coraline

I'm not sure how sleep plays a role in my days on symptomatic behavior if you want to call it that..I hate the labels but in times they do apply.. I nap a lot when I'm symptomatic..I try to hide.. But there can also be the reverse of that to where I sleep very little but this current cocktail has me pretty knocked out at night..

Some days are just hard..allow yourself to rest..nothing bad is going to happen if you don't get everything done in one day..small steps.. I get coded message speak too and it can be terrifying so I can relate..you will make it through it all...these are passing times.. If your pdoc is giving you the ok to raise your meds than its worth a try..I get similar breakthrough symptoms..stress really is a motivator for me as well

I was on my phone so it was giving me trouble

Well it's initially up to you unless it's court ordered and even then I guess it's up to you..I compare myself pre meds and it's way more scary than without..I'm in no means completely symptom free..some stuff just won't let go..but I'm better off with meds..so I hope you reconsider your options and choice

I'm just having one of those days that creep slowly as I stare blankly at the wall..

Everything I'm told are delusions I've had recurring throughout my life of this illness..I'd rather not go into details of what they are I'm kinda triggery these days..some new one has popped up pretty recently but I can't shake it and it's been months now..

Just wanted to chime in and say I hope the klonopin helps..My pdoc raised mine too pretty recently..I'm a calmed down version..

I'm on 2 antipsychotics and struggle with what they say is delusional..I'm thinking I'm just stuck with it honestly..

I hardly dream anymore and when I do it's either really demented and disturbing or in cartoon..

I find myself blankly starring at the wall or through words on pages or through the tv..I find it gets worse with stress.. I don't know the cause or how to manage it..I've never brought it up to pdoc...it kinda escapes my mind when I'm there

I cant figure out how to quote people on here...i truly suck at technology.. But i wanted to say..hang in there melli and i hope it goes well.. And saintalto i have trouble reading too..and writing..kinda why i have trouble being active on here..

I'm so lost...do I allow these things they call delusional thinking define me...or do I stand on the belief that they are lies put on me by the mighty them..the ones that toss meds on me to control me and keep me from absolute thought..I feel drowned and left with no potential...I feel as though I'm controlled by both beliefs..I'm torn on how one should live with the ones who think my thoughts as false..I'm left with confusion and frustration and scared to be truthful..I grasp at being me..and I'm not sure what that is anymore..

Im trying to be more active in the community i just struggle with it...often words escape me...

I know I'm not on here much...often cause I'm scared of being found and often because I just feel alienated..nothing against anyone here I just feel unsafe posting...I'm losing track of time and can't think straight..My mind is muddled..I was messing with my zyprexa dose for awhile and was and still am convinced people are out to harm my doggie..I have evidence..There's always stuff in the yard that's harmful as if people are tossing things over the fence for him to get and possibly poison him... Besides that I'm having days where all I do is sleep to get away from the feelings of being watched and monitored for unacceptable social behavior...am I sitting right..am I watching the right shows..am I walking properly..when do I say hello to passing people..should I fake smile...I stare at the sky waiting to hear the right way to be in the big bad world..it's better disguised in the summer when I can wear sunglasses...but soon it will disappear and ill be left glancing upward for the cues... I'm currently taking all my meds as told...and I feel so confused and lost..how do you know when you were last crazy as they say..how do you keep track of what they call episodes...is any of it real...am I just floating by without finding a handle on things...

It is a difficult subject to talk about for me as well..I kept that under lock and key till one day my psychiatrist asked me point blank..I am a pretty private person and don't like people in my business..even when it's people who want to help..I keep myself as hidden as possible...so I'm pretty sure if she had never asked me I wouldn't have said a thing..