coraline

Hello and welcome..

I feel like everything is in code..I'm scrambling to understand..my mind is a mess right now..I'm so sick of this

I can't believe this..I'm in shock..pod was some one that always cared about others and was capable of putting a smile on my face even when I was down.. There is much to be missed..

That's something I'd never think YouTube would have any information on.. Thanks for the suggestion

I'm really in a similar situation..not the same but close..my self care has really taken a hit..there's so much more flooding me that it has truly taken a back burner.. I'm attempting to remedy that..but it's one thing that seems to me would make one appear well to go through those seemingly simple tasks.. I dunno melli..I wish I had better advice but I'm stuck myself..maybe someone more enlightened will chime in..

It feels like a blob..nothing really breaks it up..I'll catch myself staring blankly outside..I do find smoking does help..as bad as that sounds.. I am trying my hardest to be present..I have Bailey my puppy to take care of..I feel like I'm failing at that..but am told otherwise..leaving the house is a battle..every action feels like a fight against myself..

The best I can do to fake being well is to go through the daily rituals one would do..shower..clean clothes..sometimes makeup makes me feel like I seem well..kind of a painted on mask I can hide behind.. I can't really think of ways to display or seem well..sometimes all you can do is fake it until the event is over.. Focusing your energy on your little girl seems like it helps you..put your energy there..you'll make it through the day..

Thank you melli..I'm on my phone so I can't find the how to quote option.. I'm so clueless to this whole process that I'm not even sure where social security money comes from..might as well be magic elves... That's the other thing that's been going on..I'm distant from reality and time..

I'm so inward and stuck with my thoughts and things are starting to crawl in my headspace and take over..I try to explain things to myself and wish things away..but I get swarmed and stuck..I know the course of action I need to take to rid myself of all this torment..but I fear the outcome..nothing ever truly helps..just puts a moment of silence before it all comes back..I feel haunted.. There's so much and so little going on..I feel overwhelmed by everything and am avoiding life..I've trapped myself.. I'm waiting for social security to send documents in the mail to send me to see one of their doctors..I fear this..the whole process scares me and makes me have to look closely at myself..something I truly try to avoid.. It's brought me to a place I'm further uncomfortable in..this deciding if I'm deserving of state assistance to live this life I truly regret living..It's too complicated to fully grasp the situation..I'm not winning anything if I qualify..I feel like I'm losing pieces of me that are already gone..

I'm really glad you see your Pdoc tommorow..it's not fair that you have to go through all this and be in the situation that you find yourself in..I truly hope something good comes out of this upcoming appointment..

I've been irritable and my mind is messy and all this stress from lack of money and waiting to find out if disability has come through is taking over my every thought. If I wasn't sedated from my meds I'd probably never sleep..