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coraline

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About coraline

  • Rank
    you and your third dimension
  • Birthday 10/11/1980

Profile Information

  • Gender
    female
  • Location
    floating in space
  • Interests
    Music. Creating art via paint or what ever strikes my fancy. Reading and writing,even when it's bad.Exploring the universe and possibilities beyond my mind. Doing whatever it takes to get and remain stable all while cursing the ones who throw meds at me and challenge my thinking. Moonlight and stars. The sky and its ever changing colors. Being near and walking on the beach preferably tropical,although I do enjoy my local ice cold waters. Collecting things I find..rocks,puzzle pieces,cards,bread ties,pamphlets,sugar packets,change..maybe I'm a mild freegan klepto. Anything Hello Kitty.Helping and supporting people even when I'm not feeling well myself. Venturing into the outdoors when possible. I have an awesome red cruiser bike named Vera I ride in circles,straight lines,ocasional left and right turns.She has white wall tires and peddle breaks and a kickstand and is easy going and we've been on many adventures. I have a wonderful loving doggie named Bailey that helps me get through tough times and can always bring a smile to my face. We go on walks around the lake and enjoy cuddling on the couch. He has an obsession with pine cones and hunts them down in the yard then does a flying leap into the house so happy.

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  1. The vet left a message Friday right before my appointment with my therapist consultation about Bailey..she said he tested positive for hypoparathyroid...but said something about it being borderline..she wants to talk about referrals to places to take him for treatment since they don't do it there..I am so worried we won't be able to afford it..my mom is going to call this morning when they open..she has been doing research on places that treat this illness..I have been doing nothing but crying..I can't live without Bailey and am afraid of losing him..she said something that hurt..that I should be ready to not always have him in my life..

    1. Show previous comments  11 more
    2. CrazyRedhead

      CrazyRedhead

      @coraline, I understand......From what I know it is a fairly rare condition, so some general practice vets might not have much experience treating it....I'm glad you found a specialist in the condition, just in case, but hopefully, with the supplements given at home and the regular blood monitoring, everything will be fine.

      Did the vet tell you to give him any vit D, and how often does he need bloodwork?....Those would be some things to ask her....Everything I have found out, about this condition, says that vit D supplement is necessary to help the calcium be absorbed properly...

    3. coraline

      coraline

      @CrazyRedhead she did not mention vitamin d supplements..just calcium supplements..and blood monitoring..she was not specific on how often he will need blood work..everything we've been reading including what you've told me he needs  vitamin d too..but she was in a hurry and will be calling back after checking with his regular vet who is back in town..

    4. CrazyRedhead

      CrazyRedhead

      @coraline, When she calls back I would really suggest asking about the vit D, and how often he needs bloodwork.........With Bailey's condition, regular blood work is essential in monitoring his calcium and phosphate levels, mainly because you want to make sure that calcium levels don't get too high, which would cause problems as well.

  2. Well Bailey went to his vet appointment yesterday for his blood test..he was anxious..so I took him outside in the sun to wait and walked him around till they were ready for him..he didn't want to go with them..I had to wait in the waiting room which felt like forever..he came out happy to see me..they are sending the test overnight and I should know the results within a week..I'm so nervous for the results..even though I've been comforted by @CrazyRedhead that the cure is pretty straight forward and not much to worry about..I'm still just worried..

    1. CrazyRedhead

      CrazyRedhead

      Think positive @coraline .....Bailey has you to take care of him.....I feel confident he'll be just fine, no matter how the test turns out........That's great that you'll be getting test results back pretty quick.

    2. coraline

      coraline

      Yes I'm glad I won't have to wait too long..he seems to be acting fine that's why it's hard for me to imagine him sick..all of October was hard enough with all the meds and worry..we walked him the other night and he was so happy and excited..he's laying on the heater right now..he hates being cold..kinda funny..

  3. I knew social security was messing with me..I got a letter saying they are reducing my payment after my review of deciding to increase it..they must have been monitoring me..

  4. Went to Bailey's vet today for more blood tests his liver and kidney functions are back to normal so no more meds for that..but his calcium and phosphorus is low and the vet who isn't his regular vet thinks he has a rare condition that I need to test for..I do not trust this women and want to talk to his regular vet who is out of town..the condition can be fatal but Bailey shows no symptoms of it other than those slightly lowered levels..I don't know what to do..I love Bailey..I can't handle much more..

    1. DammitJanet

      DammitJanet

      Definitely second opinion. 

    2. Wonderful.Cheese

      Wonderful.Cheese

      Do they have any way of contacting Bailey’s regular vet while he is out of town? Will the regular vet be back soon? I hope so.

       Remember, you are a great momma to your Bailey. Sometimes you gotta go with your gut feeling. Keep us posted. We all care about you and Bailey. 

    3. coraline

      coraline

      I'm going to have my mom call to see when his regular vet will be back..when Bailey got initially sick she took over 3 hours with us and got us in that morning..I trust her..I don't want to do an unnecessary test but I also don't want Bailey to die..I would be devastated..thanks for the support...with everything else I'm going through this is sending me over the edge..I don't know what to do anymore..

