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Dewey

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About Dewey

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    Wait 5 minutes, a miracle could happen
  • Birthday 11/10/1950

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    female
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    USA

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  1. Thank you Dances, I don't feel soo all alone in all this now. Appreciate your feedback !!! I was going to jump up to 50 mg Thursday night, but the 25 mg knocked me out.
  2. Thursday night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I don't have a clue what triggered all this. I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard. Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item. I am now busy returning most of them. However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me. I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person. I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru. What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep. Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me. I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety. Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. Update: Last night felt extreme paranoia inking in, back at the computer ordering things I don't even remember ordering as I see notices coming thru my email account, so took a full 25 mg of Seroquel and within an hour, the paranoia was gone and I slept straight thru 14 hours until this morning. This morning feeling less paranoid, more grounded and a bit sedated due to the Seroquel. Will see how the day progresses and if the paranoia and dissociation occurs again tonight.
  3. I took another 25 mg of Seroquel last night and slept 15 hours this time. I feel soo grounded, a completely different person who is in control (if that's possible,lol) of my mood. However, last night, before bedtime, I became incredibly paranoid and fearful. Popped the Seroquel and all was well about an hour later. I live in a place where women gossip and scheme to hurt others and I know, by valued and trusted sources, that I'm being schemed about. They did not know the details, unfortunately, but I was warned. I am thinking of putting a security alarm system on my front door and will start to wear my mace and whistle. I have my name on other places but there are long waiting lists. Dewey
  4. I didn't realize this until I was reading another post, but here it is again, the first day of Fall in the US in two days. Already leaves are turning colors, falling, and the light outside is changing. Usually every change in season, I have one or two manic episodes. Last night had what I believe was my first manic episode in a long time. But last evening was scarier, all the typical symptoms of mania along with visual disturbances and sensations I had never experienced before. Left a vmail message on my psych docs line this morning thinking this is the smart thing to do, it usually takes alot for me to bother him in between sessions, but he does encourage this, fortunately. I left him the data and left it up to him if he feels he needs to call me back next week. I see him in two weeks. So, I remember my psych doc telling me once in a mood change, one can take a little extra medicine to help. I only take Seroquel as needed, so took 1/2 of a 25 mg of Seroquel and nothing happened. Thirty minutes took the next 1/2 of the 25 mg and finally sleep arrived. I slept 14 hours straight and when I woke up, I woke up to a totally different person. That scary weird out of control mood was no longer there (thought I was going to have to call 911 for help), the cycling was almost gone and slowly drifted away throughout the day. I am 67 and finding that my brain is functioning differently lately. It's beginning to scare me, of course the aging process is very scary. I have addressed this with my psych doc many times, even my neurologist and they do not seem concerned. I had an MRI and all was normal there for someone my age. These are all new symptoms to me, or maybe the same but more dramatic, I think. I have had more than my share of significant triggers last 9 months. I tried therapy last two weeks and actually ran out of the therapists room last week due to a panic attack. I warned her not to push. I even had it all written out for her to read, but oh no, she wanted me to verbalize it and then she swung into asking me about bodily feelings, that was when I ran out of her room in a blind panic. She wanted me to reveal too much stuff too fast and I kept warning her. Will not go back to her. So, now I have to get up the courage to seek out someone else. My psych doc will not refer me to anyone, as is his way, which makes it harder on me. Okay, will close for now.
  5. I was fine on Depakote, it handled everything for me (seizures, mood, migraine). I was on it for almost a year.
  6. Last night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard. Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item. I am now busy returning most of them. However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me. I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person. I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru. What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep. Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me. I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety. Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. Well, thanks for reading this. I don't know if anyone can shed any light on this to help me.
