy cuddling on the couch. He has an obsession with pine cones and hunts them down in the yard then does a flying leap into the house so happy.

Recent Profile Visitors

3260 profile views
  1. Thank you for your kindness and understanding.. I just wish things were different.. I lost the few friends I had because I must be too much to deal with.. My ex ignored me for a week then told me to fuck off while I needed support.. I have family that won't talk to me.. I'm not trying to throw a pity party.. Just stating facts..
  2. Deleted cause I can't think straight..
  3. I saw pdoc yesterday and just wanted to burst out crying.. I'm just a mess.. I'm beyond lonely.. I'm realizing the only people I talk to is her and my mom.. I should be grateful for at least having that.. But I am such a burden on both.. One with a prescription pad trying to keep me out of the hospital.. One trying to take care of me because I can't do anything for myself..
  4. Yea the weight gain isn't ideal..I've managed to not gain too much thankfully.. I think I've been on it 2 years now..with a few months break..bad idea.. I'm pretty strict about what I eat though..no junk food.. I tend to have some pretty inactive days due to paranoid thinking and trouble leaving the house.. I'm trying my best to take my doggie for walks and joined a gym but need my mom to come with me.. My pdoc recently added topamax to help curb appetite and help with weight loss..it's helping..
  6. I can relate to this.. Lately it's as though everything and everyone are far away and I am distant.. My feet don't even feel like they are solidly touching what would be called the ground.. It's as though I am starting to fade away and everything in this world is beginning to blur.. The lines are crossing and ziggzagging and circling around me leaving me to feel abandoned..
  7. I've been on klononpin at different doses for 6 years and for the last 2 years 2mgs. I ran out for a few days and it was a living hell..pharmacy screwed up..long story.. I would strongly recommend against trying to get off this med on your own.. I think it's a very helpful medication for me but if you want off it talk to your doctor about getting off it first..
  8. That's great that you were honest with your pdoc.. And I'm glad that they are not just cutting you off.. I take gabapentin and have recently lowered my dose..was taking 900mgs 3x a day.. I now am down to 600mgs 3x a day.. And haven't noticed any withdrawal effects.. So hopefully it won't be so bad for you..
  9. For me it feels like anxiety is this driving force that stems from my body that eventually attacks my mind.. Causing worry and nervousness.. Where as paranoia lives in my mind causing thoughts that I can't shake or get rid of easily.. It feels real and nearly impossible to cope with..
  10. I take 120mgs..thankfully it's never really given me any side effects other than nausea when I first started it.. But I'm also on zyprexa Latuda works to an extent but I need an extra boost I guess..
  11. I understand the daily struggle with taking medication and being compliant.. It's hard for me to accept to do something that is necessary to keep me from falling further into madness.. But I take them anyways even when I think they are poisoning me.. I have skipped doses and gone off meds with horrible results.. I do not recommend doing this.. Mental illness is like any other disease that needs treated.. Gone untreated it can lead you to dark places.. Talk to your pdoc about how unhappy you are with your current treatment and maybe they can help guide you..
  12. I recently saw my pdoc..I see her every 3 weeks..I have no therapist.. I have a pretty consistent state of paranoid tendencies despite medications.. I take 2 antipsychotics and they work as good as they can.. Anyways I'm side tracking..which is common for me.. One thing she told me this time besides reality checking with my mom whom I live with was to breath and check in with myself.. This concept seemed unreal and foreign.. To delve into my own thoughts and pull them apart and release them from my grasp and let them go and break them down out of my reality.. This will take some sitting with..this will take some huge deep breaths and focus.. Possibly it might work.. She also told me to turn to my art.. Go back to my escape.. If you have a place in your mind that you can escape to or an activity to distract you..go there.. This place in our minds can get quite twisted and tangled and turned around and stuck in corners.. But there's eventually a way out..

  13. Is this normal

    coraline replied to DammitJanet's topic in Grief, Death and Dying

    It's the topic and the process of grieving that is making you feel worse.. I am so sorry you are going through this alone..you always have here.. When I was going through a traumatic life event and seeing a therapist I would leave feeling worse.. I was mourning the loss of a chunk of a piece of me in a sense..nothing like what you are going through.. Eventually it did get better..after time and a lot of emotions.. Please hold on..there's still life worth living..I can promise you that
  14. I'm trying my hardest to fight the urge.. Thank you for replying and relating and caring.. I know I can't let them win..but damn it's hard..
  15. Everyone is suffering so.. I wish I could have the power to make it stop.. To unravel this mess.. Untangle it all.. Leave it for someone else.. Wouldn't they be surprised to find such a head space.. How would they handle this.. I just want to dig this device out of me.. Cut it out..but so much blood..blood..blood.. I'm laying here listening..waiting.. Any little moment turns into this grand scheme.. They are there and here..everywhere..and naturally out to get me.. Making sure I am on their side..living in their life and dimensions.. I'm trying so hard to refuse this.. But the whispers are getting louder.. And I want to carve this thing out of me..
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