  5. Did you behave the same way you do now?..as you did then.. Cause frankly just because you're diagnosis changed doesn't mean you're suddenly going to get an onslaught of new symptoms.. So explaining odd behavior shouldn't be an issue.. My mom took me to my first psychiatrist.. Way back..start of wrong diagnosis wrong meds journey..went from pdoc to pdoc for years.. I never had different or new symptoms..I was just scared of the truth..and full of a lot of shame.. So yes she knows... All these wrong diagnosis landed me not only in hospitals but in jail 3x..it got ridiculous..out of control.. She did feel sorry for me and even guilty.. I'm currently very upset at her.. We are not getting along..I live with her And she's just insulting me.. Trying to pawn me off and sick of my ramblings..and admittance to voices and demons in my room.. Schizophrenia runs in our family and she felt she should have seen it sooner before the trouble started.. You're mom might just feel sad for you in the respect that there's nothing she can do other than be there for you.. I wouldn't read too much into it.. I have no friends to keep this a secret from.. Very little family.. So it's really up to you're comfort level what you do..
  6. I'm somewhat offended that you'd compare a diagnosis with illegal drugs.. Honestly it makes little sense.. I understand getting a new diagnosis can take you for a ride.. I have had my diagnosis changed several times on this journey.. I'm in denial of having what I have now.. I have trouble coming to terms with it.. Even though apparently according to the people around me I am not well right now.. I'm glad for you that your meds are working for you.. As far as coping..I just try my best to not fall too deep..I try to distract.. That is my life.. I have no therapist.. But I am told it would be helpful..
  7. I'm falling down a hole.. Living in a shadow listening to the chatter trying to make out words.. I'm losing myself in this world.. Messages sent from the tv.. I try to escape but only end up back in the hole.. Yesterday was a test and I failed.. Each person I passed on the long walk to the pharmacy reading me like a book.. I a rambling mess..alone but with the ones in my head.. Feeling followed scared to look up..counting the square tiles on the floor trying to ground myself.. But I floated away.. I am separating from myself and the gaping hole is swallowing me up.. Each day the transmitter gets stronger.. I can't fight it.. I try to distract but feel that's all my life has become..a big distraction.. So much so that the distractions have their own world of drowning me.. I feel as though I only exsist to live in this suspended world full of voices to be held away while they scream at me.. To live to ignore a device that's deeply implanted in my body that's meant to monitor me..but I am left to fight that off.. That I am not to busy my mind with suspicious thoughts of certain colors of cars.. I'm told everything I think is false.. The messages from my room and walls and tv are to be thought of as false.. To believe this fully is almost hurtful.. It brings me to a place where I believe that my entire existence is anything but real..
  8. They know what meds I'm there for.. It was like I had no idea why I was even standing there.. I got completely gone..
  9. Just got back from the pharmacy.. When it was my turn I told her I had no idea why I was there.. I am falling from reality or something.. My mom was waiting in the car with Bailey.. I told my mom what happened and she said to either call pdoc or pull it together.. I'm so lost..
  10. I hope the new pdoc works out.. Just hold on till then.. Illness runs in my family too.. I'm glad it brought you to a place of not feeling guilty since finding out about your family history..
  11. I still can't believe I felt comfortable enough to tell my old boss when I was working about my condition.. I was deeply suffering and symptomatic and not doing well..in fact it was before I was fired.. Her response was confusion and not understanding whatsoever.. Made me ashamed.. I will never tell an employer again.. Not that there will be one since I'm on disability..and can't work.. I also made the mistake of telling my dentist.. He looked at the list of meds and asked what's wrong with me.. He acted like I was going to bite his face off.. I'm not even sure if my own brother understands.. As he never talks to me..and when he does it's in a tiptoe manner as if I can be set off.. In my experience with this illness people look at you through a lense of you must be crazy.. Maybe it's all in my head..but that's how I've been made to feel.. I've tried to be open..to break through the stigma..to just present myself as human.. But it's backfired..even in my own family.. I've since gone silent about it.. I no longer tell or bother explaining anything.. If I do ever meet anyone new I probably will hide it for as long as I can.. If I'm symptomatic..I will lie and say I have the flu..and avoid that person until it hopefully passes..
  12. My days often ebb and flow as well.. I hope you do stay safe and resist the messages.. I know how hard it can be.. I try hard each day as well to distract.. I as well don't trust the universe's intent.. I think many people with our condition experience similar "symptoms" for lack of better words.. But yes it is as though you have a kindred spirit here.. It is awful that all this happens to us.. But we must all stay strong.. We are all connected in this journey.. And one day we will win this fight..
  13. I hate that you feel that your voice isn't being heard.. But I agree that you're still getting the runaround on this matter.. How frustrating it must be.. I just worry that it could be something reacting from meds.. It wouldn't hurt to call the pharmacist.. I know you fear phones.. But this is important.. I'm glad you've been this brave.. I think it's a serious matter.. I don't understand why they want you to taper for so long.. Whenever I've tapered from high doses of aaps it's been over the course of months..if that.. Maybe my pdoc is more aggressive..I don't know.. But often that's come from them not working or side effects.. I understand you wanting to do monotherapy with just the clorazil.. I wish you're pdoc would at least give you a chance.. I'm so sorry that this is such a mess.. I truly wish that this wasn't happening to such a wonderful person.. Please keep staying strong and reaching out until you get the right answers and feel heard..
  14. I think it is best for you to go to hospital if you're still getting death signals.. Being safe is always the best plan..
  15. These are serious side effects.. I'd get a hold of your pdoc.. As well as go to the hospital.. It's scary to think you're going through this.. Not enough oxygen is pretty serious.. I hate to think of you in this state.. Please get help..
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