evilnessness

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About evilnessness

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    gremliness

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    chainmail, electronics, psychopharmacology

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  1. I work part time at a group home for the developmentally disabled. I was working full time with behaviorally disordered teens but disintegrated.
  2. OK, thanks for the replies. Maybe it will reset at the chatopocalypse.
  3. I do both the spiraling anxiety due to poor social skills, and calling out others on interactions that I don't like. I had pretty poor social skills since my teens and have undergone therapy and skills classes for it. However, when I run into social situations that I haven't studied, and there's a lot of them, I get really anxious. I try to ask the other person if it's going OK, in an unobtrusive and nonemotional way, and try my very fucking best to take their reply at face value. I don't have a terrible amount of guilt if the answer is negative, though, so it might not be feasible for you. The unknown is the enemy, for me at least. Also, awkward behavior is not you, and does not make you a bad person. It is horrible and embarrassing to find you have been doing things wrong, sometimes, though, and your thoughts are not irrational or invalid, though it doesn't make you a bad person. From the other side, I talk to people I like and want to continue interacting with about behaviors that would make me upset or resentful at a further point. I would not talk to someone that I just see as a jerk about it, because they wouldn't care. I am hardly ever seriously upset at the person when I bring it up. If they are talking with you about awkward behavior, I think they probably think you are a good person who can improve and is worth the effort.
  4. I think it is a wonderful idea. Being able to communicate about sex is important and this is a good form of it.
  5. I've thought this was interesting but don't have an apple device. Maybe it would be helpful? https://itunes.apple.com/au/app/emotionary/id498649064?mt=8 I sometimes stare at the pusheen blog or Facebook emoticons if I'm wondering if/what I feel and she is nonthreatening and adorable. I sometimes end up crying from guilt over feeling and wishing I was a perfect and adorable cat, though. The app seems similar but has more options and walks you through it. Personally, I've had a schizotypal diagnosis but not sure if I still do. I used to be kind of like this emotionally a few years ago. When I think about my feelings, now, it is often in a third person way. I also take little blips and then intellectualize it and feel a little more and intellectualize it until it's dead. spewing out my thoughts to others and seeing if i feel emotions then helps my awareness, as well. The combination seems to work for me somewhat. I also do body scan guided meditations semi regularly and have been kind of working on being able to do it when stressed to identify and process emotions. It is so unpleasant a lot of the time but seems valuable and makes me feel better afterwards. I still don't know how to feel safe with other people around, even intimate partners. I get the knowing that you're valued and also knowing the opposite I do get overloaded easily by actually feeling emotions that have been more blocked up, like anger, but I feel like it's getting less horrible? Still have awful flat effect, though.
  6. Thank you for the informative message. I appreciate it. I thought about techniques I've used for similar behaviors that I could use to interfere with the impulse and I think a lot of the techniques I used for stopping talking in public would work, especially working on grounding myself when vulnerable (in this case, raging or frustrated) and making a note to carry in my hands as well as other grounding behaviors. I will also try to keep it a mental priority when vulnerable until it stops being habit. I will share in that thread if it works. I should work on anger management when I'm able to get a therapist, too. I don't have it a great deal on a daily basis so when I get irritable from mood issues or sleep deprivation, I handle it poorly. I will try a behavior chain analysis soon, not up to it today, but they seem very informative and I appreciate the recommendation.
  7. I have seen that whole long list but I have not read it all or even much because it is whole and long and a lot of the methods do not address how immediate the impulse can be gratified when it does not require tools and preparation, just being alone. Someone almost certainly addresses it, and trich coping can probably help this too, but i can't read it all and searching for head punching got a single thread. Therefore, i asked for more specific advice, though i have seen the whole long list of pinned things. I often do not consider it if I am alone before I am hitting myself and I would like to stop the immediacy and give myself time to think twice. I mean I can think about it after I've punched myself already but then I have already done it. I've had some success slapping myself or screaming if I'm truly alone and delay slightly and could possibly train myself into that while working on impulse behavior. I have also sat in McDonald's when I know I am likely to do some weird things when alone. I guess I can read about impulsive behavior reduction as well.
  8. I have head banged and punched myself in the head a long time and I have trouble taking it seriously. My post to my favorite earrings snapped off (lol they didn't i was confused does that mean I'm OK) and the dog started barking even with the shower on I don't know I think I'm going to get found out and should probably take it seriously because the impulses are increasing in frequency and severity. I guess I wish for exhortations to tell a therapist and perhaps ways to decrease time between impulse and punch to try to think about it. I don't know I guess I have a hard time getting past the embarrassment and the feeling it is not real si, and plus it's invisible, it's OK.
  9. I apologize
  10. I apologize.
  11. Meditation helps me somewhat. Also self leg massage?? One dose of OTC benadryl sometimes but it makes me cranky. I wonder why the crawlies happen I've been scratching myself up today, too. I hope you can get in to see another Dr I'm sorry the last tried to sneak zyprexa on you
  12. Here are some coupons for risperidone http://m.goodrx.com/risperidone
  13. The first doesn't sound like my catatonic episode. The second does except the voices I hear were screaming at me and it was interrupted by benzos.
  14. Yeah I think meds can definitely help with it too. I guess I meant any life adjustments including meds.