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coraline

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About coraline

  • Rank
    you and your third dimension
  • Birthday 10/11/1980

Profile Information

  • Gender
    female
  • Location
    floating in space
  • Interests
    Music. Creating art via paint or what ever strikes my fancy. Reading and writing,even when it's bad.Exploring the universe and possibilities beyond my mind. Doing whatever it takes to get and remain stable all while cursing the ones who throw meds at me and challenge my thinking. Moonlight and stars. The sky and its ever changing colors. Being near and walking on the beach preferably tropical,although I do enjoy my local ice cold waters. Collecting things I find..rocks,puzzle pieces,cards,bread ties,pamphlets,sugar packets,change..maybe I'm a mild freegan klepto. Anything Hello Kitty.Helping and supporting people even when I'm not feeling well myself. Venturing into the outdoors when possible. I have an awesome red cruiser bike named Vera I ride in circles,straight lines,ocasional left and right turns.She has white wall tires and peddle breaks and a kickstand and is easy going and we've been on many adventures. I have a wonderful loving doggie named Bailey that helps me get through tough times and can always bring a smile to my face. We go on walks around the lake and enjoy cuddling on the couch. He has an obsession with pine cones and hunts them down in the yard then does a flying leap into the house so happy.

Recent Profile Visitors

3002 profile views
  1. I finally got up the nerve to start my new medication.. I'm so paranoid about meds..it's an ongoing problem with me.. I always take my meds..I just think they are poisoning me.. I wish I could get over this..I need them but fear them.. I've honestly lost all hope at this point and feel like how I've been has become permanent.. No relief from anything..

  2. Ask for Help, they say...

    coraline replied to deeschmee's topic in People Suck!

    I've lost all my friends due to my mental illness..or that's what I think.. I've been mentally messed with..triggered and told to fuck off.. My support system is gone..I have here..which is all I trust now.. I don't trust making relationships anymore.. I'm sorry people are treating you so badly..

  3. I just don't know how much more I can take..

  4. I don't even know what to do anymore.. I see my pdoc on the 12th.. Meds aren't working..I feel lost.. I'm sick of all this.. I don't even know what the truth is anymore..I don't know what is going on.. I don't trust meds..I'm scared of them..I want off all of them..I think they are poisoning me.. I feel like my trial of wellbutrin made me "psychotic".. I've been ragey and crying..it won't stop.. And now they are telling me how awful I am..the back and forth interviews and commentary are becoming louder.. I lay around hiding all day just scared of everything.. I can't even determine what is going on and am scared of what is going to happen to me..
  5. I can relate to this so much.. I don't have any answers but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone..
  6. The thing is..I'm still severely depressed.. I'm barely functioning..can't do anything for myself.. I'm scared to increase the dose.. I have problems thinking my meds are poison.. I see pdoc on the 12th and don't know what to do..
  7. Hopefully it does go away soon since I sleep so much.. I'm not sure if I want to continue taking this.. It's making me feel like I'm losing it..
  8. I searched here to see if I could find this topic but found nothing.. I'm on my 3rd week of the lowest dose.. It's not helping my depression but I'm getting the strangest dreams and I usually don't dream at all.. Is this a side effect or am I going crazier?.. For example..I dreamed that I was hacking my brothers bank account and he was angry and I couldn't stop crying.. I texted him to make sure it wasn't true.. Last night I dreamed that my pdoc was doing equations to figure out how to fix me while I tried to shower a horse.. Stuff is starting to freak me out.. Also all I do is sleep..I hide from the world and am barely functioning.. I've never been this depressed that I can remember..
  9. This used to happen to me with my therapist..I'd take the bus then walk 2 miles to her office..it was beyond frustrating..I'm sorry you got stood up.. I don't know how much longer I can take this depression.. All I'm doing is hiding from the world and not taking care of myself.. My mom is being supportive and trying to get me to leave the house.. Yesterday we took Bailey for a short walk but felt like I was weighted down.. Everything is so hard..I want it to end.. I don't know if I can hang on waiting for wellbutrin to work.. I can't remember the last time I smiled or laughed and I'm usually quite goofy.. I made an appointment with planned parenthood cause I'm paranoid I have stds even though I have no symptoms.. I hope I can get myself to go..I hate sex..it's so scary..
  10. I haven't had any side effects yet.. Although my head feels fuzzy.. I just can't believe she'd prescribe me something with possibility of seizures.. I think she is trying to harm me..
  11. I can't get it out of my mind that my meds are poison.. I try so hard to get this out of my head and force myself to take them.. Saw pdoc for emergency appointment on Tuesday..I've been severely depressed and she prescribed wellbutrin.. I'm fearing this medication and want to text her to get off it..
  12. I hope all hell doesn't break loose and this is the start of remission for you.. I have yet to experience remission..it's always something..and I feel like I'm getting worse as time goes by..med changes only last for so long before doses are increased or new meds are introduced..
  13. I've never experienced coming off latuda..I'm taking it now and had to titerate up..so I'm just thinking you'd have to titerate down..just a thought..I was on seroquel and that got replaced by latuda..I had to titerate off that while adding latuda..I just think that going off aaps cold turkey can cause unwanted side effects..
  14. You should definitely give your pdoc a call about this
  15. I can relate..I have zero friends..I have nobody to turn to when I need someone..I don't even know where to start to make friends..my isolation led me to take a drawing class at the local parks and recreation center and to take my doggie Bailey to training..but I'm not interacting with anybody..everyone is in their own world..but at least I'm getting out of the house a couple times a week...maybe you could take a class?? I also joined a gym and am doing yoga..but again nobody is there to socialize.. I'm just lost on how to make friends and the isolation hurts.. When I was working people liked me but we never hung out..so it feels like they were all lying.. I've scared off everyone I used to know..years of knowing these people and they abandoned me when I needed them..I'm probably not worth knowing.. I really don't know what to do anymore...I'm not sure if it's a medication thing or if our illnesses just lead to isolation.. I hope you can get out of isolation and find friends.. I have here and I appreciate everyone
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