  7. I never went back to that trauma therapist. She needs to rethink her job title. I am hiding more things from my psych doc again. I think I may be moving into BiPolar. Not sure, but if I reveal everything to him what I am experiencing, he may change my dx. I'm soo afraid he will stop seeing me. I once had a therapist who stood up in the middle of the session to announce that he thought I had a personality disorder - Borderline - (which I didn't) and he does not treat for that. That experience never left me and always afraid if I show the real me, I may loose my 30 years of care from this psych doc.
  8. Ethansmom ~ It takes two weeks to build up a steady plasma blood state and by two weeks to a month, you will know if either the Effexor or Clonazepam (Klonopin) is working for you. Hoping that both drugs will settle down your anxiety for you as I know how difficult it is to live with anxiety 24/7.
  9. Effexor was stimulating for me and had to go off of it, it activated my anxiety and made it worse. Good luck with sticking with Effexor. Understand about the worry with these classifications of medications. Without these meds, I would not be here today.
  10. Xanax has a very short half life, which means blood plasma peak is usually 4 hours, then the drug starts to dissipate. The beautify of Xanax as it's very fast acting and can be used as a rescue drug during panic attacks or an anxiety attack. Klonopin, on the other hand, is slower acting but has a very long half life of 40 hours. The longer the half life the harder to get off of it. I have been on Klonopin (Clonazepam) since 1993 and have tried to get off of it several times, only to find out the wicked withdrawals. At this point, my doctor will not take me off of it, ever. Now, my HMO is monkeying with me on this drug because they classify this as a "controlled" substance and will only allot a 30 day supply. Now the trick with 30 day supply is that your doctor can order, let's say 60 tablets of .5 mg once a month, when in reality you are only taking one at night, instead of two at night, allowing me to stock pile this medication due to the 30 day limit. I use mail order and it takes 2 weeks to send me medication, so I have to stay on top of all this every frickin' month, so every two weeks I have to place an order and it takes 2 weeks to process and mail out to me, sheesh.... I am tied to this medication. Ideally I would love to get off of it, but it's too late for me now. I had no idea just how difficult it is to get off of this medication. My HMO will not prescribe this to anyone over the age of 65 or they can receive substantial penalties from Medicare. Medicare did a study and found that most Medicare patients over the age of 65 while on Clonazepam (Klonopin) had falls associated with this drug and were having hip replacements which Medicare got pissed for having to pay for. So, I had to find a psych doc outside my HMO to prescribe the Clonazapem and my HMO was forced to fill it for me. But waiting for the day when I won't be able to get it at all and that will be scary. Never considered adding on Xanax for breakthru anxiety while on Klonopin. Thank you for the suggestion, will ask my psych doc next time I see him.
  11. I had no idea Benzo's were directly related to dementia, will have to look that up. Thank you for the heads up !!
  12. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    I really like what Janet has to say, however, rejection is always very difficult for us to handle. People keep telling me that when one door closes, look for the open window, it doesn't necessarily need to be another open door.
  13. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Sorry to hear about how active your seizures are. Most seizure meds have horrible side effects. I need to remain on Olanzapine, but it is reacting to my seizure med and I am barely taking any at all. Just having extreme dizziness, which is one of the interactions I can get combining the two.
  14. whatever the weather

    Hoping you are okay !! Weathering a tornado is no small feat !! I heard of one that touched down just south of me and someone died as a result. We had warnings and then a watch until 10PM for our area. I downloaded a weather app and it made this very loud siren noise that scared me, but it got my attention, lol. I have no place to seek shelter other than the bathroom in the tub, have 3 floors above me that can come tumbling down. So, sat there with my riding helmet in hand and my kitten in a hard carrying case and waited out the storm. I was soo afraid to sleep last night and kept my cell phone right beside me in case. This weather lately is crazy. And those floods down south, called now the 500 year flood and to have two in one year is unheard of. Looking into getting flood insurance to add to my insurance policy.
  15. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    I really like your idea Raspberry. Just think, a tailor made self help book, something to ponder over. This is a novel idea !! Keep working at it, you may have a new book to send to a publisher !! You are an inspiration to start one of myself too. Keep us posted how it goes for you
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